1
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,100
We're cleaning
the house, baby.
2
00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:19,900
-Pick him up.
-l got him. l got him.
3
00:01:21,150 --> 00:01:22,190
Yeah!
4
00:01:22,270 --> 00:01:23,480
-Nice shot.
-He got lucky.
5
00:01:23,570 --> 00:01:25,480
Nice pass. Here we go. Ball.
6
00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:27,190
l got him.
7
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:29,030
Don't let him shoot it!
8
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,280
-Come on, come on!
-Put it up, Chuck!
9
00:01:32,370 --> 00:01:35,200
Oh, yeah. Chuck, my man.
All day, all day!
10
00:01:36,290 --> 00:01:37,450
Yeah, Tony!
11
00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:38,830
Tony, tag him.
12
00:01:39,370 --> 00:01:40,500
Good steal.
13
00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:41,830
Take the ball. Take the ball.
14
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:42,960
Come on!
15
00:01:43,210 --> 00:01:44,340
Yeah!
16
00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,800
Come on, come on. Come on.
17
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,130
Feel the power!
18
00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:50,260
Foul! Foul!
19
00:01:50,340 --> 00:01:51,430
That wasn't a foul.
20
00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:52,890
-Chuck!
-Shoot. That's it!
21
00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:54,680
-Chuck!
-Shoot it, man!
22
00:01:55,310 --> 00:01:58,020
Chuck! Chuck!
l need to talk to you!
23
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,690
Hey, Darla, what's the matter with you?
You sound so upset.
24
00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:05,110
You slept with my twin sister on Saturday.
That's why l'm so upset!
25
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:06,530
How do you know
for sure it wasn't you?
26
00:02:06,610 --> 00:02:08,400
'Cause l wasn't there.
27
00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:10,200
lt sure looked like
you were there to me.
28
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,570
Oh, he's dead.
29
00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:14,740
Come on, let's figure this out together.
This is a tricky situation.
30
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:17,160
Do me a favour. Say, ''Oh, Chuck,
keep buttering my biscuit.''
31
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,370
Get out of here.
32
00:02:18,450 --> 00:02:21,290
No, l'm trying to do detective work here,
so we can both be happy.
33
00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:23,880
l'm confused, too.
l feel violated!
34
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:28,340
Chuck, keep buttering my biscuit.
35
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,720
You're right, that wasn't you.
36
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,510
You are such a loser, Chuck!
37
00:02:32,590 --> 00:02:33,890
Let it go, Darla.
38
00:02:33,970 --> 00:02:35,220
Hey, look who's here.
39
00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:37,890
He has moved up
from Marshalls to Bloomingdale's.
40
00:02:37,970 --> 00:02:40,560
He didn't even know
it was you that night, Donna!
41
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:41,980
-That's a joke!
-He thought it was me!
42
00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:43,150
He knew it wasn't you
43
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:45,400
because you would never do
half the freaky stuff that we did!
44
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,730
Don't tell me l don't know
how to satisfy a man!
45
00:02:46,820 --> 00:02:47,980
You show up here in your...
46
00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,400
You shut your mouth,
you fat-ass!
47
00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:51,740
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, girls, look, come on.
48
00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:53,910
Now, don't fight, you two.
You're sisters.
49
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,280
Give each other a kiss
and make up.
50
00:02:55,370 --> 00:02:58,540
You're the only sisters you got.
Use your tongues.
51
00:02:58,620 --> 00:02:59,910
You dare us to?
52
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,370
Unless that's too freaky
for Darla over here.
53
00:03:02,710 --> 00:03:07,250
You'd be surprised
just how freaky l can get.
54
00:03:07,590 --> 00:03:10,670
l'm sorry,
right now you gotta prove it to me.
55
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,880
Come forward. That's right.
56
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:19,680
-Saved by the bell, girls.
-Yeah.
57
00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:23,350
Hear the bell, gentlemen?
Let's go! Time to make a living!
58
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,770
Somewhere something is burning!
59
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:32,530
What we got?
60
00:03:32,610 --> 00:03:35,360
Both companies, first due,
phone aIarm. Prospect PIace...
61
00:03:35,450 --> 00:03:39,030
Larry, Larry, let's go.
All right, somebody call Larry a cab.
62
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,410
Shut up.
63
00:03:40,490 --> 00:03:41,750
Fat-ass!
64
00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:48,540
Chuck, you said you were gonna
sign Mr February for me!
65
00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:51,170
l will. l just gotta go
save the city first.
66
00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:52,300
-l'll call you!
-l'll call you!
67
00:03:52,380 --> 00:03:53,630
No, l'm gonna call him!
68
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,130
No, l'm gonna call him!
69
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,310
Hey, who's this guy?
70
00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:04,770
He's a transfer
from Engine Company 12. Name's Duncan.
71
00:04:04,850 --> 00:04:06,900
They say he put his captain
through a wall.
72
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,190
For what?
73
00:04:08,270 --> 00:04:10,150
Don't know.
Don't want to know.
74
00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,480
And my advice,
don't ask him.
75
00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:14,240
Hey, you.
76
00:04:15,070 --> 00:04:18,990
My friend Karl here says
you're an axe murderer. ls that true?
77
00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:22,240
See, you're wrong, Karl.
This is Karl, by the way.
78
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:26,080
He lives at 845 Rutland Road,
Apartment 4C. Right?
79
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,720
Four floors fully involved.
80
00:04:42,810 --> 00:04:44,390
Be nice to have
some more ladders up here.
81
00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:45,520
Going in alive.
82
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,600
Coming out the same way.
Let's go.
83
00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:49,520
Help me!
84
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,320
Please! My son is up there!
85
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,440
-All right.
-My baby!
86
00:04:53,530 --> 00:04:54,610
All right, all right,
we'll get your baby.
87
00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:55,740
-Bernie!
-We'll get your baby.
88
00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:57,530
-My baby Bernie! Please!
-Calm down, calm down.
89
00:04:57,610 --> 00:04:58,660
-lt's all right.
-Please!
90
00:04:59,950 --> 00:05:01,990
-Chuck, you got the keys. Use them.
-You got it, Chief.
91
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,370
All right.
92
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,910
Thing's a pain in my ass.
93
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:10,380
lt's open.
94
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:11,750
Show off.
95
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,880
Bernie! Bernie!
96
00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:18,380
l'm up here!
97
00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:19,550
Hang in there, little man!
98
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,090
Hurry!
99
00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:22,260
Up the stairs.
100
00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:23,430
Let me hear that voice!
101
00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:24,640
l'm up here in my room!
102
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,350
-All right, try and stay calm.
-Come on.
103
00:05:32,940 --> 00:05:34,780
-Where you at, buddy?
-Hey!
104
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:36,190
Let's hear that voice!
105
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,990
l'm over here!
106
00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:45,040
All right, let's find a new way in.
107
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:49,960
Help me.
108
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,290
Yes!
109
00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:55,210
All right, all right.
110
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,210
Oh, thank God!
111
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,300
Holy Shamu.
112
00:05:59,380 --> 00:06:01,930
l'm sorry.
l can't get out of bed.
113
00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:03,550
There's a bed under there?
114
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,310
Can you walk at all?
115
00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:07,220
l haven't walked
in five years!
116
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:10,270
All right, maybe if we strap a rocket ship
on this guy, we'll get him out of here.
117
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:13,190
No, no, we can do this. People lift cars.
lt's adrenaline, you know?
118
00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:15,400
Well, cars.
This guy's more like a freaking minivan.
119
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,440
Hey, buddy, we're gonna help you
out of here. Come on.
120
00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:18,820
-How's my mom?
-Your ma?
121
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,740
lf she survived the birthing process,
nothing's gonna take her down.
122
00:06:21,820 --> 00:06:23,280
So, what, just grab a side,
Chuck, come on.
123
00:06:23,370 --> 00:06:24,490
-Get a side there.
-What do you mean, get him?
124
00:06:24,570 --> 00:06:25,620
-What are we gonna do here?
-Come on, just...
125
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:27,450
-Come on. Come on!
-We can't budge this fatso.
126
00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:29,410
l know, let me chop him up.
We'll take him down in pieces.
127
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,620
-What?
-l'm kidding you.
128
00:06:30,710 --> 00:06:32,330
-We gotta hurry up here. Let's go.
-All right, all right.
129
00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:33,540
Just grab the back of our coats.
130
00:06:33,630 --> 00:06:35,380
-Turn around, Chuck. Grab the back.
-Okay. All right.
131
00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:38,010
Hey, hey, did you start this fire
by lighting one of your farts?
132
00:06:38,090 --> 00:06:39,170
That's funny.
133
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:40,840
-Hold on to our coats.
-Hold on. Start running!
134
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:41,970
Go!
135
00:06:48,180 --> 00:06:49,430
Go!
136
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,320
l'm running, Mama!
137
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,980
l'm running like the wind!
138
00:06:58,070 --> 00:07:00,110
Slow down! Slow down!
139
00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:07,740
Mama!
140
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:22,720
Chuck! Chuck,
are you all right?
141
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:27,760
Thank God.
142
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:40,900
Oh, my God! Oh, sweet Lord.
Broccoli. Oh, my God!
143
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,200
They saved me, those two.
Yeah, they're my heroes.
144
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,700
l like you. l love you!
145
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:50,490
Oh, get me a hero!
l'm starving!
146
00:07:50,540 --> 00:07:52,580
Oh, get me out of here!
Bring me to a deli!
147
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:54,040
So, how are the kids doing?
148
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,080
Oh, Tori, she's great, man.
149
00:07:56,170 --> 00:07:58,710
She's playing soccer,
scoring goals.
150
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,420
-lt's awesome.
-My man Eric?
151
00:08:00,670 --> 00:08:02,210
ls he starting
Little League yet?
152
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:05,840
Yeah. l don't think
that's happening.
153
00:08:06,130 --> 00:08:07,300
Why not?
154
00:08:07,430 --> 00:08:10,060
May, me, my, mo, mo
155
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:12,390
Mo, me, my, mo, may
156
00:08:12,470 --> 00:08:14,430
Okay, Eric? That's enough.
157
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,020
Sit down
and get ready for dinner.
158
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,270
Okay.
159
00:08:17,350 --> 00:08:20,730
Dad, you smell like smoke.
Did you put out a fire?
160
00:08:21,230 --> 00:08:23,030
l wasn't roasting
marshmallows.
161
00:08:23,110 --> 00:08:25,650
-That's so cool.
-You're so cool.
162
00:08:27,570 --> 00:08:28,740
Could you help me out, Teresa,
163
00:08:28,820 --> 00:08:30,700
and just grab that spaghetti sauce
out of the microwave?
164
00:08:30,780 --> 00:08:32,290
No. l have sub-train.
165
00:08:32,370 --> 00:08:33,450
Would you please?
166
00:08:33,540 --> 00:08:36,040
l just need a hand.
l don't really know what l'm doing here.
167
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,670
ls last train for 15 minutes.
168
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,630
All right, you can go.
Oh, God.
169
00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:46,300
Oh, God.
170
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,440
There we are, Bolognese.
171
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,770
Looks more like bowl of shit.
172
00:08:58,850 --> 00:09:01,270
Yeah, thanks for all your help, Teresa.
173
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,780
Okay, guys, so what is new?
174
00:09:05,860 --> 00:09:08,950
l'm auditioning
for the school musical, Pippin.
175
00:09:09,450 --> 00:09:14,120
You... You like that, huh?
The musical thing.
176
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,910
Yeah, l love it.
l think it's my calling.
177
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,960
That's what you said
about hopscotch.
178
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,130
You're just jealous
'cause l can do the splits.
179
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,760
lsn't that supposed
to hurt his testicles?
180
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:29,970
Yes.
181
00:09:30,050 --> 00:09:31,140
You, don't talk like that.
182
00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:33,760
You, get back in your chair
and finish your hot dog salad.
183
00:09:33,970 --> 00:09:36,220
...guy reaIIy wants to take the baII every day,
184
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:37,980
and going right back
out there.
185
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:39,730
And hits one
to deep Ieft fieId!
186
00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:42,310
Dunn back,
and it's out of here!
187
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,150
And the Mets now have
a six to two Iead.
188
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:47,110
Oh, boy.
189
00:09:48,950 --> 00:09:50,030
Brownies are ready.
190
00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:51,620
Would you stop using
my Easy-Bake Oven?
191
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,330
But l like to bake.
192
00:09:53,410 --> 00:09:54,450
Guys, would you settle?
193
00:09:54,530 --> 00:09:56,160
Eric, why don't you watch
the Met game, huh?
194
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,290
WeIcome to the MunicipaI EmpIoyee
and PIanning Department.
195
00:09:58,370 --> 00:09:59,500
PIease teII me your name.
196
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:01,880
Larry Valentine.
197
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,420
I'm sorry,
I didn't quite get that.
198
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,090
Larry Valentine.
199
00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:10,800
You said, ''Barry SchmaIenpime. ''
Is that right?
200
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,430
Schmalenpime?
201
00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:14,510
You said, ''SchmaIenpime. ''
Is that right?
202
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,640
l was enunciating.
203
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,060
You said, ''I was enunciating. ''
Is that right?
204
00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:20,190
Whoo!
205
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:22,900
You said, ''Whoo!''
Is that right?
206
00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:26,230
Dad, you have to try my brownies.
They're fabulous!
207
00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:30,530
Enough with the splits!
Watch baseball!
208
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:38,040
Then it took 45 minutes
for this robot to stop calling me ''Dairy.''
209
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,540
And then it starts asking me
if l'm calling from ''Gooklyn.''
210
00:10:40,620 --> 00:10:44,210
Look, all l'm trying to do is change
my beneficiary from my wife to my kids.
211
00:10:44,290 --> 00:10:47,630
Okay, you would have to file
a request to do that.
212
00:10:48,260 --> 00:10:49,920
Great. Let's do it.
213
00:10:50,510 --> 00:10:51,720
That's gonna take a while.
214
00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:54,010
Look, lady, l don't have a while,
all right?
215
00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:56,140
l'm a fireman.
l could die tomorrow.
216
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:59,730
l guess if that happened,
you would be burned.
217
00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:02,060
Are you trying
to make a funny?
218
00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:03,560
Sort of.
219
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,770
Anyhooser, beneficiaries can only be
changed for three events.
220
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:09,480
Births, deaths and marriages.
221
00:11:09,570 --> 00:11:12,990
According to our records, we did
contact you when your wife passed away.
222
00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:16,120
You had a year.
You should have responded.
223
00:11:16,620 --> 00:11:19,540
Like a crazy person,
l was busy mourning the death of my wife.
224
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,290
Off the record.
225
00:11:22,370 --> 00:11:24,500
l could suggest something
that's a little more simple
226
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:27,630
and perhaps more fulfilling
to speed things up.
227
00:11:27,710 --> 00:11:29,880
That would be great.
What do... What do you got?
228
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,340
Should you remarry,
229
00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:35,470
your new wife at that time
could be named your primary beneficiary.
230
00:11:35,550 --> 00:11:38,180
So if there's somebody special
in your life,
231
00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:41,890
l mean, who knows,
maybe even someone you just met,
232
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:44,690
and you are ready
to make a commitment,
233
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:46,770
maybe now's the time.
234
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:53,240
Let's go crazy.
235
00:12:11,050 --> 00:12:12,880
Look how pretty she is.
236
00:12:12,970 --> 00:12:14,590
-Going in alive.
-Coming out the same way.
237
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:15,720
All right, baby.
238
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:16,890
Come on, bud.
239
00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:23,560
Levine, Valentine,
can we finish this secondary search
240
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,600
so l can get home to my wife
and be denied sex?
241
00:12:25,690 --> 00:12:27,810
Yeah. Absolutely.
242
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,360
So he's auditioning
for a musical?
243
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,030
Yeah, Pippin.
244
00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:37,570
Pippen? That ain't so bad.
ls it about Scottie Pippen?
245
00:12:37,660 --> 00:12:40,370
l don't know.
He practices singing a lot.
246
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:41,990
Hey, Sinatra sang a lot.
247
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,660
Yeah, that's true.
248
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:44,790
Better than dancing.
249
00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:47,920
Yeah, it's just when l was his age,
all l did was sports, you know?
250
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,170
Maybe they'll make skipping
an Olympic event. There's still hope.
251
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:52,670
Come on, man,
l don't have enough problems?
252
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:54,590
Baton swallowing.
l bet he'd be great at that.
253
00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:56,220
Yeah. You're an idiot.
254
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:57,880
l'm just busting your balls.
Come on.
255
00:12:57,970 --> 00:13:01,010
Ladder 223, roof.
Secondary search negative.
256
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,600
Going upstairs.
257
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,890
At least the whole pension thing's
working out for you, buddy.
258
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:07,020
Yeah. Hey, you know what?
Why don't you come back down here?
259
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,440
l'll stick this pole up your ass,
turn you into a lollipop.
260
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,190
You talking to me
or your son?
261
00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:13,730
Get down here now!
l'll give you an ass-beating!
262
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,530
l will destroy you!
263
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:22,740
Hey, Larry, good news.
l found you something to eat.
264
00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:24,790
Cool, man.
l will devour that.
265
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:25,950
You what?
266
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,290
All right, l'll give you 1,000 bucks
you eat this thing's head.
267
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:31,540
For 1,000 bucks, l'll start at the ass
and work my way to the head.
268
00:13:31,630 --> 00:13:32,790
This l gotta see, baby.
269
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:33,960
Come on.
270
00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:35,380
Nothing but net.
271
00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:36,510
Here you go, buddy.
272
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,130
Chuck!
273
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:41,890
-Larry!
-Chuck!
274
00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:45,390
Mayday! Mayday!
Ladder 223, firefighter down.
275
00:13:45,470 --> 00:13:48,190
Holy shit!
l dropped the rat, dude.
276
00:13:48,230 --> 00:13:50,270
We'll have to do that
another time.
277
00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:53,070
That's all right, buddy.
Just relax. Stay calm.
278
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:57,440
This thing's gonna break, man.
Get the hell out of here!
279
00:13:57,530 --> 00:14:01,410
No! Hey, man, we came in alive,
we're going out the same way. Come on!
280
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:03,120
No! No!
281
00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:04,830
l got you!
282
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,960
We got them over here!
283
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,500
Chuck! Come on, man.
284
00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:12,920
-Heads up!
-Chuck.
285
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:19,130
Urgent! Urgent!
Two members down!
286
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,060
Mr Levine?
287
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,180
Mr Levine?
288
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,560
Do you know where you are?
289
00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:36,110
Am l in a Mötley Crüe video?
'Cause you're hot.
290
00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:39,280
Honey, how's my buddy doing?
291
00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:40,950
Honey?
292
00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:45,370
We're expecting
a full recovery.
293
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:48,540
And, Mr Levine,
please address me as ''Doctor.''
294
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,710
Dr. Honey.
Yeah, okay, you got it.
295
00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:56,800
Chuck. What's going on, man?
296
00:14:57,550 --> 00:14:59,460
Brace yourself, Larry.
297
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:02,630
What l'm gonna tell you
is pretty rough.
298
00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:06,810
They removed your entire body.
299
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,930
You're nothing but a head now.
300
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:11,730
What?
301
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:15,440
They said that there was enough fat
in your head to rebuild you a new body,
302
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,110
so they got scientists in the other room
working on it.
303
00:15:18,190 --> 00:15:19,860
God willing,
you're gonna be all right.
304
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:21,530
You know, you're such a dick.
305
00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:24,620
What's going on is
you saved my life, man.
306
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,830
l would've died
if you didn't do what you did.
307
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:28,830
Would you stop being
so melodramatic?
308
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:31,330
No. l owe you.
That's the code.
309
00:15:31,410 --> 00:15:33,330
Whatever you want,
whenever you want it.
310
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:34,880
Whatever, whenever.
311
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,210
-Whatever?
-Yes.
312
00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:38,340
l'll take that rat.
313
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:40,510
You want to find that rat for me?
'Cause l'm hungry as hell.
314
00:15:40,590 --> 00:15:42,420
-Hi, Dad.
-Eric.
315
00:15:42,510 --> 00:15:44,510
Tori. Hey, guys, come on in.
316
00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:45,800
They called me out of class,
317
00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:49,680
and nobody would tell me for, like,
a really long time what was wrong.
318
00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:50,930
Did you die?
319
00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:52,640
Oh, no, Daddy's fine, buddy.
320
00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:54,270
l could go home right now
if l wanted to.
321
00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:58,650
l'm only staying here because your
Uncle Chuck, he's afraid to sleep alone.
322
00:15:58,730 --> 00:16:01,860
lt's true, Eric. lf he don't sleep with me,
then l gotta sleep with Dr. Honey.
323
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:05,410
And you never know with Dr. Honey
what kind of mood she's gonna be in.
324
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:06,910
What are you, six years old?
325
00:16:06,990 --> 00:16:09,700
Hey, where you going? Come here.
Lay down next to me.
326
00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:12,200
l'll split a Vicodin with you.
We'll have some fun.
327
00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:14,040
-Come on.
-You little tease.
328
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,040
-Dr. Honey.
-Dr. Honey.
329
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,960
Sweetie, what's the matter?
Come here. lt's okay.
330
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,460
This is the same hospital.
You know. Mom.
331
00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:31,310
l'm not gonna leave you.
You hear me?
332
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:33,430
l'm never gonna leave you.
333
00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:38,770
LARRY: l'm quitting
the department.
334
00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:40,320
Get out of here, man.
335
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,860
No, Renaldo's cousin's got
an Acura dealership down in Trenton.
336
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:46,070
You want to sell cars?
Acuras?
337
00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:47,320
l don't want to.
338
00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:50,120
Every time l run into a fire,
where's my head gonna be?
339
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,080
l'm all my kids got left.
lf l die...
340
00:16:54,870 --> 00:16:56,540
Just don't wanna
leave them with nothing.
341
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:58,960
Your father was a fireman.
His father was a fireman.
342
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,090
You are a fireman, man.
343
00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:05,220
One of the best Brooklyn's ever seen.
That's it. You can't do nothing else.
344
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:06,930
l don't think l have
any other choice.
345
00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:08,890
We'll come up with something,
all right?
346
00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:10,350
Come on, l promise you.
347
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,720
Oh, poor Charlie.
348
00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:13,100
Hey, there are my girls.
349
00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:15,100
-How are you?
-How you doing? Oh, my leg hurts.
350
00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:16,270
How are you feeling?
351
00:17:16,350 --> 00:17:17,440
My leg.
352
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,100
Oh, God.
We got different lives.
353
00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:21,570
l need some help out of here.
All right, Chuck's doing all right.
354
00:17:21,650 --> 00:17:22,770
Let's get in here.
355
00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:24,570
Hey, who wants to massage
my ass muscles?
356
00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:25,440
-Me!
-Me!
357
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:55,720
Larry.
358
00:17:55,970 --> 00:17:57,930
-What time is it?
-4:00.
359
00:17:58,020 --> 00:18:00,440
l saved your life, and you said you owed me.
You remember that?
360
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:01,610
Yeah, you saved my life.
361
00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:03,320
Then you got me out of bed
at 4:00 in the morning.
362
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,480
-We're even. That's great.
-Look.
363
00:18:04,570 --> 00:18:06,030
Hey, look, l'm just gonna
throw something out here,
364
00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:07,650
and it's gonna sound
a little bit crazy.
365
00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:09,530
-You're getting a breast reduction.
-No, shut up.
366
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:11,530
No, look, l figured out
how to solve this pension problem,
367
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:13,160
and l don't have to
quit the Department.
368
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,280
Great. How?
369
00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:15,580
What we're gonna do is
we're gonna set things up
370
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:17,660
so that you inherit
my benefits if l die.
371
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:20,000
That way you'll be the one
responsible for Eric and Tori.
372
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,380
Absolutely. That's a great idea.
How do we do that?
373
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:25,380
Yeah. Domestic partnership.
374
00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:28,170
Domestic partnership.
375
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,510
-You mean like faggots?
-No.
376
00:18:30,590 --> 00:18:32,300
l mean, yeah,
but, no, not us, obviously.
377
00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:35,510
No, no, not, you know...
lt's just on paper, really.
378
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:36,930
Paper faggots?
379
00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:40,390
Okay, look,
the accepted vernacular is ''gay,'' but, yeah.
380
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,400
l'm gonna get
something to drink.
381
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,520
All right.
382
00:18:49,490 --> 00:18:50,530
Right.
383
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,370
l'm gonna have to pass.
384
00:18:57,450 --> 00:18:58,540
You can't!
385
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:01,330
Why don't you pay some chick to marry you
if you need this set-up?
386
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:03,500
-Some chick? Like who?
-Give me the phone.
387
00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:05,380
l know plenty of chicks
who could use the cash.
388
00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:07,000
What do you want? A blonde?
A Puerto Rican?
389
00:19:07,090 --> 00:19:09,510
l'll get you a heavy girl.
She'll make you feel better about yourself.
390
00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:12,220
Hey, it doesn't matter.
l don't have any extra cash.
391
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:14,470
Look, man,
you're the only person l can trust.
392
00:19:14,550 --> 00:19:16,930
Hey, you know who you could trust?
Your maid, Teresa.
393
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:18,350
She steals!
394
00:19:18,430 --> 00:19:20,310
She steals?
Why don't you fire her?
395
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,520
l'm afraid. l think she's into voodoo.
l don't know.
396
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,230
-Oh, God.
-Look, this is the only way
397
00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:27,360
l can keep doing what l do
and make sure my kids are protected.
398
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,240
Larry, look at us.
We're not gay.
399
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,570
But if we were gay,
don't you think
400
00:19:31,650 --> 00:19:33,820
l'd be with someone
a little hotter-looking than you?
401
00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:36,030
l'm Mr February,
for God's sake.
402
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:40,250
lt would be like the prom king
fooling around with a tuba player.
403
00:19:40,330 --> 00:19:41,580
Oh, great, l play tuba.
404
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:43,250
Larry, l love you,
405
00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:45,830
but l'm not in love with you,
if that makes any sense.
406
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,590
l still wanna be friends.
407
00:19:47,670 --> 00:19:50,210
All right, do me a favour.
Just picture this, please. All right?
408
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:51,920
You're at my funeral
409
00:19:52,010 --> 00:19:54,180
and you're looking for my kids,
but they're not there.
410
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,050
'Cause they're in some factory
in Bangladesh
411
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:58,760
making sneakers
for six cents an hour.
412
00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:03,100
And you go home to nail some chick
you met at my gravesite.
413
00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:06,360
And you look up,
and right there in your window
414
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,440
are my kids.
415
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,860
They're just tapping
on the glass.
416
00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:14,450
And they have tears
just streaming down their faces.
417
00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:19,120
You think of that
and now you give me your answer.
418
00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:23,290
How are they tapping on my window
if they're in Bangladesh?
419
00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:26,120
Oh, my God. You're...
You're not following me here.
420
00:20:26,210 --> 00:20:27,960
-Yeah, l'm serious.
-Chuck?
421
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,300
Thirsty. Do you have
anything to drink?
422
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:32,970
Yeah, there's Gatorade
in the fridge.
423
00:20:33,260 --> 00:20:36,760
The girls are here.
The girls, they want the Gatorade.
424
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,470
Oh, they're thirsty.
425
00:20:38,550 --> 00:20:39,890
Larry, Larry, watch this.
426
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:43,140
Hey, girls,
actually it's down low, the Gatorade.
427
00:20:44,690 --> 00:20:46,270
l can't be gay, Larry.
428
00:20:46,350 --> 00:20:48,980
l could be a lesbian for you,
but that's about it.
429
00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:53,240
l am so lonely in here.
Hurry up, Chuck.
430
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,570
Dr. Honey! Dr. Honey.
You know Dr. Honey.
431
00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:57,320
Yeah, l do.
432
00:20:57,950 --> 00:21:00,160
How are you feeling,
Mr Valentine?
433
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:01,830
lt's still stiff
when l go to the right.
434
00:21:01,910 --> 00:21:03,000
That's normal.
435
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,870
Hey, who untied you?
436
00:21:06,330 --> 00:21:08,500
What? What?
We have rules around here, girls.
437
00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:11,750
Specific orders, girls.
438
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,550
Now l'm gonna go
Charlie Chaplin on your ass!
439
00:21:14,630 --> 00:21:17,340
Here, use the cane.
Use it! Use it!
440
00:21:17,380 --> 00:21:19,050
Whap them, whap them!
441
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:21,100
You... You're just
an animal, man.
442
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,430
l'm not an animal.
l am a whore.
443
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:26,890
You don't want to marry the town whore.
Believe me, you're better than that.
444
00:21:26,980 --> 00:21:31,060
What l'm talking about is no more involved
than co-signing a loan or joining a gym.
445
00:21:31,150 --> 00:21:32,730
How do we know no one's
gonna find out about this?
446
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:35,440
Because privacy laws
are super strict nowadays.
447
00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:38,530
Look, all we gotta do is just forward
your mail to my house for a while.
448
00:21:38,610 --> 00:21:39,740
That's it.
449
00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:41,580
Oh, l don't know.
450
00:21:41,660 --> 00:21:43,700
l saved your life, bitch.
451
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,330
Partners?
452
00:21:48,420 --> 00:21:49,670
Partners.
453
00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:50,790
Shake on it?
454
00:21:51,630 --> 00:21:54,090
You should've
let me die, asshole.
455
00:22:11,770 --> 00:22:14,020
You're partners now, fellas.
456
00:22:21,620 --> 00:22:23,280
Teresa brought in the mail.
457
00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:25,580
That's a first. Me.
458
00:22:25,830 --> 00:22:27,960
Chuck. That's me.
459
00:22:30,330 --> 00:22:31,500
Chuck.
460
00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:34,460
Chuck.
461
00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:36,420
Chuck.
462
00:22:37,130 --> 00:22:38,670
What the hell?
463
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:40,720
Chuck.
464
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,390
Chuck.
465
00:22:43,180 --> 00:22:46,140
You gotta be kidding me.
They send these things blown up now?
466
00:22:46,890 --> 00:22:48,810
ls that doll for me?
467
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,230
No, no, no, sweetheart.
No, it's for me.
468
00:22:51,310 --> 00:22:53,940
lt's a... lt's a training doll.
You know, for CPR.
469
00:22:54,020 --> 00:22:56,820
They're testing us again,
you know, to make sure.
470
00:22:56,900 --> 00:22:57,990
You remember Daddy
did the testing?
471
00:22:58,070 --> 00:23:00,490
You make sure the passageway
is clear, and you...
472
00:23:00,990 --> 00:23:02,490
To see if they're breathing.
473
00:23:02,570 --> 00:23:04,490
Sweetheart, go to your room, please.
Go to your room, okay?
474
00:23:04,570 --> 00:23:07,740
lt's for me. She's fine.
She's fine. We're dancing.
475
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,040
Whoa.
476
00:23:11,750 --> 00:23:14,630
Fire under control.
All units ten-eight, ten-eight.
477
00:23:15,130 --> 00:23:16,420
Great to have you back, Larry.
478
00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,260
Great to be back, Captain.
479
00:23:18,340 --> 00:23:23,430
Captain! Found out what started the fire,
an old-fashioned doobie.
480
00:23:23,510 --> 00:23:26,760
Hey, brother, that's my weed.
Can l get that back?
481
00:23:26,850 --> 00:23:28,310
You want this back?
482
00:23:28,390 --> 00:23:31,940
l can't give you it back. But you know what?
l got something better for you.
483
00:23:36,150 --> 00:23:37,610
Whoa, man!
484
00:23:39,190 --> 00:23:40,240
Do that again.
485
00:23:40,780 --> 00:23:41,990
He likes it.
486
00:23:43,780 --> 00:23:45,370
All right, enjoy it.
487
00:23:45,450 --> 00:23:47,660
Hey, man. Looks like
a powdered doughnut.
488
00:23:58,300 --> 00:23:59,380
Mr Valentine?
489
00:23:59,460 --> 00:24:00,590
Yeah.
490
00:24:00,670 --> 00:24:04,010
Hi. l'm Glen Aldrich
from the Pension Department.
491
00:24:04,090 --> 00:24:07,140
l'd like to talk to you about
your recently filed domestic partnership.
492
00:24:12,980 --> 00:24:14,100
Hey.
493
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:16,150
-Are you okay?
-No, yeah, no, l'm fine.
494
00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:20,360
That's how l always get down,
'cause it's just faster. You know. Steps.
495
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,320
ls your partner home?
A Mr Charles Levine?
496
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:24,820
No, he...
497
00:24:25,410 --> 00:24:28,030
How did you...
How did you find out that that we were...
498
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,330
lt's standard procedure.
499
00:24:29,410 --> 00:24:32,120
You see, when a previously
registered portfolio shifts over
500
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,870
to a domestic partnership filing
in the insurance log,
501
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,750
there's an information sharing system
that notifies us of the adjustment
502
00:24:37,830 --> 00:24:39,170
to make sure
it's not a mistake.
503
00:24:39,250 --> 00:24:41,670
Why do you ask?
Were you keeping your partnership secret?
504
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,550
Secret? What, are you kidding me?
Hell, no.
505
00:24:43,630 --> 00:24:45,300
No, we're telling everybody.
lt's a party.
506
00:24:45,380 --> 00:24:46,680
Telling everybody what?
507
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,470
Hey, butt out, Ron.
508
00:24:48,550 --> 00:24:49,850
Come over here.
509
00:24:51,930 --> 00:24:54,980
l hope you don't think we have any reason
to doubt your situation, Mr Valentine,
510
00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:57,900
but the sad truth is some people
have used homosexual lifestyles
511
00:24:57,980 --> 00:25:00,320
as a cover to reap
illegal benefits.
512
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:01,440
Wow.
513
00:25:02,860 --> 00:25:03,940
Who's that?
514
00:25:04,030 --> 00:25:06,030
That's Paula.
She's my late wife.
515
00:25:07,030 --> 00:25:08,700
So you haven't
always been gay.
516
00:25:08,780 --> 00:25:12,660
No. l'm newly gay.
517
00:25:13,370 --> 00:25:16,580
When... When she died,
l knew l'd never find another woman
518
00:25:16,670 --> 00:25:18,670
who'd make me as happy,
519
00:25:19,750 --> 00:25:21,840
and that's when l boarded
the dude train.
520
00:25:23,170 --> 00:25:24,260
Will you excuse me one second?
521
00:25:24,340 --> 00:25:25,380
Sure.
522
00:25:26,550 --> 00:25:29,260
Hey, homo, you see the moon balloons
on that chick?
523
00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:31,560
They're a jiggle away
from falling out.
524
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,390
Oh, Chuck, don't tell me
you lost your key again, sweetheart.
525
00:25:34,470 --> 00:25:35,520
What key?
526
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:39,860
Baby! How about a free show?
Why don't you shake them for me?
527
00:25:39,940 --> 00:25:43,150
Oh, you mean Ron, the mailman.
Yeah, Ron, you look great, man!
528
00:25:43,230 --> 00:25:45,440
Love the moon balloons.
Shake them! Shake them!
529
00:25:45,530 --> 00:25:47,780
Hey, Chuck,
come on in here a minute.
530
00:25:48,570 --> 00:25:52,580
This is Glen Aldrich from the Penis...
The Pension Department.
531
00:25:52,660 --> 00:25:54,540
Our Pension Department.
532
00:25:55,540 --> 00:25:56,620
Hi.
533
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,460
-Oh, hey.
-Yeah.
534
00:25:59,540 --> 00:26:03,250
He... He knows about our partnership,
and he's just here checking up on us,
535
00:26:03,340 --> 00:26:07,420
making sure we're not running
a scam to collect illegal benefits.
536
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,970
People do that?
What is with the world?
537
00:26:11,050 --> 00:26:12,180
Yeah.
538
00:26:12,260 --> 00:26:13,680
lt just makes me so sad
539
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,730
and gay to think
of that kind of...
540
00:26:16,810 --> 00:26:18,100
-Yeah.
-....behaviour.
541
00:26:18,190 --> 00:26:19,270
Yeah.
542
00:26:19,350 --> 00:26:23,360
l just want to go to my room right now
and listen to Boy George records.
543
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:24,480
Calm down.
544
00:26:24,570 --> 00:26:28,240
So you've moved your relationship
to the next level. How's it been going?
545
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:33,700
Oh, great. We've just been having sex
with each other all the time.
546
00:26:33,780 --> 00:26:35,160
Loads of sex.
547
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,450
Gay crazy sex.
548
00:26:36,540 --> 00:26:38,960
Man on man.
Loving every minute of it.
549
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,960
Yeah, balls and wieners all the way.
Right here.
550
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,090
Oh, yeah.
551
00:26:43,170 --> 00:26:45,460
Well, l won't take up
any more of your time.
552
00:26:45,550 --> 00:26:46,710
Bring the funk.
553
00:26:48,090 --> 00:26:49,680
Okay, thank you.
554
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:50,970
So that's it?
555
00:26:51,050 --> 00:26:53,970
You don't... You don't have
any other questions for us or...
556
00:26:54,050 --> 00:26:56,890
Oh, no. No, that's not really
how we do it.
557
00:26:56,970 --> 00:27:00,190
You see, if my report says l thought
something was out of the ordinary,
558
00:27:00,270 --> 00:27:02,600
then the department assigns
a special investigator,
559
00:27:02,690 --> 00:27:04,560
and he or she'll just drop in
from time to time
560
00:27:04,650 --> 00:27:06,820
unannounced over the next three
or four months.
561
00:27:06,980 --> 00:27:08,070
No big deal.
562
00:27:08,610 --> 00:27:11,150
Let me... Just asking
was there anything that you saw
563
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,490
that was out of the ordinary or...
564
00:27:14,030 --> 00:27:16,330
Oh, l can't tell you that.
All right, have a great day.
565
00:27:16,410 --> 00:27:17,830
Oh, we will.
566
00:27:20,790 --> 00:27:22,210
-Nice seeing you.
-Take care.
567
00:27:22,290 --> 00:27:23,420
Nice seeing you.
568
00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:24,840
We love your pants,
by the way. Very nice.
569
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,670
We do.
Are those wrinkle-free?
570
00:27:26,750 --> 00:27:27,880
l think they are.
They look great!
571
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,210
Snazzy!
572
00:27:29,300 --> 00:27:31,300
Yeah, no one's gonna
find out about us, l thought.
573
00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:33,680
Well... Yes!
574
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,390
-He likes it rough.
-Yeah.
575
00:27:35,470 --> 00:27:36,510
-Bye-bye.
-Take care.
576
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:37,640
Bye-bye now. Take care. Okay.
577
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:38,890
You made a promise to me.
578
00:27:38,970 --> 00:27:40,060
All right, we're gonna
have sex now.
579
00:27:40,140 --> 00:27:41,180
Okay. We are.
580
00:27:41,270 --> 00:27:42,350
-Sex now.
-Here we go!
581
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:43,480
Whoo!
582
00:27:46,020 --> 00:27:47,980
Why are we even seeing
this lawyer guy?
583
00:27:48,070 --> 00:27:50,190
l just want to find out
how much trouble we're in here.
584
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,150
Maybe it's, you know,
no big deal.
585
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:53,820
This guy'll be able
to tell us.
586
00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:56,870
Here, just give me your hand.
587
00:27:56,950 --> 00:27:58,830
Maybe we should
just be snuggling a little bit.
588
00:27:58,910 --> 00:28:00,000
You mean to look...
589
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:01,410
Yeah, just a little bit like, you know.
590
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:02,540
Yeah, that's good.
591
00:28:02,620 --> 00:28:04,540
Does this work, too?
Get away from me.
592
00:28:41,660 --> 00:28:44,710
Alex McDonough.
593
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,330
Nice to meet you.
594
00:28:52,510 --> 00:28:53,670
Nice to meet you.
595
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,430
Yeah, meet to nice you.
596
00:28:56,010 --> 00:28:57,390
What was that, Japanese?
597
00:28:57,470 --> 00:28:59,010
What? What are you
talking about?
598
00:28:59,100 --> 00:29:00,390
Meet to nice you.
599
00:29:00,470 --> 00:29:02,180
No, no, no, l didn't do that.
600
00:29:02,270 --> 00:29:03,810
You did. He did say it.
601
00:29:03,890 --> 00:29:05,100
You did.
602
00:29:05,190 --> 00:29:06,270
Okay.
603
00:29:06,350 --> 00:29:07,600
Okay, just come on in.
604
00:29:07,690 --> 00:29:09,480
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
605
00:29:11,610 --> 00:29:14,780
So my assistant says
that your domestic partnership
606
00:29:14,860 --> 00:29:16,490
is being challenged
by the city.
607
00:29:16,570 --> 00:29:20,450
Well, not exactly challenged yet,
but they're definitely sniffing around.
608
00:29:20,530 --> 00:29:22,290
-Home visit?
-Yeah.
609
00:29:22,370 --> 00:29:23,620
You're being targeted.
610
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:24,910
Targeted?
611
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,540
lt's like an audit.
Who did they send?
612
00:29:27,620 --> 00:29:30,090
lt was a Glen somebody.
613
00:29:30,170 --> 00:29:31,710
Probably the initial interviewer.
614
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:35,260
But if you get a follow-up from
a funny little guy named Clint Fitzer,
615
00:29:35,340 --> 00:29:37,130
then we've got real trouble.
616
00:29:37,220 --> 00:29:40,300
Yeah, the city's really been cracking down
ever since the Bensley case.
617
00:29:40,390 --> 00:29:41,430
What's that?
618
00:29:41,510 --> 00:29:47,100
Well, in Colorado, a heterosexual
government employee married his gay friend
619
00:29:47,190 --> 00:29:50,860
so the friend could be covered
under Bensley's health insurance.
620
00:29:50,940 --> 00:29:52,230
The state found out about it,
621
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,150
fired Bensley and prosecuted them both
for fraud.
622
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:56,990
-Really?
-Oh, yeah.
623
00:29:57,070 --> 00:29:59,820
l mean, these people needed
to be made an example of.
624
00:29:59,910 --> 00:30:03,160
l mean, gays and lesbians have not
been fighting for these rights for 40 years
625
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:04,830
to be made a mockery of.
626
00:30:04,910 --> 00:30:06,120
But you guys have
nothing to worry about
627
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,670
because you're
a legitimate gay couple, right?
628
00:30:08,750 --> 00:30:11,710
Oh, yeah, we're...
No, we're big-time fruits.
629
00:30:13,050 --> 00:30:16,300
l used to wrestle in high school,
and l loved it.
630
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:18,050
Okay.
631
00:30:19,010 --> 00:30:21,090
Curiosity kicking up again.
632
00:30:21,890 --> 00:30:24,970
What exactly did they get,
the hetero bastards?
633
00:30:26,060 --> 00:30:29,730
Well, Bensley got five years
and his gay friend got three.
634
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,360
And a coworker of Bensley's
got 18 months.
635
00:30:33,860 --> 00:30:35,190
Why? What did he do?
636
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,650
Well, Bensley told him what was going on
and he never reported it to the authorities,
637
00:30:38,740 --> 00:30:43,450
so he was convicted of obstructing justice
and conspiracy to commit fraud.
638
00:30:44,490 --> 00:30:46,160
Pretty rough, huh?
639
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:51,080
When l used to climb the rope in gym class,
l wished it was a guy.
640
00:30:53,790 --> 00:30:55,750
Well, there is a secret weapon
641
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,380
that really might help get these guys
off your back.
642
00:30:58,470 --> 00:31:00,050
-Oh, good.
-Oh, great. Well, we love secrets.
643
00:31:00,130 --> 00:31:01,340
Yeah, we do them
all the time. Yeah.
644
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:04,720
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, l won't tell anyone.
645
00:31:04,810 --> 00:31:05,890
Nobody tells.
646
00:31:05,970 --> 00:31:08,730
That was a key he was throwing away,
that's what that was.
647
00:31:08,810 --> 00:31:10,100
Leave a trail.
648
00:31:10,190 --> 00:31:11,520
You know,
the strongest evidence
649
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,020
for genuinely demonstrating
a domestic partnership
650
00:31:14,110 --> 00:31:16,730
is to take a quick drive
on up to Canada
651
00:31:16,820 --> 00:31:18,570
and legitimise
your relationship.
652
00:31:18,860 --> 00:31:19,990
Legitimise?
653
00:31:20,070 --> 00:31:21,280
Get married.
654
00:31:21,950 --> 00:31:23,370
Marry Larry?
655
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:35,710
where do two guys get married?
656
00:31:36,300 --> 00:31:38,670
What do we got here?
Wedding Balls.
657
00:31:39,380 --> 00:31:41,170
l Do, l Do Love Clay Aiken.
658
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,140
Great Rear Endings.
659
00:31:44,470 --> 00:31:45,800
Till Dicks Do Us Part.
660
00:31:46,510 --> 00:31:49,060
Where are we gonna do this,
sweetheart?
661
00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:50,600
What's the matter?
You getting cold nuts?
662
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:54,440
No, no. lt's just Paula always
wanted to go to Niagara Falls,
663
00:31:55,110 --> 00:31:57,150
and l never got the chance to take her,
you know?
664
00:31:57,230 --> 00:32:00,240
You were great to her.
lt's been three years already, man.
665
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,780
Just, just...
She would want you to be happy.
666
00:32:02,860 --> 00:32:04,530
She would want you to move on
with your life,
667
00:32:04,620 --> 00:32:06,580
find somebody new,
l'm telling you.
668
00:32:06,660 --> 00:32:09,240
You know what?
l did find somebody new.
669
00:32:09,410 --> 00:32:10,660
And l'm marrying him today.
670
00:32:10,750 --> 00:32:13,000
Oh, yeah. What a lucky girl.
671
00:32:13,670 --> 00:32:14,960
Queers.
672
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,750
-What was that?
-What was that?
673
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,090
l said tears.
674
00:32:19,170 --> 00:32:21,210
Your love for each other
brings tears to my eyes.
675
00:32:21,300 --> 00:32:22,630
-That's what l thought you said, buddy.
-Yeah. Yeah.
676
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:23,880
Better watch what you say,
my friend.
677
00:32:23,970 --> 00:32:25,050
Why don't you
just drive the car?
678
00:32:25,140 --> 00:32:26,800
Doug Henning.
What the hell you think you're doing?
679
00:32:26,890 --> 00:32:28,310
-You want a Brooklyn beating, moron?
-Magic shoes. Yeah?
680
00:32:28,390 --> 00:32:30,020
-You want to get him nuts?
-Yeah? Smacked around?
681
00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:32,680
-Then shut your mouth.
-Don't, please.
682
00:32:34,850 --> 00:32:35,900
Faggots.
683
00:32:35,980 --> 00:32:37,980
-All right, that's it, my man.
-What's that, you son of a bitch?
684
00:32:38,070 --> 00:32:39,150
-Grab the wheel. Grab the wheel.
-Hold him down!
685
00:32:39,230 --> 00:32:40,280
Hey, l'm sorry!
686
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:41,530
Hold him down, and l will...
687
00:32:41,610 --> 00:32:43,650
-Come and drive now, moron!
-Hey, the wheel, man!
688
00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:44,820
-l'm sorry!
-Chuck, hold him.
689
00:32:44,910 --> 00:32:46,030
Yeah! Yeah!
690
00:32:48,450 --> 00:32:49,700
Get him! Hold him down!
691
00:33:03,170 --> 00:33:05,590
Suki! Stupid cow. Sorry.
692
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,430
Hey, may l help you?
693
00:33:07,510 --> 00:33:10,060
Yes, we're... We're...
694
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,020
Gay?
695
00:33:12,100 --> 00:33:14,430
Yeah, we're marrying
each other.
696
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,230
Gay. Civil or religious?
697
00:33:17,310 --> 00:33:18,690
Religious.
698
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,190
l'm Jewish.
l don't wanna piss my mother off.
699
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,690
l'm Catholic.
l don't want to piss Mel Gibson off.
700
00:33:23,780 --> 00:33:25,360
Come on.
701
00:33:25,450 --> 00:33:28,490
Religious is more expensive.
We have to hire a clergyman.
702
00:33:28,570 --> 00:33:30,660
Look, you know what?
We'll just do civil then, okay?
703
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:32,660
-Will you at least wear a yarmulke?
-Yeah, okay, sure.
704
00:33:32,740 --> 00:33:33,830
lt's important.
705
00:33:33,910 --> 00:33:35,000
Yeah, l will.
706
00:33:35,210 --> 00:33:39,000
We want a traditional wedding, too,
one with a lot of photographs for evidence.
707
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,300
Evidence for our future children,
708
00:33:43,380 --> 00:33:45,300
so they can see
what a beautiful chapel this is.
709
00:33:45,380 --> 00:33:46,470
Yeah.
710
00:33:47,130 --> 00:33:48,470
That's nice.
711
00:33:48,550 --> 00:33:50,350
l think Chubb Rock needs a dress.
Am l right?
712
00:33:50,430 --> 00:33:52,060
-That's okay. No, l'm fine. No.
-Come on. No?
713
00:33:52,140 --> 00:33:54,390
Okay. What size?
Five times XL?
714
00:33:55,350 --> 00:33:57,020
No, no. That's...
That's fine, really. l'm...
715
00:33:57,100 --> 00:33:59,900
You know what l'm gonna do?
l'm gonna go with a tux like Liza Minnelli.
716
00:33:59,980 --> 00:34:01,440
l saw her wear one
at the Oscars and it's just been...
717
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:03,070
At least have garter belts
underneath, please?
718
00:34:03,150 --> 00:34:04,230
Okay.
719
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:08,570
You will need to have a witness.
We can supply one for $100.
720
00:34:08,660 --> 00:34:11,490
Hundred doll hairs?
That's a lot of doll hairs.
721
00:34:11,910 --> 00:34:13,120
Come again?
722
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:14,830
Do dolls come
with that many hairs?
723
00:34:14,910 --> 00:34:16,040
Doll hairs, like dollars.
724
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:17,580
Doll hairs?
725
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,840
Yeah. Yeah, he likes that.
726
00:34:23,460 --> 00:34:25,590
l had never heard that one.
727
00:34:28,130 --> 00:34:30,890
Okay, sorry, sorry.
Can l write that down?
728
00:34:30,970 --> 00:34:32,800
Yeah, go ahead.
729
00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:35,390
We'll... We'll get our own witness,
by the way, so...
730
00:34:35,470 --> 00:34:36,770
-Yeah.
-Don't worry about that.
731
00:34:36,850 --> 00:34:38,640
Will you be needing a room?
732
00:34:38,730 --> 00:34:39,940
-What?
-A loom?
733
00:34:40,020 --> 00:34:42,360
For romantic time together.
734
00:34:46,030 --> 00:34:48,030
-Whoa, whoa. No, no, we're good. We...
-No...
735
00:34:48,110 --> 00:34:49,490
We'll take two looms,
by the way.
736
00:34:49,570 --> 00:34:51,950
Yeah. We're old-fashioned.
737
00:34:52,780 --> 00:34:54,160
That's very nice.
738
00:34:55,660 --> 00:34:58,960
l will give you key
in case you want to sneak.
739
00:34:59,210 --> 00:35:00,960
-That's okay.
-Yeah.
740
00:35:01,290 --> 00:35:02,330
But l'll give you key.
741
00:35:02,420 --> 00:35:03,590
Okay.
742
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:05,090
Do you have the rings?
743
00:35:05,170 --> 00:35:06,460
Yeah.
744
00:35:06,630 --> 00:35:10,010
Now, the rings are
a symbol of eternity,
745
00:35:10,090 --> 00:35:14,350
because in a ring there's no beginning,
there is no end
746
00:35:15,310 --> 00:35:16,850
'cause it's a circle.
747
00:35:16,930 --> 00:35:18,020
That's kind of nice.
748
00:35:18,100 --> 00:35:19,350
lt's not like a triangle.
749
00:35:19,430 --> 00:35:22,150
Triangle has,
like, a corner in the ends.
750
00:35:22,190 --> 00:35:24,060
This one is a circle.
751
00:35:24,150 --> 00:35:25,190
Okay, we get it.
752
00:35:25,270 --> 00:35:26,530
Three corners.
753
00:35:26,610 --> 00:35:28,190
Please exchange the rings.
754
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,360
-Larry, take that.
-All right, yeah.
755
00:35:30,450 --> 00:35:31,660
Thanks.
756
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:34,320
ls a promise of your love
forever together...
757
00:35:34,410 --> 00:35:35,490
-Okay. Beautiful.
-Okay.
758
00:35:35,580 --> 00:35:36,830
-...for all eternity.
-Okay.
759
00:35:36,910 --> 00:35:38,950
-Because it's a circle.
-CHUCK: Yeah, we heard about the circle.
760
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:40,330
-Yes, we're familiar with shapes.
-We got it.
761
00:35:42,580 --> 00:35:45,840
l now pronounce you
husband and husband.
762
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:47,920
You may kiss the husband.
763
00:35:57,970 --> 00:36:00,810
l don't know.
Hey, man, you just gotta do this.
764
00:36:00,890 --> 00:36:02,980
-What do you mean?
-We got to do it.
765
00:36:03,060 --> 00:36:04,100
Kiss the husband.
766
00:36:04,190 --> 00:36:05,690
Yeah, we heard you.
767
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,730
Oh, come on. Let's just...
768
00:36:08,820 --> 00:36:11,190
He's gonna take a picture,
we just gotta do this.
769
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:12,360
Mmm-hmm.
770
00:36:13,030 --> 00:36:14,110
Oh!
771
00:36:17,030 --> 00:36:18,580
That's how we roll
in our house, baby.
772
00:36:18,660 --> 00:36:19,870
Oh, yeah.
773
00:36:26,130 --> 00:36:27,590
Do you do me?
774
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,590
Oh, you couldn't handle it,
little man.
775
00:36:33,220 --> 00:36:34,340
Yeah.
776
00:36:34,430 --> 00:36:36,970
l think your witness
piss himself.
777
00:36:45,770 --> 00:36:51,070
The wires are all in place,
and they have tapped all of our phones.
778
00:36:52,860 --> 00:36:55,360
The Chinese government
is in on it.
779
00:36:55,700 --> 00:36:59,370
And Elizabeth Taylor is Bigfoot.
780
00:37:01,750 --> 00:37:03,580
Turn off my brain.
781
00:37:03,750 --> 00:37:05,120
-Hear, hear!
-Hear, hear!
782
00:37:07,830 --> 00:37:10,300
There's a microphone
in the cake!
783
00:37:13,670 --> 00:37:15,220
They moved it.
784
00:37:16,090 --> 00:37:17,140
Yeah.
785
00:37:17,220 --> 00:37:19,760
He smell like
a dead water buffalo.
786
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:27,310
Oh, yeah! Very Jewish!
787
00:37:41,700 --> 00:37:43,200
l've been hit!
788
00:37:43,290 --> 00:37:44,750
How you doing?
789
00:37:45,500 --> 00:37:47,120
He broke his leg.
790
00:37:49,130 --> 00:37:51,090
Hey, how come your maid
ain't helping us out?
791
00:37:51,170 --> 00:37:54,050
She's working on something else,
all right?
792
00:37:54,380 --> 00:37:55,800
Yeah, right.
793
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,470
How you doing there,
Phil Collins?
794
00:37:58,550 --> 00:38:01,890
$800. $800, Bob Barker!
795
00:38:01,970 --> 00:38:03,600
...retaiI price
without going over...
796
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,480
She's working hard
with Bob Barker.
797
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,980
She doesn't like when you talk
during her shows. Come on.
798
00:38:08,060 --> 00:38:10,940
$750? Oh, my balls,
that's too low.
799
00:38:11,020 --> 00:38:14,110
Hey, Big Ragoo,
l smell your feet from here. l like it.
800
00:38:14,190 --> 00:38:15,280
Oh...
801
00:38:16,150 --> 00:38:18,160
He thinks my feet stink.
802
00:38:20,450 --> 00:38:22,200
Now, that's a stink.
803
00:38:23,990 --> 00:38:27,210
See, l knew you were gonna
overcook this, man. l told you.
804
00:38:27,290 --> 00:38:30,290
Hey, it's Salisbury steak, Emeril.
lt's supposed to be black.
805
00:38:30,380 --> 00:38:31,750
lt stinks like manure!
806
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,670
Yeah, it's supposed to.
807
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,800
l can't believe you're gonna
serve this to the kids. Shit.
808
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:38,090
Hey, language!
809
00:38:38,180 --> 00:38:39,890
Okay, kids,
''shit'' is a bad word.
810
00:38:39,970 --> 00:38:41,930
Seriously, though,
l am not eating this crap!
811
00:38:42,010 --> 00:38:43,890
lf l'm living here,
l'm cooking.
812
00:38:43,970 --> 00:38:45,520
How long is Uncle Chuck staying?
813
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,850
Just for a little bit, okay?
Until his apartment is fixed.
814
00:38:48,940 --> 00:38:50,600
What happened to your place?
815
00:38:50,690 --> 00:38:52,310
Roaches.
816
00:38:52,980 --> 00:38:54,860
Yeah, big giant roaches.
817
00:38:55,030 --> 00:38:56,150
They ate my dog.
818
00:38:56,230 --> 00:38:57,320
Bastards!
819
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,570
Language!
820
00:38:58,650 --> 00:39:00,700
Roaches are so ewwy.
821
00:39:01,570 --> 00:39:03,740
Did you hear that?
Roaches are ewwy.
822
00:39:03,830 --> 00:39:06,620
''Ewwy'' is another word not allowed said
in this house, okay?
823
00:39:06,700 --> 00:39:08,330
-l think ewwy's a nice word.
-LARRY: Shut up.
824
00:39:08,410 --> 00:39:09,580
Ewwy!
825
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,040
Funny.
826
00:39:17,170 --> 00:39:19,380
The Reds never even came up
in the conversation.
827
00:39:19,470 --> 00:39:22,890
About five straight seasons
Iosing reguIar seasons,
828
00:39:22,970 --> 00:39:26,140
the franchise's worse such stretch
since the '50s.
829
00:39:26,220 --> 00:39:29,770
Yet heading into pIay today, the Reds
were tied for the best record in the bigs.
830
00:39:29,850 --> 00:39:32,850
They've got
everybody going except for...
831
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:34,940
...who's eIigibIe
to come off the DL,
832
00:39:35,020 --> 00:39:37,190
but hasn't fuIIy recovered
from an infIamed tendon...
833
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:38,360
Real smooth.
834
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:39,700
Why? What happened?
835
00:39:39,780 --> 00:39:40,990
You broke Tori's chair!
836
00:39:41,070 --> 00:39:42,570
No, no, no.
lt was like that when l got here.
837
00:39:42,660 --> 00:39:44,870
l'm not kidding you.
l think she did it.
838
00:39:44,950 --> 00:39:46,660
What the hell is that
on your face?
839
00:39:46,740 --> 00:39:48,950
l'm exfoliating.
lt's good for my skin.
840
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:50,580
Hey, that's a great idea, man.
841
00:39:50,660 --> 00:39:52,500
ln case the gay inspector comes by.
842
00:39:53,170 --> 00:39:55,790
Yeah, yeah,
that's why l was doing it.
843
00:39:56,550 --> 00:39:58,260
Daddy, help!
844
00:39:59,260 --> 00:40:00,470
Tori?
845
00:40:02,510 --> 00:40:04,850
Somebody left the seat up.
846
00:40:05,550 --> 00:40:06,810
Real smooth, again.
847
00:40:06,890 --> 00:40:08,350
Why? What happened now?
848
00:40:08,430 --> 00:40:10,680
lt was like that when l got here.
She... She did it.
849
00:40:10,770 --> 00:40:11,980
Hey, it's okay, sweetheart.
850
00:40:12,060 --> 00:40:14,900
You see, Uncle Chuck, he's not used
to living in a house with a young lady.
851
00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:16,230
-True that.
-Come here, honey.
852
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:19,740
Slow, slow, slow.
Don't leave her intestines in there.
853
00:40:21,780 --> 00:40:23,570
Whoa, whoa...
854
00:40:23,660 --> 00:40:26,240
Your father's just jealous
'cause he can't get his butt
855
00:40:26,330 --> 00:40:27,410
-in that thing.
-Yeah.
856
00:40:27,490 --> 00:40:29,410
He got his butt stuck
in a king-sized Jacuzzi one time.
857
00:40:29,490 --> 00:40:31,410
-l seen that.
-Stop.
858
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:32,540
Hey, yeah.
859
00:40:32,620 --> 00:40:34,630
Uncle Chuck,
you left this in the kitchen.
860
00:40:34,710 --> 00:40:35,920
Hey, don't you look at that!
861
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,340
-l didn't.
-Actually, you know what? Give me that.
862
00:40:37,420 --> 00:40:39,050
-Maybe he should look at it. See.
-Stop it, Chuck!
863
00:40:39,130 --> 00:40:41,840
No, no, no. This is an experiment.
Seriously.
864
00:40:43,010 --> 00:40:45,430
Eric, see how this
makes you feel.
865
00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:47,600
Open it up.
866
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,850
All right,
that didn't go well.
867
00:40:59,980 --> 00:41:02,950
Yo, you got any tequila in this house?
l want to fall right asleep.
868
00:41:03,030 --> 00:41:04,530
No, l don't.
869
00:41:04,610 --> 00:41:06,820
What the hell is this?
You got a dog l don't know about?
870
00:41:06,910 --> 00:41:08,530
No, that's your bed.
l worked hard on that.
871
00:41:08,620 --> 00:41:11,370
That ain't a bed. That's a bed,
the thing you're about to cave in.
872
00:41:11,450 --> 00:41:13,750
No. Look, you're not
sleeping here, okay?
873
00:41:13,830 --> 00:41:16,040
Nobody's slept
on that side since Paula.
874
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:17,630
But, sweetheart,
it's our honeymoon.
875
00:41:17,710 --> 00:41:20,000
Of course l'm sleeping
in the same bed as you.
876
00:41:20,090 --> 00:41:21,340
No.
877
00:41:21,420 --> 00:41:22,880
How about if l put
Paula's pyjamas on?
878
00:41:22,970 --> 00:41:24,130
Would that get me
in the sack with you?
879
00:41:24,220 --> 00:41:26,300
Don't you dare touch her PJs.
880
00:41:26,390 --> 00:41:29,390
You're kidding me.
You still keep her PJs?
881
00:41:29,470 --> 00:41:31,180
That's sick, Larry. Seriously.
882
00:41:31,260 --> 00:41:32,310
All right.
883
00:41:32,390 --> 00:41:34,350
You gotta call the shrink.
884
00:41:34,430 --> 00:41:36,350
l'm coming in the bed, Larry.
885
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,190
Whoa, look at this.
You made me a little bowling ball ashtray.
886
00:41:39,270 --> 00:41:41,360
That's sweet of you.
l'll smoke that in the morning.
887
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,530
l don't feel comfortable with this,
buddy, at all.
888
00:41:43,610 --> 00:41:45,360
Would it help
if l gave you the pose?
889
00:41:45,450 --> 00:41:47,160
Hey, get your foot off
that side of the bed.
890
00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:48,620
Have some respect,
would you, please?
891
00:41:48,700 --> 00:41:51,410
Yeah, l'll be respectful.
You won't even know l'm here.
892
00:41:51,490 --> 00:41:52,910
-Oh, God.
-You won't know l'm here, okay?
893
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,000
Why don't you turn the light off?
You won't even see me.
894
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:56,670
l'm not around, Larry.
895
00:41:56,750 --> 00:42:00,000
Yeah. Yeah. See?
Yeah. Roll over.
896
00:42:00,670 --> 00:42:02,210
Make yourself comfortable.
897
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,340
That's right.
898
00:42:08,180 --> 00:42:10,010
You got Cinemax in here?
899
00:42:10,100 --> 00:42:11,680
No, l do not.
900
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,140
What the hell am l supposed to do
with this thing?
901
00:42:14,220 --> 00:42:18,310
Keep it away from me.
902
00:42:18,900 --> 00:42:22,230
Can you lend me your foot for a second?
l'm kidding.
903
00:42:27,150 --> 00:42:29,200
Larry.
904
00:42:30,450 --> 00:42:33,950
You betrayed me, Larry.
905
00:42:35,370 --> 00:42:39,920
You made a promise
no one would sleep on my side of...
906
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,250
All right. Hey, hey, hey.
907
00:42:41,340 --> 00:42:43,300
-l swear to you, l will beat you...
-That wasn't me.
908
00:42:43,380 --> 00:42:45,170
-...with the end table!
-Larry!
909
00:42:45,260 --> 00:42:46,380
Stop it, man.
910
00:42:46,470 --> 00:42:47,510
lf it was me, l would stop it.
911
00:42:47,590 --> 00:42:49,380
lt was someone else.
912
00:42:50,970 --> 00:42:52,550
lt scared me, too, Larry.
913
00:42:56,770 --> 00:42:58,560
Good morning, Daddy.
914
00:42:59,730 --> 00:43:01,060
Oh, hey, kids.
915
00:43:01,150 --> 00:43:02,610
Good morning, Uncle Chuck.
916
00:43:03,270 --> 00:43:05,030
What's doing, guys?
917
00:43:05,110 --> 00:43:06,280
Good morning, Teresa.
918
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:07,740
Great morning.
919
00:43:12,820 --> 00:43:14,870
Why is Teresa in the bed?
920
00:43:16,290 --> 00:43:19,620
She was just cleaning it. She was...
Great job, Teresa.
921
00:43:19,710 --> 00:43:22,250
Spotless. Thank you.
You can go now.
922
00:43:23,380 --> 00:43:24,960
Hey.
923
00:43:25,590 --> 00:43:27,420
Hey, this is what got us in trouble
in the first place.
924
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:29,930
Oh, boy.
925
00:43:30,010 --> 00:43:31,930
Come on, kids,
fix me breakfast!
926
00:43:32,010 --> 00:43:33,680
Come on, come on, come on!
927
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:35,180
You're gonna burn for that.
928
00:43:35,260 --> 00:43:36,770
Get Cinemax.
929
00:43:36,850 --> 00:43:38,310
While l'm sleeping
in the same bed?
930
00:43:38,390 --> 00:43:40,730
Hey, you weren't sleeping
the whole time.
931
00:43:40,810 --> 00:43:41,850
You threw in some moves.
932
00:43:41,940 --> 00:43:42,980
l did not!
933
00:43:43,060 --> 00:43:45,110
Yeah. Smell your thumb.
934
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,030
Smells like plastic.
935
00:44:04,130 --> 00:44:05,710
Hey, big guy.
936
00:44:06,210 --> 00:44:09,920
Hey, what the hell you doing
going through our garbage?
937
00:44:10,010 --> 00:44:13,970
Oh, once it's out on the street
ready for pickup, it's public property.
938
00:44:15,220 --> 00:44:16,430
Lawrence Valentine, l presume?
939
00:44:16,510 --> 00:44:17,640
Yeah. That's me.
940
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:20,680
Yeah, Clint Fitzer
from Financial Services.
941
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:24,310
You know, funny thing, you put
these moving boxes out for recycling
942
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,480
after you'd already been
living together for so long.
943
00:44:26,570 --> 00:44:27,980
l found that interesting.
944
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,740
And your garbage,
Mr Valentine,
945
00:44:31,820 --> 00:44:35,160
well, from my experience,
it's not very homosexual garbage.
946
00:44:35,370 --> 00:44:36,870
Can l see some
identification, please?
947
00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:39,160
Oh, that's just one zip away.
948
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:50,170
Mr Valentine, the law takes a dim view
of those who cheat the public coffers.
949
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,760
A very dim view, big guy.
950
00:44:57,180 --> 00:44:58,310
Shit.
951
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:05,730
What are you doing?
952
00:45:05,810 --> 00:45:07,020
l'm putting a pillowcase
on my pillow.
953
00:45:07,110 --> 00:45:08,440
Okay, you know what?
That's not a pillowcase.
954
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:10,190
lt's my underwear, you idiot.
955
00:45:11,780 --> 00:45:13,360
-No!
-Would you stop?
956
00:45:13,450 --> 00:45:16,780
l just ran into Clint Fitzer out front.
That big city investigator.
957
00:45:16,870 --> 00:45:18,700
The one that hot-ass lawyer
was talking about?
958
00:45:18,780 --> 00:45:20,080
We gotta make
this place more gay.
959
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:21,200
More gay?
960
00:45:21,290 --> 00:45:23,660
Yeah. He went through our trash.
He says it's not gay enough.
961
00:45:23,750 --> 00:45:25,170
Well, let's gay
that shit up, then!
962
00:45:25,250 --> 00:45:27,210
-Oh, God.
-Gay trash.
963
00:45:27,330 --> 00:45:30,090
Gay trash... Gay trash...
964
00:45:30,170 --> 00:45:31,250
Let's see.
965
00:45:33,050 --> 00:45:34,550
Huh? Huh?
966
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,220
Yeah. What else?
967
00:45:37,300 --> 00:45:39,680
Anything you can do, I can do better
968
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:42,720
I can do anything better than you
969
00:45:42,850 --> 00:45:44,640
-Perfect.
-Hey!
970
00:45:45,270 --> 00:45:47,520
Eric, are those the cleats
l just bought you?
971
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,440
Uncle Chuck helped me
turn them into tap shoes.
972
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:51,570
Yeah, he didn't get Pippin,
973
00:45:51,650 --> 00:45:52,990
so we're gonna prime him
for his next audition.
974
00:45:53,070 --> 00:45:54,150
For the Annie Get Your Gun thing.
975
00:45:54,240 --> 00:45:56,740
Go ahead, tap away. Nice.
976
00:45:57,110 --> 00:45:59,320
Sinatra tap-danced, come on.
977
00:45:59,410 --> 00:46:01,580
Nice. Nice. Big finish.
978
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:04,830
Yeah. You wanna throw him
in the garbage?
979
00:46:05,410 --> 00:46:06,580
l'm kidding. Come on.
980
00:46:08,250 --> 00:46:09,630
Think like a gay guy.
We're gay, we're gay.
981
00:46:09,710 --> 00:46:10,750
Come on, gay. Gay it up.
982
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:11,960
-Gay. What else? Gay.
-Here we go. Look at this.
983
00:46:12,050 --> 00:46:13,630
Shampoo for permed hair.
That's pretty gay.
984
00:46:13,710 --> 00:46:14,800
-Put it in there.
-Okay.
985
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:15,970
Bandages.
986
00:46:16,050 --> 00:46:17,510
lt's too rugged.
987
00:46:17,590 --> 00:46:19,140
-Really?
-Q-tips, get Q-tips.
988
00:46:19,220 --> 00:46:22,390
Gay guys like clean ears
for the licking and whatnot. Smart.
989
00:46:22,470 --> 00:46:23,560
What do you got?
990
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:24,810
Maxi Pads.
991
00:46:24,890 --> 00:46:26,940
Now we have vaginas?
Put it back.
992
00:46:27,020 --> 00:46:30,270
Get some Streisand shit or something.
Just walk away, man.
993
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:34,440
Gay. Very gay. Über gay.
994
00:46:34,530 --> 00:46:36,740
The gayest.
And the mother ship.
995
00:46:41,870 --> 00:46:42,950
Oh...
996
00:46:43,490 --> 00:46:45,290
-Chuck!
-Alex.
997
00:46:45,870 --> 00:46:47,660
-Hi!
-Wow.
998
00:46:47,750 --> 00:46:51,500
Oh, hey, did Larry tell you that
l talked to him about Fitzer stopping by?
999
00:46:51,590 --> 00:46:53,800
That guy is an infection,
but don't you worry about it,
1000
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:54,920
'cause l'm gonna handle it.
1001
00:46:55,010 --> 00:46:58,090
No, it's all good.
lt's all gay all the way.
1002
00:47:00,140 --> 00:47:02,220
Are you doing anything
on Saturday night?
1003
00:47:02,300 --> 00:47:03,600
No. Why?
1004
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:07,230
Well, l'm involved with this group,
and it's our big fundraiser thing and...
1005
00:47:07,310 --> 00:47:08,730
Look, l know it's
a little bit last-minute, but...
1006
00:47:08,810 --> 00:47:11,900
No, no, no!
Hey! Let's do this.
1007
00:47:11,980 --> 00:47:13,570
Let's party. Wow.
1008
00:47:13,650 --> 00:47:15,150
-Awesome. Awesome!
-Please.
1009
00:47:15,230 --> 00:47:16,320
Okay. lt's gonna be a lot of fun.
1010
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:17,490
l'm sure.
1011
00:47:17,570 --> 00:47:19,450
-Here's the info.
-Hell, yeah.
1012
00:47:19,530 --> 00:47:22,530
And don't forget
to bring your husband.
1013
00:47:22,620 --> 00:47:24,950
My, husband? Yes, of course.
1014
00:47:25,580 --> 00:47:27,000
Don't go anywhere without him.
1015
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,040
He's like a...
He's like an infection, too.
1016
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:36,420
Are you gonna be bringing
your significant other person thing?
1017
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:38,840
Oh, l'm not gay,
if that's what you mean.
1018
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:41,800
And l just broke up
with my boyfriend, so...
1019
00:47:42,930 --> 00:47:43,970
l mean...
1020
00:47:45,060 --> 00:47:48,230
lt's fine.
So am l gonna see you there?
1021
00:47:48,310 --> 00:47:49,390
l'll be there.
1022
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:50,520
Okay.
1023
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:53,020
-Oh, you wanna go?
-Yeah.
1024
00:47:53,110 --> 00:47:54,860
-See you.
-Yeah.
1025
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,150
Hell, yeah!
1026
00:48:00,150 --> 00:48:02,530
Sorry, did you say something?
1027
00:48:02,610 --> 00:48:07,790
No, they got K-Y jelly,
two for $1. Hell, yeah.
1028
00:48:09,290 --> 00:48:10,750
Okay. Bye.
1029
00:48:10,830 --> 00:48:12,250
Bye.
1030
00:48:15,790 --> 00:48:17,550
Yeah, this does work.
1031
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:23,550
Got some mail for you,
Mr Valentine.
1032
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,510
Oh, okay. Thanks, Ron.
1033
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:29,850
Something l can do for you?
1034
00:48:29,930 --> 00:48:32,980
l couldn't help overhearing
you and Mr Levine
1035
00:48:33,060 --> 00:48:35,860
talking about your arrangement
the other day.
1036
00:48:35,940 --> 00:48:39,740
Yeah, we're a couple, so...
1037
00:48:39,820 --> 00:48:44,320
Right. l also caught
a bit of what you said pertaining to me.
1038
00:48:44,410 --> 00:48:45,530
What? l'm sorry?
1039
00:48:45,620 --> 00:48:49,910
l heard you mention to the gentleman
that you thought l was a hottie.
1040
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:53,710
Oh. Yeah, you know what?
l'm sorry if that came off a little weird.
1041
00:48:53,790 --> 00:48:55,500
-l was feeling...
-Oh, no, no, no.
1042
00:48:55,580 --> 00:48:57,170
lt's nothing to worry about, sir.
1043
00:48:57,960 --> 00:48:59,000
l don't bite.
1044
00:49:00,300 --> 00:49:01,590
Oh, okay.
1045
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:03,380
Listen, just so you know,
1046
00:49:03,470 --> 00:49:05,300
if you're ever home alone
in the afternoons.
1047
00:49:06,180 --> 00:49:07,510
l make drop-offs.
1048
00:49:08,310 --> 00:49:09,390
Yeah.
1049
00:49:09,470 --> 00:49:10,850
And l always deliver.
1050
00:49:10,930 --> 00:49:13,560
You know what?
l'm pretty loyal to Chuck.
1051
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:16,400
Right, l understand that.
l'm just saying if you ever want to
1052
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:20,280
explore your other feelings,
there's no extra postage.
1053
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,530
And it's always first-class.
1054
00:49:22,610 --> 00:49:25,450
All right. Anything else you feel
you need to say, there?
1055
00:49:25,530 --> 00:49:26,660
l handle with care.
1056
00:49:26,740 --> 00:49:28,240
Okay, Ron, thank you very much.
l appreciate it.
1057
00:49:28,330 --> 00:49:30,120
And l'd be happy to come in
through the back door.
1058
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,290
l'm sure you would.
1059
00:49:32,370 --> 00:49:34,080
RON: Used to holding
large packages.
1060
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:43,630
This actually ain't
gonna be bad, man.
1061
00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:46,260
Just some regular
gay folks having a party.
1062
00:49:48,510 --> 00:49:51,100
l'm dirty! Who's dirty?
Are you...
1063
00:49:53,730 --> 00:49:55,980
Oh, my God, it's Homopalooza.
1064
00:50:02,610 --> 00:50:05,610
You know what? Find Alex, say hello,
and let's get the hell out of here.
1065
00:50:05,700 --> 00:50:07,110
l'm going to take a leak.
1066
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:08,950
You're gonna go
to the men's room? Here?
1067
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:10,410
What's wrong with that?
1068
00:50:10,490 --> 00:50:12,450
l peed three times
before l got here.
1069
00:50:12,620 --> 00:50:13,750
l'll be fine.
1070
00:50:13,830 --> 00:50:15,120
Apple martini?
1071
00:50:27,550 --> 00:50:29,680
Oh, yeah. There's my lawyer.
1072
00:50:36,850 --> 00:50:38,730
Look at that. Perfection.
1073
00:50:41,020 --> 00:50:43,570
l want to suck your blood.
1074
00:50:44,900 --> 00:50:46,570
Suck my what?
1075
00:50:47,860 --> 00:50:49,570
Nothing.
1076
00:50:49,660 --> 00:50:51,620
lt's cool.
You want to suck something.
1077
00:50:51,700 --> 00:50:54,790
l was talking to somebody else.
1078
00:50:54,870 --> 00:50:56,710
Hey! Don't go, bitch!
1079
00:50:57,750 --> 00:50:59,370
Don't be a tease!
1080
00:51:00,500 --> 00:51:01,840
You whore!
1081
00:51:09,970 --> 00:51:11,510
Hello?
1082
00:51:14,510 --> 00:51:16,100
Anybody here?
1083
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,730
Oh, my God.
All right, let's do this.
1084
00:51:38,410 --> 00:51:41,880
Chuck! Hey!
Oh, l'm so glad you made it.
1085
00:51:42,380 --> 00:51:43,960
Alex? That's you, right?
1086
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:45,800
Yeah. l'm Catwoman.
1087
00:51:48,380 --> 00:51:49,880
Wow, so...
1088
00:51:49,970 --> 00:51:52,930
l had no idea Dracula
could look so fierce.
1089
00:51:53,010 --> 00:51:54,930
l like Betty Butterfly the most.
1090
00:51:55,010 --> 00:51:58,310
On, Stevie! On, Bobby! On, Sarah!
1091
00:51:58,390 --> 00:52:00,390
That's my brother, Kevin.
1092
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:01,690
He's your brother?
You're related to him?
1093
00:52:01,770 --> 00:52:02,810
Yes.
1094
00:52:02,900 --> 00:52:05,360
He's gotta come out of the closet already.
l feel bad.
1095
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:07,990
lt must eat him up inside
knowing he's got so many secrets.
1096
00:52:08,070 --> 00:52:09,030
Shut up.
1097
00:52:12,990 --> 00:52:15,740
My underwear's
just riding up my core.
1098
00:52:16,240 --> 00:52:18,450
Seriously, l got some applesauce
going on down there.
1099
00:52:18,540 --> 00:52:20,910
l can't wait to launder
that load.
1100
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:22,580
What's up, apple dumpling?
What's crack-a-lacking?
1101
00:52:22,670 --> 00:52:25,750
What's crack-a-what?
l'm sorry, who are you? Do l know you?
1102
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:28,260
Oh, l'm sorry, l'm Kevin,
Alex's brother.
1103
00:52:28,340 --> 00:52:30,260
-Oh, hey, man.
-What's up, man?
1104
00:52:30,380 --> 00:52:31,590
Larry, Chuck's better half.
1105
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:32,800
Oh, wow.
1106
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:34,970
Better two-thirds, actually.
1107
00:52:35,220 --> 00:52:37,430
So, l got a question.
l know you know it's coming.
1108
00:52:37,510 --> 00:52:39,560
-l'm gonna do it! l'm gonna do it!
-Don't do it. Don't do it.
1109
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:41,270
Who's pitching
and who's catching?
1110
00:52:41,350 --> 00:52:44,690
You mean who's the chick
and who's the guy and that kind of thing?
1111
00:52:44,770 --> 00:52:47,650
Please don't feel obligated to answer that.
lt's none of our business.
1112
00:52:47,730 --> 00:52:48,820
l know it's not,
but it's fun to know.
1113
00:52:48,900 --> 00:52:51,700
Really not a problem. Let's see.
This is gonna be a cool experiment.
1114
00:52:51,780 --> 00:52:53,780
Who do you think
is the chick out of us two?
1115
00:52:53,860 --> 00:52:56,450
-One, two, three. Chuck!
-One, two, three. Chuck!
1116
00:52:56,530 --> 00:52:57,740
-So Chuck!
-l know.
1117
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:00,080
What do you mean, Chuck?
1118
00:53:00,620 --> 00:53:03,120
Why would you think
l'm the chick?
1119
00:53:03,210 --> 00:53:04,630
Well, he's an apple.
1120
00:53:04,710 --> 00:53:07,130
Very masculine.
Very solid fruit.
1121
00:53:07,210 --> 00:53:10,460
And you're Count Suckula
with a straw in your beer.
1122
00:53:10,550 --> 00:53:13,800
l'm drinking through a straw
'cause l don't want to smear my lipstick.
1123
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:16,600
Oh, yeah, that was worse. All right.
Good, good, good. Okay.
1124
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:20,060
l also think it's because
you have very sweet, sensitive eyes.
1125
00:53:20,140 --> 00:53:23,310
And that's very rare
to find in a guy.
1126
00:53:23,390 --> 00:53:26,190
Well, you have very sweet
and sensitive eyes, too.
1127
00:53:26,270 --> 00:53:27,310
l do?
1128
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:28,820
Us chicks should
stick together, huh?
1129
00:53:28,900 --> 00:53:30,360
Take it easy, buddy.
1130
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:32,690
Girls rule and boys drool.
1131
00:53:33,950 --> 00:53:34,990
Yeah.
1132
00:53:35,070 --> 00:53:36,110
Oh, my God!
1133
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:37,740
You okay? Breathe!
1134
00:53:37,950 --> 00:53:38,990
This is my jam!
1135
00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:41,240
This is my jam! You know that!
This is my jam! Watch my drink, okay?
1136
00:53:41,330 --> 00:53:43,330
-Okay, okay.
-lt's my jam!
1137
00:53:44,540 --> 00:53:45,830
-So?
-Yo.
1138
00:53:46,330 --> 00:53:48,000
You gonna show me your moves?
1139
00:53:49,500 --> 00:53:52,300
Oh, my God,
she got the flags out.
1140
00:53:52,380 --> 00:53:53,920
l can't dance for shit.
Can you?
1141
00:53:54,010 --> 00:53:55,260
Hell, no.
1142
00:53:59,350 --> 00:54:02,600
Look at these guys, man.
They're freaking Travoltas!
1143
00:54:04,270 --> 00:54:08,230
Gay guys know how to dance good.
lt's like the law or some shit.
1144
00:54:11,150 --> 00:54:12,780
Get in the circle right now!
1145
00:54:12,860 --> 00:54:14,110
Yeah, it's gonna be a blast.
1146
00:54:14,190 --> 00:54:15,530
Any second, man.
Glad to be here.
1147
00:54:15,610 --> 00:54:17,530
l can't wait. l can't wait!
1148
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:19,830
LARRY: Look at this.
1149
00:54:19,910 --> 00:54:23,080
Hey, the butterfly's coming
out of his cocoon again.
1150
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:26,620
That's my brother!
1151
00:54:26,710 --> 00:54:28,880
This is his jam!
lt is his jam.
1152
00:54:32,590 --> 00:54:33,670
Kevin's having fun.
1153
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,010
l didn't need to see that.
1154
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:37,220
l'm flying!
1155
00:54:37,300 --> 00:54:38,390
We gotta look good at this.
1156
00:54:38,470 --> 00:54:39,550
lt's showtime, boys!
1157
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:40,800
Whoa!
1158
00:54:42,140 --> 00:54:43,220
l'm sorry!
1159
00:54:43,310 --> 00:54:44,390
No, it's part of it.
1160
00:54:44,470 --> 00:54:48,020
All right, Larry, get up.
That's it, that's it, that's it.
1161
00:54:51,110 --> 00:54:53,320
We're busted, dude,
we're busted.
1162
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:55,400
Let's go junior high on their ass.
1163
00:54:55,490 --> 00:54:56,530
Junior high?
1164
00:54:56,740 --> 00:54:58,360
Yeah. Let's do this.
1165
00:54:58,450 --> 00:54:59,660
Okay.
1166
00:55:14,090 --> 00:55:15,590
ls it working?
1167
00:55:15,670 --> 00:55:18,930
l don't know.
l'm afraid to look up.
1168
00:55:19,010 --> 00:55:21,090
l think it is.
l think it is.
1169
00:55:32,690 --> 00:55:34,440
Oh, my God.
1170
00:55:34,610 --> 00:55:36,990
We really pulled this one
out of our asses.
1171
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:41,490
Bad choice of words, there, Larry.
Bad choice of words.
1172
00:55:45,450 --> 00:55:48,160
Hey, Chuck, Larry. We got a basketball
game every Tuesday night at 6:00.
1173
00:55:48,250 --> 00:55:50,460
lf you guys want to play,
the butterfly knows how to get hold of us.
1174
00:55:50,540 --> 00:55:53,250
Okay, right on. Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, we'll give you a buzz.
1175
00:55:53,340 --> 00:55:54,500
Nice to meet you guys.
1176
00:55:54,590 --> 00:55:58,550
Sinners and fornicators!
We are not here in anger!
1177
00:55:58,630 --> 00:56:01,680
We are here to save you
from eternaI damnation!
1178
00:56:02,890 --> 00:56:03,970
Hey, buddy!
1179
00:56:04,050 --> 00:56:06,640
Wait, come on already!
This is a private event.
1180
00:56:06,720 --> 00:56:07,980
Now, give it a rest.
1181
00:56:08,060 --> 00:56:11,560
Aren't you worried about
where you'II spend eternity?
1182
00:56:11,650 --> 00:56:13,560
This is what these guys do
on a Saturday night?
1183
00:56:13,650 --> 00:56:16,360
They just want everyone to be
as miserable as they are.
1184
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:21,320
Gay is not the way!
Gay is not the way! Gay is not the way!
1185
00:56:21,860 --> 00:56:23,030
lt's over, baby.
1186
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:25,030
Gay is not the way!
Gay is not the way!
1187
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:29,830
Hey, hey! You heard the man.
lt's a private party, so take a walk.
1188
00:56:29,910 --> 00:56:33,130
This is a public sidewalk.
We have every right to be here!
1189
00:56:33,210 --> 00:56:34,840
And we have every right
to be queer!
1190
00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:36,340
Yeah!
1191
00:56:38,010 --> 00:56:42,680
HomosexuaIity is
an abomination.
1192
00:56:43,010 --> 00:56:46,680
Hey, news flash, man.
That jacket's an abomination.
1193
00:56:47,260 --> 00:56:50,520
-Gay is the way! Gay is the way!
-Gay is not the way!
1194
00:56:51,020 --> 00:56:53,730
Hey, what makes you think
that you have the right to dictate
1195
00:56:53,810 --> 00:56:55,190
how other people
live their lives?
1196
00:56:55,270 --> 00:56:58,230
l'm a minister.
l'm allowed to preach in any public forum.
1197
00:56:58,320 --> 00:56:59,650
Well, l'm a fireman.
1198
00:56:59,740 --> 00:57:02,530
l say you're blocking emergency access,
so let's call it a night, guys.
1199
00:57:02,610 --> 00:57:05,240
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You're a fireman?
1200
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:07,490
You are a disgrace!
1201
00:57:07,580 --> 00:57:10,040
You're a fIamer,
is what you are.
1202
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:12,210
-All right, oh, my God.
-There's no reasoning with these people.
1203
00:57:12,290 --> 00:57:14,710
Just let it go. Just let it go.
Just let it go.
1204
00:57:14,790 --> 00:57:16,540
Come on, come on.
Let it go, guys.
1205
00:57:16,630 --> 00:57:18,500
-Have a good day.
-See you later.
1206
00:57:18,590 --> 00:57:19,920
Faggots.
1207
00:57:20,670 --> 00:57:22,510
l'm sorry?
What did you call me?
1208
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:24,890
Oh, l called you a faggot.
1209
00:57:25,970 --> 00:57:27,260
Faggot.
1210
00:57:31,060 --> 00:57:35,060
For your information,
the accepted vernacular is ''gay.''
1211
00:57:38,070 --> 00:57:42,150
Homos, one. Crazy people, zero.
Official score.
1212
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:51,120
Gentlemen, l have
a very simple philosophy.
1213
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,040
What you shove up your ass
is your own business.
1214
00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:54,790
-Captain...
-Shut up.
1215
00:57:54,870 --> 00:57:58,880
Now, it's not my style to get involved
in the personal lives of my firemen.
1216
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:00,050
And if sometimes l've given you
1217
00:58:00,130 --> 00:58:02,670
the impression that l'm your friend,
l apologise.
1218
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:08,470
However, l seriously doubt
that you two are banging each other.
1219
00:58:08,550 --> 00:58:12,060
You and Paula, the most beautiful couple
l ever laid eyes on.
1220
00:58:12,140 --> 00:58:16,270
And you, if my pencil sharpener had a skirt,
l'd have to hide it.
1221
00:58:17,150 --> 00:58:21,440
Look, do you have any idea of the stress
an administrative position entails?
1222
00:58:21,530 --> 00:58:23,740
l've already got
a prostate the size of a cantaloupe.
1223
00:58:23,820 --> 00:58:25,030
And now, thanks to you two bozos,
1224
00:58:25,110 --> 00:58:27,740
l've got the Pension Department
pissing up my chimney,
1225
00:58:27,820 --> 00:58:29,740
not to mention every flaming fruit bat
south of Poughkeepsie
1226
00:58:29,830 --> 00:58:32,870
that wants to come down here to our house
and slide up and down our pole!
1227
00:58:32,950 --> 00:58:34,750
-We should tell him the truth.
-We'll tell him the truth.
1228
00:58:34,830 --> 00:58:36,750
-We'll tell him the truth.
-lx-nay on the uth-tray!
1229
00:58:36,830 --> 00:58:38,330
l don't want to hear about it.
1230
00:58:38,420 --> 00:58:40,420
And if this marriage is
something you've cooked up
1231
00:58:40,500 --> 00:58:43,920
in response to this pension problem,
you are not taking me down with you.
1232
00:58:44,010 --> 00:58:45,760
l will report you.
You will go to jail,
1233
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:47,260
where you won't have
to pretend to be gay,
1234
00:58:47,340 --> 00:58:50,550
because your asses'll be busier
than a test bench in a plunger factory.
1235
00:58:54,430 --> 00:58:57,310
l just wanted to thank you again
for what you did at the fundraiser.
1236
00:58:57,390 --> 00:58:59,940
Oh, yeah,
that was no big deal.
1237
00:59:00,020 --> 00:59:02,150
You sound a little down.
Where's Larry?
1238
00:59:02,230 --> 00:59:05,820
He's at school with the kids,
doing the Career Day thing.
1239
00:59:05,900 --> 00:59:08,530
So does that mean that you can have
a girl's day with me?
1240
00:59:08,610 --> 00:59:09,780
-A girl's day?
-Yeah.
1241
00:59:09,870 --> 00:59:12,160
I need some new shoes,
new underwear.
1242
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:13,370
Girl's day!
1243
00:59:13,450 --> 00:59:14,490
Uh-huh.
1244
00:59:16,710 --> 00:59:19,420
Girl's day! Sure.
1245
00:59:20,750 --> 00:59:22,460
l'll pick you up.
1246
01:00:41,540 --> 01:00:46,630
So, by trading in
pre-refunded municipal bonds,
1247
01:00:46,710 --> 01:00:50,550
we can offer our clients
triple tax-exempt returns.
1248
01:00:51,590 --> 01:00:53,180
Any questions?
1249
01:00:56,220 --> 01:00:58,220
There never are.
1250
01:00:58,310 --> 01:01:02,310
Thank you, Mr Auerbach,
for that very nice trip down Wall Street.
1251
01:01:02,390 --> 01:01:06,110
Our next parent is Larry Valentine,
Tori's father.
1252
01:01:06,190 --> 01:01:08,900
Hi, everybody!
l am a firefighter,
1253
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:12,740
and l'm proud to be one because
it's my job to protect the community
1254
01:01:12,820 --> 01:01:15,990
and make sure
it's a safe environment for all.
1255
01:01:16,070 --> 01:01:18,620
Whoa! We got some questions already.
1256
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:22,290
Yeah.
1257
01:01:22,370 --> 01:01:26,340
l don't like girls, either.
Does that mean l'm gay, too?
1258
01:01:29,090 --> 01:01:31,130
No, no.
1259
01:01:32,300 --> 01:01:34,300
You were married
to a woman, right?
1260
01:01:34,930 --> 01:01:35,970
Yes.
1261
01:01:36,050 --> 01:01:38,470
Does that mean
you're half-lesbian?
1262
01:01:38,560 --> 01:01:42,480
Kids, Mr Valentine is here to talk
about his career today, okay?
1263
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:45,100
Mr Valentine?
You said you're a fireman.
1264
01:01:45,190 --> 01:01:46,310
Yes, that is correct.
1265
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:47,770
Do you have two jobs?
1266
01:01:47,860 --> 01:01:51,110
Because my dad said
that you're also a butt pirate.
1267
01:01:56,740 --> 01:01:57,950
Larry.
1268
01:01:58,030 --> 01:01:59,330
Steve.
1269
01:01:59,740 --> 01:02:00,790
Rough crowd, huh?
1270
01:02:00,870 --> 01:02:02,290
-Kids.
-Yeah.
1271
01:02:02,370 --> 01:02:06,120
So, listen. We're all set
for the Boy Scout overnight this month.
1272
01:02:06,210 --> 01:02:07,460
Oh, great. We're all set?
1273
01:02:08,540 --> 01:02:11,800
No, we're all set,
like we don't need any more fathers.
1274
01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:14,680
All right, well, then, l guess l'll see you
at Little League, then, all right?
1275
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:16,970
Oh, you know what?
We're good.
1276
01:02:17,510 --> 01:02:18,640
We are good.
1277
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:20,220
No, no, no, we're not good.
1278
01:02:20,930 --> 01:02:23,480
We don't need you for Little League.
We're good.
1279
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:27,480
Okay, Steve, what's going on?
l signed up to coach three months ago.
1280
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:31,320
Larry, l don't want to get into this
with you here.
1281
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:34,820
Hey, you know what, Steve?
You're really starting to piss me off.
1282
01:02:34,900 --> 01:02:37,610
l'm trying to get Eric
interested in baseball.
1283
01:02:37,660 --> 01:02:39,910
That kid interested
in baseball?
1284
01:02:39,990 --> 01:02:42,120
You got a better chance getting
Colonel Sanders interested
1285
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:44,330
in a hamburger, buddy.
1286
01:02:48,580 --> 01:02:50,840
Fight! Fight! Fight!
1287
01:02:54,010 --> 01:02:56,510
Your dad's gay and so are you.
1288
01:03:04,980 --> 01:03:06,730
Oh, my hair!
Oh, my hair, my hair!
1289
01:03:06,810 --> 01:03:08,020
Oh, my clothes!
1290
01:03:08,100 --> 01:03:09,690
Oh, am l frizzy?
l'm getting frizzy!
1291
01:03:09,770 --> 01:03:14,530
You asshole! Go back to Jersey!
You can go back to Jersey!
1292
01:03:14,610 --> 01:03:18,030
Come on, honey!
Please open the door!
1293
01:03:21,370 --> 01:03:24,290
Whoa, nice pad.
1294
01:03:24,370 --> 01:03:25,750
Oh, thank you.
1295
01:03:25,950 --> 01:03:29,460
Hey, you are soaked. Do you want to borrow
a sweatshirt or something?
1296
01:03:29,540 --> 01:03:32,090
No, no. l'm great, l'm great.
Thank you.
1297
01:03:32,170 --> 01:03:34,000
Okay, but l am freezing, so...
1298
01:03:38,590 --> 01:03:39,720
What are you doing there?
1299
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:41,220
Well, it's wet.
1300
01:03:49,060 --> 01:03:51,560
Actually, you know what?
l'll take that sweatshirt.
1301
01:03:51,650 --> 01:03:52,860
Oh, yeah.
1302
01:03:55,230 --> 01:03:56,400
Thanks.
1303
01:04:06,370 --> 01:04:09,710
So, that's a great body
you got there. l mean,
1304
01:04:10,580 --> 01:04:12,750
it could be the best body
l've ever seen in my life.
1305
01:04:12,830 --> 01:04:14,090
Shut up.
1306
01:04:14,170 --> 01:04:16,380
Besides Larry's. But yours...
1307
01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:20,470
Your tush looks like
it's made of muscle,
1308
01:04:20,510 --> 01:04:23,100
and Larry's is made of pudding
and Quarter Pounders
1309
01:04:23,180 --> 01:04:24,890
and God knows what.
1310
01:04:24,970 --> 01:04:27,430
Well, these are real, by the way.
l mean, nobody thinks they are.
1311
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:30,140
Everyone thinks they're fake,
but they are real.
1312
01:04:30,230 --> 01:04:34,270
Alex. You don't gotta lie to me.
We're two girls hanging out. Come on.
1313
01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:37,070
You kidding me?
There's no silicone here, l swear.
1314
01:04:37,150 --> 01:04:40,110
Oh, no big deal if they are or not.
l don't care.
1315
01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:42,490
l've got nothing to hide.
Feel them.
1316
01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:44,990
-Feel them?
-Feel them.
1317
01:04:45,580 --> 01:04:47,120
l mean, l...
1318
01:04:49,580 --> 01:04:51,290
l have a...
1319
01:04:51,370 --> 01:04:55,540
l'd rather feel a flabby man pec,
to be honest with you,
1320
01:04:55,630 --> 01:04:57,920
but in the name of science,
if you need me to hold
1321
01:04:58,010 --> 01:05:00,880
your bodacious Bahama mamas,
1322
01:05:00,970 --> 01:05:03,300
or whatever the guys call them nowadays,
l'll do it.
1323
01:05:03,390 --> 01:05:05,010
-Yes, go ahead.
-Oh!
1324
01:05:07,890 --> 01:05:09,390
Well?
1325
01:05:09,470 --> 01:05:11,310
Yeah, they're real.
1326
01:05:12,190 --> 01:05:13,440
Told you.
1327
01:05:13,690 --> 01:05:14,940
And creamy.
1328
01:05:17,860 --> 01:05:19,150
And fun.
1329
01:05:20,030 --> 01:05:22,150
For someone who would like
something like this, this is...
1330
01:05:22,240 --> 01:05:24,360
But to me, it's, like, ew.
1331
01:05:24,910 --> 01:05:28,040
l just got a little nauseous there,
touching them. That's funny.
1332
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:29,700
You want a bite?
1333
01:05:30,620 --> 01:05:32,660
No, no, no.
Feeling them's enough.
1334
01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:34,120
l'll do that again.
1335
01:05:34,210 --> 01:05:37,540
No, no, l meant food.
Are you hungry?
1336
01:05:37,630 --> 01:05:40,170
Oh! l'm sorry.
1337
01:05:40,260 --> 01:05:42,220
Yeah, no... Just...
1338
01:05:43,130 --> 01:05:44,680
That was funny.
1339
01:05:55,850 --> 01:05:57,310
Nice, nice.
1340
01:06:00,230 --> 01:06:03,200
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Me and Nootzie against you three guys.
1341
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:04,700
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1342
01:06:05,410 --> 01:06:06,910
You don't want to play?
1343
01:06:07,660 --> 01:06:09,740
Hey, Chuckie,
l gotta be honest with you.
1344
01:06:09,830 --> 01:06:13,040
You play real physical defence,
and none of us want you copping a feel
1345
01:06:13,120 --> 01:06:16,210
or rubbing up against
the old boosh-cadoosh here.
1346
01:06:16,460 --> 01:06:19,250
Just 'cause you're gay doesn't mean
that you're horny for every guy you meet.
1347
01:06:19,340 --> 01:06:21,630
Oh, really? 'Cause every time
you covered me in the past,
1348
01:06:21,710 --> 01:06:23,630
l feel like you were
grab-assing on me.
1349
01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:27,220
Yeah. Let the WNBA play.
Come on.
1350
01:06:28,390 --> 01:06:29,680
Fine, go.
1351
01:06:31,560 --> 01:06:33,180
Unbelievable.
1352
01:06:44,030 --> 01:06:45,240
Oh, God.
1353
01:06:45,900 --> 01:06:47,570
What, you want
to mess with me, too?
1354
01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:50,410
Huh? You want to mess
with the queer?
1355
01:06:50,490 --> 01:06:53,290
'Cause this queer don't take shit
from nobody. Let's go, then.
1356
01:06:53,370 --> 01:06:57,080
You ready? l'm a fireman, man!
l ain't afraid of nothing!
1357
01:06:58,830 --> 01:07:00,590
Put your fists down.
1358
01:07:20,650 --> 01:07:21,900
Me, too.
1359
01:07:22,610 --> 01:07:23,780
You, too?
1360
01:07:24,820 --> 01:07:25,860
You, too, what?
1361
01:07:27,900 --> 01:07:29,110
l'm gay.
1362
01:07:32,120 --> 01:07:34,540
l can't believe
l finally said it.
1363
01:07:36,500 --> 01:07:38,620
Oh, God, it feels so good.
1364
01:07:38,790 --> 01:07:41,500
lt's just like a wave
is crashing over me.
1365
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:45,550
lt's so liberating.
1366
01:07:45,630 --> 01:07:46,970
Oh, yeah.
1367
01:07:49,180 --> 01:07:52,550
Do you remember
the first time you said it?
1368
01:07:53,100 --> 01:07:56,060
First time l said... Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1369
01:07:56,140 --> 01:07:58,020
l was with Larry.
1370
01:07:58,100 --> 01:07:59,810
-Your lover.
-Yeah.
1371
01:08:00,440 --> 01:08:02,940
Who, by the way,
is absolutely gorgeous.
1372
01:08:03,020 --> 01:08:04,820
Oh, thanks.
1373
01:08:04,900 --> 01:08:06,820
He's mine, though, so...
1374
01:08:06,900 --> 01:08:08,570
Oh, no, that's your man.
1375
01:08:08,650 --> 01:08:09,740
Mmm-hmm.
1376
01:08:09,820 --> 01:08:10,910
Yeah.
1377
01:08:10,990 --> 01:08:14,120
My whole life
l've been living a lie.
1378
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:18,250
But you and Larry have given me
the strength to be true to myself.
1379
01:08:18,870 --> 01:08:20,920
''To thine own self be true.''
1380
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:27,170
There's nothing worse than pretending
to be something that you're not.
1381
01:08:27,260 --> 01:08:32,050
Yeah. Yeah, well, l'm glad.
l'm glad we helped you out,
1382
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,470
and anything else we can do,
you don't hesitate to ask.
1383
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:39,350
Would you help me
tell my parents?
1384
01:08:40,350 --> 01:08:41,400
l guess.
1385
01:08:41,480 --> 01:08:42,690
Yes!
1386
01:08:42,770 --> 01:08:44,860
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1387
01:08:44,940 --> 01:08:46,690
Oh, yes, yes, yes, girl!
1388
01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:50,900
Hey, did you guys catch
that Mets game last night?
1389
01:08:50,990 --> 01:08:53,870
They got a shot of my cousin
throwing a beer at the ump.
1390
01:08:53,950 --> 01:08:56,540
l missed it. Took my sister
to the electrolysis place
1391
01:08:56,620 --> 01:08:57,950
for a second opinion.
1392
01:08:58,040 --> 01:08:59,710
They said there's nothing
they could do.
1393
01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:04,080
What the hell is so funny?
1394
01:09:30,740 --> 01:09:32,360
No!
1395
01:09:49,090 --> 01:09:50,130
Pick that up, would you?
1396
01:09:50,210 --> 01:09:52,010
l ain't picking that up!
1397
01:09:52,090 --> 01:09:54,800
You want my soap, Renaldo?
Right here.
1398
01:09:57,800 --> 01:09:59,220
Hey, Tony, give me your soap.
1399
01:09:59,310 --> 01:10:01,390
No. l don't share soap.
Too many germies.
1400
01:10:01,520 --> 01:10:03,100
Come on, give me the damn bar of soap!
1401
01:10:03,230 --> 01:10:04,560
Get out of here! Get out of here!
1402
01:10:12,110 --> 01:10:13,780
Who's gonna do it?
1403
01:10:41,470 --> 01:10:43,230
Hey, how you doing?
1404
01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:46,900
Hey, Duncan.
1405
01:10:48,440 --> 01:10:50,730
l'll tell you about that later.
1406
01:10:55,860 --> 01:11:00,830
'Cause I'm every woman
It's aII in me
1407
01:11:00,910 --> 01:11:05,000
Anything you want now, baby
I'II do it naturaIIy
1408
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:09,840
Let me hear you say it
1409
01:11:12,050 --> 01:11:13,130
Lawrence.
1410
01:11:13,210 --> 01:11:14,760
Oh, a IittIe Iouder
1411
01:11:17,010 --> 01:11:18,970
Everybody sing now
1412
01:11:21,220 --> 01:11:23,430
I can't hear you sing
1413
01:11:32,770 --> 01:11:34,150
All right, yours is done.
1414
01:11:34,230 --> 01:11:35,900
Yours, too.
1415
01:11:35,990 --> 01:11:37,530
-All right, take a look.
-Okay.
1416
01:11:37,610 --> 01:11:39,530
''Girlz Rule'' with a ''Z.''
1417
01:11:39,620 --> 01:11:40,990
This is so awesome.
1418
01:11:41,070 --> 01:11:42,200
l hope you like yours.
1419
01:11:42,280 --> 01:11:43,660
Let's see here.
1420
01:11:44,580 --> 01:11:46,580
''Friends forever.''
1421
01:11:47,250 --> 01:11:49,750
Anything with forever and you in it
sounds pretty good to me.
1422
01:11:49,830 --> 01:11:52,380
This is great.
Just slide her on.
1423
01:11:52,460 --> 01:11:54,380
You know what's
still bugging me, though?
1424
01:11:54,460 --> 01:11:57,670
That those Guidos wouldn't even
let you play basketball with them.
1425
01:11:57,760 --> 01:12:01,220
We could get a court order
and have them suspended in two seconds.
1426
01:12:01,300 --> 01:12:03,720
Court order? No, no, no.
These guys are good guys.
1427
01:12:03,810 --> 01:12:06,020
They're just having
problems adjusting.
1428
01:12:06,390 --> 01:12:08,350
Calm down. Relax.
Finish your wine.
1429
01:12:08,440 --> 01:12:09,730
Come on.
1430
01:12:09,810 --> 01:12:11,400
Okay.
1431
01:12:16,070 --> 01:12:17,820
-You're right. You're right.
-Yeah.
1432
01:12:17,900 --> 01:12:20,820
But you know what would really
help me to relax?
1433
01:12:22,910 --> 01:12:24,280
ls a foot rub.
1434
01:12:24,990 --> 01:12:28,830
Please. Please.
You'll be my bestest friend.
1435
01:12:29,670 --> 01:12:33,000
Oh, they're good.
Yeah, l can handle it. Give me these.
1436
01:12:34,090 --> 01:12:37,130
You know, l love that you're
a chubby chaser, by the way.
1437
01:12:37,210 --> 01:12:38,420
A chubby what-what?
1438
01:12:38,510 --> 01:12:40,510
Well, you know,
Larry's heavyset.
1439
01:12:40,590 --> 01:12:44,100
l mean, is that the type of guy
you've always been attracted to?
1440
01:12:45,140 --> 01:12:48,060
No, he's my first fatty.
1441
01:12:48,770 --> 01:12:52,600
Yeah, you guys really seem
like you have a lot of sexual chemistry.
1442
01:12:52,690 --> 01:12:55,190
l float his boat
and he sinks mine.
1443
01:12:55,650 --> 01:13:01,030
Yeah, l've never had that, really had that,
with anybody before. l just...
1444
01:13:01,070 --> 01:13:03,320
l don't even know
if l know what l'm doing.
1445
01:13:03,410 --> 01:13:04,530
What?
1446
01:13:04,620 --> 01:13:06,950
l'm serious. Come on.
1447
01:13:07,870 --> 01:13:10,790
Give me some moves.
How do you turn Larry on?
1448
01:13:11,160 --> 01:13:13,580
How do l turn Larry on?
1449
01:13:15,290 --> 01:13:19,590
l mean, to get him into bed, of course,
l just lay a pizza out...
1450
01:13:19,670 --> 01:13:21,170
-No!
-...and he comes running.
1451
01:13:21,260 --> 01:13:22,800
Really. Seriously.
1452
01:13:23,970 --> 01:13:29,640
Well, he likes it
when l rub his big, hairy earlobe.
1453
01:13:30,180 --> 01:13:31,560
That gets him crazy.
1454
01:13:31,640 --> 01:13:32,730
Really?
1455
01:13:32,810 --> 01:13:34,520
Yeah, it's a spot of his.
1456
01:13:35,310 --> 01:13:36,650
Try it on me.
1457
01:13:36,730 --> 01:13:37,980
Try it on you? Yeah, yeah.
1458
01:13:38,070 --> 01:13:39,150
Yeah.
1459
01:13:39,230 --> 01:13:41,190
You know, l just grab it and...
1460
01:13:42,700 --> 01:13:47,160
Usually when l do this to Larry,
he's like, boing! You know?
1461
01:13:47,950 --> 01:13:49,490
-l love it.
-You do?
1462
01:13:49,580 --> 01:13:51,000
Yeah. Like that?
1463
01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:53,830
Sure, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah,
work both hands. l like that.
1464
01:13:53,920 --> 01:13:56,670
And then you can go to some hair-pulling,
right about like that.
1465
01:13:56,750 --> 01:13:57,790
-Like that?
-Yeah.
1466
01:13:57,880 --> 01:14:00,010
Oh, yeah, let him know you're there,
know what l mean?
1467
01:14:00,090 --> 01:14:01,970
And then the slap out
of nowhere is good.
1468
01:14:02,050 --> 01:14:03,800
-That is good.
-Uh-huh.
1469
01:14:04,800 --> 01:14:07,430
Yeah. Not Ultimate Fighting
kind of smacking.
1470
01:14:07,510 --> 01:14:10,270
-Just light and sexual and fun.
-Sorry.
1471
01:14:10,350 --> 01:14:13,100
How did you get to be
so good at all this?
1472
01:14:13,190 --> 01:14:15,980
l don't know.
A lot of practise l guess.
1473
01:14:16,060 --> 01:14:19,360
l used to be kind of a jerk.
1474
01:14:19,440 --> 01:14:23,530
But then you meet
somebody special
1475
01:14:23,610 --> 01:14:26,490
who makes you
not want to be a jerk any more.
1476
01:14:26,570 --> 01:14:32,080
Actually, it makes you want to
give everything you got to that one person.
1477
01:14:35,920 --> 01:14:38,920
Yeah. You know, it's true when women say
that all of the good men are
1478
01:14:39,000 --> 01:14:41,170
either gay or married.
1479
01:14:41,250 --> 01:14:44,800
And of course,
l'm hanging out with one who's both.
1480
01:14:44,880 --> 01:14:49,390
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Just for the record, though,
1481
01:14:49,470 --> 01:14:52,930
if l wasn't so
into chubby hubbies
1482
01:14:53,020 --> 01:14:54,980
or chunky monkeys...
What did you say again?
1483
01:14:55,060 --> 01:14:56,140
Chubby chaser.
1484
01:14:56,230 --> 01:14:57,600
Oh, yeah, yeah.
1485
01:14:59,230 --> 01:15:01,360
l would be just so all over you.
1486
01:15:01,440 --> 01:15:04,070
Oh, come on. No way.
1487
01:15:04,150 --> 01:15:05,950
Are you kidding me?
Look at you.
1488
01:15:06,030 --> 01:15:11,870
You're gorgeous, and you're smart,
you're passionate, funny.
1489
01:15:14,500 --> 01:15:16,580
l'm just so happy l met you.
1490
01:15:16,670 --> 01:15:18,580
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1491
01:15:19,540 --> 01:15:22,250
Friends. Friends forever.
1492
01:15:32,100 --> 01:15:33,430
Oh, yeah.
1493
01:15:40,730 --> 01:15:42,820
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, what are we doing?
1494
01:15:42,900 --> 01:15:46,400
Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no.
Hey, hey, Alex.
1495
01:15:46,950 --> 01:15:49,950
l just never felt this way
about a woman before.
1496
01:15:50,030 --> 01:15:51,280
Because you're gay.
1497
01:15:51,370 --> 01:15:53,580
And you're married.
And you're my client.
1498
01:15:53,740 --> 01:15:54,790
This is so wrong!
1499
01:15:54,870 --> 01:15:57,000
No, it's not about right or wrong,
1500
01:15:57,080 --> 01:16:00,330
or gay or straight,
or hard or soft. lt's...
1501
01:16:04,500 --> 01:16:05,630
Wow.
1502
01:16:06,210 --> 01:16:08,180
No! l can't see you.
1503
01:16:08,380 --> 01:16:10,800
l can't see you.
Except as a client.
1504
01:16:10,890 --> 01:16:12,760
Alex, don't say that. Please?
1505
01:16:12,850 --> 01:16:15,890
l believe in marriage.
l believe in what it represents.
1506
01:16:15,970 --> 01:16:21,150
l betrayed you. l betrayed Larry!
Oh, my God, poor Larry!
1507
01:16:21,230 --> 01:16:25,820
Larry, he's a great guy, but l gotta be
honest with you, our marriage is...
1508
01:16:26,570 --> 01:16:30,820
All he does is watch his baseball games,
and, like, l don't even exist any more!
1509
01:16:30,990 --> 01:16:32,490
You have to go. l'm sorry.
1510
01:16:32,910 --> 01:16:34,490
He hits me, though.
1511
01:16:34,580 --> 01:16:37,830
l'm so sorry.
Please, please, please go.
1512
01:16:46,670 --> 01:16:47,760
Hey!
1513
01:16:49,090 --> 01:16:51,680
What the hell's going on out here?
1514
01:16:52,430 --> 01:16:55,850
Nothing. l'm just draining a few buckets
with Eric and Tori over here,
1515
01:16:55,930 --> 01:16:57,430
making small talk, you know?
1516
01:16:57,600 --> 01:16:58,810
You'd think on such a nice day,
1517
01:16:58,890 --> 01:17:01,020
your husband would want to
spend time with his family.
1518
01:17:01,100 --> 01:17:03,480
Where is he, anyway?
ls he out straight-bashing again?
1519
01:17:03,560 --> 01:17:05,690
No, he's at his mother's.
He's taking her to the movies.
1520
01:17:05,770 --> 01:17:08,690
No, Daddy.
He's with that smoking hot lawyer lady
1521
01:17:08,780 --> 01:17:11,200
he always talks about
when you're not around.
1522
01:17:11,280 --> 01:17:12,700
He is?
1523
01:17:14,280 --> 01:17:15,370
Hey!
1524
01:17:16,370 --> 01:17:20,120
l just felt a breeze,
Mr Valentine,
1525
01:17:20,210 --> 01:17:22,920
and that breeze is blowing
straight towards justice.
1526
01:17:35,010 --> 01:17:37,970
Hey, guys, we got a perpetrator
lodged in the air duct.
1527
01:17:38,060 --> 01:17:41,890
Apparently tried to break in last night,
got stuck.
1528
01:17:41,980 --> 01:17:43,400
You're the guys
from the newspaper, right?
1529
01:17:43,480 --> 01:17:45,400
-Yeah, that's us.
-All right, well, then you're gonna love this.
1530
01:17:45,480 --> 01:17:49,900
The guy got stuck upside-down,
so his ass is still hanging out for you.
1531
01:17:49,990 --> 01:17:52,110
That's pretty funny.
Did your moustache come up with that?
1532
01:17:52,200 --> 01:17:54,820
Oh, l'm sorry,
l don't speak Gayanese.
1533
01:17:57,740 --> 01:18:00,580
Hey, anybody!
You gotta get me out of here!
1534
01:18:00,660 --> 01:18:02,750
l just peed on my face!
1535
01:18:02,830 --> 01:18:06,040
All right, relax, buddy,
l'm here to help.
1536
01:18:06,420 --> 01:18:09,960
Unlike some people around here,
who only help themselves.
1537
01:18:10,050 --> 01:18:11,920
-Who are you talking about?
-You.
1538
01:18:12,010 --> 01:18:13,180
Why? What happened?
1539
01:18:13,260 --> 01:18:14,890
Fitzer came by today,
and Tori told him about
1540
01:18:14,970 --> 01:18:16,720
your obsession
with our hot-ass lawyer.
1541
01:18:16,800 --> 01:18:19,140
Obsession? What? What?
What is she talking about?
1542
01:18:19,220 --> 01:18:21,850
Don't even give me that,
Mr l'm Taking My Mom To A Movie.
1543
01:18:21,930 --> 01:18:23,440
You know what?
Maybe if you were around today,
1544
01:18:23,520 --> 01:18:25,650
Fitzer would actually think that,
l don't know, you like me.
1545
01:18:25,730 --> 01:18:27,810
Hey, man, l gotta lie to you!
1546
01:18:27,900 --> 01:18:30,150
Thanks to you,
l gotta lie to everybody!
1547
01:18:30,230 --> 01:18:33,450
Especially Alex!
l can't be honest with her!
1548
01:18:33,530 --> 01:18:36,280
l can't even get close to her.
l can't even have freaking fun with her!
1549
01:18:36,370 --> 01:18:39,450
Why can't you have fun with me?
We always used to have fun. l just...
1550
01:18:39,530 --> 01:18:40,990
Because you've changed!
1551
01:18:41,080 --> 01:18:43,290
Ever since you forced me
to marry you,
1552
01:18:43,370 --> 01:18:44,750
you're so goddamn controlling.
1553
01:18:44,830 --> 01:18:47,750
You don't act like my freaking husband,
you act like my boss.
1554
01:18:47,830 --> 01:18:51,210
''Don't do this!'' ''Don't do that!''
''Hey, what time you coming home tonight?''
1555
01:18:51,300 --> 01:18:53,720
You're smothering me, man!
l can't freaking breathe!
1556
01:18:53,800 --> 01:18:55,760
What you guys need
is a bubble bath.
1557
01:18:55,840 --> 01:18:56,970
Shut up!
1558
01:18:57,050 --> 01:19:00,680
ldiot, the only reason you're feeling that way
is because you're afraid of feeling trapped.
1559
01:19:00,760 --> 01:19:02,430
That's what happens
when you get married!
1560
01:19:02,520 --> 01:19:05,230
Fat-ass, we're not
really married!
1561
01:19:05,270 --> 01:19:07,560
l'm just in some gay,
crazy nightmare!
1562
01:19:07,650 --> 01:19:10,150
Yeah, that you can't commit to,
'cause you can't commit to anything!
1563
01:19:10,230 --> 01:19:13,440
l swear to God, l feel like l'm the only one
who's trying to make this thing work!
1564
01:19:13,530 --> 01:19:17,240
Work! That's right, it's become work!
This relationship is work!
1565
01:19:17,320 --> 01:19:20,030
Face it, we are not
supposed to be together.
1566
01:19:20,080 --> 01:19:22,830
l found somebody
l really want to be with.
1567
01:19:22,910 --> 01:19:25,160
lnstead of being jealous of that,
why don't you do the same?
1568
01:19:25,250 --> 01:19:26,960
Because l still love my wife.
1569
01:19:27,040 --> 01:19:29,330
Well, move on already.
1570
01:19:29,420 --> 01:19:32,500
Your house is like
a freaking shrine to Paula!
1571
01:19:32,590 --> 01:19:35,420
One of these days
you gotta get a real wife,
1572
01:19:35,510 --> 01:19:38,010
one that your kids don't gotta
lie about every two seconds.
1573
01:19:38,090 --> 01:19:40,180
No, you can't keep it in your pants
for five minutes,
1574
01:19:40,260 --> 01:19:41,850
and that's why we're
so screwed up now!
1575
01:19:41,930 --> 01:19:45,180
Whoa, back up, buddy.
You know why we're in this jam.
1576
01:19:45,270 --> 01:19:47,190
'Cause you can't open
your freaking mail!
1577
01:19:47,270 --> 01:19:49,860
Everything with Paula's name on it
gets tossed in a desk
1578
01:19:49,940 --> 01:19:52,020
and filed under
''Too painful to deal with''!
1579
01:19:52,150 --> 01:19:54,860
Guys, could you at least call
another fire department?
1580
01:19:54,940 --> 01:19:57,650
What is your rush, idiot?
You're going straight to jail anyway.
1581
01:19:57,700 --> 01:20:00,620
You know what? l cannot deal with sleeping
next to your stupid, ugly face tonight.
1582
01:20:00,700 --> 01:20:01,910
So don't bother coming
in the bedroom.
1583
01:20:01,990 --> 01:20:03,490
Oh, wouldn't dream of it, honey.
1584
01:20:03,580 --> 01:20:07,120
You are a lousy best friend
and a shitty husband!
1585
01:20:07,210 --> 01:20:10,330
Hey! For the record,
every time l laughed at one of your jokes,
1586
01:20:10,420 --> 01:20:12,380
l was faking it.
1587
01:20:12,460 --> 01:20:14,090
You're a monster!
1588
01:20:19,510 --> 01:20:22,220
Oh, my God,
it's Mr February!
1589
01:20:22,300 --> 01:20:24,890
l love you, l love you, l love you!
1590
01:20:24,970 --> 01:20:26,310
l love you!
1591
01:20:30,310 --> 01:20:32,520
Wow, that's a gay bracelet.
1592
01:20:33,270 --> 01:20:34,730
l hope Fitzer sees that.
1593
01:20:36,230 --> 01:20:37,570
Shut up.
1594
01:20:48,040 --> 01:20:49,160
You needed to see us?
1595
01:20:49,250 --> 01:20:50,670
Shut the door.
1596
01:20:52,830 --> 01:20:55,420
You know,
for the first time this month,
1597
01:20:55,500 --> 01:20:58,420
l pissed without spraying
in all three urinals at once,
1598
01:20:58,510 --> 01:20:59,970
so l was in a relatively good mood.
1599
01:21:00,510 --> 01:21:02,090
Until l received this.
1600
01:21:04,760 --> 01:21:06,560
Seems the guys in the company
took a meeting.
1601
01:21:06,640 --> 01:21:10,060
They all signed that petition requesting
that l transfer you both out of here.
1602
01:21:10,140 --> 01:21:11,810
-What?
-And you're gonna listen to these idiots?
1603
01:21:11,900 --> 01:21:13,610
l'm not gonna do it,
but l have to do something
1604
01:21:13,690 --> 01:21:14,940
to keep the peace.
1605
01:21:15,020 --> 01:21:16,730
Now, personally,
l think it's just a matter of time
1606
01:21:16,820 --> 01:21:19,530
before your little act gets busted.
Until then, you're on separate shifts.
1607
01:21:19,610 --> 01:21:20,700
-What?
-Separate shifts?
1608
01:21:20,780 --> 01:21:22,360
Hey, we've been together forever!
1609
01:21:22,450 --> 01:21:24,780
So were my balls,
and now l only have one of them.
1610
01:21:24,870 --> 01:21:25,910
Wow.
1611
01:21:25,990 --> 01:21:28,450
Valentine, go to work.
Levine, go home.
1612
01:21:36,460 --> 01:21:38,130
Hey, fellas!
1613
01:21:38,380 --> 01:21:42,880
Hey. Heard you guys have been
circulating a petition.
1614
01:21:44,180 --> 01:21:47,390
You mind if l take a look at it?
1615
01:21:47,970 --> 01:21:50,810
Oh, what do you know?
l got it right here.
1616
01:21:51,310 --> 01:21:53,480
lt's impressive.
Lot of names.
1617
01:21:53,690 --> 01:21:55,810
Let's go down the list,
see who we got here.
1618
01:21:56,820 --> 01:22:01,360
Nootzie! Hey, you remember that time
Chuck and l ran back in that textile plant
1619
01:22:01,650 --> 01:22:03,660
and dragged your limp body out?
1620
01:22:03,740 --> 01:22:07,200
Even though Chuck's leg was broken,
like, in three different places?
1621
01:22:07,280 --> 01:22:10,290
l mean, that was pretty
freaking gay of Chuck, huh?
1622
01:22:10,370 --> 01:22:13,250
Wow. Renaldo!
1623
01:22:13,750 --> 01:22:16,000
Man, l remember your first day
on the job.
1624
01:22:16,080 --> 01:22:19,420
Remember you were so scared
you actually crapped yourself?
1625
01:22:19,500 --> 01:22:21,210
And Chuck and l,
we snuck you back in here,
1626
01:22:21,300 --> 01:22:23,130
we cleaned you up
so nobody'd find out.
1627
01:22:23,220 --> 01:22:25,010
You begged us not to tell anyone,
and did we?
1628
01:22:25,140 --> 01:22:26,220
Let's ask.
1629
01:22:26,850 --> 01:22:29,720
You guys hear that story before right now?
Show of hands?
1630
01:22:29,810 --> 01:22:31,600
No, but it's hilarious.
1631
01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,730
Yeah, it is hilarious.
1632
01:22:35,310 --> 01:22:38,320
Tony! Nice signature.
1633
01:22:38,400 --> 01:22:41,110
Hey, is that the same one you used
to endorse the cheque that Chuck gave you
1634
01:22:41,190 --> 01:22:44,200
when you gambled away
your mortgage payment on college football?
1635
01:22:44,280 --> 01:22:46,570
l guess his money wasn't
too gay to bail you out
1636
01:22:46,660 --> 01:22:48,780
or keep your wife
from leaving you again.
1637
01:22:48,870 --> 01:22:50,160
Again?
1638
01:22:50,990 --> 01:22:52,660
l guess Chuck's
not enough of a man
1639
01:22:52,750 --> 01:22:55,040
to work next to big strong heroes
like you guys.
1640
01:22:56,290 --> 01:22:58,250
Oh, look at that. Fire.
1641
01:22:58,340 --> 01:22:59,880
Well, l hope it's not a bad one,
1642
01:22:59,960 --> 01:23:01,840
'cause the faggot who's been
saving your sorry asses
1643
01:23:01,920 --> 01:23:04,800
is now, thanks to you,
working on another shift. Let's go!
1644
01:23:08,100 --> 01:23:10,350
''That's when Sadie said,
1645
01:23:10,430 --> 01:23:13,520
'''Love will always help you
find your way home.'''
1646
01:23:14,770 --> 01:23:17,520
Sleeping. Sleeping.
1647
01:23:20,730 --> 01:23:22,280
That was easy.
1648
01:23:57,810 --> 01:23:59,940
Paula, you know l love you.
1649
01:24:02,270 --> 01:24:03,650
l gotta.
1650
01:24:23,340 --> 01:24:24,460
Hey.
1651
01:24:26,260 --> 01:24:27,550
l'm sorry.
1652
01:24:28,930 --> 01:24:30,300
Me, too.
1653
01:24:31,050 --> 01:24:32,100
That stuff l said...
1654
01:24:32,180 --> 01:24:33,430
l know.
1655
01:24:36,020 --> 01:24:38,310
Can l sleep in the bed tonight?
1656
01:24:40,440 --> 01:24:41,980
l'd like that.
1657
01:24:43,270 --> 01:24:44,690
All right.
1658
01:24:46,690 --> 01:24:48,490
-Come here.
-Yeah.
1659
01:24:57,830 --> 01:24:59,460
Handle with care.
1660
01:25:00,830 --> 01:25:02,170
Larry...
1661
01:25:03,790 --> 01:25:08,420
Don't let him sleep
on top of me again, Larry.
1662
01:25:08,510 --> 01:25:10,680
Don't do the voice.
l will kill you, l swear.
1663
01:25:10,760 --> 01:25:11,840
Okay, then.
1664
01:25:11,930 --> 01:25:13,470
Hey! Hey, hey!
1665
01:25:13,550 --> 01:25:15,430
You ready for your big day,
little man?
1666
01:25:15,510 --> 01:25:16,560
Big day?
1667
01:25:16,640 --> 01:25:20,060
My audition, Dad. Me and Uncle Chuck
have been practicing for weeks.
1668
01:25:20,140 --> 01:25:23,440
He wanted to work with you,
but l was around, so...
1669
01:25:23,520 --> 01:25:27,570
Why don't you do one last rehearsal,
let your father play the Annie role?
1670
01:25:27,650 --> 01:25:29,860
Fabulicious!
l'll get my music!
1671
01:25:29,950 --> 01:25:31,740
Did you hear that?
lt's fabulicious!
1672
01:25:31,820 --> 01:25:33,530
-Hey, come on, come on.
-Okay.
1673
01:25:35,160 --> 01:25:37,200
May, me, my, mo, mo me, my, mo, may
1674
01:25:37,290 --> 01:25:42,710
Anything you can do, I can do better
I can do anything better than you
1675
01:25:42,870 --> 01:25:44,380
-No, you can't
-Yes, I can
1676
01:25:44,460 --> 01:25:45,540
-No, you can't
-Yes, I can
1677
01:25:45,630 --> 01:25:46,880
No, you can't
1678
01:25:46,960 --> 01:25:48,880
Yes, I can, yes, I can
1679
01:25:48,960 --> 01:25:50,800
Yes, he can! Hit it!
1680
01:25:51,880 --> 01:25:53,510
There's my star!
1681
01:25:53,590 --> 01:25:57,890
Turn it around, and a flip, flip, flip,
flippety-flip and a skip.
1682
01:25:58,390 --> 01:25:59,770
Double-time!
1683
01:26:05,480 --> 01:26:06,730
And a Russian split!
1684
01:26:06,900 --> 01:26:09,150
Oh, you nailed it!
1685
01:26:09,230 --> 01:26:10,650
My kid is pretty awesome.
1686
01:26:10,740 --> 01:26:12,780
There's only one guy l know
who can dance better than that.
1687
01:26:12,860 --> 01:26:14,950
-Who?
-The homeless guy from our wedding.
1688
01:26:16,330 --> 01:26:18,830
That dude was
pretty good. Yeah!
1689
01:26:21,830 --> 01:26:23,500
Balls and wieners.
1690
01:26:23,580 --> 01:26:24,670
Is it true?
1691
01:26:24,790 --> 01:26:26,000
Alex?
1692
01:26:28,750 --> 01:26:29,920
Look at this.
1693
01:26:30,090 --> 01:26:33,300
Sixteen depositions from women
who claim to have slept with you
1694
01:26:33,510 --> 01:26:34,930
over the last year and a half.
1695
01:26:35,010 --> 01:26:36,430
Just 16?
1696
01:26:36,510 --> 01:26:38,560
Thank God the 500 other ones
couldn't read or write.
1697
01:26:38,640 --> 01:26:41,890
Wait a minute.
You knew about him and all these women?
1698
01:26:41,980 --> 01:26:44,690
Alex, know what it is?
We've been through this before.
1699
01:26:44,770 --> 01:26:45,940
Chuck's...
1700
01:26:46,100 --> 01:26:48,480
He's got a bit of a problem.
1701
01:26:48,570 --> 01:26:51,610
He messes around
with women because
1702
01:26:52,780 --> 01:26:55,240
he's ashamed of being gay.
1703
01:26:55,320 --> 01:26:57,700
Now, is it all just about you,
1704
01:26:57,780 --> 01:27:00,580
or do you really just don't consider
anybody else's feelings?
1705
01:27:00,660 --> 01:27:03,250
No, l don't.
l'm just a big gay jerk.
1706
01:27:06,500 --> 01:27:08,290
-What are you doing?
-You know you like that.
1707
01:27:08,380 --> 01:27:11,090
Guys, guys, the shit is
about to hit the fan, okay?
1708
01:27:11,170 --> 01:27:12,380
And if l'm gonna defend you,
1709
01:27:12,460 --> 01:27:14,630
l have to know the truth.
1710
01:27:14,720 --> 01:27:18,470
You have to look me in the eyes
and tell me that you are gay
1711
01:27:18,550 --> 01:27:19,970
and that this marriage
is legitimate.
1712
01:27:20,060 --> 01:27:22,930
Alex, we're gay, okay?
1713
01:27:23,020 --> 01:27:25,310
And we are married.
1714
01:27:29,440 --> 01:27:30,980
lt's real.
1715
01:27:33,070 --> 01:27:34,610
Can you help us out?
1716
01:27:35,110 --> 01:27:36,490
Okay.
1717
01:27:37,860 --> 01:27:40,580
Okay. This investigation is
gonna get rough.
1718
01:27:40,700 --> 01:27:43,410
They are gonna quiz you
about every detail of your lives,
1719
01:27:43,500 --> 01:27:45,830
every aspect
of your relationship.
1720
01:27:45,910 --> 01:27:50,340
But since you guys are telling the truth,
then l'm sure you'll be fine.
1721
01:27:52,000 --> 01:27:55,220
Just for the record, l thought
this was a man when l was with her.
1722
01:27:55,300 --> 01:27:57,180
Does that help us out at all?
1723
01:28:04,930 --> 01:28:07,390
Let's go over it again.
Your birthday?
1724
01:28:07,480 --> 01:28:09,520
April 26th. Taurus.
1725
01:28:09,600 --> 01:28:10,730
Got it.
1726
01:28:10,810 --> 01:28:11,900
Yours?
1727
01:28:11,980 --> 01:28:13,150
September 9th. Virgo.
1728
01:28:13,980 --> 01:28:15,690
How about
your favourite brand of underwear?
1729
01:28:15,780 --> 01:28:17,650
That would be
Mr Calvin Klein.
1730
01:28:17,740 --> 01:28:20,070
l can tell you
my least favourite.
1731
01:28:20,160 --> 01:28:21,240
Whoa!
1732
01:28:47,730 --> 01:28:49,650
l love you, Mr February!
1733
01:28:50,100 --> 01:28:52,810
You're going down!
You're an abomination! Homo!
1734
01:28:56,820 --> 01:28:58,780
l'm on fire! Help me!
1735
01:28:58,860 --> 01:29:00,570
We're all with you, Larry!
1736
01:29:00,660 --> 01:29:02,870
Fear the queer!
1737
01:29:12,540 --> 01:29:14,840
Thou shalt not lie with men!
1738
01:29:14,920 --> 01:29:17,210
All right, Mr February,
1739
01:29:17,300 --> 01:29:20,010
let's go show these guys
how married we are.
1740
01:29:20,090 --> 01:29:21,640
What the heck?
1741
01:29:35,110 --> 01:29:36,610
What are you guys doing here?
1742
01:29:36,690 --> 01:29:40,950
We're here to apologise and back you up,
like you always did for us.
1743
01:29:41,030 --> 01:29:44,700
Yeah, we all lost a lot of friends on this job
that we will never get back.
1744
01:29:44,780 --> 01:29:47,700
We don't want to lose two more
because we were being thickheaded.
1745
01:29:47,790 --> 01:29:50,040
Yeah. We're partners for life.
1746
01:29:50,460 --> 01:29:52,460
Not partners like youse two,
1747
01:29:52,540 --> 01:29:54,500
but you know what l mean.
1748
01:29:54,580 --> 01:29:55,710
Yeah.
1749
01:29:56,710 --> 01:29:58,130
l love youse guys.
1750
01:29:58,210 --> 01:29:59,510
That's all right, man.
1751
01:29:59,590 --> 01:30:02,470
Molest him! No, l'm just kidding.
l'm kidding you, Nootz. l'm kidding.
1752
01:30:06,430 --> 01:30:08,140
-Hey, Chuckie.
-Yeah?
1753
01:30:08,310 --> 01:30:10,640
-l gotta ask you something. l mean...
-What's up?
1754
01:30:10,730 --> 01:30:12,140
...why'd you pick Larry?
1755
01:30:12,390 --> 01:30:16,320
l mean, l work out,
l tweeze my unibrow.
1756
01:30:16,820 --> 01:30:19,110
Am l not good-looking enough for you
or some shit?
1757
01:30:19,190 --> 01:30:21,360
No, no, no.
Renaldo, you're just not my type.
1758
01:30:21,450 --> 01:30:22,780
You're a 10.
1759
01:30:23,110 --> 01:30:26,330
l just like them chubby.
That's my thing.
1760
01:30:28,740 --> 01:30:30,000
l'm a 10!
1761
01:30:30,290 --> 01:30:33,290
You hear that? l'm a 10!
1762
01:30:33,370 --> 01:30:35,040
On a scale to 100.
1763
01:30:35,500 --> 01:30:38,800
You're just jealous
'cause gay guys like me.
1764
01:30:40,510 --> 01:30:43,800
Good morning, everyone.
l'm Daniel Banks, City Council President,
1765
01:30:43,880 --> 01:30:46,850
and l'll be presiding
over these proceedings.
1766
01:30:46,930 --> 01:30:50,270
lt's going to be a long day,
so let's dispense with the preliminaries
1767
01:30:50,350 --> 01:30:54,060
and just get started. Mr Fitzer.
1768
01:30:58,980 --> 01:31:01,110
Thank you, Your Councilship.
1769
01:31:07,780 --> 01:31:09,330
lt's for later.
1770
01:31:10,740 --> 01:31:14,670
Mr Valentine,
please tell us why you married Mr. Levine.
1771
01:31:17,960 --> 01:31:19,040
Love.
1772
01:31:19,130 --> 01:31:21,420
Yeah, yeah, that's what l'm talking about!
Gay love!
1773
01:31:21,510 --> 01:31:22,670
Please sit down, sir.
1774
01:31:22,760 --> 01:31:24,090
Sorry.
1775
01:31:26,300 --> 01:31:28,300
-Mr Levine.
-Yeah.
1776
01:31:29,050 --> 01:31:32,220
Sixteen local women
claim to have had
1777
01:31:32,310 --> 01:31:36,440
sexual relations with you
as recently as mid-April,
1778
01:31:36,520 --> 01:31:42,400
including four Canadian strippers
the morning of your ''marriage.''
1779
01:31:44,740 --> 01:31:49,410
That's true. l did have
sexual relationships with them girls,
1780
01:31:50,740 --> 01:31:54,580
but l was kind of having
a commitment issue.
1781
01:31:55,370 --> 01:31:57,370
Larry's forgiven me for that.
1782
01:31:57,920 --> 01:32:00,090
And that's all that counts to me
is what Larry thinks.
1783
01:32:00,170 --> 01:32:01,920
That's right, Fitzer,
you suck!
1784
01:32:02,000 --> 01:32:04,170
One more and you're out, sir.
1785
01:32:04,260 --> 01:32:07,430
Sorry, sir, you're cool. He sucks.
l'm gay. l'm out. All right.
1786
01:32:07,510 --> 01:32:09,930
We should question them ex parte.
1787
01:32:10,010 --> 01:32:11,430
-Gentlemen.
-Yeah?
1788
01:32:11,510 --> 01:32:14,600
At this time,
we'd like to interview you individually.
1789
01:32:14,680 --> 01:32:16,690
Mr Levine, please step outside.
1790
01:32:18,600 --> 01:32:20,230
Yeah. No problem.
1791
01:32:23,940 --> 01:32:25,150
l'll miss you.
1792
01:32:25,240 --> 01:32:26,450
l'll miss you, too, buddy.
1793
01:32:27,450 --> 01:32:28,660
l like it rough!
1794
01:32:28,740 --> 01:32:30,240
One for the road.
1795
01:32:30,320 --> 01:32:32,080
Like it rough.
1796
01:32:32,990 --> 01:32:35,370
l did the cooking
until Chuck moved in.
1797
01:32:36,120 --> 01:32:37,460
The toilet was thankful.
1798
01:32:37,580 --> 01:32:41,920
He ain't the greatest chef in the world.
l'm Wolfgang Puck to his Wolfgang Suck.
1799
01:32:42,000 --> 01:32:45,300
We met back in the fire academy in 1987.
1800
01:32:45,380 --> 01:32:47,050
l was top of our class.
1801
01:32:47,130 --> 01:32:49,840
He burned off his eyebrows first day. Gone.
1802
01:32:49,890 --> 01:32:52,970
Larry tried to eat the fire,
l remember that.
1803
01:32:53,060 --> 01:32:56,430
His favourite song,
Don't Fear the Reaper, Blue Oyster Cult.
1804
01:32:56,520 --> 01:33:00,190
You're BeautifuI by James Blunt.
And people think l'm the woman.
1805
01:33:00,270 --> 01:33:02,060
You're beautifuI
1806
01:33:02,150 --> 01:33:04,650
Just gets me every time.
l don't know.
1807
01:33:04,730 --> 01:33:06,490
You're beautifuI
1808
01:33:07,440 --> 01:33:09,200
That is a nice song.
1809
01:33:10,160 --> 01:33:13,660
The thing he likes most about me
is probably my love handles.
1810
01:33:14,240 --> 01:33:15,490
All of them.
1811
01:33:15,580 --> 01:33:19,960
l'd say my sweet, sensitive eyes,
like that of a kitten.
1812
01:33:22,210 --> 01:33:24,210
The worst day
we ever had on the job?
1813
01:33:24,290 --> 01:33:27,460
This little kid fell
in a swimming pool.
1814
01:33:27,670 --> 01:33:29,590
Chuck was the first one there.
1815
01:33:29,680 --> 01:33:30,840
l dove in.
1816
01:33:30,930 --> 01:33:32,010
He pulled him out.
1817
01:33:32,090 --> 01:33:33,180
l worked on him.
1818
01:33:33,260 --> 01:33:36,390
Worked on him, worked on him, but...
1819
01:33:36,680 --> 01:33:39,020
And Larry stayed with me
all that night.
1820
01:33:39,940 --> 01:33:42,810
l just couldn't get that kid
out of my head.
1821
01:33:46,150 --> 01:33:48,030
When my wife died...
1822
01:33:48,110 --> 01:33:49,860
That was the worst.
1823
01:33:51,030 --> 01:33:52,280
...l collapsed.
1824
01:33:52,360 --> 01:33:53,910
He knew it was coming, but...
1825
01:33:53,990 --> 01:33:56,870
What we have,
it's beyond friendship.
1826
01:33:57,620 --> 01:33:59,750
He's the best man l know.
1827
01:33:59,830 --> 01:34:01,870
l'd do anything for him.
1828
01:34:02,290 --> 01:34:03,460
l love him.
1829
01:34:04,170 --> 01:34:05,670
l love him.
1830
01:34:08,710 --> 01:34:10,170
What's going on?
How'd you do?
1831
01:34:10,260 --> 01:34:11,800
lt was good.
lt was no problem.
1832
01:34:11,880 --> 01:34:13,680
You want me to grab those?
See if they're real again?
1833
01:34:13,760 --> 01:34:14,890
l'm sorry?
1834
01:34:14,970 --> 01:34:16,310
l says are we done yet?
1835
01:34:16,600 --> 01:34:19,350
Not quite. They want to talk to the kids.
1836
01:34:20,230 --> 01:34:23,980
Now, why don't you tell us
about their sleeping arrangements?
1837
01:34:24,060 --> 01:34:26,190
Dad and Uncle Chuck
sleep in the same bed.
1838
01:34:26,270 --> 01:34:27,610
Do you know why?
1839
01:34:27,690 --> 01:34:29,570
'Cause they do everything together.
1840
01:34:29,650 --> 01:34:31,650
Just like Will and Grace.
1841
01:34:36,240 --> 01:34:39,410
lt is kind of an unusual situation, isn't it?
1842
01:34:40,250 --> 01:34:41,580
Having two fathers?
1843
01:34:42,120 --> 01:34:44,080
l don't have two fathers.
1844
01:34:46,500 --> 01:34:47,750
l have my daddy,
1845
01:34:47,840 --> 01:34:51,340
and Uncle Chuck is more like a mommy,
'cause to me he seems like a girl.
1846
01:34:52,970 --> 01:34:55,470
Why am l the woman?
l don't get it.
1847
01:34:56,180 --> 01:34:57,300
Okay, that's all, thank you.
1848
01:34:57,390 --> 01:34:59,100
Bottlenose dolphins.
1849
01:34:59,600 --> 01:35:03,600
Orcas, grey whales, harbour seals
and West lndian manatees.
1850
01:35:03,770 --> 01:35:04,810
Huh?
1851
01:35:05,060 --> 01:35:07,770
Species that sometimes mate
with the same sex.
1852
01:35:07,940 --> 01:35:12,990
Bottlenose dolphins, orcas, grey whales,
harbour seals and West lndian manatees.
1853
01:35:13,610 --> 01:35:16,620
l didn't know that.
But now l'm glad l do.
1854
01:35:16,700 --> 01:35:18,410
Thank you, my dear.
1855
01:35:21,750 --> 01:35:25,790
Remind me never to go skinny-dipping
with the bottlenose dolphins.
1856
01:35:29,460 --> 01:35:34,550
l just have to say
that as a fellow gay fireman...
1857
01:35:35,340 --> 01:35:36,470
He's gay, too?
1858
01:35:36,550 --> 01:35:38,180
That's right, fellas, l'm gay.
1859
01:35:38,720 --> 01:35:40,760
You guys have
a problem with that?
1860
01:35:40,850 --> 01:35:43,930
No, no problem.
You do whatever you like. Yeah.
1861
01:35:45,350 --> 01:35:46,810
And Chuck and Larry,
1862
01:35:47,560 --> 01:35:50,320
you've inspired me
to want to find my soul mate.
1863
01:35:51,780 --> 01:35:53,280
Wherever he may be.
1864
01:35:53,690 --> 01:35:56,030
Hey, l'm a 10. l'm a 10.
1865
01:35:56,280 --> 01:35:58,320
You're not my type. Sorry.
1866
01:35:59,320 --> 01:36:00,870
Fitzer, can we wrap this up?
1867
01:36:01,580 --> 01:36:05,250
l just have one more question to ask,
1868
01:36:05,330 --> 01:36:07,790
if these gentlemen would
indulge me for a moment.
1869
01:36:07,870 --> 01:36:09,790
By all means, Mr Fitzer.
1870
01:36:10,590 --> 01:36:12,340
Chuck, Larry,
1871
01:36:12,880 --> 01:36:17,510
would you say that there's a fair amount
of passion in your relationship?
1872
01:36:18,140 --> 01:36:19,260
Absolutely.
1873
01:36:19,340 --> 01:36:20,850
More passion than you can imagine, buddy.
1874
01:36:20,930 --> 01:36:22,430
-Yes.
-How wonderful.
1875
01:36:22,930 --> 01:36:26,390
Now, if you'd be so kind,
l'd like you to kiss each other.
1876
01:36:26,480 --> 01:36:28,190
You'd like to...
What was that?
1877
01:36:28,270 --> 01:36:31,270
Councilman Banks, my clients have been
more than accommodating.
1878
01:36:31,360 --> 01:36:34,070
And to ask for a display of intimacy
in the middle of a crowded room
1879
01:36:34,150 --> 01:36:35,490
is simply demeaning.
1880
01:36:35,570 --> 01:36:38,200
l'm afraid l have to agree.
We seem to have gone
1881
01:36:38,280 --> 01:36:42,280
from a hearing about fraud
to some kind of weird gay witch hunt.
1882
01:36:43,370 --> 01:36:45,750
l'm just saying,
Your Exellegance,
1883
01:36:45,830 --> 01:36:48,750
that if these two men are
as in love as they say they are,
1884
01:36:48,830 --> 01:36:50,830
l don't see why
this should be a problem.
1885
01:36:50,920 --> 01:36:53,300
l'm just asking for one kiss, Councilman.
1886
01:36:53,380 --> 01:36:56,670
Yeah! Come on, fellas,
show them how real men kiss! Come on!
1887
01:36:56,760 --> 01:37:00,840
l will not stand for it! This is unbelievable!
No. Absolutely not.
1888
01:37:00,930 --> 01:37:03,180
Hey, come on, no.
The Councilman agreed.
1889
01:37:03,260 --> 01:37:04,680
lt's demeaning to us.
1890
01:37:04,770 --> 01:37:08,690
Plus, we don't want to get you all horny.
Me and this guy, we... lt could get steamy.
1891
01:37:08,770 --> 01:37:13,650
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
1892
01:37:13,730 --> 01:37:15,030
Order.
1893
01:37:15,900 --> 01:37:17,150
Order!
1894
01:37:18,200 --> 01:37:19,700
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
1895
01:37:19,780 --> 01:37:21,280
l'm not doing this, Alex.
1896
01:37:21,370 --> 01:37:23,280
You know what?
Just go for it.
1897
01:37:24,200 --> 01:37:25,620
-Well?
-Order!
1898
01:37:27,700 --> 01:37:29,620
l guess it's showtime.
1899
01:37:31,080 --> 01:37:32,790
Going in straight...
1900
01:37:32,880 --> 01:37:34,880
Coming out gay?
1901
01:38:04,830 --> 01:38:09,080
Enough! l'd rather change
my grandfather's diaper
1902
01:38:09,160 --> 01:38:10,620
than see two straight guys kissing.
1903
01:38:10,710 --> 01:38:12,210
But we're not straight.
1904
01:38:12,290 --> 01:38:13,750
We're not.
We're in gay love, Captain!
1905
01:38:13,830 --> 01:38:16,250
-Can't you deal with that?
-Oh, shut up.
1906
01:38:16,340 --> 01:38:19,050
lf these gentlemen are gay,
then l'm a one-legged parrot.
1907
01:38:19,090 --> 01:38:21,380
Anybody seen me
with a crutch and a cracker?
1908
01:38:21,840 --> 01:38:22,880
l didn't think so.
1909
01:38:23,260 --> 01:38:24,970
And who might you be, sir?
1910
01:38:25,050 --> 01:38:27,010
Captain Phineas J. Tucker, Councilman.
1911
01:38:27,100 --> 01:38:30,230
You may search my record.
l hold multiple citations
1912
01:38:30,310 --> 01:38:33,810
from Mayor Dinkins, Mayor Koch and,
of course, the great Mayor Giuliani.
1913
01:38:33,900 --> 01:38:37,270
And let me tell you something.
These men definitely broke the rules.
1914
01:38:37,360 --> 01:38:40,070
They lied on a government form
and they swore it was true,
1915
01:38:40,150 --> 01:38:41,900
which is despicable.
1916
01:38:42,150 --> 01:38:45,990
But interestingly enough, Excellency,
1917
01:38:46,070 --> 01:38:48,290
even though they were
deceitful to us all,
1918
01:38:48,370 --> 01:38:50,950
l actually believe
they ended up doing some good.
1919
01:38:51,040 --> 01:38:52,870
What good are you speaking of, Captain?
1920
01:38:52,960 --> 01:38:54,630
Well, first off,
1921
01:38:54,710 --> 01:38:57,250
they let us know
that when a friend is in need,
1922
01:38:57,340 --> 01:39:00,170
you go beyond extraordinary
lengths to help out.
1923
01:39:00,260 --> 01:39:02,670
Whenever, whatever.
That's the code.
1924
01:39:02,760 --> 01:39:05,470
Then they apparently inspired
fellow firefighter Fred G. Duncan
1925
01:39:05,550 --> 01:39:08,060
to come out of his super-sized closet,
1926
01:39:08,140 --> 01:39:09,890
thus releasing his rage
1927
01:39:09,970 --> 01:39:13,560
and preventing what looked like to be
an inevitable killing spree.
1928
01:39:16,940 --> 01:39:18,820
And most importantly,
1929
01:39:18,900 --> 01:39:21,740
they showed us
that no matter whom we choose to love,
1930
01:39:21,820 --> 01:39:26,450
be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual,
bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual,
1931
01:39:26,530 --> 01:39:28,740
pansexual, transsexual, omnisexual,
1932
01:39:28,830 --> 01:39:33,710
or that thing where the chick ties the belt
around your neck and tinkles on a balloon,
1933
01:39:35,330 --> 01:39:39,590
it has absolutely nothing to do
with who we are as people.
1934
01:39:53,770 --> 01:39:56,480
lt's true, Councilman Banks.
1935
01:39:59,230 --> 01:40:00,650
Let them know.
1936
01:40:00,730 --> 01:40:02,190
We're not gay.
1937
01:40:03,860 --> 01:40:04,950
No.
1938
01:40:05,860 --> 01:40:08,990
Unfortunately, we hurt people,
1939
01:40:09,070 --> 01:40:13,540
people we wouldn't want to hurt
in a million years, by doing what we did.
1940
01:40:14,870 --> 01:40:18,880
For the record,
the word ''faggot,'' that's a bad word.
1941
01:40:18,960 --> 01:40:21,840
Don't use it.
l used to say it more than anybody,
1942
01:40:21,920 --> 01:40:23,880
but l was ignorant.
lt's hurtful.
1943
01:40:24,130 --> 01:40:27,180
lt's like ''kike'' for me.
1944
01:40:27,680 --> 01:40:29,550
Or ''fat boy'' for me.
1945
01:40:31,600 --> 01:40:33,270
lt stings a little
when you poke fun of my weight.
1946
01:40:33,350 --> 01:40:34,850
-l didn't know that.
-Yeah, sometimes it...
1947
01:40:34,930 --> 01:40:36,810
-l only do it 'cause you do it.
-l know, but l work hard...
1948
01:40:36,890 --> 01:40:39,940
What is this? Gays of Our Lives?
1949
01:40:40,480 --> 01:40:42,520
Shall we cue the violins?
1950
01:40:43,280 --> 01:40:45,400
This isn't a folk concert,
it's a hearing.
1951
01:40:45,490 --> 01:40:50,740
And l believe l hear the sound
of two felons going to jail
1952
01:40:51,410 --> 01:40:54,120
for stealing from the City of New York.
1953
01:40:54,160 --> 01:40:57,210
What exactly have we stolen? Nothing!
1954
01:40:58,210 --> 01:41:01,000
Due to a weird rule
in a flawed system,
1955
01:41:01,080 --> 01:41:03,920
my friend Larry here had
to create this lie.
1956
01:41:04,000 --> 01:41:06,880
The system may be flawed at times,
Mr Feb-blueberry.
1957
01:41:06,970 --> 01:41:08,430
''l'm in a calendar!''
1958
01:41:10,140 --> 01:41:13,390
But it's the law.
And we all have to abide by it.
1959
01:41:17,020 --> 01:41:19,520
l'm sorry,
but you did break the law.
1960
01:41:19,600 --> 01:41:20,650
Oh, God.
1961
01:41:20,730 --> 01:41:21,900
Daddy!
1962
01:41:23,190 --> 01:41:25,230
Councilman Banks. Councilman.
1963
01:41:26,400 --> 01:41:28,320
Well, you better
have cuffs for three,
1964
01:41:28,860 --> 01:41:30,660
because l'm going
to jail with them.
1965
01:41:30,740 --> 01:41:32,240
How is that, Captain?
1966
01:41:32,320 --> 01:41:35,040
l'm a co-conspirator.
l knew all about this little scam
1967
01:41:35,080 --> 01:41:37,120
from day one,
and l didn't say a thing about it.
1968
01:41:37,200 --> 01:41:38,620
-Captain!
-You don't have to do this. Please.
1969
01:41:38,710 --> 01:41:39,790
Yeah, he didn't know nothing.
1970
01:41:39,870 --> 01:41:41,880
Fine. l'll have all three of you arrested.
1971
01:41:44,090 --> 01:41:48,470
Slap some cuffs on me,
'cause l helped them plan the wedding.
1972
01:41:48,550 --> 01:41:50,090
l drove them to the airport.
1973
01:41:50,180 --> 01:41:51,510
l picked out Chuck's dress.
1974
01:41:51,590 --> 01:41:52,720
Yeah, l knew about it.
1975
01:41:52,800 --> 01:41:55,350
Dress? Why does everybody
assume l'm the woman?
1976
01:41:55,430 --> 01:41:57,470
ls it the way l walk?
What is it?
1977
01:41:57,560 --> 01:42:00,770
And l caught the bouquet!
ln my mouth. l liked it.
1978
01:42:02,690 --> 01:42:04,980
See, that's the way it works
with us firemen, sir.
1979
01:42:05,070 --> 01:42:07,570
You throw one of us in the fire,
we all go rushing in.
1980
01:42:08,820 --> 01:42:12,950
You throw one of us in jail,
you gotta throw the whole lot of us in jail.
1981
01:42:13,030 --> 01:42:15,370
So? What's it gonna be?
1982
01:42:18,620 --> 01:42:20,830
Everything would have been fine
if you'd just let
1983
01:42:20,910 --> 01:42:22,540
me and Larry make out
like we were gonna.
1984
01:42:22,670 --> 01:42:24,670
Then you had to go
all Knute Rockne on us.
1985
01:42:24,750 --> 01:42:27,590
l am your commanding officer.
l will not be addressed in that manner.
1986
01:42:27,670 --> 01:42:29,840
Not in here you're not,
you porcupine-head.
1987
01:42:29,920 --> 01:42:32,010
No, in here you're the big mouth
who got us locked up.
1988
01:42:32,090 --> 01:42:33,470
We should whup your ass!
1989
01:42:33,550 --> 01:42:34,760
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
1990
01:42:36,050 --> 01:42:37,310
That's right.
1991
01:42:37,390 --> 01:42:38,520
Hey, Chuck.
1992
01:42:38,600 --> 01:42:40,390
Jeez, Larry. What?
1993
01:42:40,480 --> 01:42:45,230
Free Chuck and Larry!
Free Chuck and Larry!
1994
01:42:45,940 --> 01:42:47,110
What?
1995
01:42:47,190 --> 01:42:49,530
Yo, dum-dums! You got a visitor.
1996
01:42:53,070 --> 01:42:56,030
Well, gentlemen,
that was quite a hearing.
1997
01:42:56,120 --> 01:42:57,200
Mr Levine, Mr Valentine.
1998
01:42:57,280 --> 01:42:58,790
All right.
1999
01:42:59,490 --> 01:43:02,120
The city would like to offer you a deal.
2000
01:43:02,210 --> 01:43:05,210
We're willing to drop all charges
and allow you to keep your benefits,
2001
01:43:05,290 --> 01:43:06,710
with two conditions.
2002
01:43:06,840 --> 01:43:10,300
One, you plead guilty
to falsifying a government form.
2003
01:43:10,510 --> 01:43:13,260
The charge is reduced to a misdemeanor,
you get a slap on the wrist,
2004
01:43:13,340 --> 01:43:15,090
and the city saves face.
2005
01:43:15,180 --> 01:43:16,390
-Done.
-Done. Absolutely.
2006
01:43:16,470 --> 01:43:19,680
Two, you are celebrities
in the gay community now.
2007
01:43:20,140 --> 01:43:22,520
They've obviously
not only accepted your apology,
2008
01:43:22,600 --> 01:43:25,020
they think you're heroes.
2009
01:43:25,100 --> 01:43:29,190
Now, raising money
for AlDS research is still very crucial,
2010
01:43:29,780 --> 01:43:33,320
and the community has
figured out a way for you all to help.
2011
01:43:33,400 --> 01:43:34,570
-Whatever it takes.
-Yeah.
2012
01:43:34,660 --> 01:43:35,820
-What do you need us to do?
-We're in.
2013
01:44:16,410 --> 01:44:19,660
These two guys right here talking
about doing something pretty serious.
2014
01:44:19,740 --> 01:44:23,870
Making a commitment
to love each other forever.
2015
01:44:23,950 --> 01:44:28,210
Now before, they were on the down-low,
living a life that was a lie.
2016
01:44:29,630 --> 01:44:32,960
Now, in a lie,
it's like a circle.
2017
01:44:33,960 --> 01:44:35,340
lt never ends.
2018
01:44:35,880 --> 01:44:38,800
You know?
lt's not like a rectangle.
2019
01:44:38,890 --> 01:44:41,470
'Cause that has a bunch of,
you know, places that stop.
2020
01:44:41,560 --> 01:44:42,720
This one is a big circle of...
2021
01:44:42,810 --> 01:44:44,560
Okay, you know, wrap up the circle thing.
Come on.
2022
01:44:44,640 --> 01:44:45,980
Moving on.
2023
01:44:46,060 --> 01:44:47,310
l'm gonna move quicker now.
2024
01:44:49,020 --> 01:44:51,650
Do you, Kevin ''Butterfly'' McDonough,
2025
01:44:51,730 --> 01:44:56,610
take Fred G. Duncan to be
your lawful wedded partner?
2026
01:44:57,570 --> 01:44:58,820
l dizoo.
2027
01:44:59,780 --> 01:45:01,990
And do you, Fred G. Duncan,
2028
01:45:02,080 --> 01:45:05,700
take this guy over here
to be your lawfully wedded partner?
2029
01:45:05,790 --> 01:45:07,040
l do.
2030
01:45:07,120 --> 01:45:08,710
Well, then, by the power vested in me
2031
01:45:08,790 --> 01:45:11,540
by the Commonwealth of Canada
and the Province of Ontario,
2032
01:45:11,630 --> 01:45:15,550
which has always been very pro-gay,
unlike that uptight country to the south,
2033
01:45:15,630 --> 01:45:19,890
it's my pleasure to now pronounce
you husband and husband, partners for life.
2034
01:45:53,790 --> 01:45:56,050
There's my lawyer.
2035
01:45:56,130 --> 01:45:57,970
You don't wanna dance, do you?
2036
01:45:58,380 --> 01:46:00,470
l don't think so.
2037
01:46:01,050 --> 01:46:03,550
Your brother forgave me.
Now, why can't you?
2038
01:46:03,640 --> 01:46:08,560
Well, my brother wasn't the one
that you felt up under false pretences.
2039
01:46:08,640 --> 01:46:11,350
You mean you only let me touch your boobs
'cause you thought l was gay?
2040
01:46:11,480 --> 01:46:12,650
That's sexist.
2041
01:46:12,730 --> 01:46:16,400
l could bring that to the courtroom.
You could be my lawyer.
2042
01:46:18,900 --> 01:46:20,490
Look at Larry, though.
2043
01:46:21,110 --> 01:46:23,370
Looks like he took my advice
and moved on.
2044
01:46:23,450 --> 01:46:27,490
Which is great for him, but l don't
have anybody to hang out with any more.
2045
01:46:27,580 --> 01:46:31,960
l mean, these bracelets here...
lt says, ''Friends forever.''
2046
01:46:34,250 --> 01:46:38,130
l haven't taken this thing off
since we made them that day. You?
2047
01:46:40,470 --> 01:46:42,590
Yeah, that's what l thought.
2048
01:46:57,400 --> 01:47:00,780
Well, you've got about 30 seconds
before l come to my senses.
2049
01:47:02,900 --> 01:47:04,780
-Really?
-Yes.
2050
01:47:04,870 --> 01:47:08,120
And this is my jam, too.
Come on.
2051
01:47:08,950 --> 01:47:11,080
What a delicious-looking cake!
2052
01:47:11,250 --> 01:47:14,540
Oh, maybe Tori
would like to try it.
2053
01:47:14,630 --> 01:47:17,090
That's nice. You gay, her father.
lt's nice.
2054
01:47:17,170 --> 01:47:19,670
No, l'm not gay.
This is Larry's daughter, Tori.
2055
01:47:19,760 --> 01:47:22,090
Oh, it's okay, man.
You can come out of the down-low.
2056
01:47:22,170 --> 01:47:23,970
l don't have to come out!
l'm married.
2057
01:47:24,050 --> 01:47:25,720
Which one's your husband?
You point him out.
2058
01:47:25,800 --> 01:47:27,350
No, no! The lady in there.
2059
01:47:27,430 --> 01:47:28,600
Which guy?
2060
01:47:28,680 --> 01:47:29,770
No, no guy. No.
2061
01:47:29,850 --> 01:47:32,640
Hey, you know when you lie,
it's like a circle.
2062
01:47:32,730 --> 01:47:33,770
l'm not lying!