1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Created and Encoded by -- Bokutox -- of www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. 2 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,033 - Hello? - So what do you think? 3 00:00:30,135 --> 00:00:32,296 - About what? - About tomorrow. 4 00:00:32,404 --> 00:00:33,894 It's our first day of high school. 5 00:00:34,005 --> 00:00:37,441 If we want to be popular, we just have to be proactive. 6 00:00:37,542 --> 00:00:39,373 Calm your proactive ass down. 7 00:00:39,478 --> 00:00:42,879 Saying you want to be popular guarantees it isn't gonna happen. 8 00:00:42,981 --> 00:00:45,541 I'm gonna get a girlfriend. You think that's possible? 9 00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:47,641 Anything's possible, Wade. 10 00:00:47,753 --> 00:00:48,742 Just don't be needy. 11 00:00:48,854 --> 00:00:51,345 You got to let it come to you. And one more thing. 12 00:00:51,523 --> 00:00:54,890 From now on, I don't want you calling me Ryan. 13 00:00:56,528 --> 00:00:57,995 Call me T-Dog. 14 00:00:58,964 --> 00:01:00,431 - T-Dog? - Yep. 15 00:01:01,099 --> 00:01:03,761 - What does the "T" stand for? - I don't know. 16 00:01:03,869 --> 00:01:05,928 - But it sounds better than R-Dog. - Yeah. 17 00:01:06,037 --> 00:01:08,665 You know, like, if a hot girl went up to you, and she goes, 18 00:01:08,774 --> 00:01:12,801 "Hey, have you met T-Dog? Man, did you see what T-Dog did today? 19 00:01:12,911 --> 00:01:15,505 "Man, that T-Dog is crazy!" 20 00:01:15,614 --> 00:01:18,174 That sounds like a guy every woman would want to know. 21 00:01:18,283 --> 00:01:22,219 - Hey, do I need a nickname? - You have one. Skeletor. 22 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:25,221 That was last year. I look good now. I'm filling out. 23 00:01:25,323 --> 00:01:27,655 All right, name one part of your body that filled out, Wade. 24 00:01:27,759 --> 00:01:30,284 Name one part of your body that isn't filled out, huh? 25 00:01:30,395 --> 00:01:31,828 I'm not trying to offend you. 26 00:01:31,930 --> 00:01:34,421 I'm just saying you shot up too fast and you're freakishly skinny. 27 00:01:34,533 --> 00:01:36,797 Oh, yeah? Well, you're too fat and that's equally unattractive. 28 00:01:36,902 --> 00:01:38,665 - You wanna go there? - I'm sorry. 29 00:01:38,770 --> 00:01:41,568 It's just, I want things to go well, you know? 30 00:01:41,673 --> 00:01:44,267 - Sorry I said you're freakishly skinny. - It's okay. 31 00:01:44,376 --> 00:01:45,707 You just are. 32 00:01:46,344 --> 00:01:49,006 Hey, go to sleep! It's 3:00 in the morning! 33 00:01:49,114 --> 00:01:50,138 - What are you, crazy? - Sorry. 34 00:01:50,248 --> 00:01:51,237 - Is that your stepdad? - No one. 35 00:01:51,349 --> 00:01:52,316 - Give me that phone! Give it! - It's... 36 00:01:52,417 --> 00:01:54,908 You're in high school now. Don't take his... 37 00:01:55,020 --> 00:01:56,282 Go to sleep. 38 00:01:58,323 --> 00:02:00,553 How about some chicks on the walls in here? 39 00:02:00,659 --> 00:02:02,559 It's like a nerd paradise. 40 00:02:28,119 --> 00:02:30,747 Time to make the donuts. 41 00:02:34,492 --> 00:02:35,584 Hoo-rah! 42 00:02:38,597 --> 00:02:39,757 Touchdown! 43 00:02:40,098 --> 00:02:42,726 We won! We won the game! And Wade loses again! 44 00:02:42,834 --> 00:02:44,802 - Get out of my room! - Dad said get up. 45 00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,370 He's not my dad. He's your dad. 46 00:02:46,471 --> 00:02:48,439 Fine, the guy who does your mom says get up. 47 00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:50,405 - Just leave! - Loser! 48 00:02:53,378 --> 00:02:57,371 Morning, sunshine. First day of school. 49 00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,850 - Mom! - Oh, my God! 50 00:02:59,951 --> 00:03:01,782 Since when did you start sleeping naked? 51 00:03:01,887 --> 00:03:04,617 I'm in high school now, don't you remember? 52 00:03:04,723 --> 00:03:07,590 I don't like elastic squeezing on my ass when I sleep! 53 00:03:07,692 --> 00:03:08,716 Okay. 54 00:03:10,629 --> 00:03:12,824 Hey! What are you doing in this shower? 55 00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:16,059 Dawn? Rachel, that's right. Nice to see you. 56 00:03:16,968 --> 00:03:19,436 Put your hands up Put your hands up 57 00:03:19,537 --> 00:03:22,233 I'm the best white rapper you've ever seen 58 00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:26,069 A hair! 59 00:03:33,718 --> 00:03:35,276 - Oh, my God! - Look at that. 60 00:03:35,387 --> 00:03:37,048 Thank you, ladies! 61 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:44,187 What's up, winners? You stoked? Pedal to the metal? 62 00:03:44,296 --> 00:03:45,285 - Yeah. - Yeah. 63 00:03:45,397 --> 00:03:46,364 All right. Who's a winner? 64 00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:47,453 - I am! - I am! 65 00:03:47,565 --> 00:03:48,554 Morning! 66 00:03:50,101 --> 00:03:52,467 - Look at you, with your magic stick. - What do you think? 67 00:03:52,570 --> 00:03:54,128 Magic is stupid. 68 00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:56,468 No, no, honey. 69 00:03:56,574 --> 00:03:57,939 - Mom! - What? 70 00:03:58,043 --> 00:03:59,772 You forgot the sausages! 71 00:04:00,278 --> 00:04:03,805 - I'll get the sausages. - Come on. I'm hungry. 72 00:04:03,915 --> 00:04:05,576 All right, I'll get the sausages. 73 00:04:06,685 --> 00:04:08,516 Excuse me, listen, I'm really sorry to bother you. 74 00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:10,212 My family and I, we just ran out of gas 75 00:04:10,322 --> 00:04:12,654 and we're trying to get to the kids to SeaWorld. 76 00:04:12,757 --> 00:04:15,385 And, I, like an idiot forgot my wallet. If I can just... 77 00:04:15,493 --> 00:04:17,927 - Your legs work okay? - Yeah, why? 78 00:04:18,029 --> 00:04:20,122 You should walk somewhere and get a job. 79 00:04:20,231 --> 00:04:21,892 - Harold... - I'll take care of it. 80 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,592 That's what I have, a job. 81 00:04:23,735 --> 00:04:25,760 We'll get to SeaWorld one way or the other. 82 00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:29,237 We're on our way to church. Maybe that's where you ought to go. 83 00:04:29,341 --> 00:04:31,241 Thank you. Have a great day. 84 00:04:31,409 --> 00:04:33,536 - Can you help out a veteran? - Not today. 85 00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:35,613 - Get away from the car. - Honey, roll up the window. 86 00:04:35,714 --> 00:04:36,772 Get away! 87 00:04:36,881 --> 00:04:38,610 - What's your name? - Drillbit. 88 00:04:38,717 --> 00:04:40,582 Listen, Drillbit, I wasn't born yesterday. 89 00:04:40,685 --> 00:04:44,815 I don't want you using this on any marijuana or rye whiskey, okay? 90 00:04:44,923 --> 00:04:47,483 - You got my word on it. - You know what? 91 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,494 - I'm gonna write "not for pot" on there. - You don't have to write. 92 00:04:51,596 --> 00:04:53,723 Yeah. "Not for pot." 93 00:04:53,832 --> 00:04:56,733 You're gonna feel pretty silly if you try to buy weed with that, won't you? 94 00:04:57,869 --> 00:04:59,564 Remember, put your best foot forward. 95 00:04:59,671 --> 00:05:02,572 People decide what they think about you in the first five seconds. 96 00:05:02,674 --> 00:05:05,040 So, let me smell your breath. 97 00:05:05,143 --> 00:05:06,132 Minty. 98 00:05:06,244 --> 00:05:08,178 - You swipe on some deodorant? - Yeah. 99 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:12,909 - You dust the nuts? - No, Jim. I did not dust my nuts. 100 00:05:13,018 --> 00:05:14,713 I'll never get tired of that one, Dad. 101 00:05:14,819 --> 00:05:16,912 You know, you should hit the weights with the boys and me. 102 00:05:17,022 --> 00:05:19,115 - I'll pass. - We'll get you in the gym. 103 00:05:19,224 --> 00:05:22,216 We'll beef you up. Look at these guys. Show them. Give him a gun shot. 104 00:05:22,327 --> 00:05:23,885 Give him a crab. 105 00:05:24,996 --> 00:05:26,486 Worship the sun. 106 00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:29,260 - Yeah, look at these guys. - They're freaks. 107 00:05:29,367 --> 00:05:31,267 Not in my house! 108 00:05:31,536 --> 00:05:33,527 - Have a great day. - Okay, I love you, Dad. 109 00:05:33,638 --> 00:05:36,732 I love you, too. Have fun at school, Ryan. Bye. 110 00:05:40,912 --> 00:05:44,279 - So what'd your dad say? - He told me to have fun. 111 00:05:44,382 --> 00:05:45,713 Wow, great parenting. 112 00:05:45,817 --> 00:05:48,217 I don't know how we're surviving without him. 113 00:05:48,319 --> 00:05:50,480 - Sorry. - It's okay. 114 00:05:51,022 --> 00:05:54,082 - He's a piece of shit, anyway. - Thank you, honey. 115 00:05:57,362 --> 00:05:59,990 - Enchante. - Hello. 116 00:06:00,999 --> 00:06:03,661 You got room for two in this little speedster? 117 00:06:03,768 --> 00:06:07,397 I am in a rush now. But I hostess up at Moon Shadows on the one. 118 00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:10,030 So if you get up there just, you know, ask for me. I'm Jessica. 119 00:06:10,141 --> 00:06:12,075 - Thanks, Jessica. - Yeah. 120 00:06:12,177 --> 00:06:14,077 'Cause our chef, Louis, always makes too much chowder. 121 00:06:14,179 --> 00:06:17,205 So he'll set you up with a nice plastic bowl of it out back. 122 00:06:20,085 --> 00:06:23,054 - You're late today. - Hey, get a job! 123 00:06:23,154 --> 00:06:26,521 - You get a job. - I already got one, giving money to you. 124 00:06:26,624 --> 00:06:28,990 - How're you doing, Mrs. Lampanelli? - All right. 125 00:06:29,094 --> 00:06:32,757 - You look beautiful today. - You're a liar. But it works for me. 126 00:06:32,864 --> 00:06:34,627 - Go on, get out of here, you nut! - You earned it. 127 00:06:34,732 --> 00:06:37,326 And don't spend it on food. Porn only! 128 00:06:42,807 --> 00:06:44,798 First day of high school. 129 00:06:45,176 --> 00:06:48,543 - It's kind of scary. - Yeah, it sucks taking the bus. 130 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:53,016 Sure, last year we were the oldest so we got to sit in the back of the bus, 131 00:06:53,118 --> 00:06:57,054 but now we'll probably have to sit in the front with the losers. 132 00:06:58,556 --> 00:07:00,148 We'll be all right. 133 00:07:00,258 --> 00:07:04,661 You have to have a proactive attitude if you wanna be popular in high school. 134 00:07:04,762 --> 00:07:08,289 People decide what they think of you in the first five seconds. 135 00:07:13,238 --> 00:07:14,899 I think you're a dork. 136 00:07:16,808 --> 00:07:18,105 Oh, Wade. 137 00:07:18,209 --> 00:07:19,642 - Oh, no. - This is uncool. 138 00:07:19,744 --> 00:07:21,575 We can't start high school like this. 139 00:07:21,679 --> 00:07:24,045 You got to be shitting me. Come on. 140 00:07:24,149 --> 00:07:26,276 - Please, am I dreaming here? - No. 141 00:07:26,384 --> 00:07:28,511 We're never allowed to buy the same shirt again! 142 00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,144 Whoever sees it first gets to buy it. 143 00:07:30,255 --> 00:07:32,883 You guys should wear red ribbons in your hair, too. 144 00:07:32,991 --> 00:07:34,982 See? We both look like dorks. Go change. 145 00:07:35,093 --> 00:07:37,459 No! I'm the one who was planning on wearing this. 146 00:07:37,562 --> 00:07:41,157 Wade, I run the mile in 21 minutes! 147 00:07:41,599 --> 00:07:43,863 How fast do you think I can go? 148 00:07:45,470 --> 00:07:47,904 - Go! Hurry! - I'm going! 149 00:07:49,807 --> 00:07:52,332 Wade, bus! 150 00:07:52,877 --> 00:07:54,469 - Perfect! - Come on! 151 00:07:55,647 --> 00:07:57,877 What a way to start high school, huh? 152 00:08:01,819 --> 00:08:03,980 Let me guess. Two-for-one sale at Hot Topic? 153 00:08:04,088 --> 00:08:06,556 - Losers! - Dorks! 154 00:08:06,658 --> 00:08:08,023 We're dead. 155 00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:17,931 First day of our high school careers. 156 00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:23,270 All right, let's light this fuse and see what happens. 157 00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:25,336 - Let's go, man. - All right. 158 00:08:26,511 --> 00:08:28,877 Are you guys part of a bowling team? 159 00:08:36,387 --> 00:08:38,412 Last one. 160 00:08:38,523 --> 00:08:40,548 Hey, at least it'll be easy to find each other. 161 00:08:40,658 --> 00:08:43,593 Yeah. I'll just look for the kid with the same shirt. 162 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,261 - Come on! - No, you have to spin it a few times first 163 00:08:51,369 --> 00:08:52,666 to get it to work. 164 00:08:55,406 --> 00:08:56,498 Thank you. 165 00:09:01,713 --> 00:09:03,305 No, wait! Wait! 166 00:09:03,715 --> 00:09:05,740 - What are you guys doing? Guys! - Now, shut it. Move! 167 00:09:05,850 --> 00:09:07,215 - No, thanks. - Guys! 168 00:09:07,318 --> 00:09:08,876 - Get out of the way! - Man! 169 00:09:08,987 --> 00:09:11,387 - Here we go. - But that... That's not for me. 170 00:09:11,489 --> 00:09:12,979 - That's for my books! - Okay, here we go. 171 00:09:13,091 --> 00:09:14,058 - In there. - I am not a book! 172 00:09:14,158 --> 00:09:15,887 - Get in there! - This is bad. 173 00:09:15,994 --> 00:09:18,622 - This isn't my locker! Please! - No, this is good. 174 00:09:18,730 --> 00:09:20,857 At least we know we're not the biggest dorks in school. 175 00:09:20,965 --> 00:09:22,489 - Please, please, please! - Maybe we should say something. 176 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,862 It's survival of the fittest. 177 00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:26,334 I've got to say something. I got to. I have to. 178 00:09:26,437 --> 00:09:29,304 Say something? It's hilarious. The kid fits in the locker. Come on. 179 00:09:29,407 --> 00:09:30,965 - That's not funny. - Somebody, help! 180 00:09:31,075 --> 00:09:32,406 This is the dumbest thing I've ever done. 181 00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,740 - Help! Please! - Stop! 182 00:09:43,254 --> 00:09:47,418 - I mean, you don't have to, but... - Harry Potter. 183 00:09:48,493 --> 00:09:50,324 You need to keep your big mouth shut. 184 00:09:50,428 --> 00:09:53,090 Yeah, that's what I've been trying to tell him. 185 00:09:54,799 --> 00:09:58,257 - Hey! - Run! Everybody run! It's not safe here! 186 00:09:58,369 --> 00:10:01,304 Hey, check this out. Matching shirt geeks. 187 00:10:01,406 --> 00:10:02,566 Oh, my God. 188 00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:04,665 Yo, Ron, these bitches really wanna wear the same shirt. 189 00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,107 Let's make them wear the same shirt, huh? 190 00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:07,973 Sounds good. Yeah. 191 00:10:08,946 --> 00:10:12,347 The fat one here, the skinny one there, and just let go. 192 00:10:14,819 --> 00:10:15,808 There. 193 00:10:17,722 --> 00:10:19,212 You better keep that shit on, 194 00:10:19,324 --> 00:10:21,451 'cause if I see you trying to take it off, you're dead. 195 00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:23,823 And you know what happens if one of you dies? Both of you dies. 196 00:10:23,928 --> 00:10:26,453 'Cause you're Siamese queers, bitches! 197 00:10:33,538 --> 00:10:34,630 That's very cute. 198 00:10:34,739 --> 00:10:37,708 You look like those Velcro monkeys who hug each other. 199 00:10:40,144 --> 00:10:41,668 How was school, Wade? 200 00:10:41,779 --> 00:10:44,339 We made so many friends, I can't even remember all their names. 201 00:10:44,449 --> 00:10:47,282 - Great! You got to be in it to win it. - I am in it! 202 00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:48,374 Great. 203 00:10:49,354 --> 00:10:50,343 Yeah! 204 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:53,721 - Yeah. - So school went well, huh? 205 00:10:53,825 --> 00:10:56,453 Oh, it was great. It couldn't have gone better. 206 00:10:56,561 --> 00:10:59,860 It was the shirt, right? I'll have to get you more of those. 207 00:11:01,032 --> 00:11:03,830 Hey! What are you doing? That's my stuff! 208 00:11:03,935 --> 00:11:04,993 This is city property. 209 00:11:05,103 --> 00:11:06,968 Nobody's supposed to be camping out here. 210 00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:08,663 Your stuff's in the dumpster around the corner. 211 00:11:08,773 --> 00:11:12,766 That's where I eat! You don't put a man's belongings where he eats! 212 00:11:12,877 --> 00:11:16,404 - My taxes pay for your salary. - You don't pay taxes. 213 00:11:16,514 --> 00:11:19,142 - You don't even have a job. - What else you wanna remind me of? 214 00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:22,981 That I don't have good health care? That I don't belong to a good gym? 215 00:11:23,087 --> 00:11:26,887 Where's the compassion? Protect and serve. That's what it says. 216 00:11:27,024 --> 00:11:28,821 - Compassion? - Yeah, compassion. 217 00:11:28,926 --> 00:11:30,985 You wanna know what I have compassion for? 218 00:11:31,095 --> 00:11:35,361 The homeless who are mentally ill, the homeless who are drug-addicted. 219 00:11:35,466 --> 00:11:37,457 Buddy, you're just a jackass. 220 00:11:37,635 --> 00:11:40,399 Oh, guy hits a little bit of bump in the road and he's a jackass? 221 00:11:40,505 --> 00:11:43,269 Maybe I should go smoke some crack and get your sympathy. 222 00:11:43,374 --> 00:11:45,808 - Go back to the Village People! - Back up! 223 00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:46,934 Damn! 224 00:11:48,479 --> 00:11:51,778 All right, today is the first day of our high school careers. 225 00:11:52,316 --> 00:11:53,647 Yes, it is. 226 00:12:01,392 --> 00:12:02,723 There she is. 227 00:12:02,827 --> 00:12:05,489 That's the girl who came up to me at my locker. 228 00:12:06,898 --> 00:12:10,994 - Well, make your move. - What move? I don't have a move. 229 00:12:23,548 --> 00:12:25,311 All right, thanks for signing up. 230 00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:29,817 How're you doing? 231 00:12:29,921 --> 00:12:31,855 Is this your first time signing up for the Heritage Club? 232 00:12:31,956 --> 00:12:35,016 - Yeah, it is. Okay, bye. - Bye. 233 00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:41,095 What'd you sign up for? 234 00:12:41,199 --> 00:12:45,693 - Photography and Asian Heritage. - Asian Heritage, huh? 235 00:12:45,803 --> 00:12:47,293 - I like your commitment. - Yeah. 236 00:12:47,405 --> 00:12:49,930 - I like it a lot. - Hey, buddies! Remember me? 237 00:12:51,075 --> 00:12:53,600 - Hi. - Oh, Jesus H. 238 00:12:54,078 --> 00:12:55,204 Oh, God. 239 00:12:57,148 --> 00:12:59,673 Guys, why aren't you wearing them? 240 00:12:59,784 --> 00:13:03,049 - Why are you talking to us? - I just wanted to say thank you 241 00:13:03,154 --> 00:13:04,746 for helping me out yesterday and all. 242 00:13:04,856 --> 00:13:07,381 You guys are definitely the type of people I'm gonna want to hang out with. 243 00:13:07,492 --> 00:13:09,722 - Yeah. - Hi, I'm Emmit Oosterhaus, by the way. 244 00:13:09,827 --> 00:13:11,954 - Hi. - Wade. That's T-Dog. 245 00:13:12,063 --> 00:13:15,089 T-Dog? Dude, that's a really cool nickname. 246 00:13:15,199 --> 00:13:17,326 Hey, can you guys give me a nickname? 247 00:13:17,435 --> 00:13:19,460 We need to ditch this guy. He's like a stray cat. 248 00:13:19,570 --> 00:13:21,333 Once you feed him, he'll never go away, okay? 249 00:13:21,439 --> 00:13:23,134 Hey, no secrets, T-Dog. 250 00:13:23,274 --> 00:13:24,468 I'm off to U.S. History. 251 00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:25,735 - U.S. History. - Hey, look! 252 00:13:25,843 --> 00:13:28,437 The Siamese queers had a baby. 253 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,673 I guess that makes them triplets, now doesn't it? 254 00:13:30,781 --> 00:13:33,614 Well, actually, we still wouldn't be triplets, see. 255 00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:36,283 You see, they'd be my parents, and I'd be the baby. 256 00:13:36,387 --> 00:13:37,513 Don't get smart with me. 257 00:13:37,622 --> 00:13:41,422 I said you're triplets and I think that you guys need to get into his shirt 258 00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:43,289 - and be triplets. - We can do that. 259 00:13:43,394 --> 00:13:45,988 You know what? Emmit, shut up. 260 00:13:46,097 --> 00:13:49,066 Look, you really have to do this crap, guys? 261 00:13:49,166 --> 00:13:52,033 Come on, give us a break. It's the second day of school. 262 00:13:52,136 --> 00:13:54,468 Hey, I like this kid. Yeah. 263 00:13:55,139 --> 00:13:57,607 Double Stuf's got an attitude. 264 00:14:00,478 --> 00:14:03,845 Yeah. We have to do this shit because it's hilarious. 265 00:14:04,348 --> 00:14:06,908 This school is boring. 266 00:14:07,451 --> 00:14:09,851 Watching you freak out amuses me. 267 00:14:10,755 --> 00:14:14,555 And, yeah, it's just the second day of school. So guess what? 268 00:14:14,659 --> 00:14:19,995 It's gonna keep coming and coming and coming! 269 00:14:24,735 --> 00:14:25,827 Party time! 270 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,970 - Stop peeing on me! - Wait! Wait! No! 271 00:14:35,079 --> 00:14:36,808 He pissed himself. What a loser. 272 00:14:47,291 --> 00:14:48,258 Help. 273 00:14:50,161 --> 00:14:51,219 Help me! 274 00:14:54,031 --> 00:14:57,330 - Is that Mario Lopez, dude? - Whoever he is, he's cute! 275 00:15:00,871 --> 00:15:02,771 Take his pants off! Pants off! 276 00:15:20,491 --> 00:15:24,018 - Up, down, up... - Write your name! 277 00:15:31,035 --> 00:15:33,663 No! Please, don't! No! Don't! 278 00:15:40,378 --> 00:15:41,367 Bernie? 279 00:15:44,982 --> 00:15:47,109 - Come on, give me one match, here. - That's funny. 280 00:15:47,218 --> 00:15:48,583 - All I need is one. - Yeah, I like it. 281 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,177 - Will you just give up? - Damn it! Look at that. 282 00:15:51,288 --> 00:15:54,917 God, I can't even get one card! Not one thing! 283 00:15:55,026 --> 00:15:58,291 State of California just robbed me, Don. You saw it. 284 00:16:00,965 --> 00:16:03,763 You'd think... Where's my quarter? Did you see my... 285 00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:05,699 - You're always looking at me. - Is the pill bottle... I forget, 286 00:16:05,803 --> 00:16:09,068 - is that the castle or is that a rook? - Don, did you just take my quarter? 287 00:16:09,173 --> 00:16:11,573 No, I didn't take your quarter, Drillbit. 288 00:16:11,676 --> 00:16:13,667 Not my fault you can't keep track of your finances. 289 00:16:13,778 --> 00:16:16,110 I don't know why you're spending all your money on this dumb stuff, anyway. 290 00:16:16,213 --> 00:16:18,841 You're unbelievable. I got to get out of here. 291 00:16:18,949 --> 00:16:21,213 You know, I can't take this anymore, man. 292 00:16:21,318 --> 00:16:24,014 Rich people don't like us, 293 00:16:24,121 --> 00:16:25,748 and the tourists are scared of us. 294 00:16:25,856 --> 00:16:28,347 - When they see Bernie, they're terrified. - Terrified. 295 00:16:28,459 --> 00:16:31,155 They're not scared of me, I'm sexy. 296 00:16:31,262 --> 00:16:32,854 - Sanitizer? - Yeah. 297 00:16:33,497 --> 00:16:34,896 Yeah. Thanks, man. 298 00:16:35,332 --> 00:16:39,234 I just get... I'm like a bird. I just wanna fly north. I want to... 299 00:16:40,271 --> 00:16:42,239 I'd like to go to Canada. 300 00:16:42,506 --> 00:16:44,303 What was it last year? I think it was, 301 00:16:44,408 --> 00:16:46,205 - "I was gonna go to Iceland." - Reykjavik. 302 00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:47,299 - No, no. - Where's that? 303 00:16:47,411 --> 00:16:50,346 Yeah, but the thing about Canada, if you go high enough north... 304 00:16:50,448 --> 00:16:51,938 - That's right. ...the government pays you 305 00:16:52,049 --> 00:16:53,448 - to take the land. - That's the truth. 306 00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:56,213 Yeah. Lookit, man, the beer's twice as strong. 307 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,118 They don't lock the doors, that should appeal to a man like you. 308 00:16:59,223 --> 00:17:01,418 And what about a British Columbian girl? 309 00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:03,789 Does that sound like a pretty potent mix? 310 00:17:03,894 --> 00:17:05,896 Yeah, that's not too bad. I kind of like that. 311 00:17:06,097 --> 00:17:07,564 Okay, now, man, check this out. 312 00:17:07,665 --> 00:17:10,566 One-way flight to Canada, $287. 313 00:17:10,668 --> 00:17:13,034 You got to throw in 50 bucks for bribing, what're they called, 314 00:17:13,137 --> 00:17:14,968 - the Federales, the... - Mounties. 315 00:17:15,072 --> 00:17:16,664 Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Mounties. 316 00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:20,403 Another... I want a good winter jacket, 80 bucks. 317 00:17:20,511 --> 00:17:25,278 So we're talking $387 and it's a new life for your old hombre, Drillbit. 318 00:17:25,382 --> 00:17:28,146 I dig it, man. Follow the dream. Chase that thing. 319 00:17:28,252 --> 00:17:30,015 How you gonna come up with that kind of money, though? 320 00:17:30,121 --> 00:17:31,247 Get a job. 321 00:17:31,355 --> 00:17:33,823 I was an Army Ranger. There are a lot of people dying for that. 322 00:17:33,924 --> 00:17:36,654 Watch this kid play Hendrix. He really jams. Look at him. 323 00:17:36,761 --> 00:17:38,228 Oh, yeah, there he goes. 324 00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:40,354 Yeah, I like how he looks a little bit like Hendrix. 325 00:17:43,501 --> 00:17:44,763 Yeah! I'm gonna give him a buck. 326 00:17:44,869 --> 00:17:47,702 - I'll give him a couple bucks. - A buck? Give him a compliment, man! 327 00:17:47,805 --> 00:17:48,772 Give me a buck! 328 00:18:06,123 --> 00:18:07,556 Why is he in my house? 329 00:18:07,658 --> 00:18:10,718 Are we trying to attract after-school bullies? 330 00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:13,160 I'm here because Wade invited me to be here. 331 00:18:13,264 --> 00:18:15,357 Because I'm your friend now. 332 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,533 This fantasy land you live in, Emmit, are there rides? 333 00:18:19,637 --> 00:18:22,231 Stop picking on him, all right? This is our guy. 334 00:18:22,339 --> 00:18:23,829 I don't want him to be our guy. 335 00:18:23,941 --> 00:18:27,741 Well, the good news is, I think I found a solution to our problems. 336 00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:30,570 - Kill Emmit? - No, bear with me. 337 00:18:30,681 --> 00:18:33,411 This might sound stupid, but I was on the Internet last night 338 00:18:33,517 --> 00:18:37,419 and there's a bunch of sites where we can hire a professional bodyguard. 339 00:18:37,521 --> 00:18:40,979 - What do you mean by bodyguard? - Like he beats up kids that bother us. 340 00:18:41,091 --> 00:18:45,027 A bodyguard? Wade, that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. 341 00:18:45,129 --> 00:18:47,359 We should just be men and fight these kids! 342 00:18:47,464 --> 00:18:48,795 Are you serious? 343 00:18:50,201 --> 00:18:52,931 Of course not. I've never been in a fight. 344 00:18:53,671 --> 00:18:56,572 Have you seen those high school fights on YouTube? 345 00:18:56,674 --> 00:18:58,232 Kids are brutal. 346 00:19:00,578 --> 00:19:03,513 He gave us an earthquake when we were peeing in the urinal. 347 00:19:03,614 --> 00:19:04,603 He shoved me in a locker. 348 00:19:04,715 --> 00:19:08,446 And he put my head in his shirt and called us Siamese queers. 349 00:19:12,289 --> 00:19:13,722 How's that funny? 350 00:19:13,824 --> 00:19:16,622 It's not funny. It's just, it's rare that, 351 00:19:16,727 --> 00:19:18,490 you know, kids say things that surprise me. 352 00:19:18,596 --> 00:19:21,497 Siamese queers. I'd never heard that one. 353 00:19:24,268 --> 00:19:27,726 - What would you like me to do? - We really just want it to stop. 354 00:19:28,806 --> 00:19:31,036 So are they pretty much free to say whatever they want? 355 00:19:31,141 --> 00:19:33,439 Or am I allowed to defend myself? 356 00:19:34,678 --> 00:19:37,738 Oh, no. Principal Doppler, I thought this was gonna be anonymous. 357 00:19:37,848 --> 00:19:42,046 In this country, we give the accused the chance to face his accusers. 358 00:19:42,152 --> 00:19:43,642 Terry, come over here for a second, will you? 359 00:19:43,754 --> 00:19:46,518 Now we've known each other for... Yeah, have a seat. 360 00:19:46,624 --> 00:19:49,855 - What's your take on this? - Hey, guys, hey. How's it going? 361 00:19:50,561 --> 00:19:53,029 Be polite! There you go. 362 00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:54,556 - Wade. - Hi. 363 00:19:54,665 --> 00:19:56,792 Hey, T-Dog. Give me a pound. 364 00:19:58,402 --> 00:20:00,996 Yeah. Principal Doppler, sir, I was really excited 365 00:20:01,105 --> 00:20:04,097 about starting this new school year. I'm not gonna lie. 366 00:20:04,508 --> 00:20:08,069 Who knows? I, maybe, was hazing them a little bit, 367 00:20:09,113 --> 00:20:10,580 but I'm sorry. 368 00:20:11,682 --> 00:20:12,979 I really am. 369 00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:15,984 You know, I appreciate you taking responsibility. It's refreshing. 370 00:20:16,086 --> 00:20:18,316 - He doesn't mean it! - We need to call his parents in. 371 00:20:18,422 --> 00:20:20,686 - Now. - He doesn't have any parents. 372 00:20:20,791 --> 00:20:23,760 Well, not in this country, anyway. They live in Hong Kong. 373 00:20:23,861 --> 00:20:26,659 - He's an emancipated minor. - What does that mean? 374 00:20:26,764 --> 00:20:29,028 It means he's legally an adult. 375 00:20:29,533 --> 00:20:31,160 He answers to no one. 376 00:20:32,269 --> 00:20:33,964 He's above the law. 377 00:20:35,706 --> 00:20:37,606 - What a nightmare, huh? - Yeah. 378 00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:40,432 Oh, crap. 379 00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:42,734 Oh, no. 380 00:20:44,214 --> 00:20:45,408 - Run. - Go! Go! 381 00:20:47,518 --> 00:20:49,486 - Run! Go, go! - Hurry. 382 00:20:49,586 --> 00:20:51,213 Wait for me! 383 00:21:09,239 --> 00:21:10,399 Go, go! 384 00:21:15,512 --> 00:21:17,207 - Do you think he sees us? - No. 385 00:21:29,059 --> 00:21:31,027 Open the door! Open the door! 386 00:21:31,128 --> 00:21:32,254 What do they want? 387 00:21:32,363 --> 00:21:34,797 Just keep driving, Mom. It's none of our business. 388 00:21:41,705 --> 00:21:43,138 Let's go, let's go! 389 00:22:02,292 --> 00:22:05,261 Have you guys lost your mind? Come on, let's go! 390 00:22:05,996 --> 00:22:07,327 Go, go, come on! 391 00:22:11,068 --> 00:22:12,695 - Come on. - Oh, no! 392 00:22:13,170 --> 00:22:15,263 - Run! Run! - Go! 393 00:22:16,407 --> 00:22:17,931 Get them, baby! 394 00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:23,512 There! The garage! 395 00:22:46,703 --> 00:22:48,227 You gonna rat on me, boys? 396 00:22:48,338 --> 00:22:51,136 Try to get my parents involved in this situation? 397 00:22:51,842 --> 00:22:55,710 Now I have to make it my mission to destroy you punks! 398 00:22:55,813 --> 00:22:59,214 Hey! You kids get the hell off my property! 399 00:22:59,316 --> 00:23:02,479 I'm gonna give you three seconds, then I'm getting my shotgun! 400 00:23:02,586 --> 00:23:04,713 - No! - You better get out of here right now! 401 00:23:04,822 --> 00:23:07,086 - Please don't! - No! Please! 402 00:23:07,991 --> 00:23:10,459 One! Two! Three! 403 00:23:14,731 --> 00:23:17,700 - Go! Go! - And stay out, you gang bangers! 404 00:23:28,946 --> 00:23:30,971 Charles, chai latte up. 405 00:23:31,181 --> 00:23:34,582 - Hey! Get off my computer! - Keep your shirt on. 406 00:23:34,685 --> 00:23:35,652 Come on. 407 00:23:37,955 --> 00:23:40,253 If this doesn't work, I'm gonna kick your ass. 408 00:23:40,357 --> 00:23:42,917 When it works, you're going to kiss my ass. 409 00:23:43,026 --> 00:23:46,086 How are we gonna know which one's the bodyguard? 410 00:23:57,274 --> 00:23:59,469 Have you ever done this kind of thing before? 411 00:23:59,576 --> 00:24:02,136 I worked for the hardest gangstas in the world. 412 00:24:02,246 --> 00:24:04,305 Kee Lo-Lo, Chenobee. 413 00:24:05,082 --> 00:24:07,880 Hell, I still work for Tupac, even though he dead. 414 00:24:08,785 --> 00:24:12,277 I am Israeli Military Secret Service Antiterrorist Squad. 415 00:24:13,023 --> 00:24:16,390 So when I kill this kid, do you want me to do it quickly, 416 00:24:16,493 --> 00:24:18,984 - or do you want him to suffer? - Suffer. 417 00:24:20,998 --> 00:24:23,159 If you hire Tiger's Protection Services, 418 00:24:23,267 --> 00:24:25,132 not only do you get the Tiger, 419 00:24:25,235 --> 00:24:28,261 but you get the protection of his entire pride. 420 00:24:30,874 --> 00:24:31,841 Do you like hip-hop? 421 00:24:31,942 --> 00:24:33,569 What the hell you implying I like hip-hop for? 422 00:24:33,677 --> 00:24:36,339 'Cause I'm dressed this way? I like country. You like country? 423 00:24:36,446 --> 00:24:39,609 That's the kind of music I like. Alabama. Gimme some of that. 424 00:24:39,716 --> 00:24:42,879 Some Brooks and Dunn. The Dixie Chicks, bitch. 425 00:24:45,822 --> 00:24:48,120 Kids hiring a bodyguard to take care of a bully? 426 00:24:48,225 --> 00:24:49,749 Stupidest thing I ever heard. 427 00:24:49,860 --> 00:24:53,352 Back in my day, if a kid was getting beat up, it was called childhood. 428 00:24:53,463 --> 00:24:56,557 Pick somebody, anybody. I'll go beat their ass 429 00:24:56,667 --> 00:25:00,728 right here, right now, and then you can ask them for a goddamned reference. 430 00:25:01,805 --> 00:25:03,067 How about you, lady? 431 00:25:03,173 --> 00:25:06,370 I'll kick your ass right now! Close. Closed. 432 00:25:07,444 --> 00:25:09,674 - Yeah! - This is very disturbing. 433 00:25:09,780 --> 00:25:11,941 You want an ass kicking? 434 00:25:18,889 --> 00:25:20,880 What do you do when you're not body guarding? 435 00:25:20,991 --> 00:25:23,221 I work at Raging Waters. 436 00:25:23,327 --> 00:25:27,627 I sense great hesitation. Wait one moment. Excuse me. 437 00:25:28,031 --> 00:25:29,862 I'm going to borrow this. 438 00:25:30,601 --> 00:25:33,195 - Please don't do that. - Oh, God damn! 439 00:25:34,805 --> 00:25:35,906 - $2,100 a week. - $10,000 a week. 440 00:25:35,906 --> 00:25:37,203 - $2,100 a week. - $10,000 a week. 441 00:25:37,307 --> 00:25:40,367 We're hoping you'd say, like, around $100. 442 00:25:42,112 --> 00:25:43,909 - Not interested. - I hate kids like you. 443 00:25:44,014 --> 00:25:46,608 I can't help you. No one can help you! 444 00:25:53,757 --> 00:25:56,624 - Susan, your double espresso's up. - I'm Susan. 445 00:26:11,508 --> 00:26:13,169 I'm Drillbit Taylor. 446 00:26:18,649 --> 00:26:23,052 U.S. Army Ranger, black ops operative, decorated marksman, 447 00:26:23,153 --> 00:26:27,089 - improvised weapons expert. - Are you still in the military? 448 00:26:27,457 --> 00:26:30,358 I was discharged. Unauthorized heroism. 449 00:26:33,563 --> 00:26:37,522 Yeah. They call it an army of one in the ads, but they don't mean it. 450 00:26:39,303 --> 00:26:42,761 Unless they mean the whole army working together as one. 451 00:26:42,873 --> 00:26:45,239 But they certainly don't want one man out there kicking ass 452 00:26:45,342 --> 00:26:48,470 like an army of one, which is the way I took it. 453 00:26:49,479 --> 00:26:52,573 As a bodyguard I protected three Vice Presidents, 454 00:26:53,450 --> 00:26:57,045 Bobby Brown, Sylvester Stallone... Not as tough as he looks. 455 00:26:57,754 --> 00:27:00,382 So what's the story? Who do you guys need protection from? 456 00:27:00,490 --> 00:27:03,789 It should be easy for you. Just a high school bully. 457 00:27:03,894 --> 00:27:06,692 Yeah. Run into a few of those in my life. 458 00:27:08,332 --> 00:27:11,165 - What'd you do to provoke him? - Well, he's fat, and he's a dork, 459 00:27:11,268 --> 00:27:13,634 - and I'm awesome. - Shut up, Wade. 460 00:27:13,737 --> 00:27:16,865 By "awesome" do you mean scared, skinny and Ionely? 461 00:27:18,542 --> 00:27:19,531 Yeah. 462 00:27:20,844 --> 00:27:21,811 Yeah. 463 00:27:22,579 --> 00:27:26,811 - So how do we know you're legit? - Come here. Go on, come here. 464 00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:28,612 I'm not gonna bite. 465 00:27:31,188 --> 00:27:33,088 I want you to look at my eyes. 466 00:27:33,924 --> 00:27:35,516 Take a good look. 467 00:27:36,993 --> 00:27:40,895 Come here! What do you see? You looking? 468 00:27:42,999 --> 00:27:45,934 - What the hell have you seen? - You want some? 469 00:27:47,137 --> 00:27:51,164 These eyes have seen unspeakable horror. 470 00:27:52,442 --> 00:27:53,773 That's my evidence. 471 00:27:53,877 --> 00:27:58,507 That's how you know if a guy's legit. You need some evidence, too? 472 00:27:58,915 --> 00:28:00,883 I've seen things you wouldn't believe. 473 00:28:00,984 --> 00:28:04,545 I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. 474 00:28:05,088 --> 00:28:07,022 Isn't that Blade Runner? 475 00:28:07,758 --> 00:28:10,352 Look closely 'cause it's all in there. 476 00:28:12,729 --> 00:28:13,696 Boo! 477 00:28:18,335 --> 00:28:20,394 So, how much do you charge? 478 00:28:20,837 --> 00:28:24,204 $387 a week. 479 00:28:25,342 --> 00:28:26,934 - One second. - I say yes. 480 00:28:27,177 --> 00:28:28,974 I'm not even sure if I'm available. 481 00:28:29,079 --> 00:28:31,445 - He's good. - No! No! He's weird. 482 00:28:31,548 --> 00:28:34,142 You know, we might be able to work up to that. 483 00:28:34,484 --> 00:28:36,850 But right now, we've only got $83. 484 00:28:39,689 --> 00:28:43,455 Okay, well, give me that now and we'll figure out the rest later. 485 00:28:46,229 --> 00:28:48,094 You know what this is? 486 00:28:49,065 --> 00:28:50,464 It's a wing. 487 00:28:51,334 --> 00:28:55,600 And you're under it. All three of you, right there. 488 00:28:56,206 --> 00:28:57,673 Okay, here's the mission plan. 489 00:28:57,774 --> 00:29:01,972 Using my expertise at stealthy and covert ops, I'll infiltrate the school 490 00:29:02,078 --> 00:29:05,912 where I will watch over you like the Lord almighty himself. 491 00:29:06,016 --> 00:29:07,643 Careful. 492 00:29:08,652 --> 00:29:10,916 Like the good Lord, I'm gonna use some mysterious ways, 493 00:29:11,021 --> 00:29:13,489 so you're not always gonna see me, but I'll be there. 494 00:29:13,590 --> 00:29:15,251 Especially when you don't see me. 495 00:29:15,358 --> 00:29:17,258 But first, I'm gonna need some supplies. 496 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,021 - I want to go in and get... - Like nunchucks? 497 00:29:19,129 --> 00:29:20,096 Maybe. 498 00:29:20,230 --> 00:29:23,063 But a lot of stuff, I'll just get from just what's laying around the house. 499 00:29:23,166 --> 00:29:24,155 You'd be surprised. 500 00:29:24,301 --> 00:29:27,168 Anything can be turned into a weapon of mayhem or destruction. 501 00:29:27,270 --> 00:29:29,568 - Even a puppy? - Especially a puppy. 502 00:29:29,673 --> 00:29:34,007 Germans used them in World War I. Da Hunden Stormen. Lightning Dog. 503 00:29:35,245 --> 00:29:38,476 They'd attach dynamite to them. Rommel did it. Jerry bastard. 504 00:29:38,982 --> 00:29:41,815 - Now, listen. One thing that... - This is my house. 505 00:29:42,118 --> 00:29:43,517 Wow. 506 00:29:43,620 --> 00:29:48,683 - We can go in. Nobody's home. - Let's hit it. Deploy, soldiers. 507 00:29:48,792 --> 00:29:52,660 - Soldiers? Cool. You hear that, T-Dog? - Beeline, front door! Single file! 508 00:29:52,762 --> 00:29:53,990 Officers first! 509 00:29:56,967 --> 00:29:59,959 You, get me a bowl of cereal. Go on. Scram. 510 00:30:09,346 --> 00:30:12,179 - Okay, this I'm gonna need. Right here. - What for? 511 00:30:12,282 --> 00:30:13,977 You take that, my mom'll rip my head off! 512 00:30:14,084 --> 00:30:15,745 At ease, Casper! 513 00:30:15,952 --> 00:30:19,718 Okay. Observe its momentary reflective blinding capabilities. 514 00:30:20,323 --> 00:30:23,315 Bang! You're defenseless. 515 00:30:23,426 --> 00:30:25,758 Silver alloy, one of the strongest ever constructed. 516 00:30:25,862 --> 00:30:28,854 Probably stop an armor-piercing bullet at point-blank range. 517 00:30:28,965 --> 00:30:31,399 You don't really think it could come to that. 518 00:30:31,501 --> 00:30:32,627 You tell me. 519 00:30:33,069 --> 00:30:36,368 Filkins is a whack job. He almost ran over us with his car! 520 00:30:36,473 --> 00:30:40,409 - He's a menace. - Yeah, I was my dad's favorite, too. 521 00:30:40,510 --> 00:30:42,637 He once cut a kid's arm off with a samurai sword. 522 00:30:42,746 --> 00:30:44,543 - Bladed weaponry? - Yeah. 523 00:30:44,915 --> 00:30:48,442 Okay. I'm not gonna take any chances. You're now on orange alert. 524 00:30:49,185 --> 00:30:52,348 Okay, now this will be good for video surveillance. 525 00:30:52,789 --> 00:30:54,154 This is good. 526 00:30:54,257 --> 00:30:56,657 You take the guts out of this and use it for wiretapping. 527 00:30:56,760 --> 00:31:00,252 I think we can use this as a... I don't know, as a timekeeping device. 528 00:31:00,363 --> 00:31:02,194 I think I'll wear it on my wrist, possibly. 529 00:31:02,299 --> 00:31:04,529 You think you might need this? 530 00:31:05,669 --> 00:31:08,399 This piece of crap's not worth anything. 531 00:31:09,005 --> 00:31:11,030 As a weapon. It's too obvious. 532 00:31:11,141 --> 00:31:13,371 Testing, one, two. Mister Taylor? 533 00:31:13,476 --> 00:31:16,070 - Testing, one, two. - Can you come back now? 534 00:31:16,179 --> 00:31:18,511 Guys, you got to go far back! I can hear you! 535 00:31:18,615 --> 00:31:21,311 Testing, testing, one, two. Can you hear me now? 536 00:31:22,786 --> 00:31:24,754 - They work pretty good. - These are great. 537 00:31:24,854 --> 00:31:25,843 - Yeah. - These are invaluable. 538 00:31:25,956 --> 00:31:27,184 - They get a little staticky, though... - Yeah. 539 00:31:27,290 --> 00:31:28,814 ...I think, some places in the house. 540 00:31:28,925 --> 00:31:30,153 Why you need all this stuff for? 541 00:31:30,293 --> 00:31:31,988 I thought we were gonna give Filkins a beat down. 542 00:31:32,095 --> 00:31:33,187 I am gonna beat him down, 543 00:31:33,296 --> 00:31:35,560 but sometimes after that first beat down, 544 00:31:35,665 --> 00:31:37,565 then they get a little, you know... They want a little payback. 545 00:31:37,667 --> 00:31:40,135 I'm home! Who wants grilled-cheese sandwiches? 546 00:31:40,236 --> 00:31:41,601 - Go! Go! Mom! Mom! - Okay. 547 00:31:41,705 --> 00:31:43,764 - Exit! Exit! - Go, out the back, out the back, go. 548 00:31:43,873 --> 00:31:45,397 Just 'cause you don't see me doesn't mean I'm not there. 549 00:31:45,508 --> 00:31:49,171 - Shut the door. - Act natural. Hey, Mom. 550 00:31:49,279 --> 00:31:50,746 - Hey, Barbara, how you doing? - Hi, boys. 551 00:31:50,847 --> 00:31:52,439 - Who's your new little friend? Hi. - Hi. 552 00:31:52,549 --> 00:31:54,176 - Hi. Emmit Oosterhaus. - Hi, Emmit Oosterhaus. 553 00:31:54,284 --> 00:31:56,047 - He's not our friend. - Yeah, he is. 554 00:31:56,152 --> 00:31:57,210 He's like our hamster. 555 00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:58,981 Smell like something? 556 00:32:00,724 --> 00:32:03,522 - Ryan? You washing? - Yeah. You? 557 00:32:04,928 --> 00:32:06,793 It's a funny smell. It's all right. Grilled-cheese sandwiches. 558 00:32:07,430 --> 00:32:10,228 Hey, come on! Buzz us in! 559 00:32:11,267 --> 00:32:12,427 You're gonna wanna see this! 560 00:32:12,535 --> 00:32:13,695 Big money coming in! 561 00:32:13,803 --> 00:32:16,237 This ain't a bunch of aluminum cans here. 562 00:32:16,339 --> 00:32:17,499 Where do you want it? Priceless treasures. 563 00:32:17,607 --> 00:32:18,938 Go set them down there. 564 00:32:19,509 --> 00:32:21,602 So you don't think those kids are gonna miss this stuff? 565 00:32:21,711 --> 00:32:23,611 No. They got two of everything. 566 00:32:23,713 --> 00:32:27,615 They got the iPod, the iPod Nano. And I don't care if they do, 567 00:32:27,717 --> 00:32:31,016 'cause after this little transaction, 568 00:32:31,121 --> 00:32:34,522 well, the old Drillbit's taking his act to the Great White North. 569 00:32:34,624 --> 00:32:36,785 - What? - Yeah, I'm going to Canada. 570 00:32:36,893 --> 00:32:39,384 Well, that's stupid. You're gonna cut out now? 571 00:32:39,496 --> 00:32:42,693 - I'm going... - These kids are a cash cow, Drillbit. 572 00:32:42,799 --> 00:32:44,994 You need to hang in there. You don't cut and run. 573 00:32:45,101 --> 00:32:47,365 You got to get in there and milk this. 574 00:32:47,470 --> 00:32:48,903 Okay, come on back. 575 00:32:49,205 --> 00:32:53,699 All right, I'll tell you what. I give you $125 for the whole lot. 576 00:32:53,810 --> 00:32:54,799 What? 577 00:32:54,911 --> 00:32:57,675 I just heard you say you took it from some kids. 578 00:32:57,781 --> 00:33:00,079 So? Don't get all righteous on me. 579 00:33:00,183 --> 00:33:02,879 Half this store you guys got from crackheads and thieves. 580 00:33:02,986 --> 00:33:05,147 Hey. Who the hell do you think you are, man? 581 00:33:05,255 --> 00:33:06,882 Let me tell you something. Those people are our customers! 582 00:33:06,990 --> 00:33:09,185 We're not that harsh on them, so you shouldn't be! 583 00:33:09,292 --> 00:33:11,260 How would you like it if we called you a crackhead? 584 00:33:11,361 --> 00:33:12,692 You have called me one. 585 00:33:12,796 --> 00:33:15,196 - Have we? Have we? - I think I might have. 586 00:33:15,699 --> 00:33:17,690 - Drillbit? Drillbit? Come in. - What is that? 587 00:33:17,801 --> 00:33:21,362 I'm sorry, hold it just a second. D.B. One-four-niner-eight, come in. 588 00:33:21,471 --> 00:33:23,063 - Just take this. - We just wanted you to know 589 00:33:23,173 --> 00:33:25,107 that Emmit was holding out on some bar mitzvah money. 590 00:33:25,208 --> 00:33:28,769 Emmit, I don't care how many times you get bar mitzvahed, you're not a man. 591 00:33:28,878 --> 00:33:29,936 - I am a man. - No, you're not. 592 00:33:30,046 --> 00:33:32,344 - Drillbit! Milk it, milk it. - So we'll have another 50 bucks for you 593 00:33:32,449 --> 00:33:34,576 - on Monday. - Grab the udder and milk it. 594 00:33:34,684 --> 00:33:37,050 Ten-four, good buddy. I will see you tomorrow. 595 00:33:37,153 --> 00:33:40,884 Commence radio silence in three, two. 596 00:33:42,992 --> 00:33:45,620 Today's the official start of our high school careers. 597 00:33:45,729 --> 00:33:49,096 Last week's history. Nothing good came out of last week. 598 00:33:49,199 --> 00:33:52,532 - We became best friends. - Nothing good came out of last week. 599 00:33:52,635 --> 00:33:55,035 There's the sword. Man, we're so dead. 600 00:33:55,138 --> 00:33:58,437 - Where's Drillbit, Wade? - Hey. Calvary's here. 601 00:33:58,541 --> 00:34:00,600 - Please, where have you been? - Yes. What's up, man? 602 00:34:00,710 --> 00:34:03,178 Where's my money? Where's my money? 603 00:34:04,314 --> 00:34:07,511 We got 40 bucks we promised, plus we got an extra 17. 604 00:34:07,617 --> 00:34:08,606 I sold my Yu-Gi-Oh cards. 605 00:34:08,718 --> 00:34:09,912 Okay, this is gonna be sweet. 606 00:34:10,019 --> 00:34:11,621 I can't wait to watch you kick Filkins' ass. 607 00:34:11,621 --> 00:34:11,882 I can't wait to watch you kick Filkins' ass. 608 00:34:11,988 --> 00:34:15,082 - Yeah. What, is he here? - Yeah, over there on his car. 609 00:34:15,191 --> 00:34:16,624 I want you to be the last face he ever sees. 610 00:34:16,726 --> 00:34:17,784 What are you gonna do? 611 00:34:17,894 --> 00:34:19,418 - What am I gonna do? - Come on. 612 00:34:19,529 --> 00:34:20,518 I want you to gnaw on his skull. 613 00:34:20,630 --> 00:34:22,097 - What's the plan? - Shut up. 614 00:34:23,233 --> 00:34:26,862 Guys, I'm gonna check this dude out. 615 00:34:28,138 --> 00:34:29,105 Yes. 616 00:34:31,407 --> 00:34:32,704 Excuse me. 617 00:34:36,079 --> 00:34:37,137 Yeah. 618 00:34:43,219 --> 00:34:46,086 Just got to kind of stand here for a second. 619 00:34:49,959 --> 00:34:52,052 All right. Hey, take it easy, man. 620 00:34:57,033 --> 00:34:59,058 He's thin, but sinewy and muscular. 621 00:34:59,169 --> 00:35:02,332 He's got a low center of gravity which means he's fast like a jack rabbit. 622 00:35:02,438 --> 00:35:05,464 He didn't take a shower today or yesterday. He's got bad breath. 623 00:35:05,575 --> 00:35:07,702 He's got a couple of cavities which is not improving... 624 00:35:07,811 --> 00:35:09,836 This is serious. I thought you were gonna go kick his ass. 625 00:35:09,946 --> 00:35:10,970 Yeah. 626 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,344 Look at Tommy Trigger Finger. You want the blood and the guts. 627 00:35:13,449 --> 00:35:14,882 Well, it doesn't work that way. 628 00:35:14,984 --> 00:35:16,576 I can't just kick his ass. 629 00:35:16,686 --> 00:35:20,622 Physically, I can, but if you kick a bully's ass, 630 00:35:20,723 --> 00:35:22,953 then maybe you guys live till lunchtime. 631 00:35:23,059 --> 00:35:24,526 And then what? 632 00:35:24,627 --> 00:35:28,427 "Teach those victims how to kick the bully's ass and they live forever." 633 00:35:28,531 --> 00:35:29,964 Steven Seagal. 634 00:35:30,066 --> 00:35:31,966 So you're gonna teach us how to beat him up? 635 00:35:32,068 --> 00:35:35,469 - Like train us? - So we're gonna beat up Filkins? 636 00:35:36,639 --> 00:35:40,473 What I'm about to show you are top-secret black ops fighting moves. 637 00:35:40,577 --> 00:35:42,477 And it's all about technique. 638 00:35:42,579 --> 00:35:43,978 I don't care if you're talking about 639 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:49,143 karate, tai chi, kung fu, praying mantis, 640 00:35:49,285 --> 00:35:52,186 kung pao, Panda Express. 641 00:35:52,288 --> 00:35:55,519 It's all about technique. I want you to watch my technique. 642 00:35:55,892 --> 00:35:58,520 It's pretty flawless. Come on, Ryan, charge me. 643 00:35:58,628 --> 00:36:00,425 I'm serious. Try to kill me. 644 00:36:00,530 --> 00:36:03,294 Come on. You ready? Go! Yeah. Come on. 645 00:36:03,399 --> 00:36:05,094 I got you! 646 00:36:06,002 --> 00:36:08,129 I got you! I got you! 647 00:36:11,741 --> 00:36:13,038 Damn it! 648 00:36:13,142 --> 00:36:17,738 Okay. Tripped right there. That was the bear hug. 649 00:36:18,181 --> 00:36:20,945 Okay. Wade. Come on! 650 00:36:21,885 --> 00:36:23,284 Here you go! Watch the elbows! 651 00:36:23,386 --> 00:36:24,876 Don't! Stop! 652 00:36:24,988 --> 00:36:28,549 Okay. Last but not least. Charge me. 653 00:36:32,729 --> 00:36:34,356 Everyone, up! Circle me! 654 00:36:34,464 --> 00:36:36,796 Come on. Let me see some fight from you. 655 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,633 Okay, you guys ready for the blizzard? 656 00:36:38,735 --> 00:36:41,704 - Go get him, boys! - Yeah. Go, get it, all three of you! 657 00:36:42,238 --> 00:36:46,698 I call truce! Truce! Back up! Three's too many. Three's too many. Stop. 658 00:36:48,211 --> 00:36:50,679 Wow, one of you really charley-horsed me. 659 00:36:50,780 --> 00:36:54,307 Okay. Now it isn't all oriental martial arts. 660 00:36:54,417 --> 00:36:57,079 Sometimes you give a little Mexican judo as in 661 00:36:57,186 --> 00:36:58,778 "Ju don't know who you're messing with, homes." 662 00:36:58,888 --> 00:37:02,790 Come on, Ryan, one more. Last one! Show me your mettle. Come on! Ole! 663 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:04,727 Wow! 664 00:37:05,862 --> 00:37:06,886 Ryan! 665 00:37:07,230 --> 00:37:08,891 Man down! 666 00:37:10,767 --> 00:37:11,734 Ryan! 667 00:37:13,670 --> 00:37:15,103 Was that my fault? 668 00:37:16,506 --> 00:37:19,304 Hey! Check this out. 669 00:37:19,409 --> 00:37:21,809 Dude! You fell like 60 feet. 670 00:37:22,512 --> 00:37:24,207 Jeez, that was crazy. 671 00:37:25,448 --> 00:37:26,506 What is this? 672 00:37:26,616 --> 00:37:28,015 This is a strategic outpost. 673 00:37:28,117 --> 00:37:30,085 I got these posted all over the city. 674 00:37:30,186 --> 00:37:31,517 Don't even look at it, okay? 675 00:37:31,621 --> 00:37:33,555 Now let's get back up there and get to work. 676 00:37:33,656 --> 00:37:36,489 What's this for? To wash your balls in the morning? 677 00:37:38,361 --> 00:37:40,522 No. Look like a squeegee to you? 678 00:37:40,630 --> 00:37:42,723 Or does it look like a weapon with a straight edge 679 00:37:42,832 --> 00:37:45,164 and a little mop to clean up the blood? 680 00:37:46,669 --> 00:37:48,534 T-Dog, Emmit, this way. 681 00:37:48,638 --> 00:37:50,333 - Where's Drillbit? - I don't know. 682 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,499 - Wait up. - Should be right up here. 683 00:37:59,515 --> 00:38:00,777 Man down! 684 00:38:02,018 --> 00:38:03,610 Take this. 685 00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:05,085 - Take a swing at my head. - Oh, no. 686 00:38:05,188 --> 00:38:06,985 Wade, come on. Just hit me. 687 00:38:07,090 --> 00:38:08,853 - But it'll hurt. - Wade hit me. 688 00:38:08,958 --> 00:38:10,721 - I'll do it. - Shut up. 689 00:38:14,931 --> 00:38:19,061 I feel no pain, 'cause I have a trained mind. 690 00:38:19,168 --> 00:38:20,135 - Go! - Come on. 691 00:38:20,236 --> 00:38:22,636 - Let's beat it. - Come on, come on, come on, let's go. 692 00:38:24,674 --> 00:38:27,905 - Hey, Drillbit. We could make s'mores! - No. 693 00:38:28,011 --> 00:38:30,844 - How much does a Hug Me Bear cost? - No. 694 00:38:31,447 --> 00:38:34,939 - Where'd you get the kids, Drillbit? - I won them in a poker game. 695 00:38:35,685 --> 00:38:36,652 Order up! 696 00:38:36,753 --> 00:38:39,278 - How's this part of the training? - It's called bulking up. 697 00:38:39,389 --> 00:38:41,983 - I'm already fat. - Hey. You're not fat. 698 00:38:42,492 --> 00:38:43,720 I don't want to hear you say you're fat. 699 00:38:43,826 --> 00:38:49,321 Words like lard ass, fat pig, butterball, landslide, mudslide. 700 00:38:49,432 --> 00:38:52,196 I don't want to hear that. What are you tipping the scales at? 701 00:38:52,301 --> 00:38:53,768 180. 702 00:38:53,870 --> 00:38:54,996 What? 703 00:38:56,906 --> 00:38:57,998 Whenever you're ready, boys. 704 00:38:58,107 --> 00:38:59,267 Okay, one of you guys got to pick this up, 705 00:38:59,375 --> 00:39:00,364 'cause I'm still on the clock. 706 00:39:03,246 --> 00:39:04,679 Filkins. Filkins. 707 00:39:04,781 --> 00:39:07,147 Avoidance technique! Avoidance technique! 708 00:39:10,753 --> 00:39:12,220 Come out here, Capone! You want to fight? 709 00:39:12,321 --> 00:39:13,948 You want to fight, you and me, right here? 710 00:39:14,057 --> 00:39:15,854 This is very important. See that? 711 00:39:15,958 --> 00:39:17,653 What's the matter? Afraid to come out from behind your men? 712 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,250 - He has a holdback guy. - Afraid to stand up for yourself? 713 00:39:19,362 --> 00:39:21,489 Now that allows people to think that you want to fight 714 00:39:21,597 --> 00:39:22,962 when really he doesn't want to fight. 715 00:39:23,066 --> 00:39:24,897 You got nothing in court. You don't got the bookkeeper. 716 00:39:25,001 --> 00:39:26,468 When I'm here I'm your holdback guy. 717 00:39:26,569 --> 00:39:28,503 So now you can act crazy. 718 00:39:28,671 --> 00:39:30,366 No, hey, hey, calm down. 719 00:39:34,277 --> 00:39:35,471 I'm gonna kill you! 720 00:39:35,578 --> 00:39:38,103 Hey, stop! Stop! 721 00:39:38,214 --> 00:39:39,579 Calm down. 722 00:39:39,682 --> 00:39:40,808 - Hoo-rah. - Hoo-rah. 723 00:39:41,918 --> 00:39:43,783 Get under the wing. 724 00:39:46,756 --> 00:39:48,348 Put all the bills facing the same direction. 725 00:39:48,458 --> 00:39:50,790 Yeah, don't worry about it, Don. 726 00:39:50,893 --> 00:39:53,020 I thought these kids were loaded. 727 00:39:53,296 --> 00:39:56,288 It's like all you read about are how 14-year-olds rule the marketplace, 728 00:39:56,399 --> 00:39:57,730 and look at this. 729 00:39:57,834 --> 00:40:01,235 Hardly got anything. You think this is gonna get me to the Great White North? 730 00:40:01,337 --> 00:40:03,498 Allow me to make a point real quick. 731 00:40:03,739 --> 00:40:04,865 Hello, delicious. 732 00:40:04,974 --> 00:40:08,341 Drillbit? Do you know why we come here every day? 733 00:40:09,545 --> 00:40:12,639 It's because these businessmen can't eat all their food. 734 00:40:12,849 --> 00:40:14,908 They have more than they need. 735 00:40:15,017 --> 00:40:17,679 These kids are a lot like these businessmen, okay? 736 00:40:17,787 --> 00:40:19,914 They have way more than they need. 737 00:40:20,022 --> 00:40:23,423 It's our job to go into their houses and take all their excess. 738 00:40:23,526 --> 00:40:25,653 I get a kick out of these kids. 739 00:40:26,395 --> 00:40:29,125 I told you that little fat one says some funny shit. 740 00:40:29,232 --> 00:40:30,756 I like these kids, too, man. 741 00:40:30,867 --> 00:40:33,927 I mean, from what I gather, they're some pretty cool dudes. 742 00:40:34,036 --> 00:40:36,630 But if you like them, you should think about helping them. 743 00:40:36,739 --> 00:40:38,798 - Lf you care about them. - What do you mean? 744 00:40:38,908 --> 00:40:40,239 Steal their TV. 745 00:40:40,910 --> 00:40:42,639 Maybe they'll read a book. 746 00:40:42,745 --> 00:40:47,307 Steal their iPod. Heck, I don't know. Maybe they'll learn to play the piano. 747 00:40:47,850 --> 00:40:49,374 They don't need all this crap. 748 00:40:49,485 --> 00:40:51,112 You think Mozart had a Game Boy? 749 00:40:51,220 --> 00:40:55,054 I didn't have it. Didn't hurt me. I was outside playing, climbing trees. 750 00:40:55,158 --> 00:40:58,958 Yeah, man, me, too. I'm still outside hanging around in trees. 751 00:40:59,896 --> 00:41:03,161 And the parents are never around. There's no one there in the daytime. 752 00:41:03,266 --> 00:41:05,530 One big hit. It's all we need. 753 00:41:20,249 --> 00:41:21,443 Boobies. 754 00:41:29,825 --> 00:41:30,951 Penis! 755 00:41:34,297 --> 00:41:39,462 All right. Open your eyes, let your body drift back into consciousness. 756 00:41:40,803 --> 00:41:46,673 Namaste. Thank you for your practice. That concludes the meditation time. 757 00:41:47,076 --> 00:41:49,237 - Okay. How do you feel? - I feel good. 758 00:41:49,345 --> 00:41:52,007 - Doing all right? - Yeah. I think my biceps are coming in. 759 00:41:52,114 --> 00:41:53,342 Guns are coming in. 760 00:41:53,449 --> 00:41:55,713 Now, listen. We're about 10% done with the training. 761 00:41:55,818 --> 00:41:56,807 - Next... - 10%? 762 00:41:56,919 --> 00:41:59,786 Are you high? We can't sit in the woods anymore. 763 00:41:59,889 --> 00:42:02,756 - We got to go back to school. - Yeah, and I can't forge any more notes. 764 00:42:02,858 --> 00:42:05,156 How many diseases can a kid have? 765 00:42:11,767 --> 00:42:14,065 You guys think you're ready? 766 00:42:15,605 --> 00:42:18,096 You know, I am really scared to go back. 767 00:42:18,207 --> 00:42:21,176 Look. If you're not ready to fight, there is another alternative. 768 00:42:21,277 --> 00:42:22,335 But I got to be honest with you, 769 00:42:22,445 --> 00:42:25,778 only the strongest of warriors can pull this one off. 770 00:42:27,183 --> 00:42:31,787 It's so difficult that most men tremble at its mere thought. 771 00:42:32,421 --> 00:42:33,752 What is it? 772 00:42:33,889 --> 00:42:35,823 What the hell is it? 773 00:42:38,894 --> 00:42:40,122 Love him. 774 00:42:40,463 --> 00:42:42,454 - What? - Love him. 775 00:42:42,565 --> 00:42:44,795 You know, I don't know what's going through your head, Drillbit, 776 00:42:44,900 --> 00:42:46,959 but I'm not gonna bang him. 777 00:42:47,303 --> 00:42:48,964 When I'm talking about love, I mean compassion. 778 00:42:49,071 --> 00:42:52,199 - I'm not going to... - Shut up. And understanding. 779 00:42:53,476 --> 00:42:54,841 Find your commonality. 780 00:42:54,944 --> 00:42:58,107 Let him know you're more alike than different. 781 00:42:58,981 --> 00:43:01,040 Maybe that'll put out his fuse. 782 00:43:02,918 --> 00:43:04,146 And remember, guys, 783 00:43:04,253 --> 00:43:07,120 just because you don't see me doesn't mean I'm not there. 784 00:43:07,223 --> 00:43:11,284 I'll be there like a silent, deadly poltergeist. 785 00:43:11,394 --> 00:43:12,361 - Thanks. - Okay. 786 00:43:12,461 --> 00:43:13,655 All right, see you later, Drillbit. 787 00:43:13,763 --> 00:43:15,424 Remember, you're under my wing. 788 00:43:19,535 --> 00:43:20,695 Oh, no. 789 00:43:20,803 --> 00:43:23,101 There he is. Should we hide? 790 00:43:23,205 --> 00:43:26,038 No. We've been running and hiding all week. 791 00:43:26,142 --> 00:43:29,236 This is what Drillbit's been talking about, finding commonalities. 792 00:43:29,345 --> 00:43:33,213 He's rapping. You love to rap! You can do this! 793 00:43:33,482 --> 00:43:34,471 No, I can't. 794 00:43:34,583 --> 00:43:36,608 Yes, you can. It's just like in 8 Mile. He'll respect you. 795 00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:38,448 No, man, I'm afraid of him. I can't! 796 00:43:38,554 --> 00:43:41,022 - You're crazy! Don't do it. - You can do it, Ryan. 797 00:43:41,123 --> 00:43:42,818 - I believe in you. - Don't. 798 00:43:43,659 --> 00:43:47,060 All right. I can do it. I can do it. 799 00:43:48,331 --> 00:43:50,959 - Whassup, whassup? - Whassup? 800 00:43:53,302 --> 00:43:55,964 I wanna rap with you. Hey, flip the script, Ronnie. 801 00:43:56,072 --> 00:43:57,300 Hit that beat. 802 00:43:57,573 --> 00:43:59,973 - Yo, this cool, Fil? - Sure, whatever. 803 00:44:01,844 --> 00:44:03,675 Yo, call me whatever you want 804 00:44:03,779 --> 00:44:06,304 but you know I gets busy I'm so badass 805 00:44:06,449 --> 00:44:09,009 I'm the king of Vice City Like the Buddha, I'm Zen 806 00:44:09,118 --> 00:44:11,348 Like Beckham, I bend, I tell suckers 807 00:44:11,454 --> 00:44:13,445 "Say hello to my little friend" 808 00:44:14,390 --> 00:44:15,652 Snap! This guy! 809 00:44:17,660 --> 00:44:21,391 Hey, meatball, where's your spaghetti? Your rapping's like a nightmare 810 00:44:21,497 --> 00:44:23,089 But I don't see Freddy You best 811 00:44:23,199 --> 00:44:25,929 not even try to spit rhymes, dude 'Cause when you spit 812 00:44:26,035 --> 00:44:28,526 all I ever see is chewed-up food 813 00:44:29,038 --> 00:44:30,630 Yeah, that's how we roll! That's how we do! 814 00:44:30,740 --> 00:44:31,729 Hold on! 815 00:44:31,841 --> 00:44:33,138 I know you didn't just go there 816 00:44:33,242 --> 00:44:36,268 I got more skills than you in my one and only nut hair 817 00:44:36,545 --> 00:44:37,876 Nice, man, nice. 818 00:44:38,481 --> 00:44:41,143 So you better step off before you insult me and mine 819 00:44:41,250 --> 00:44:43,912 'Cause if you decide to step on, see I'm like a land mine 820 00:44:44,019 --> 00:44:45,316 Boom! 821 00:44:47,890 --> 00:44:50,586 Oh, my God, look it's a punkass rapping 822 00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,194 He say one more word I'm gonna have to bitch-slap him 823 00:44:53,295 --> 00:44:55,957 So surprised you're moving ass is so damn fat 824 00:44:56,065 --> 00:44:59,330 You're lucky I don't hit you with my Wiffle, Wiffle Ball bat 825 00:44:59,869 --> 00:45:02,929 Can't hurt my head with a bat I'm the Incredible Hulk 826 00:45:03,038 --> 00:45:06,439 I'm like Costco I'm serving ass kickings in bulk 827 00:45:06,542 --> 00:45:09,204 You don't like my words Mister King of the School? 828 00:45:09,311 --> 00:45:12,474 Well, guess what? You can suck on my family's jewels 829 00:45:12,615 --> 00:45:13,946 Bitch! 830 00:45:22,725 --> 00:45:24,784 That was awesome. 831 00:45:24,894 --> 00:45:26,191 What have I just done? 832 00:45:26,295 --> 00:45:27,853 Hey, that was amazing. I mean, 833 00:45:27,963 --> 00:45:29,453 telling him to suck on your two family jewels 834 00:45:29,565 --> 00:45:31,260 was in questionable taste, but still... 835 00:45:31,367 --> 00:45:33,665 I know, I got caught up in the moment, okay? 836 00:45:33,769 --> 00:45:35,862 Keep walking. I don't want to get shot like Tupac. 837 00:45:35,971 --> 00:45:38,906 You know, most of those people were cheering for you. 838 00:45:39,008 --> 00:45:42,034 Really? That could be good. Maybe Drillbit was right. 839 00:45:46,148 --> 00:45:47,809 Think you're so funny? 840 00:45:47,917 --> 00:45:50,943 Good. 'Cause you're not gonna laugh when you're dead. 841 00:45:51,053 --> 00:45:54,284 You're gonna get it now, worse than ever. 842 00:45:54,523 --> 00:45:55,615 All of you. 843 00:45:56,425 --> 00:45:58,950 Ryan, holdback technique. 844 00:45:59,562 --> 00:46:01,689 You don't like the fact that he's better than you, Filkins! 845 00:46:01,797 --> 00:46:04,288 You better back the hell off before I... 846 00:46:08,170 --> 00:46:13,301 - Thanks for holding him for me. - Holy crap, you guys are retarded! 847 00:46:16,979 --> 00:46:18,913 How did he do so much damage with one punch? 848 00:46:19,014 --> 00:46:21,244 It's like his fist is the size of your whole face. 849 00:46:21,350 --> 00:46:23,181 I guess it's true. 850 00:46:23,285 --> 00:46:24,513 Rap really does promote violence. 851 00:46:24,620 --> 00:46:27,088 Yeah, but the question is, where was Drillbit when we needed him? 852 00:46:27,189 --> 00:46:28,781 Maybe he got called to the black ops. 853 00:46:28,891 --> 00:46:30,654 Wade, come on. You really believe that garbage? 854 00:46:30,759 --> 00:46:32,818 There's my little soldiers. 855 00:46:34,430 --> 00:46:36,364 There are my pooper troopers. 856 00:46:36,465 --> 00:46:40,401 Hey, sorry I missed that walkie-talkie call. I had something come... 857 00:46:42,104 --> 00:46:45,267 - What the hell happened to you? - Filkins punched me. 858 00:46:46,141 --> 00:46:48,371 - Filkins did that to you? - Yeah. 859 00:46:48,477 --> 00:46:49,637 Where were you? 860 00:46:49,745 --> 00:46:51,940 - With one punch? - Where were you? 861 00:46:52,848 --> 00:46:56,045 - Oh, crap. I'm sorry. - Stop. 862 00:46:56,185 --> 00:46:58,380 - No, just let me get the blood off. - No. Stop. 863 00:46:58,487 --> 00:47:00,614 Man. Here, sit down for a second. 864 00:47:00,723 --> 00:47:03,453 - Crap. It looks painful. - Yeah, it is. 865 00:47:03,926 --> 00:47:05,621 - Here, let me put a little pressure on it. - No. 866 00:47:05,728 --> 00:47:07,320 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 867 00:47:07,429 --> 00:47:09,124 Ryan had a rap off with Filkins. 868 00:47:09,231 --> 00:47:11,961 - You had a rap off? - You said to find common ground. 869 00:47:12,067 --> 00:47:15,230 He said he was like Costco, serving up ass kickings in bulk. 870 00:47:15,337 --> 00:47:17,430 That's what you said? That's not common ground. 871 00:47:17,540 --> 00:47:19,269 Even though it's funny. 872 00:47:19,375 --> 00:47:21,570 That's not exactly what I meant when I said common ground. 873 00:47:21,677 --> 00:47:24,475 Why didn't you get punched? Why'd he slug you? 874 00:47:24,580 --> 00:47:26,571 'Cause of your brilliant holdback technique. 875 00:47:26,682 --> 00:47:29,446 The holdback technique? You really tried that? 876 00:47:29,552 --> 00:47:33,147 Yeah. Bottom line is your advice backfired. 877 00:47:33,255 --> 00:47:34,847 Now we're more screwed than ever. 878 00:47:34,957 --> 00:47:37,118 All because you wanted to protect the hobbit over here. 879 00:47:37,226 --> 00:47:38,750 - Hey, let's just stop for a second. - I am not a hobbit. 880 00:47:38,861 --> 00:47:40,658 - You're a damn hobbit, okay? - I am not! 881 00:47:40,763 --> 00:47:44,392 Hold it! Hey. Emmit's not a hobbit, I don't think. 882 00:47:45,467 --> 00:47:46,991 Problem isn't the holdback technique, 883 00:47:47,102 --> 00:47:50,230 although I don't think you guys had it perfected enough to try. 884 00:47:50,339 --> 00:47:51,931 The problem is Randy starts rapping insults. 885 00:47:52,041 --> 00:47:54,942 It's not Randy! Okay? It's Ryan! 886 00:47:55,044 --> 00:47:59,378 And all this talk about you being there when you're not there, it's bull! Okay? 887 00:47:59,882 --> 00:48:01,747 I'm tired of your nonsense! You're fired! 888 00:48:01,850 --> 00:48:06,048 Hey! Sit down here. Sit down here for a second. 889 00:48:06,155 --> 00:48:10,785 All of you, sit down. You take the bass out of your voice when you talk to me. 890 00:48:11,460 --> 00:48:13,428 Now, we just completed phase one. 891 00:48:13,529 --> 00:48:16,191 See if this guy has any mettle. And guess what we found out? 892 00:48:16,298 --> 00:48:19,893 Filkins does have some mettle. So now we move to phase two. 893 00:48:20,002 --> 00:48:23,438 Know what phase two is? Direct contact. 894 00:48:23,606 --> 00:48:27,201 That's where I come in. Because I will not let this happen again, 895 00:48:27,309 --> 00:48:29,209 if I can help it. 896 00:48:29,311 --> 00:48:31,006 So what's the plan? 897 00:48:31,113 --> 00:48:32,580 - The plan? - Yeah. 898 00:48:36,318 --> 00:48:38,343 How early do you guys have to get up for school? 899 00:48:38,454 --> 00:48:39,443 - 7:00. - 7:00. 900 00:48:39,555 --> 00:48:43,958 Oh, God. Okay. Tomorrow, we all go in together. 901 00:48:51,166 --> 00:48:54,158 Hey, Wade, what's up? 902 00:48:55,371 --> 00:48:56,736 Where'd you get the shiner? 903 00:48:56,839 --> 00:48:58,966 Come in here, boy. Talk to me. 904 00:49:02,177 --> 00:49:04,645 I was protecting this one kid in my school 905 00:49:04,747 --> 00:49:07,648 from a bunch of bullies and one of them punched me. 906 00:49:07,750 --> 00:49:10,878 What? Why would you protect the kid from a bully? 907 00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:14,021 So he doesn't get beat up. 908 00:49:14,390 --> 00:49:16,984 Then you're interfering with the natural order. 909 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:20,351 When I was a kid, I was kind of a bully. 910 00:49:20,462 --> 00:49:23,625 But it's not a bad thing. There was this kid. I don't know what it was. 911 00:49:23,732 --> 00:49:27,691 Maybe it was his stupid face. But he'd just really get under my skin. 912 00:49:27,803 --> 00:49:30,772 So I pushed him around a little bit, called him some hurtful names, 913 00:49:30,873 --> 00:49:34,240 and I honestly think, if I met him today, he'd thank me for it. 914 00:49:34,343 --> 00:49:37,176 I prepared him for the harshness of the real world. 915 00:49:38,447 --> 00:49:39,744 Thanks, Jim. 916 00:49:39,848 --> 00:49:43,113 I'm a resource, Wade. You should use me more often. 917 00:49:46,088 --> 00:49:47,521 Is it locked? 918 00:49:48,123 --> 00:49:49,852 - You got lunch money? - Yep. 919 00:49:50,125 --> 00:49:52,286 - You got any tests today? - See you and the questions. 920 00:49:52,394 --> 00:49:55,124 Don't fresh-off to any of your teachers. 921 00:49:55,597 --> 00:49:58,157 All right, come here, give mommy a kiss. 922 00:49:58,267 --> 00:50:00,497 Come on, punky-wunky. I love you. 923 00:50:04,373 --> 00:50:05,897 - Okay. - Be good. 924 00:50:09,044 --> 00:50:11,808 - Bye. I love you. - Bye. I love you, Mommy! 925 00:50:11,914 --> 00:50:13,677 "I love you, Mommy." 926 00:50:15,617 --> 00:50:17,278 Black ops in the hizzouse. 927 00:50:17,386 --> 00:50:19,786 This old soldier could use a kissy from mommy. 928 00:50:19,888 --> 00:50:21,549 Come on. I'm going in to the school today. 929 00:50:21,657 --> 00:50:23,716 Drillbit is going in. Very visible. Let's do it. 930 00:50:23,826 --> 00:50:25,953 - You can't go in there looking like that. - Why? 931 00:50:26,061 --> 00:50:27,961 You look like Crocodile Dundee or something. 932 00:50:28,063 --> 00:50:29,758 Screw you. What're you talking about? 933 00:50:29,865 --> 00:50:31,196 I'm just saying we need to clean you up. 934 00:50:31,300 --> 00:50:34,133 Wrong. This soldier doesn't clean up. What you see is what you get. 935 00:50:34,236 --> 00:50:36,033 Drillbit, you just don't look like a teacher. 936 00:50:36,138 --> 00:50:38,436 I mean, we need you to blend in. The camouflage technique. 937 00:50:38,540 --> 00:50:40,770 - In my house. Come on. - Let's go. 938 00:50:40,909 --> 00:50:43,469 "Camouflage technique"? I like that. 939 00:50:43,679 --> 00:50:48,810 ...if I remember how to do this. It really is strong enough for a man. 940 00:50:59,161 --> 00:51:01,823 Did your dad leave any socks behind? 941 00:51:02,831 --> 00:51:06,267 How many tardies can you have before they give you a detention? 942 00:51:08,237 --> 00:51:10,439 Emmit, you're drying my eyeballs. 943 00:51:13,809 --> 00:51:17,711 All right, here's our class schedules and a detailed map of the school. 944 00:51:17,813 --> 00:51:20,782 We have the first class together, so just meet us by the Life Skills room 945 00:51:20,883 --> 00:51:21,975 so you can walk us to our lockers. 946 00:51:22,084 --> 00:51:23,847 Okay, now, remember, I'm not just gonna walk in there 947 00:51:23,952 --> 00:51:26,216 and start kicking ass, okay? I got to protect you guys, 948 00:51:26,321 --> 00:51:28,755 but I need to blend in and lay low. 949 00:51:28,857 --> 00:51:33,317 I'm gonna be visible to you guys, but invisible to everyone else. 950 00:51:40,536 --> 00:51:44,905 That's a look that says, "I have no idea what I'm doing here." 951 00:51:47,142 --> 00:51:50,236 All first-time subs have it. Welcome to McKinley! 952 00:51:51,914 --> 00:51:55,315 - Thanks. Was it that obvious? - Well, yeah, a little bit. 953 00:51:56,451 --> 00:51:57,577 Whoa! 954 00:51:57,886 --> 00:52:01,322 Not you kids. Please, go to class. Go, go, go. Get away from me. 955 00:52:02,157 --> 00:52:04,990 You, second floor, teachers' lounge. 956 00:52:05,093 --> 00:52:07,084 They'll give you your assignment up there. It's right over there. 957 00:52:07,196 --> 00:52:09,858 - I'm gonna head up there. Okay. - Yep? You got it. 958 00:52:18,740 --> 00:52:20,230 How're you doing? 959 00:52:22,177 --> 00:52:25,510 Teachers' lounge. They're all the same. 960 00:52:27,983 --> 00:52:30,747 Put your names on the food. Smart. 961 00:52:31,453 --> 00:52:32,477 Sneaky. 962 00:52:34,089 --> 00:52:36,649 - See Grey's Anatomy last night? - Yeah. 963 00:52:38,193 --> 00:52:39,421 - Hey, Lis. - Hi. 964 00:52:39,528 --> 00:52:41,393 Got half an orange with your name on it. 965 00:52:41,496 --> 00:52:42,963 Oh, no, thanks. 966 00:52:57,980 --> 00:53:01,074 - Can I help you? - No. With what? 967 00:53:01,783 --> 00:53:04,411 - Are you lost? - No. Why? 968 00:53:04,953 --> 00:53:08,480 - You look like a lost parent. - No. 969 00:53:08,624 --> 00:53:11,525 No. I'm a substitute. 970 00:53:13,495 --> 00:53:17,693 - For what? - For whatever needs substituting. 971 00:53:19,401 --> 00:53:23,497 Yeah, they'll just plug me in. I think I'm just gonna wait here until, 972 00:53:23,605 --> 00:53:26,699 you know, if they need me in French, then that's where I'll go. 973 00:53:26,808 --> 00:53:29,504 - You know French? - A little bit. Yeah. 974 00:53:29,611 --> 00:53:33,274 Enough to get by, or enough to teach these animals. 975 00:53:35,317 --> 00:53:37,512 - What do you teach? - English. 976 00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:39,651 My native tongue. 977 00:53:43,425 --> 00:53:44,983 I'm Lisa Zachey. 978 00:53:46,795 --> 00:53:49,286 Now is that Miss or Missus Zachey? 979 00:53:49,398 --> 00:53:54,768 - Miss. - Miss. It had to be. Enchante. 980 00:53:56,838 --> 00:53:58,772 And who are you? 981 00:53:58,974 --> 00:54:01,465 Drill... Dr. Illbit. 982 00:54:02,411 --> 00:54:03,378 Oh. 983 00:54:03,478 --> 00:54:04,706 - Yeah. - A doctor. 984 00:54:04,813 --> 00:54:08,510 Teacher. Teacher and a doctor. Just want to help. 985 00:54:08,617 --> 00:54:12,644 People don't care how I do it. Just give me a chance to help. 986 00:54:12,955 --> 00:54:16,789 - You want some hot coffee? - Only in the worst way. 987 00:54:19,328 --> 00:54:21,853 Who can give me another name for gonorrhea? 988 00:54:24,866 --> 00:54:26,265 That's a little hint. 989 00:54:26,368 --> 00:54:30,771 That's right, the clap. Or the drip. 990 00:54:31,206 --> 00:54:33,174 All right, Dane? Get the lights. 991 00:54:33,275 --> 00:54:38,269 In the male, the bacteria of gonorrhea usually enters by way of the urethra. 992 00:54:38,380 --> 00:54:41,406 From two to five days later, the guy feels a painful burning, 993 00:54:41,516 --> 00:54:43,245 particularly when he urinates... 994 00:54:43,352 --> 00:54:45,650 They make these things to scare us. I'm not scared of this. 995 00:54:45,754 --> 00:54:48,723 ...looks like this. 996 00:54:48,957 --> 00:54:53,291 - I really like your suit. - Yeah. I really like your everything. 997 00:54:53,395 --> 00:54:54,919 Now what do we do? 998 00:54:55,030 --> 00:54:57,521 Not many teachers can afford a suit like that. 999 00:54:57,632 --> 00:54:59,566 - Yeah? - Lf he wants to eat. 1000 00:55:00,736 --> 00:55:02,966 Well, I mainly eat out of a dumpster. 1001 00:55:05,140 --> 00:55:07,165 I should try that. I need some new dresses. 1002 00:55:07,275 --> 00:55:11,234 Don't. Or if you do, stay away from the one at Ocean and Wilshire. 1003 00:55:11,346 --> 00:55:15,112 That's mine. Seriously, stay out of it. 1004 00:55:16,451 --> 00:55:19,420 - What are we doing? Let's go. - I don't know. 1005 00:55:19,521 --> 00:55:21,386 You're a bad boy. 1006 00:55:21,723 --> 00:55:25,215 - Maybe I need a detention. - You're funny. 1007 00:55:26,395 --> 00:55:29,159 - I'm not joking. - Me, either. 1008 00:55:35,937 --> 00:55:38,303 Look, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of the day 1009 00:55:38,407 --> 00:55:40,671 sitting on this couch with you, 1010 00:55:40,776 --> 00:55:44,473 but I got to get to class because my students need me. Okay? 1011 00:55:44,613 --> 00:55:48,344 No. You still have five minutes before the next class. 1012 00:55:48,683 --> 00:55:49,672 We do? 1013 00:55:49,785 --> 00:55:53,983 And you seem like someone who could accomplish a lot in five minutes. 1014 00:55:54,356 --> 00:55:56,153 I hope so. 1015 00:55:56,258 --> 00:55:59,352 Although five minutes might be four too many. 1016 00:56:02,931 --> 00:56:04,626 Let's go, let's go! 1017 00:56:04,733 --> 00:56:07,327 We really like Life Skills. Can we just stay in the room, maybe? 1018 00:56:07,436 --> 00:56:09,597 Why don't you practice some life skills out here in the hallway? 1019 00:56:09,704 --> 00:56:11,296 It's just as important. 1020 00:56:12,240 --> 00:56:13,229 Okay, where is he? 1021 00:56:13,341 --> 00:56:16,174 This is bull. Maybe I should just beat the crap out of you two. 1022 00:56:16,278 --> 00:56:18,143 There's Brooke! 1023 00:56:23,185 --> 00:56:24,652 Oh, no. There he is. 1024 00:56:31,359 --> 00:56:32,553 I think I'd better get... 1025 00:56:32,661 --> 00:56:34,151 When are you free? I want to see you. 1026 00:56:34,262 --> 00:56:36,423 - I have sixth period free. - Sixth period? Okay. 1027 00:56:36,531 --> 00:56:38,192 I think I have that period free, also. 1028 00:56:38,300 --> 00:56:40,131 Why don't we meet back here? Okay? 1029 00:56:40,235 --> 00:56:41,725 - Okay. - Meet me right here? 1030 00:56:41,837 --> 00:56:43,327 I'll keep the couch warm. 1031 00:56:43,438 --> 00:56:46,407 We better check the tags to make sure this couch is flame retardant. 1032 00:56:46,508 --> 00:56:47,805 - I will. - You know? 1033 00:56:47,976 --> 00:56:49,773 You know what I mean? Flame retardant? 1034 00:56:49,878 --> 00:56:51,436 - Yes. - 'Cause you're hot. 1035 00:56:53,014 --> 00:56:55,574 Where is Life Skills? 1036 00:56:58,053 --> 00:57:00,283 Drillbit, come in, please! Where are you? 1037 00:57:00,388 --> 00:57:01,377 Drillbit, come in! 1038 00:57:01,490 --> 00:57:04,015 I don't know! I can't understand Emmit's map! 1039 00:57:04,526 --> 00:57:07,586 - Go, go, go! - Come on, Emmit. Come on. 1040 00:57:08,029 --> 00:57:11,089 - Crap! - I knew Drillbit was a fraud. 1041 00:57:11,199 --> 00:57:13,292 - I told you! - He's gonna be here! 1042 00:57:13,401 --> 00:57:14,595 Life Skills! 1043 00:57:14,769 --> 00:57:17,363 I need Life Skills! 1044 00:57:17,939 --> 00:57:19,338 Out of my way! 1045 00:57:26,848 --> 00:57:29,408 Open the door! 1046 00:57:29,551 --> 00:57:30,882 How is that up to code? 1047 00:57:30,986 --> 00:57:33,318 Excuse me! Mordor Castle coming through! 1048 00:57:36,358 --> 00:57:39,020 Excuse me! Mordor Castle coming through! 1049 00:57:50,972 --> 00:57:53,031 This is real! This is not a drill. 1050 00:57:53,141 --> 00:57:55,006 Everybody, clear the hall! 1051 00:57:55,110 --> 00:57:57,874 That means you! Let's go! Clear the hall! 1052 00:58:00,382 --> 00:58:02,646 The freak actually came through, huh? 1053 00:58:03,952 --> 00:58:05,146 Awesome! 1054 00:58:12,561 --> 00:58:14,324 - Hoo-rah. - Hoo-rah. 1055 00:58:16,565 --> 00:58:17,862 All right. 1056 00:58:26,775 --> 00:58:28,800 Mister Filkins! Why don't you just come up 1057 00:58:28,910 --> 00:58:31,674 to the front of the class and read from 1058 00:58:31,780 --> 00:58:34,271 The Collected Works of the Romantic Poets? 1059 00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,486 "I like kissing this and that of you 1060 00:58:41,590 --> 00:58:46,584 "I like slowly stroking the shocking fuzz" 1061 00:58:50,732 --> 00:58:54,168 Hey, aren't you the guy that kicked Filkins' butt freestyling? 1062 00:58:55,003 --> 00:58:57,528 You better believe it. They call me T-Dog. 1063 00:58:57,672 --> 00:59:01,267 - Wow, that's cool. - He is so cute! 1064 00:59:01,376 --> 00:59:02,343 Wow. 1065 00:59:02,444 --> 00:59:04,708 Wade, this is Drillbit. Come in. Wade? 1066 00:59:05,313 --> 00:59:08,009 - Yeah? - Filkins is heading east down the stairs. 1067 00:59:08,116 --> 00:59:10,676 The first stairwell. He's coming down now. Watch your ass. 1068 00:59:10,785 --> 00:59:12,309 Read you. Copy. Roger. 1069 00:59:12,420 --> 00:59:15,321 F.Y.I., I just heard this pack of girls yapping, and your girl, Brooke, 1070 00:59:15,423 --> 00:59:19,189 just got cast in Romeo and Juliet. You might want to check that out. 1071 00:59:19,661 --> 00:59:23,688 Madam, madam, your lady mother is coming to your chamber! 1072 00:59:24,666 --> 00:59:27,328 The day is broke, be wary, look about. 1073 00:59:30,572 --> 00:59:33,905 Come on! You're dogging it! Faster! Faster! 1074 00:59:34,009 --> 00:59:35,810 Go! I want to see some more! 1075 00:59:36,077 --> 00:59:41,276 Go! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! One more! 1076 00:59:41,416 --> 00:59:43,281 And you guys! I don't want you just watching! 1077 00:59:43,385 --> 00:59:45,945 Do some bass fishing! Then reel it in! 1078 00:59:46,054 --> 00:59:47,112 Come on! 1079 00:59:47,222 --> 00:59:49,747 Let's go, keep going! Work some thumbs! 1080 00:59:49,858 --> 00:59:51,519 For texting! 1081 00:59:53,261 --> 00:59:54,489 Look out, huh? 1082 00:59:54,863 --> 00:59:58,765 - How was school, Professor? - It is great. 1083 00:59:59,301 --> 01:00:03,135 And as long as you got a coffee cup in your hand, nobody says anything. 1084 01:00:05,874 --> 01:00:07,637 I was thinking about writing a paper on... 1085 01:00:07,742 --> 01:00:09,232 - Hey! - What the... 1086 01:00:09,344 --> 01:00:10,368 Coffee cup. 1087 01:00:10,478 --> 01:00:13,208 Now, Castro, he knew that he was not gonna get 1088 01:00:13,315 --> 01:00:15,112 any action with Marilyn Monroe. 1089 01:00:15,216 --> 01:00:17,616 And that is why John F. Kennedy was shot. 1090 01:00:22,023 --> 01:00:25,322 - Don! - Hello, fellow teacher. 1091 01:00:31,166 --> 01:00:33,259 Come on, guys, hit the showers! 1092 01:00:34,836 --> 01:00:38,829 Look, my rope's too short. I can't get down. 1093 01:00:38,940 --> 01:00:41,909 Where you going? Get back here! 1094 01:00:42,744 --> 01:00:45,212 - Yo, hold on! - What is this? 1095 01:00:45,313 --> 01:00:47,543 Ronnie, let yourself down. 1096 01:00:58,793 --> 01:01:03,628 Happy birthday, Dr. Illbit 1097 01:01:03,732 --> 01:01:08,829 Happy birthday to you 1098 01:01:57,552 --> 01:02:01,454 Hey, T-Dog. You've got to admit hiring Drillbit was a good idea. 1099 01:02:01,556 --> 01:02:03,251 - Okay, you're right. - See? 1100 01:02:03,425 --> 01:02:06,792 The freak's actually worth all the money we're spending on him, I guess. 1101 01:02:06,895 --> 01:02:08,385 Good morning. 1102 01:02:08,763 --> 01:02:12,221 - Great coffee this morning, Dr. Illbit. - Enjoy it. 1103 01:02:12,767 --> 01:02:15,133 - You know, I really like it here. - You're doing a great job, Drillbit. 1104 01:02:15,236 --> 01:02:16,362 I know I am. 1105 01:02:16,638 --> 01:02:18,435 Come here, come here, come here. 1106 01:02:18,973 --> 01:02:21,066 Okay, quick. Pop quiz. You like a girl. 1107 01:02:21,176 --> 01:02:22,837 You're completely shocked that she likes you. 1108 01:02:22,944 --> 01:02:25,970 Things are already just crazy hot, just loco. 1109 01:02:26,114 --> 01:02:28,105 But now you'd like to ask her out. 1110 01:02:28,216 --> 01:02:31,379 And you're not sure if she's just in it for the sex. 1111 01:02:31,486 --> 01:02:33,647 And you haven't been on a date in forever. 1112 01:02:33,755 --> 01:02:35,279 And you're a little bit afraid, 1113 01:02:35,390 --> 01:02:37,187 and you don't know what the hell you're doing, anyway. 1114 01:02:37,292 --> 01:02:38,816 Well, I can't really relate to that, 1115 01:02:38,927 --> 01:02:41,452 but what I would do is just join every club she's in 1116 01:02:41,563 --> 01:02:44,123 and eventually work up the nerve to talk to her. 1117 01:02:44,232 --> 01:02:46,700 - And how's that working for you? - Not at all. 1118 01:02:46,801 --> 01:02:49,269 Okay, look. One should do the opposite. 1119 01:02:49,370 --> 01:02:50,997 - Yeah, probably. - Okay. 1120 01:02:51,439 --> 01:02:55,375 Congratulations, you just passed. Hey, scram. Scram. Crotch blocker. 1121 01:02:58,580 --> 01:02:59,706 - Hey. - Hey. 1122 01:02:59,814 --> 01:03:02,339 - Look, you look pretty. - Thank you. 1123 01:03:02,817 --> 01:03:04,444 You know, I haven't been on a lot of dates, 1124 01:03:04,552 --> 01:03:07,248 and I really don't know the way this is supposed to work, 1125 01:03:07,355 --> 01:03:08,845 because we kind of skipped that part. 1126 01:03:08,957 --> 01:03:13,326 But would you ever want to get together after school and maybe hang out? 1127 01:03:15,063 --> 01:03:16,360 I'm sorry. 1128 01:03:16,764 --> 01:03:21,326 Rule 35A in the teacher's manual states that you cannot date other teachers. 1129 01:03:22,103 --> 01:03:26,767 Oh, really. Yeah. Probably a good policy. 1130 01:03:27,175 --> 01:03:28,233 Yeah. 1131 01:03:28,543 --> 01:03:31,137 So it's a good thing you're a doctor. 1132 01:03:33,781 --> 01:03:35,339 So, yes. 1133 01:03:38,119 --> 01:03:40,417 - I'll see you tonight? - Okay. 1134 01:03:41,489 --> 01:03:44,652 The Battle of Sekigahara 1135 01:03:45,126 --> 01:03:49,586 when Kanetsugu mocked Tokunaga's abuses, 1136 01:03:50,064 --> 01:03:53,295 which only infuriated Tokunaga 1137 01:03:54,068 --> 01:04:00,667 who then summoned Toyotomi and united Japan. 1138 01:04:01,175 --> 01:04:03,643 And kept the local feudal lords from warring. 1139 01:04:03,745 --> 01:04:06,578 Hey. What are you doing in this club? 1140 01:04:06,681 --> 01:04:08,114 I'm Asian. 1141 01:04:08,216 --> 01:04:09,706 He died. Then... 1142 01:04:09,817 --> 01:04:12,217 - No, you aren't. - Yeah. A little bit. 1143 01:04:12,887 --> 01:04:13,854 Really? 1144 01:04:15,590 --> 01:04:18,616 - You don't even look a little Asian. - Yeah, I know. 1145 01:04:19,527 --> 01:04:21,461 The West attacked first. 1146 01:04:22,263 --> 01:04:25,858 So how come I see you in, like, so many activities I'm in? 1147 01:04:27,101 --> 01:04:30,901 Just... I joined some of the clubs you were in because 1148 01:04:31,005 --> 01:04:32,905 I wanted to have a chance to talk to you. 1149 01:04:33,007 --> 01:04:38,309 Wakisaka, 990 men. Ankokuji, 1,800 men. 1150 01:04:38,947 --> 01:04:41,814 So you're not Asian. 1151 01:04:41,916 --> 01:04:42,883 No. 1152 01:04:44,519 --> 01:04:47,386 Well, maybe somewhere way back. 1153 01:04:47,655 --> 01:04:52,490 Chosokabe, 6,600 men. This is exciting, don't you think? 1154 01:04:52,627 --> 01:04:53,992 All these men. 1155 01:04:54,128 --> 01:04:56,096 Well, you can't quit now. 1156 01:04:56,197 --> 01:04:58,256 I'm gonna make you come to all our meetings. 1157 01:04:58,366 --> 01:05:00,459 Membership is way down this year. 1158 01:05:00,568 --> 01:05:02,263 Okay. I can do that. 1159 01:05:03,338 --> 01:05:07,365 - Is everything okay at school? - Yeah. Everything's fine. I'm busy. 1160 01:05:07,475 --> 01:05:11,536 Honey, I know there's a lot of pressure on kids once they get to high school. 1161 01:05:11,646 --> 01:05:13,273 And there are kids who are gonna want to be your friend, 1162 01:05:13,381 --> 01:05:15,975 but they'll also want you to take their drugs. 1163 01:05:16,684 --> 01:05:19,118 I just noticed that you seem to be out of money a lot lately, 1164 01:05:19,220 --> 01:05:21,552 and I want to make sure you're not spending your money on that. 1165 01:05:21,656 --> 01:05:24,284 No! I'm not doing drugs, Mom. I promise. 1166 01:05:24,392 --> 01:05:26,587 Coach says drugs are for losers. 1167 01:05:28,129 --> 01:05:29,824 You sure you're not high? 1168 01:05:30,665 --> 01:05:31,632 No! 1169 01:05:31,733 --> 01:05:33,530 Well, I notice you're really going at your food. 1170 01:05:33,635 --> 01:05:36,900 - Got the munchies? - Anyways, we just worry about you. 1171 01:05:37,405 --> 01:05:38,497 I understand that. 1172 01:05:38,606 --> 01:05:42,064 Also, I'm missing a silver platter that was in the living room. 1173 01:05:42,176 --> 01:05:44,041 - Have you seen it? - I'm taking Home Ec. 1174 01:05:44,145 --> 01:05:46,340 We needed serving trays for appetizers. Sorry. 1175 01:05:46,447 --> 01:05:48,074 Yeah, well, come to think of it, I'm missing a watch. 1176 01:05:48,182 --> 01:05:50,013 You didn't take that to Home Ec, too, did you? 1177 01:05:50,118 --> 01:05:52,177 Oh, yeah. We're making watch cupcakes, Jim. 1178 01:05:52,286 --> 01:05:53,981 Watch it, wise guy. 1179 01:05:59,627 --> 01:06:01,117 Hey. 1180 01:06:02,397 --> 01:06:05,366 Careful, Wade. You don't sneak up on somebody like that. 1181 01:06:05,466 --> 01:06:06,694 - Sorry. - No, it's okay. 1182 01:06:06,801 --> 01:06:08,701 But I could have jumped up and killed you in two moves, 1183 01:06:08,803 --> 01:06:11,465 and then, I don't know, I'd feel guilty. 1184 01:06:11,572 --> 01:06:14,200 - I talked to Brooke. - Really? Have a seat. 1185 01:06:14,308 --> 01:06:16,333 - I think she might like me. - Yeah? 1186 01:06:16,444 --> 01:06:18,275 Yeah. At least a little bit. 1187 01:06:18,379 --> 01:06:20,313 That's all you need. Get your foot in the door. 1188 01:06:20,415 --> 01:06:22,883 I don't think I would have had the confidence to have tried without you. 1189 01:06:22,984 --> 01:06:24,315 - I mean... - Come on. 1190 01:06:24,419 --> 01:06:26,649 It's been great having someone around who, like, likes me 1191 01:06:26,754 --> 01:06:28,881 and isn't making fun of me or telling me to join the football team 1192 01:06:28,990 --> 01:06:30,457 like my stepdad. 1193 01:06:30,558 --> 01:06:33,584 Just do your best. Be all you can be. What's the Army always say? 1194 01:06:33,695 --> 01:06:35,322 "Have it your way." 1195 01:06:36,998 --> 01:06:39,296 I think that's Burger King. 1196 01:06:41,602 --> 01:06:43,433 Where do you think they got it from? 1197 01:06:43,538 --> 01:06:47,065 Plus, what you did. The whole black ops bodyguard thing. 1198 01:06:48,843 --> 01:06:50,174 Well, yeah. 1199 01:06:51,846 --> 01:06:54,508 Yeah. I actually wanted to be a doctor. 1200 01:06:56,217 --> 01:06:57,275 Yeah. 1201 01:06:57,985 --> 01:07:02,388 But my old man was an Army colonel, wouldn't pay for me to go to college. 1202 01:07:03,858 --> 01:07:08,420 Yeah. He always said, "Drillbit, you're not the doctor type. You're stupid." 1203 01:07:09,163 --> 01:07:12,496 I guess he thought that because I didn't get good grades 1204 01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:14,568 or like to go to school. 1205 01:07:18,206 --> 01:07:20,970 I don't know. Maybe he was right. 1206 01:07:21,075 --> 01:07:23,043 So you became an army of one. 1207 01:07:24,278 --> 01:07:25,768 An army of one. 1208 01:07:27,248 --> 01:07:28,306 Here. 1209 01:07:29,250 --> 01:07:31,013 We made this for you. 1210 01:07:32,153 --> 01:07:33,484 An army of four. 1211 01:07:36,257 --> 01:07:38,191 I don't know if you understand, 1212 01:07:38,292 --> 01:07:42,388 but before we met you, we thought our lives were gonna suck forever. 1213 01:07:42,497 --> 01:07:43,987 At least I did. 1214 01:07:46,067 --> 01:07:51,266 Well, you're right. I don't understand because of how hardened I am. 1215 01:07:52,440 --> 01:07:55,568 Tough thing about what I do is I can't let my guard down. 1216 01:07:57,512 --> 01:07:59,878 Well, for what it's worth, 1217 01:07:59,981 --> 01:08:03,508 I hope after all this is done, you'll still be my friend. 1218 01:08:03,651 --> 01:08:04,618 Bye. 1219 01:08:13,394 --> 01:08:15,521 This is so beautiful. 1220 01:08:16,130 --> 01:08:17,791 I love coming out here. 1221 01:08:17,899 --> 01:08:22,393 Actually, I used to live in a small place near here until it got re-zoned. 1222 01:08:23,204 --> 01:08:24,228 Yeah. 1223 01:08:24,338 --> 01:08:26,431 - That's a shame. - Nah. Probably just as well. 1224 01:08:26,541 --> 01:08:28,270 Hey, stranger. 1225 01:08:29,277 --> 01:08:31,802 Can you spare some change, stranger? 1226 01:08:32,079 --> 01:08:33,478 Here you go. 1227 01:08:35,716 --> 01:08:36,842 - Sucker. - Yeah. 1228 01:08:38,219 --> 01:08:40,551 Got some money for some food? Hi. 1229 01:08:42,990 --> 01:08:44,753 No time to be cheap. 1230 01:08:45,660 --> 01:08:48,561 - Wow. - Good evening, sir. Can I get a dollar? 1231 01:08:50,898 --> 01:08:52,297 - Cool. Thank you very much. - Yeah. 1232 01:08:52,400 --> 01:08:54,425 Hey, can I get another dollar? 1233 01:08:58,639 --> 01:09:00,266 You look familiar. 1234 01:09:02,009 --> 01:09:03,806 You know that you're a better person than me, 1235 01:09:03,911 --> 01:09:08,348 because, I hate to say it, but I just get irritated. 1236 01:09:08,449 --> 01:09:12,180 They irritate the shit out of me. I felt like... 1237 01:09:12,286 --> 01:09:16,416 But then you have to think, they work for the grace of God, so... 1238 01:09:16,524 --> 01:09:19,789 - That's cute. - Hey, you want to see something cool? 1239 01:09:19,894 --> 01:09:21,191 Come here. 1240 01:09:21,562 --> 01:09:23,189 - There. - Thank you. 1241 01:09:25,600 --> 01:09:27,966 So what else do you have in here? 1242 01:09:28,369 --> 01:09:30,360 - Two-buck Chuck. - You know that wine? 1243 01:09:30,471 --> 01:09:32,200 I love this wine. 1244 01:09:32,306 --> 01:09:35,070 - That's all a teacher can afford. - Tell me about it. 1245 01:09:35,376 --> 01:09:36,638 Get this. 1246 01:09:37,979 --> 01:09:39,776 And here I was all worried that you were gonna take me 1247 01:09:39,881 --> 01:09:42,372 to some hip dance club or something. 1248 01:09:43,384 --> 01:09:45,784 That's definitely not me. 1249 01:09:46,354 --> 01:09:48,151 But, no, I'm actually more of 1250 01:09:48,256 --> 01:09:50,884 a kind of simple, just down to earth outdoorsman. 1251 01:09:51,158 --> 01:09:53,490 I like that you don't try too hard. 1252 01:09:54,161 --> 01:09:57,619 The truth is, this is me trying really, really hard. 1253 01:09:58,165 --> 01:09:59,530 That's cute. 1254 01:10:02,503 --> 01:10:05,097 Look, I want to talk to you. I mean... 1255 01:10:08,643 --> 01:10:11,737 There's some things I want you to know about me. 1256 01:10:11,846 --> 01:10:15,543 I want us to look each other in the eye, and I want us to get it out on the table, 1257 01:10:15,650 --> 01:10:18,744 and we just, you know, we listen, and there's no judgment. 1258 01:10:18,853 --> 01:10:24,223 God. You're just so great. You're really just like the perfect guy for me. 1259 01:10:24,692 --> 01:10:27,024 - Really? - I'm serious. 1260 01:10:27,128 --> 01:10:31,462 You're just beautiful, and you're nice to me, and it's so great. 1261 01:10:32,099 --> 01:10:36,126 'Cause I'm really just always attracted to just such dirtbag guys. 1262 01:10:36,304 --> 01:10:37,328 They're out there. 1263 01:10:37,438 --> 01:10:41,067 I'm a real loser magnet. It's, like, on some unconscious level, 1264 01:10:41,175 --> 01:10:46,306 I just need to be with a guy who has absolutely nothing going for him. 1265 01:10:46,414 --> 01:10:50,373 You know, just some loser, some bum lying pig. 1266 01:10:50,484 --> 01:10:51,815 - Stop, stop, stop, stop. - You know, just... 1267 01:10:51,919 --> 01:10:52,908 Stop it. 1268 01:10:53,020 --> 01:10:56,922 I get it. You made some bad choices, and who hasn't? 1269 01:10:57,692 --> 01:10:59,990 It's just you were starting to rant a little bit. 1270 01:11:00,094 --> 01:11:01,618 It's just I'm happy to be with somebody... 1271 01:11:01,729 --> 01:11:02,696 I know. 1272 01:11:02,797 --> 01:11:05,630 You're with a doctor now. 1273 01:11:06,367 --> 01:11:08,835 Yeah. Thank God. 1274 01:11:10,604 --> 01:11:12,299 Let's just kiss. 1275 01:11:26,020 --> 01:11:27,578 Did you do that? 1276 01:11:28,089 --> 01:11:30,649 Kid just jumped out of the bushes and started jamming. That's weird. 1277 01:11:32,393 --> 01:11:34,486 I got nothing to do with it. 1278 01:11:58,019 --> 01:12:00,510 - That naked guy's my teacher! - What? 1279 01:12:00,621 --> 01:12:02,179 - Yeah! - He ain't your teacher! 1280 01:12:02,289 --> 01:12:05,520 Every day he's at the off-ramp. I give him some change. 1281 01:12:05,626 --> 01:12:07,457 What do you mean? Like a bum? 1282 01:12:07,561 --> 01:12:11,258 What are you talking about? He's not a bum! Less fortunate! 1283 01:12:12,867 --> 01:12:14,391 Yeah, or get out of the way. 1284 01:12:14,502 --> 01:12:15,662 How're you doing? 1285 01:12:15,770 --> 01:12:17,397 - Hey, how's it going, Drillbit? - Hey, Drillbit. 1286 01:12:17,505 --> 01:12:19,166 So, listen, you know the thing we talked about? 1287 01:12:19,273 --> 01:12:20,433 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1288 01:12:20,608 --> 01:12:21,768 - Plan's off. - What? 1289 01:12:21,876 --> 01:12:24,640 - Drillbit! Drillbit. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1290 01:12:24,979 --> 01:12:26,207 What do you mean the plan's off? 1291 01:12:26,313 --> 01:12:29,043 It's not off. I just mean let's... Let's postpone it. 1292 01:12:29,150 --> 01:12:30,742 'Cause I don't think we need to get their belongings now. 1293 01:12:30,851 --> 01:12:32,876 These kids, they kind of look at me like I'm a hero, 1294 01:12:32,987 --> 01:12:34,545 and, I don't know, let's run with that for a little bit. 1295 01:12:34,655 --> 01:12:35,849 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 1296 01:12:36,023 --> 01:12:38,150 You're really getting into this whole teacher thing here, huh? 1297 01:12:38,259 --> 01:12:40,090 With the sweaters and the loafers. 1298 01:12:40,194 --> 01:12:43,061 - They're wingtips. - You look like you teach Fagonometry. 1299 01:12:43,164 --> 01:12:45,223 What the hell is this? Who are you? 1300 01:12:45,332 --> 01:12:49,098 I got an old saying for you, Drillbit, "You can't polish a turd." 1301 01:12:49,203 --> 01:12:51,364 Hey, Don, first of all, that's not an old saying. 1302 01:12:51,472 --> 01:12:52,530 You stole that from me. 1303 01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:55,108 I say it all the time. Secondly, I'm insulted. 1304 01:12:55,209 --> 01:12:57,769 Well, you should be. Drillbit, I know you. 1305 01:12:58,045 --> 01:13:00,275 And the real you would do this deal, man. 1306 01:13:00,381 --> 01:13:04,112 There's a lot of heads that want to feed off of this, man. Don't let us down. 1307 01:13:04,218 --> 01:13:05,708 No! No, that's just it. 1308 01:13:05,820 --> 01:13:07,845 For the first time, I'm not letting everybody down. 1309 01:13:07,955 --> 01:13:10,583 - And now you're not making any sense! - Yeah. 1310 01:13:10,691 --> 01:13:14,787 That guy's a fraud! He's a bum in a Mister Rogers sweater! 1311 01:13:18,899 --> 01:13:20,730 Yo, yo, yo, yo. Okay, check it out, check it out. 1312 01:13:20,835 --> 01:13:21,927 I just saw the new substitute... 1313 01:13:22,036 --> 01:13:24,004 Delta-four-niner, this is Yu-Gi-Oh-seven. 1314 01:13:24,105 --> 01:13:25,800 On the highway to the danger zone. 1315 01:13:25,906 --> 01:13:27,567 Repeat, on the highway, over. 1316 01:13:27,675 --> 01:13:29,540 Oh, shitballs! 1317 01:13:29,643 --> 01:13:31,838 Yu-Gi-Oh-four-seven, you are not clear to cross. 1318 01:13:31,946 --> 01:13:34,039 Repeat, you got a bogie northbound. 1319 01:13:34,148 --> 01:13:35,547 - Oh, crap. - Guys, hold your position. 1320 01:13:35,683 --> 01:13:36,672 I'm en route. 1321 01:13:36,784 --> 01:13:38,445 Guys, hold your position! 1322 01:13:40,254 --> 01:13:41,915 Come here, you little rat turds! 1323 01:13:42,022 --> 01:13:43,580 No! Come on! 1324 01:13:43,691 --> 01:13:45,056 Yo, so what'd you do, huh? 1325 01:13:45,159 --> 01:13:47,491 What, did you give the substitute teacher some spare change 1326 01:13:47,595 --> 01:13:49,586 - so he'd give us a hard time? - Get them! 1327 01:13:49,697 --> 01:13:50,959 Mister Filkins? 1328 01:13:51,065 --> 01:13:52,657 Excuse me. I need you to get to class. 1329 01:13:52,766 --> 01:13:55,064 And you three, I want you out of here, too! 1330 01:13:55,169 --> 01:13:56,500 - Go on! - Hey. 1331 01:13:56,637 --> 01:13:58,605 Get out of my face, you bum! 1332 01:13:58,706 --> 01:14:01,368 Maybe I will if you stop hassling these kids. 1333 01:14:01,475 --> 01:14:02,874 But until you're ready to do that, 1334 01:14:02,977 --> 01:14:05,207 I'm gonna give you some detentions to think about it. 1335 01:14:05,312 --> 01:14:07,405 Please, just don't, don't give me detention. 1336 01:14:07,515 --> 01:14:10,382 Yeah. That's my power, and I will exercise it. 1337 01:14:10,484 --> 01:14:12,645 And then what? Huh? You gonna make us shower on the beach 1338 01:14:12,753 --> 01:14:14,220 with you and the rest of the bums? 1339 01:14:14,321 --> 01:14:16,516 - Yeah, we're on to you, buddy. - What's that supposed to mean? 1340 01:14:16,624 --> 01:14:20,458 What a freak. You got some weird little fantasies there, kid. 1341 01:14:20,561 --> 01:14:23,325 Okay, here's the deal. Let me make it real simple. 1342 01:14:23,430 --> 01:14:25,295 I'm a faculty... 1343 01:14:26,433 --> 01:14:28,230 Punk-ass! 1344 01:14:28,636 --> 01:14:31,662 - He got me right in the ear! - Run! Run! 1345 01:14:31,772 --> 01:14:34,434 - Yeah! Run! Save yourself! - Run! 1346 01:14:34,575 --> 01:14:35,542 Medic! 1347 01:14:36,610 --> 01:14:38,100 Medic! 1348 01:14:38,479 --> 01:14:40,447 I got hit right in the nose! 1349 01:14:40,581 --> 01:14:42,640 Followed up by a shot to the ear! 1350 01:14:43,450 --> 01:14:45,850 Oh, man. Okay. 1351 01:14:49,023 --> 01:14:50,854 Oh, that doesn't work at all. 1352 01:14:52,226 --> 01:14:55,195 - This whole time he's a bum! - Hey! Hey, you guys, hold it! Wait up! 1353 01:14:55,296 --> 01:14:58,163 - Guys, let me explain! - Explain what, huh? 1354 01:14:59,300 --> 01:15:01,461 Filkins is just gonna come after us harder than ever! 1355 01:15:01,569 --> 01:15:02,627 What was that about showering on the beach? 1356 01:15:02,736 --> 01:15:03,703 You guys, hold it. 1357 01:15:03,804 --> 01:15:04,862 Why would you shower on the beach? 1358 01:15:04,972 --> 01:15:05,961 Why don't we all just shower on the beach? 1359 01:15:06,073 --> 01:15:07,165 It's part of my morning fitness regimen! 1360 01:15:07,274 --> 01:15:09,299 I jog on the beach five miles, then I swim ten miles. 1361 01:15:09,410 --> 01:15:11,674 That's what I do to stay in shape. Then I shower. 1362 01:15:11,779 --> 01:15:13,440 So, why didn't you defend yourself? 1363 01:15:13,547 --> 01:15:15,981 'Cause I got sucker punched! Look at this! 1364 01:15:17,885 --> 01:15:19,318 Then I got hit in the ear, 1365 01:15:19,420 --> 01:15:22,753 which you probably can't even see, 'cause it's so deep in the ear canal. 1366 01:15:22,856 --> 01:15:23,823 I didn't really get hurt, 1367 01:15:23,924 --> 01:15:26,984 but I just kind of went down to give you guys a chance to get away. 1368 01:15:27,094 --> 01:15:28,618 We paid you to beat him up! 1369 01:15:28,729 --> 01:15:31,857 How am I gonna beat him up with all these kids around? 1370 01:15:31,966 --> 01:15:34,935 Okay, then the principal comes and maybe some cops. 1371 01:15:35,035 --> 01:15:37,094 They'll find out I'm not a real teacher. 1372 01:15:37,204 --> 01:15:39,638 What good am I if I'm sitting there in jail? 1373 01:15:39,740 --> 01:15:42,504 Look, I took a bullet for you guys today. 1374 01:15:42,710 --> 01:15:44,371 You guys got off scot-free! 1375 01:15:44,478 --> 01:15:46,207 - Did you get hurt? - No. 1376 01:15:46,313 --> 01:15:48,042 - Did you get hurt? - No. 1377 01:15:48,515 --> 01:15:51,313 I'm like one of those guys jumping in front of the President. 1378 01:15:51,418 --> 01:15:54,182 And, look, I'm not expecting a thank you. That's my job. 1379 01:15:54,288 --> 01:15:55,949 But maybe give me a bonus or something. 1380 01:15:56,056 --> 01:15:59,025 Sly used to throw in a car every now and then. 1381 01:16:01,729 --> 01:16:03,594 I'm so sorry, Drillbit. 1382 01:16:06,567 --> 01:16:09,058 What am I gonna do with you guys? 1383 01:16:10,471 --> 01:16:12,200 You want some cereal? 1384 01:16:12,306 --> 01:16:14,900 - You got any Cap'n Crunch? - Yeah. 1385 01:16:15,175 --> 01:16:16,199 Let's go. 1386 01:16:20,279 --> 01:16:21,337 - Drillbit! - What are you doing? 1387 01:16:21,447 --> 01:16:22,880 - What the hell? - No, don't, stop. Come on. 1388 01:16:22,982 --> 01:16:24,472 - Put that stuff down! - Hey, no way, man! 1389 01:16:24,583 --> 01:16:26,073 - Drillbit, why you yelling? - Drillbit, back off, man! 1390 01:16:26,185 --> 01:16:28,619 - You know these guys? - No, I don't know these people! 1391 01:16:28,721 --> 01:16:29,881 We're almost done here, all right? 1392 01:16:29,989 --> 01:16:32,184 - I am freaking out! - My parents are gonna kill me! 1393 01:16:32,291 --> 01:16:33,690 - What the hell's going on? - Everything's fine! 1394 01:16:33,793 --> 01:16:35,021 - Screw this, man! I'm out of here! - Wait a second! 1395 01:16:35,127 --> 01:16:36,219 - Why are you all yelling? - Don? 1396 01:16:36,329 --> 01:16:38,559 - Not like this! What are you doing? - Take it easy! 1397 01:16:38,664 --> 01:16:40,757 - Just take it easy, man. - This isn't the plan. 1398 01:16:40,866 --> 01:16:42,891 - Relax. - All the shit's gone in your house. 1399 01:16:43,002 --> 01:16:44,264 You came to me as a man, I came to you as a man. 1400 01:16:44,370 --> 01:16:45,860 All the shit is gone in my house! 1401 01:16:45,971 --> 01:16:47,404 - Are you... - Don't you touch me! 1402 01:16:47,506 --> 01:16:49,565 Don't make me Billy Jack your ass. 1403 01:16:51,544 --> 01:16:52,602 Watch out! 1404 01:17:03,222 --> 01:17:05,383 That's how you Billy Jack somebody's ass. 1405 01:17:05,491 --> 01:17:06,617 Come on, Bernie, let's go! 1406 01:17:06,726 --> 01:17:08,557 Let's go! Go on, get out of the way, man! 1407 01:17:08,661 --> 01:17:10,253 - Let's go! - Let's go! 1408 01:17:10,363 --> 01:17:12,661 You'd better run! I saw your faces! 1409 01:17:12,765 --> 01:17:15,131 I got a photogenic memory! 1410 01:17:15,301 --> 01:17:17,531 Get out of my house, you asshole! 1411 01:17:17,636 --> 01:17:20,332 What? There's another one? I'll kill the asshole! 1412 01:17:20,439 --> 01:17:23,499 No! You, asshole! Get out of my house, now! Look at what you've done! 1413 01:17:23,609 --> 01:17:25,338 I didn't do anything! 1414 01:17:25,511 --> 01:17:27,479 I'm trying to help you guys! Look at me! 1415 01:17:27,580 --> 01:17:29,411 Wade, I think one of them peed in your kitchen. 1416 01:17:29,515 --> 01:17:31,608 - Great! - Should I call the police? 1417 01:17:31,751 --> 01:17:33,844 No, don't call the police! Just stop. 1418 01:17:33,953 --> 01:17:35,818 Drillbit, just tell us the truth. 1419 01:17:35,921 --> 01:17:39,254 You can't handle the truth! I can't... What do you want to hear? 1420 01:17:39,358 --> 01:17:41,326 That I was raised in an orphanage? 1421 01:17:41,427 --> 01:17:44,225 That I... That no one wanted me? You don't want to hear that! 1422 01:17:44,330 --> 01:17:46,298 'Cause that's a lie, too! 1423 01:17:48,701 --> 01:17:52,068 Fine. Maybe I wasn't completely straight with you guys about who I am. 1424 01:17:52,171 --> 01:17:54,162 So you lied about being in the military? 1425 01:17:54,273 --> 01:17:57,709 No! That's true. I was trained by the United States Army. 1426 01:17:57,810 --> 01:18:00,677 Then why could a teenager beat you up with so little effort? 1427 01:18:00,780 --> 01:18:04,307 Because I don't like violence. I wasn't cut out to be a soldier. 1428 01:18:04,617 --> 01:18:07,085 - Boo-hoo. - I like the parts with the repelling 1429 01:18:07,186 --> 01:18:10,622 and the crawling through the mud and the swinging on the monkey bars 1430 01:18:10,723 --> 01:18:14,318 and the helping the wounded, but I don't like confrontation. 1431 01:18:14,427 --> 01:18:17,954 Even this, with you three ganging up on me, is not... I don't... 1432 01:18:18,497 --> 01:18:20,624 - It's really... I'm sorry. - Shit! 1433 01:18:20,900 --> 01:18:24,336 You were in the military, huh? Tell me where you served. 1434 01:18:24,537 --> 01:18:28,701 My company was in the Middle East, and I was there for like half a day. 1435 01:18:28,808 --> 01:18:33,541 I saw some camels and heard some, 1436 01:18:34,180 --> 01:18:37,047 I think, were some explosions, I don't know. 1437 01:18:37,550 --> 01:18:41,646 And it was... It was so hot over there. It was... 1438 01:18:42,521 --> 01:18:45,854 I just climbed in the wheel well of a cargo plane, and I flew back to the U.S. 1439 01:18:45,958 --> 01:18:48,358 I went AWOL. It was... 1440 01:18:48,461 --> 01:18:50,554 Is your name even Drillbit? 1441 01:18:50,896 --> 01:18:52,056 Is my... 1442 01:18:53,132 --> 01:18:55,191 What? How can you ask me that? 1443 01:18:55,501 --> 01:18:56,627 Is it? 1444 01:18:57,803 --> 01:19:01,899 No, it's... It's Alamo Taylor. 1445 01:19:05,511 --> 01:19:07,376 No. That's a lie, too. 1446 01:19:08,647 --> 01:19:11,912 There I go, trying to impress a bunch of kids again. 1447 01:19:13,619 --> 01:19:15,610 When are you gonna grow up? 1448 01:19:15,721 --> 01:19:18,053 My real name is Bob Taylor. 1449 01:19:18,524 --> 01:19:20,617 Not Robert, just Bob. 1450 01:19:21,927 --> 01:19:25,055 There, you satisfied? And I didn't kill anyone with a drill bit. 1451 01:19:25,164 --> 01:19:26,927 Although when I was in high school, 1452 01:19:27,032 --> 01:19:29,523 I did puncture my pinky with a drill bit. 1453 01:19:29,802 --> 01:19:32,771 And everyone started calling me Drillbit, making fun of me. 1454 01:19:32,872 --> 01:19:34,703 - Okay? And you can see the scar... - No, get away. 1455 01:19:34,807 --> 01:19:36,468 ...if you look closely right there. Can you see? 1456 01:19:36,575 --> 01:19:40,306 Look, Ryan, look, you can see it. It's real. Look. 1457 01:19:40,412 --> 01:19:41,504 Can you see it in the light? 1458 01:19:41,614 --> 01:19:46,415 So you were just using us to take our money and everything in my house? 1459 01:19:54,026 --> 01:19:56,392 That's kind of an oversimplification. 1460 01:19:57,963 --> 01:19:59,828 I thought you cared about us. 1461 01:20:00,432 --> 01:20:02,798 I do. I just... 1462 01:20:04,069 --> 01:20:06,299 I thought you were my friend. 1463 01:20:07,506 --> 01:20:10,236 Get out, Drillbit, and don't ever come back. 1464 01:20:15,714 --> 01:20:16,976 Leave! 1465 01:20:19,084 --> 01:20:20,381 I'm sorry. 1466 01:20:28,627 --> 01:20:29,594 Hello? 1467 01:20:29,695 --> 01:20:30,923 Hey. Yeah, look, I know... 1468 01:20:31,030 --> 01:20:32,725 I'm sorry, I know I was supposed to meet you, 1469 01:20:32,831 --> 01:20:35,527 but I'm just having a real terrible day. 1470 01:20:35,668 --> 01:20:37,135 Where are you? 1471 01:20:37,770 --> 01:20:41,706 Remember you said you had that real self-destructive pattern 1472 01:20:41,807 --> 01:20:46,835 of always going out with guys that were just real losers, just dirtbags? 1473 01:20:46,946 --> 01:20:48,914 Total zeros. 1474 01:20:49,014 --> 01:20:50,743 - Yes. - Well. 1475 01:20:50,849 --> 01:20:53,511 You might not be out of the woods yet with that. 1476 01:20:53,719 --> 01:20:58,918 No, you said you were a doctor. You're a doctor. You're not a doctor? 1477 01:20:59,024 --> 01:21:00,491 No, I'm not a doctor. 1478 01:21:00,593 --> 01:21:04,120 I'm a homeless U.S. Army deserter. I was... 1479 01:21:04,229 --> 01:21:07,221 I'm not a teacher, but I'm at the school. I'm trying to protect these kids. 1480 01:21:07,333 --> 01:21:10,097 What? What did you say about homeless? 1481 01:21:10,970 --> 01:21:15,236 Like, metaphorically speaking or in a box? 1482 01:21:18,410 --> 01:21:20,503 You got to let it out. 1483 01:21:20,846 --> 01:21:24,805 You got to just let it out. Just... 1484 01:21:30,456 --> 01:21:31,787 That's not it. 1485 01:21:31,957 --> 01:21:35,620 Drillbit? I mean, Bob. It's us, the guys. 1486 01:21:36,228 --> 01:21:39,288 - Pick up, Bob. - Yeah, pick up, Drillbit. 1487 01:21:40,165 --> 01:21:41,154 Boys? 1488 01:21:41,266 --> 01:21:43,734 We just called to say we're calling the cops on you, 1489 01:21:43,836 --> 01:21:47,567 and we hope you spend the rest of your pathetic life in prison! 1490 01:21:47,673 --> 01:21:51,370 Now I see why people call you Drillbit. Because you screw people! 1491 01:21:51,510 --> 01:21:54,377 You're a jackass and a dirtbag. 1492 01:21:54,847 --> 01:21:57,077 And I want my bar mitzvah money back. 1493 01:21:57,216 --> 01:22:00,447 Oh, yeah, and I'd like my walkie-talkie back. Over. 1494 01:22:06,759 --> 01:22:08,954 I tell you what, I'll give you 1,500 for everything. 1495 01:22:09,061 --> 01:22:10,358 1,500? Come on, man. 1496 01:22:10,462 --> 01:22:12,521 This stuff holds a lot of sentimental value. 1497 01:22:12,631 --> 01:22:15,259 - To who? - To the people I stole it from. 1498 01:22:15,367 --> 01:22:16,732 I don't care about them. 1,500. 1499 01:22:16,835 --> 01:22:19,303 All right. Deal. What do I do? Just back this thing up? 1500 01:22:19,405 --> 01:22:21,532 - Yeah, back it right up. - All right. 1501 01:22:25,611 --> 01:22:27,442 How're you doing, Don? 1502 01:22:30,115 --> 01:22:33,175 You got a real stupid laugh, you know that, Don? 1503 01:22:34,453 --> 01:22:36,284 How about you go ahead and hop on out of that van here, 1504 01:22:36,388 --> 01:22:38,117 so I can kick your ass again? 1505 01:22:38,223 --> 01:22:40,953 Sorry, but this haul's getting returned to sender. 1506 01:22:41,060 --> 01:22:42,652 - Oh, really? - Yeah, it is, Don. 1507 01:22:42,761 --> 01:22:44,092 And I'll tell you another thing that's gonna happen. 1508 01:22:44,196 --> 01:22:45,857 This left foot is gonna go on the right side 1509 01:22:45,964 --> 01:22:47,363 - of your face! - Oh, give me a break, Drillbit. 1510 01:22:47,466 --> 01:22:51,129 I know you and the Drillbit I know isn't capable of really doing it! 1511 01:22:55,507 --> 01:22:56,474 Hoo-rah! 1512 01:22:57,976 --> 01:23:00,968 I'm giving you one more chance to save this friendship! 1513 01:23:04,416 --> 01:23:07,010 Damn it! You ready for this, Don? 1514 01:23:08,387 --> 01:23:11,117 - No! - Yeah! 1515 01:23:15,994 --> 01:23:18,895 Polish that turd, Don! 1516 01:23:22,601 --> 01:23:24,159 I'm dead. 1517 01:23:24,269 --> 01:23:26,294 - You're dead. - I'm sad. 1518 01:23:29,575 --> 01:23:31,770 Wade, what's wrong? Is everything okay? 1519 01:23:31,877 --> 01:23:34,141 Yeah, but you're not gonna wanna go home. 1520 01:23:34,246 --> 01:23:37,841 - Oh, no, no, no. The cable go out? - Lf it is, you're dead. 1521 01:23:39,184 --> 01:23:40,151 Of course it was your fault! 1522 01:23:40,252 --> 01:23:41,776 You were home! You should have stopped them! 1523 01:23:41,887 --> 01:23:44,651 Bear with me. I didn't mean for this to happen. 1524 01:23:44,757 --> 01:23:45,951 Oh, God. 1525 01:23:46,358 --> 01:23:48,349 Please don't scream. 1526 01:23:50,129 --> 01:23:51,596 What the hell? I thought we were robbed! 1527 01:23:51,697 --> 01:23:52,994 We were! 1528 01:23:53,098 --> 01:23:55,658 We didn't get robbed! We got rearranged! 1529 01:23:56,235 --> 01:23:58,260 You and your weirdo friends have a marijuana party? 1530 01:23:58,370 --> 01:23:59,860 - No! - Oh, honey. 1531 01:23:59,972 --> 01:24:02,338 - Punish him, Dad. - Yeah, don't let him get away with this. 1532 01:24:02,441 --> 01:24:05,239 - Are you smoking pot? - No. I'm really confused. 1533 01:24:05,344 --> 01:24:08,040 No, no, Wade. Drillbit must have done it. 1534 01:24:08,647 --> 01:24:09,909 Who's Drillbit? 1535 01:24:10,415 --> 01:24:12,212 You tell me what's going on now, Wade. 1536 01:24:12,718 --> 01:24:15,050 I just... I think it's weird, you know, 1537 01:24:15,154 --> 01:24:18,817 that this is what I get for trying to make them feel like a part of the group. 1538 01:24:18,924 --> 01:24:23,623 I mean, I saw it like a school tradition. It's hazing, yeah, but 1539 01:24:23,729 --> 01:24:25,822 just to, you know, make them feel like they belonged. 1540 01:24:25,931 --> 01:24:29,662 Sort of like a fun initiation. 1541 01:24:29,768 --> 01:24:31,793 I mean, didn't you all have that when you were kids? 1542 01:24:31,904 --> 01:24:35,965 Yeah. I remember my first few days. Got tied to the flagpole, 1543 01:24:36,074 --> 01:24:38,804 egged a few times. At the end of it, it's all laughs. 1544 01:24:38,911 --> 01:24:41,471 Yeah, Wade, boys, you really shouldn't have panicked like that. 1545 01:24:41,580 --> 01:24:43,138 Yeah, this boy's not dangerous, 1546 01:24:43,248 --> 01:24:45,910 not compared to a dirty, homeless ex-soldier. 1547 01:24:46,018 --> 01:24:49,545 The more I think about it, that guy, he could've really hurt me. 1548 01:24:49,655 --> 01:24:53,887 All right. I'm... I'm sorry, but your boys brought a fugitive onto school property 1549 01:24:53,992 --> 01:24:56,051 threatening the safety of my students. 1550 01:24:56,161 --> 01:24:58,322 Now, I don't... I don't wanna point any fingers here, 1551 01:24:58,430 --> 01:25:01,126 but I think we all know who's to blame. 1552 01:25:02,100 --> 01:25:03,001 You put my life in danger, guys. 1553 01:25:03,001 --> 01:25:04,400 You put my life in danger, guys. 1554 01:25:04,837 --> 01:25:07,965 It's worse than any hazing that anybody could do. 1555 01:25:08,073 --> 01:25:09,938 I'm just lucky I was able to defend myself. 1556 01:25:10,042 --> 01:25:11,509 Who knows what might have happened? 1557 01:25:11,610 --> 01:25:14,374 This guy's a veteran! How many people might he have killed? 1558 01:25:14,479 --> 01:25:16,310 Did anybody see "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline? 1559 01:25:16,415 --> 01:25:18,007 - I watched that! - I saw that, yeah. 1560 01:25:18,116 --> 01:25:20,209 It's where they set the booby trap for the pedophiles. 1561 01:25:20,319 --> 01:25:22,082 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - A grandfather, a priest... 1562 01:25:22,187 --> 01:25:24,121 I mean, could you imagine it? You think you're on a date, 1563 01:25:24,223 --> 01:25:25,781 and then all of a sudden, police are everywhere. 1564 01:25:25,891 --> 01:25:27,449 - Yeah. - My God, this guy knows where we live. 1565 01:25:27,559 --> 01:25:28,526 - Yeah. - Okay. 1566 01:25:28,627 --> 01:25:32,996 I think you'll be glad to know I gave security camera footage of this Drillbit 1567 01:25:33,098 --> 01:25:35,828 to the police and they said they'd be watching for him. 1568 01:25:35,934 --> 01:25:38,095 No, what the hell's the matter with you guys? 1569 01:25:38,203 --> 01:25:40,637 Are you mentally defective or something? 1570 01:25:40,739 --> 01:25:42,866 You got to understand, Drillbit was around because 1571 01:25:42,975 --> 01:25:44,840 this psychopath over here was gonna murder us! 1572 01:25:44,943 --> 01:25:47,241 I mean, Filkins is the real criminal! 1573 01:25:47,346 --> 01:25:48,643 Yes! He has a samurai sword 1574 01:25:48,747 --> 01:25:50,408 - he has used on his other victims! - All right... 1575 01:25:55,454 --> 01:25:56,546 Sit down! 1576 01:25:58,223 --> 01:25:59,781 Sit down! 1577 01:26:00,359 --> 01:26:01,656 Thank you very much. 1578 01:26:01,760 --> 01:26:02,954 Now, Terry. 1579 01:26:03,862 --> 01:26:06,160 Is there any truth to this? 1580 01:26:07,032 --> 01:26:09,023 Oh, yeah. All of it. 1581 01:26:10,469 --> 01:26:14,667 I'm really a samurai warrior from the 14th century sent to kill them. 1582 01:26:18,810 --> 01:26:20,243 He's cute. 1583 01:26:20,345 --> 01:26:23,212 Okay, I hope I speak for everyone here 1584 01:26:23,315 --> 01:26:26,716 in saying that I feel this issue is resolved. 1585 01:26:26,818 --> 01:26:27,807 - Thank you. Okay, okay. - All right? 1586 01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:29,512 Very good. Thank you for coming in, folks. 1587 01:26:29,621 --> 01:26:31,521 - Thank you. - All right, yeah. 1588 01:26:31,623 --> 01:26:33,682 - Hey, wasn't that fun? - Hell, yeah. 1589 01:26:33,792 --> 01:26:35,157 - Oh, my goodness! - Great. 1590 01:26:35,260 --> 01:26:36,227 - You feel better now, honey? - Terry, honey. 1591 01:26:36,328 --> 01:26:37,761 I did not know you were all alone. 1592 01:26:37,863 --> 01:26:39,956 We want to have you over to the house for dinner, okay? 1593 01:26:40,065 --> 01:26:43,501 - That would be wonderful! - Wade could use more friends. 1594 01:26:50,442 --> 01:26:52,171 Give me one, please. 1595 01:26:55,948 --> 01:26:59,406 You're kind of a born loser. It's funny. 1596 01:27:00,118 --> 01:27:01,608 It's not funny. 1597 01:27:01,887 --> 01:27:03,479 It's funny to me. 1598 01:27:03,889 --> 01:27:06,687 Come on, don't jinx me. Don't jinx me. 1599 01:27:08,560 --> 01:27:11,586 500! Yes! Yes! I did it! 1600 01:27:11,697 --> 01:27:13,096 - I got it, man! - Dude! 1601 01:27:13,198 --> 01:27:14,460 Look at that! Yes! 1602 01:27:14,566 --> 01:27:15,760 You got a ticket to Canada! 1603 01:27:15,867 --> 01:27:18,097 You better believe it! Come on, man! 1604 01:27:18,203 --> 01:27:20,433 Finally! Finally, I get one! 1605 01:27:20,572 --> 01:27:23,939 Come here, you! This candy's on me! Put it down! 1606 01:27:24,242 --> 01:27:27,871 You got it! Well, maybe just get one of them. Here. Here you go! 1607 01:27:40,993 --> 01:27:43,120 Okay, keep your eyes peeled. 1608 01:27:46,198 --> 01:27:48,996 - Do you see Filkins? - No, but I see Brooke. 1609 01:27:49,468 --> 01:27:52,062 Gonna go for it. I'm gonna ask her out. 1610 01:27:52,871 --> 01:27:54,099 - Really? - Yeah. 1611 01:27:54,506 --> 01:27:57,270 - You waited all this time. Why now? - Why not? 1612 01:27:57,709 --> 01:28:00,143 My life sucks so badly, even if she says no, 1613 01:28:00,245 --> 01:28:02,304 it's not like I'll have very far to fall. 1614 01:28:07,586 --> 01:28:08,780 I don't know. 1615 01:28:10,155 --> 01:28:12,783 - Hi. - Hi. 1616 01:28:12,891 --> 01:28:15,291 Look, I don't know how to do this. 1617 01:28:15,927 --> 01:28:19,124 In fact, I've been wanting to do this for a while. I just didn't know 1618 01:28:19,231 --> 01:28:20,823 when would be a good time. I don't... 1619 01:28:20,932 --> 01:28:25,130 I didn't know if it would ever be a good time. I mean, if I'd ever think... 1620 01:28:28,473 --> 01:28:30,100 It's okay, Brooke. 1621 01:28:32,444 --> 01:28:35,675 Yo, bro, I swear to God those ain't my sodas, 1622 01:28:35,781 --> 01:28:38,682 but if you wanted to, say, hire me or something, like a bodyguard, 1623 01:28:38,784 --> 01:28:42,880 I think maybe I could dedicate my life to finding the real culprit. 1624 01:28:45,424 --> 01:28:48,291 Wade, come on. I'm okay with this, so let's just go. 1625 01:28:48,393 --> 01:28:50,293 What'd you say, ho? 1626 01:28:50,662 --> 01:28:52,220 Okay, you know what? What is your problem? 1627 01:28:52,330 --> 01:28:54,321 Why don't you just leave them alone? 1628 01:28:54,433 --> 01:28:57,231 What are you gonna do, bro? What are you gonna do? 1629 01:28:59,137 --> 01:29:03,005 You aren't gonna do anything, because you don't have any balls. 1630 01:29:04,209 --> 01:29:06,541 - Leave him alone! - It's just not in you. 1631 01:29:11,750 --> 01:29:13,980 You see? Look at that. 1632 01:29:14,953 --> 01:29:16,250 Sackless! 1633 01:29:21,026 --> 01:29:24,621 Why do you even waste my time? You're pathetic. 1634 01:29:30,202 --> 01:29:31,931 You all right, Wade? 1635 01:29:32,337 --> 01:29:34,328 - Don't worry about that guy. - He's just insecure inside. 1636 01:29:34,439 --> 01:29:36,805 - Get up. Let's get out of here. - Wade? 1637 01:29:36,908 --> 01:29:38,398 Where are you going? 1638 01:29:38,510 --> 01:29:40,944 - T-Dog! Stop him! - Fight! Fight! 1639 01:29:43,748 --> 01:29:44,737 Come on, Wade! 1640 01:29:44,850 --> 01:29:47,216 I'll kick the crap out of you right now. You know why? 1641 01:29:47,319 --> 01:29:50,345 Half because everyone is sick of your garbage 1642 01:29:50,455 --> 01:29:52,980 and half because of what you said to Brooke! 1643 01:29:54,759 --> 01:29:56,590 Do you think I'm dumb? 1644 01:29:57,529 --> 01:29:59,656 Trying to trick me into getting myself in trouble? 1645 01:29:59,764 --> 01:30:02,756 Fine. Then we'll beat your face in somewhere else. 1646 01:30:02,868 --> 01:30:04,859 - Anywhere. Go ahead. You name it. - Okay, good. 1647 01:30:04,970 --> 01:30:09,532 Everybody! Everybody! I'm gonna kick their asses tonight at my house! 1648 01:30:09,941 --> 01:30:13,035 Everybody should come! It's gonna be hilarious! 1649 01:30:13,345 --> 01:30:15,108 Ultimate Geek Fighting! 1650 01:30:15,447 --> 01:30:19,781 Once you step on my property, you're freaking trespassing, brother, 1651 01:30:19,885 --> 01:30:21,648 and I can do anything I want. 1652 01:30:21,753 --> 01:30:23,584 You're nothing but a pathetic wimp, 1653 01:30:23,688 --> 01:30:26,816 and everyone's gonna know by the end of tonight, brother! 1654 01:30:26,925 --> 01:30:28,620 And I will see you there! 1655 01:30:36,001 --> 01:30:37,730 What have I just done? 1656 01:30:38,069 --> 01:30:39,934 That was awesome, man. 1657 01:30:40,205 --> 01:30:43,732 - Me and Emmit are gonna back you up. - Oh, now it's "me and Emmit." 1658 01:30:43,842 --> 01:30:46,538 You've never been nice to me, Ryan, and I've only been kind to you. 1659 01:30:46,645 --> 01:30:48,875 And I've tried so hard to make this friendship work, 1660 01:30:48,980 --> 01:30:52,347 but I am not going to die for someone who won't die for me! 1661 01:30:52,450 --> 01:30:56,079 "Survival technique." I renounce violence. 1662 01:30:56,555 --> 01:30:58,682 I have a future! 1663 01:30:59,824 --> 01:31:01,519 What do we do next? 1664 01:31:02,427 --> 01:31:04,987 Guess we'd better learn how to fight. 1665 01:31:06,565 --> 01:31:08,590 - Jump left, jump left. - Come on, Blue. 1666 01:31:08,700 --> 01:31:10,031 - That's what I'm talking about! - No, no, no, no. 1667 01:31:10,135 --> 01:31:11,693 - That's what I'm talking about! - Come on! 1668 01:31:11,803 --> 01:31:12,997 Come on! Yes! 1669 01:31:13,138 --> 01:31:15,402 This PowerBar's really working. 1670 01:31:15,507 --> 01:31:17,065 I feel stronger. 1671 01:31:17,943 --> 01:31:19,274 I feel fatter. 1672 01:31:19,377 --> 01:31:21,174 Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you? 1673 01:31:21,279 --> 01:31:23,509 Come on. Do me this one favor. 1674 01:31:25,717 --> 01:31:27,309 That was perfect! 1675 01:31:28,787 --> 01:31:31,847 All right. We need to learn how to take a punch. 1676 01:31:32,190 --> 01:31:34,249 You ready? Let me go first. 1677 01:31:35,093 --> 01:31:36,685 - All right? - Okay. 1678 01:31:49,975 --> 01:31:51,840 Block out the pain. 1679 01:31:51,943 --> 01:31:54,537 Remember what that douche bag Drillbit taught us? 1680 01:31:54,646 --> 01:31:57,046 - Mind over pain! - Okay. 1681 01:31:57,148 --> 01:31:59,946 All right. Hit me in the chest. 1682 01:32:02,687 --> 01:32:03,654 Jeez! 1683 01:32:05,490 --> 01:32:07,321 - Your knuckles are all bone! - All right. 1684 01:32:07,425 --> 01:32:09,325 We get to call how hard the other guy hits. 1685 01:32:09,427 --> 01:32:13,022 All right. Ten being the hardest, how hard do you want it? 1686 01:32:13,131 --> 01:32:15,759 Five. In the back. In the back. 1687 01:32:20,372 --> 01:32:21,532 Oh, God! 1688 01:32:21,640 --> 01:32:25,303 Wonder what it feels like getting hit in the middle of the forehead. 1689 01:32:28,079 --> 01:32:29,046 Jeez! 1690 01:32:30,915 --> 01:32:32,678 - All right, new rules! - Okay. 1691 01:32:32,784 --> 01:32:34,046 I'm not gonna tell you where I'm gonna hit you. 1692 01:32:34,152 --> 01:32:35,244 - No, I don't like that rule. - No, it's good. 1693 01:32:35,353 --> 01:32:37,218 - No, it's not good. - It's good. It simulates a real fight. 1694 01:32:37,322 --> 01:32:39,415 - Trust me. - All right, fine. 1695 01:32:43,728 --> 01:32:45,025 I can't see this coming. 1696 01:32:45,130 --> 01:32:46,791 There's no way Wade can hurt me. 1697 01:32:49,334 --> 01:32:50,392 Not balls! 1698 01:32:51,503 --> 01:32:53,061 You hit me in the nuts! 1699 01:32:55,073 --> 01:32:58,201 Dear Mom, if you're reading this, 1700 01:32:59,044 --> 01:33:01,444 it's very possible that I'm dead. 1701 01:33:04,649 --> 01:33:08,710 If I don't survive, you should definitely sue Emmit's family. 1702 01:33:09,087 --> 01:33:12,716 P.S. Sorry I let your silver platter get stolen. 1703 01:33:12,924 --> 01:33:15,256 My raps and rhymes will become more valuable now. 1704 01:33:15,360 --> 01:33:17,260 You're free to sell them to Ghostface Killah. 1705 01:33:22,434 --> 01:33:24,959 Remember the plan. Strike first and strike hard. 1706 01:33:25,070 --> 01:33:27,732 You go for the head. I'll go for the nuts. 1707 01:34:10,081 --> 01:34:12,948 It actually looks like a pretty cool party. 1708 01:34:15,854 --> 01:34:17,185 Oh! Hey, guys. 1709 01:34:17,322 --> 01:34:22,055 So, how does it feel to know that death is just a few moments away? 1710 01:34:22,694 --> 01:34:25,162 - Where's Filkins? - In the kitchen. 1711 01:34:28,099 --> 01:34:29,794 In case we don't make it, 1712 01:34:31,903 --> 01:34:34,269 - I don't want to have any regrets. - Yeah. 1713 01:34:36,007 --> 01:34:37,065 Face! 1714 01:34:40,645 --> 01:34:42,806 I've already got the first hit out of the way. 1715 01:34:42,914 --> 01:34:44,176 Let's get some. 1716 01:35:00,331 --> 01:35:02,492 Hey! Hey, hey. Everybody, everybody! 1717 01:35:02,834 --> 01:35:04,392 These kids actually came! 1718 01:35:04,502 --> 01:35:07,630 These are the Siamese queers I've been telling you about! 1719 01:35:08,406 --> 01:35:11,068 They showed up! They really are that dumb! 1720 01:35:11,443 --> 01:35:12,910 I hate when he calls me that. 1721 01:35:13,011 --> 01:35:15,707 So we're gonna have a good time! Because they... 1722 01:35:24,389 --> 01:35:25,447 It worked. 1723 01:35:26,825 --> 01:35:28,816 - It's over! - That was easy. 1724 01:35:28,993 --> 01:35:31,086 - We did it, we did it! - We did. 1725 01:35:31,196 --> 01:35:35,326 Everybody, from ninth grade to twelfth grade, 1726 01:35:35,567 --> 01:35:38,400 I promise you, his reign of tyranny is over! 1727 01:35:39,070 --> 01:35:42,403 I proclaim it! He will never bother us again! 1728 01:35:44,442 --> 01:35:45,909 And he's getting up! 1729 01:35:47,645 --> 01:35:49,135 You're dead. 1730 01:35:49,247 --> 01:35:50,908 And I'm in big trouble! 1731 01:36:04,963 --> 01:36:08,455 Catch me off guard? You broke my stairs. 1732 01:36:09,100 --> 01:36:11,159 My father loved those stairs! 1733 01:36:15,974 --> 01:36:17,373 You blocking out the pain? 1734 01:36:17,475 --> 01:36:19,739 I thought I was for a second, but I'm totally not. 1735 01:36:19,844 --> 01:36:21,471 You want to play? 1736 01:36:22,313 --> 01:36:23,405 Let's play. 1737 01:36:39,931 --> 01:36:43,059 Get up, get up, get up! Come on, Ryan. 1738 01:36:44,202 --> 01:36:48,070 You're like, super-hot. I'm never gonna leave you. 1739 01:36:48,172 --> 01:36:50,902 - Ronnie! You're missing out. - Okay. 1740 01:36:52,176 --> 01:36:53,473 Hey, boys! 1741 01:36:57,715 --> 01:37:00,013 Yo, Jay, give me some murder music. 1742 01:37:01,019 --> 01:37:03,852 This just gets better and better. 1743 01:37:11,095 --> 01:37:12,494 All right! 1744 01:37:14,499 --> 01:37:16,433 Hey, yo, yo. Back off. 1745 01:37:16,568 --> 01:37:18,695 I want to fight both these bitches. 1746 01:37:18,937 --> 01:37:22,930 They're yours, Filk! They're yours, baby! Here we go. 1747 01:37:23,041 --> 01:37:24,906 - You're the bitch! - Huh? 1748 01:37:30,214 --> 01:37:31,647 That's right! 1749 01:37:33,217 --> 01:37:34,309 What the... 1750 01:37:36,421 --> 01:37:38,787 - Emmit's got game! - Oh, yeah! 1751 01:37:41,859 --> 01:37:43,952 - Good one, Ron! - Come on! 1752 01:37:45,730 --> 01:37:47,664 Bear hug! 1753 01:37:47,765 --> 01:37:48,993 - Come on! - Oh! 1754 01:37:59,544 --> 01:38:02,877 I have reach! I have reach! 1755 01:38:04,882 --> 01:38:08,318 Come on, Wade! You're like Rocky! Get back out there! 1756 01:38:10,088 --> 01:38:13,819 - I can't breathe! I can't breathe! - You're not gonna hurt me anymore? 1757 01:38:14,092 --> 01:38:17,220 I won't hurt you! You should let go! I can't breathe, Ryan, can't breathe! 1758 01:38:17,328 --> 01:38:20,786 I'll let you go. Not gonna hurt me anymore, are... 1759 01:38:22,367 --> 01:38:25,200 - I have reach! - No! Wade! 1760 01:38:27,705 --> 01:38:29,570 Hey! Hey, there. Hey... 1761 01:38:31,409 --> 01:38:32,808 - Didn't hurt! - Really? 1762 01:38:32,910 --> 01:38:34,002 Yeah. 1763 01:38:34,212 --> 01:38:35,907 Okay, that did. 1764 01:38:38,516 --> 01:38:40,074 Let that kid go. 1765 01:38:44,989 --> 01:38:48,152 Private Drillbit Taylor reporting for duty! 1766 01:38:48,693 --> 01:38:50,627 - Hoo-rah. - You came back? 1767 01:38:50,795 --> 01:38:53,764 - Yeah. - What the hell are you even doing here? 1768 01:38:54,465 --> 01:38:56,558 What, you need more money from these geeks? 1769 01:38:56,668 --> 01:38:59,569 No. But this fight is over! 1770 01:39:00,238 --> 01:39:02,468 You hear me? Abierto! 1771 01:39:04,776 --> 01:39:05,743 Done. 1772 01:39:07,445 --> 01:39:10,414 It's over, people! Pack it up! Go home! 1773 01:39:10,682 --> 01:39:16,348 Look. You're a young man. You got... You got a crazy look in your eye. 1774 01:39:17,755 --> 01:39:19,848 And it's really freaking me out right now. 1775 01:39:24,195 --> 01:39:25,389 Nice punch. 1776 01:39:26,330 --> 01:39:29,731 I try to be reasonable, but I got to tell you, 1777 01:39:29,967 --> 01:39:35,269 these boys hired me as their bodyguard and I will protect them! 1778 01:39:39,811 --> 01:39:41,301 Want to hear something crazy? 1779 01:39:41,412 --> 01:39:43,880 Deep inside you, I know there's a good kid. 1780 01:39:46,584 --> 01:39:50,076 God damn it, I'm sick of getting hit by this kid. 1781 01:39:50,288 --> 01:39:51,915 Come on, Drillbit. Kick his ass. 1782 01:39:52,023 --> 01:39:55,925 - I can't! He's a minor! - No, he's not. He's 18. 1783 01:39:56,928 --> 01:39:58,828 You're 18? 1784 01:40:04,902 --> 01:40:06,597 That's it. 1785 01:40:16,180 --> 01:40:17,147 Drillbit! 1786 01:40:18,850 --> 01:40:20,112 How old are you? 1787 01:40:20,218 --> 01:40:22,982 Okay! All right, I'm 17. I'm a minor. 1788 01:40:23,087 --> 01:40:24,179 - My mom drives me to school. - Come on! 1789 01:40:24,288 --> 01:40:25,550 I swear to God! 1790 01:40:26,057 --> 01:40:27,354 That was awesome. 1791 01:40:27,458 --> 01:40:29,949 Man, Drillbit, you're badass. 1792 01:40:30,595 --> 01:40:32,756 I don't think I could do that again. 1793 01:40:33,030 --> 01:40:34,827 It's weird. I guess it's like 1794 01:40:34,932 --> 01:40:37,924 when a mother lifts an automobile off a child. 1795 01:40:38,035 --> 01:40:39,696 - Yeah. - You just get that burst of strength. 1796 01:40:39,804 --> 01:40:41,362 That's the only way I can explain it. 1797 01:40:41,472 --> 01:40:44,373 Adrenaline. That's the word for it. 1798 01:40:44,475 --> 01:40:47,706 My hands are... My hands are still shaking. 1799 01:40:48,312 --> 01:40:51,213 - Thanks for coming back. - You kidding me? I had to do it. 1800 01:40:51,315 --> 01:40:53,249 I'm not gonna go AWOL on you boys. 1801 01:40:53,351 --> 01:40:55,148 I made that mistake one... 1802 01:40:55,386 --> 01:40:59,152 Crap on a shit sandwich! I'm out of here, boys! Adios! 1803 01:41:00,024 --> 01:41:01,252 Bye, Drillbit! 1804 01:41:01,492 --> 01:41:02,550 Hey, fags! 1805 01:41:04,662 --> 01:41:06,357 This ain't over! 1806 01:41:17,341 --> 01:41:19,206 - He feels no pain. - Whoa. 1807 01:41:23,047 --> 01:41:24,446 Was that my pinky? 1808 01:41:28,252 --> 01:41:30,720 - Are you okay? - My finger! 1809 01:41:30,822 --> 01:41:31,789 You okay? 1810 01:41:31,923 --> 01:41:33,584 - I'm so sorry. - Why did I catch a sword? 1811 01:41:33,691 --> 01:41:35,158 - I lost it. No, no. - Let me see it. Let me see it. 1812 01:41:35,259 --> 01:41:38,695 - I lost it. - Let me see it. Let me see it. 1813 01:41:38,830 --> 01:41:40,627 No, it's okay. I'm blocking the pain. 1814 01:41:40,731 --> 01:41:43,131 I can't block this pain. Get some ice for me. 1815 01:41:43,234 --> 01:41:44,667 It's not bad. Here, help me find it 1816 01:41:44,769 --> 01:41:45,997 - before the ants get it. - Where'd you last see it? 1817 01:41:46,103 --> 01:41:48,003 - Look in the grass. - My dad, yo, just don't tell my dad! 1818 01:41:48,105 --> 01:41:49,265 Help me, guys! Find it before a rat gets it! 1819 01:41:49,373 --> 01:41:50,601 See it? Look over there. 1820 01:41:50,708 --> 01:41:51,902 - Is that it? - Where? 1821 01:41:52,009 --> 01:41:53,806 Hey, guys, I found it! 1822 01:41:55,947 --> 01:41:57,209 No! 1823 01:41:58,149 --> 01:41:59,275 We found it. 1824 01:42:01,018 --> 01:42:02,110 Get me some ice. 1825 01:42:02,220 --> 01:42:02,820 - Ice! - Ice! 1826 01:42:02,820 --> 01:42:03,218 - Ice! - Ice! 1827 01:42:03,321 --> 01:42:04,379 Margarita all right? 1828 01:42:04,488 --> 01:42:06,217 Oh, my God. 1829 01:42:06,324 --> 01:42:07,382 Bro! 1830 01:42:07,491 --> 01:42:08,924 Come on, buddy. We got to get you to a hospital. 1831 01:42:09,026 --> 01:42:11,358 - All right, let's go. - Let's go. 1832 01:42:11,462 --> 01:42:13,191 It's gonna be okay. 1833 01:42:13,297 --> 01:42:16,596 Congratulations, boys. You just caught the great Bob Taylor. 1834 01:42:16,701 --> 01:42:18,828 Fantastic. No alcohol in the car, sir. 1835 01:42:18,936 --> 01:42:21,598 Oh, yeah. Well, let me get the finger out. 1836 01:42:24,775 --> 01:42:25,969 Hoo-rah. 1837 01:42:28,546 --> 01:42:30,776 - Yo, dudes, that was awesome! - Thanks, man. 1838 01:42:30,882 --> 01:42:32,941 Man, you have no idea how long kids have been waiting to do that. 1839 01:42:33,050 --> 01:42:34,540 - Thanks. - Dude, this is gonna be blogged, 1840 01:42:34,652 --> 01:42:35,619 for sure! 1841 01:42:35,720 --> 01:42:38,416 I am so glad I did not go to my sister's birthday party! 1842 01:42:39,357 --> 01:42:40,346 Hey. 1843 01:42:40,458 --> 01:42:41,982 He was amazing. 1844 01:42:42,627 --> 01:42:44,390 You know, Terry's just always been crazy. 1845 01:42:44,495 --> 01:42:46,554 You know, he's threatened me with his sword all the time. 1846 01:42:46,664 --> 01:42:48,461 I'm just tired of being scared, you know? 1847 01:42:48,566 --> 01:42:51,057 - Hey, are you okay? - Yeah. 1848 01:42:54,005 --> 01:42:57,805 When the adrenaline rush passes, I'm gonna be in a lot more pain. 1849 01:42:59,510 --> 01:43:02,377 I don't want you to think I'm the kind of guy who tries to impress girls 1850 01:43:02,480 --> 01:43:05,506 with violence, but that was kind of for you. 1851 01:43:07,184 --> 01:43:09,812 That was very brave of you. 1852 01:43:19,964 --> 01:43:23,161 You know, Emmit, I can't believe I'm saying this... 1853 01:43:24,669 --> 01:43:28,765 You, my friend, are one crazy son of a bitch, you know that? 1854 01:43:28,873 --> 01:43:30,898 You have no idea how scared I was. 1855 01:43:31,008 --> 01:43:34,273 All right. Now, let's go get something to eat. I'm starving. 1856 01:43:38,149 --> 01:43:41,312 Dear Wade, Ryan and little, tiny Emmit. 1857 01:43:41,419 --> 01:43:43,819 Thanks for sending the Cap'n Crunch. 1858 01:43:43,988 --> 01:43:45,979 Suddenly, I'm very popular in here. 1859 01:43:46,090 --> 01:43:50,652 Hey, Bob. Give me some of that Cap'n Crunch or I'll stab you in the shower. 1860 01:43:52,763 --> 01:43:53,957 Just kidding. 1861 01:43:56,467 --> 01:43:59,095 I was glad to read in your last correspondence 1862 01:43:59,203 --> 01:44:02,639 that Filkins was shipped off back to Hong Kong 1863 01:44:02,740 --> 01:44:06,369 to be with his parents for breaking so many underage drinking laws. 1864 01:44:06,911 --> 01:44:10,347 Now maybe high school can be what you want it to be 1865 01:44:10,448 --> 01:44:12,348 - instead of sucking rat nads. - Oh, yeah. 1866 01:44:13,517 --> 01:44:14,609 - Yeah! - Yeah! 1867 01:44:15,286 --> 01:44:18,653 As for me, every time I look at where my pinky used to be, 1868 01:44:18,889 --> 01:44:21,858 I think of you boys and our battles together. 1869 01:44:22,293 --> 01:44:23,658 It's kind of cool. 1870 01:44:24,095 --> 01:44:26,188 Luckily, they have a work release program, 1871 01:44:26,297 --> 01:44:28,595 and they say I should be able to land a job, 1872 01:44:28,699 --> 01:44:30,530 which excites me a great deal. 1873 01:44:30,634 --> 01:44:32,932 And speaking of exciting me a great deal, 1874 01:44:33,037 --> 01:44:35,335 Miss Zachey and I have been in contact. 1875 01:44:35,473 --> 01:44:39,307 I don't know why women dig guys in prison, but they really do. 1876 01:44:39,410 --> 01:44:43,312 On top of that, all I can say is, I miss you guys 1877 01:44:43,414 --> 01:44:45,177 and will see you when I get out. 1878 01:44:45,282 --> 01:44:49,116 Which, thanks to the currently lenient nature of the United States Army 1879 01:44:49,220 --> 01:44:51,848 deserting laws is in two days from now, 1880 01:44:51,989 --> 01:44:55,220 officially satisfying my three-week sentence. 1881 01:44:55,659 --> 01:44:57,854 - Your brother, Bob Taylor. - See you, Drillbit. 1882 01:44:57,962 --> 01:45:00,760 - AKA Drillbit. - Later, bro. 1883 01:45:00,998 --> 01:45:04,058 AKA, Alamo Taylor. 1884 01:45:04,602 --> 01:45:06,968 I still like the sound of that. 1885 01:45:09,840 --> 01:45:11,637 There you are! 1886 01:45:12,777 --> 01:45:14,267 - Drillbit! - Come on. 1887 01:45:14,378 --> 01:45:15,675 - Oh, my God. - There he is. 1888 01:45:15,780 --> 01:45:17,577 Come on, get in here! Come here! Fall in! 1889 01:45:17,681 --> 01:45:19,979 - He's a free man! - Give me a hug! 1890 01:45:20,117 --> 01:45:21,948 Give me a hug. Yeah. 1891 01:45:22,286 --> 01:45:24,720 Well, that's gonna keep me smiling all day, huh? 1892 01:45:24,822 --> 01:45:26,312 Yeah, that's my buddy, Drillbit. 1893 01:45:26,424 --> 01:45:27,982 He's a cool guy. We're in a fight right now. 1894 01:45:28,092 --> 01:45:28,359 This has been the longest three weeks of my life. 1895 01:45:28,359 --> 01:45:29,553 This has been the longest three weeks of my life. 1896 01:45:29,660 --> 01:45:31,025 I missed you, too. 1897 01:45:31,729 --> 01:45:33,526 - Feels good. - You gonna shake the jail? 1898 01:45:33,631 --> 01:45:35,531 - It wasn't that bad. - Come on, let's go. 1899 01:45:35,633 --> 01:45:38,329 You know, the guy in the next cell taught me some Spanish. 1900 01:45:38,436 --> 01:45:41,701 Did you know abierto means "open"? 1901 01:49:34,972 --> 01:49:37,338 Help! I'm bleeding! 1902 01:49:38,609 --> 01:49:41,635 Come here, soldier. Let me take a look at that. 1903 01:49:42,112 --> 01:49:44,046 Come here. Jump up there. 1904 01:49:44,148 --> 01:49:48,983 You got a little bloody nose. Tilt your head back, 45-degree angle. 1905 01:49:49,987 --> 01:49:52,512 - What happened? - Somebody punched me. 1906 01:49:54,024 --> 01:49:59,519 Tell me his name. Names. It'll never happen again.