1
00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:53,114
Sting!
2
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,199
Sting, open up! It's Bieber!
3
00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:58,328
Sting! Come on! Sting!
4
00:01:58,411 --> 00:02:00,663
It's Bieber, bro! Open the door!
5
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,415
Oh, fudge!
6
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,764
You can't kill us all.
7
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,724
We will protect the Chosen One.
8
00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:43,099
Peace out, world. Peace out.
9
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:05,496
Valentina, he was pronounced dead
13 minutes ago.
10
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,081
I can't believe it.
11
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:10,209
Justin Bieber? No.
12
00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:15,548
The sixth pop star to die in the last year.
13
00:04:18,009 --> 00:04:20,178
And all with that look.
14
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,015
As if they were
trying to tell us something.
15
00:04:24,766 --> 00:04:26,267
That look.
16
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:31,147
There's only one person on Earth
17
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,149
who would know
how to interpret this look.
18
00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:35,193
It's a dead end, Valentina.
19
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,153
No one has seen that man in years.
20
00:04:38,988 --> 00:04:40,782
Then God help us all.
21
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:56,297
Shocking. Stupefying.
22
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,133
Something out of a Hollywood
disaster movie.
23
00:04:59,217 --> 00:05:01,385
Just a few of the ways
New Yorkers described
24
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:04,180
what happened today
as Derek Zoolander's
25
00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,848
Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good
26
00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:08,768
and Who Wanna Learn to Do
Other Stuff Good, Too
27
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,437
literally collapsed into the East River
28
00:05:11,521 --> 00:05:14,190
only two days after its official opening.
29
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,567
Students and teachers were evacuated.
30
00:05:16,818 --> 00:05:20,655
And while Zoolander and his son
Derek Jr. were unharmed,
31
00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:23,741
sadly, his wife,
Matilda Jeffries-Zoolander,
32
00:05:23,825 --> 00:05:26,160
has reportedly died.
33
00:05:28,246 --> 00:05:31,082
I just feel lucky no one
from my family was hurt!
34
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,585
She was crushed by the book?
35
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,089
A vigil is being held tonight
36
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:41,509
for the other chisel-cheeked lion
of the modeling kingdom,
37
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,845
Hansel, who is reported
to have sustained
38
00:05:43,928 --> 00:05:47,056
permanent injury
to his breathtaking face
39
00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,642
after being trapped
beneath a burning beam.
40
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:52,144
Although authorities
are still investigating,
41
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:54,522
the cause of the disaster
is believed to be
42
00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:57,191
Zoolander's mind-boggling decision
43
00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:59,235
to build the reading center
44
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:02,446
out of the actual materials
that were used to construct
45
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:05,658
the original architectural model.
46
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:08,035
Clothing designer Jacob Moogberg,
47
00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:09,871
AKA Jacobim Mugatu
48
00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:12,665
was sentenced today
to two consecutive life terms
49
00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,376
in a maximum security fashion prison
50
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,545
for his role in
the attempted assassination
51
00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:19,171
of the Malaysian Prime Minister.
52
00:06:19,255 --> 00:06:20,923
His co-conspirator, modeling agent
53
00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:23,384
Maury Ballstein, turned state's witness...
54
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:26,304
I'll give you anything
you want on that fakakta fink.
55
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:30,141
...in exchange for relocation
in the Witness Protection Program.
56
00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:34,478
Back in the news tonight, former model,
negligent builder,
57
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,231
now unfit parent, Derek Zoolander.
58
00:06:37,315 --> 00:06:41,903
This footage was taken by a neighbor
across from Zoolander's SoHo loft.
59
00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:44,614
D.J., how did Mommy make it soft?
60
00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:49,911
The Child Protection Agency
removed Zoolandefs son, Derek Jr.
61
00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:54,665
late last night in a daring midnight raid
placing him in the custody of the state.
62
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:57,919
Which is why it pains me to say
63
00:06:58,002 --> 00:07:00,504
that effective immediately,
I will retire from modeling
64
00:07:01,172 --> 00:07:04,550
and live alone as a hermit crab.
65
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:08,262
I will now be anonymous
and known only as...
66
00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,181
Eric
67
00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:12,099
Toolander.
68
00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:17,605
And finally tonight,
here's something to make you feel old.
69
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,023
Incredible as it may sound,
70
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,944
of the over 3.7 million
high school graduates this year
71
00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:26,447
less than 2% could tell you
what a fax machine is,
72
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:31,369
name a Caucasian President,
or know who Derek Zoolander was.
73
00:07:31,786 --> 00:07:34,455
Was... Was... Was...
74
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:14,704
Go away.
75
00:08:15,413 --> 00:08:17,665
Derek! Open up, it's me.
76
00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:19,792
I'm sorry, traveler,
you must have lost your way.
77
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,711
No one lives here by that name.
78
00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:24,296
Right. Sorry. I mean, Eric.
79
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:25,673
I've got your mail.
80
00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:41,105
Billy Zane. It's been years.
81
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,025
Where's my regular mailperson, lngvar?
82
00:08:44,108 --> 00:08:45,359
He couldn't make it.
83
00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:47,945
I was in the neighborhood,
I thought I'd stop by.
84
00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:50,656
Got your Netflix.
85
00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:54,535
Jack Ryan
86
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:56,162
and Jack Reacher.
87
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,164
Tonight's gonna be a total Jack-off.
88
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:00,958
You have something else here.
89
00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:04,670
What is it?
90
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:06,297
Open it.
91
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:24,648
Gryootings, Derek Zoolownder.
92
00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:27,151
Are you a Boxtroll?
93
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,278
That's Alexanya Atoz,
94
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,906
owner of the largest
fashion empire in the world.
95
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:36,994
Because you are one of the world's
true fishion icons,
96
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:42,333
I have personal selected you
to come to Rome...
97
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,544
The Eturnanal Cyootee...
98
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:48,380
To muddel my nyouest colleeauction
99
00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:51,467
by my hoottest now designer...
100
00:09:51,926 --> 00:09:54,261
Doon Atari.
101
00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:56,138
Who?
102
00:09:56,222 --> 00:09:57,932
Don Atari.
103
00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,600
He's "it" in fashion right now.
104
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,477
People would die to be in his show.
105
00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:03,270
I can't.
106
00:10:03,813 --> 00:10:05,648
I'm a hermit crab now.
107
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:08,818
- Gryootings, Derek Zoolownder.
- I already told you!
108
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:10,861
It's like you're not even listening to me!
109
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,327
Derek...
110
00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:20,830
Eric.
111
00:10:21,372 --> 00:10:24,875
Maybe it's time to engage
with the world again.
112
00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,129
Think about it, man.
This could be a sign.
113
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:30,714
And what if it's a stop sign, Billy?
114
00:10:31,257 --> 00:10:35,261
I used to be a successful
model/fashion icon.
115
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,806
Now, I'm just a model/failure.
116
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:43,018
Slash-guy who is still a model/father.
117
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:45,146
Slash-guy who killed his wife
118
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:47,898
using cheap building materials
that collapsed on her.
119
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:53,195
Slash-guy who has got to stop
beating himself up about that!
120
00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:55,656
Slash-guy who couldn't
make spaghetti soft
121
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:56,824
so they took away his son,
122
00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:59,410
so-slash-now he's alone
and hiding from the world.
123
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,246
Slash.
124
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:07,793
Slash-have you ever even tried
to get your son back?
125
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,548
You can do that?
126
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:16,135
Yeah. You'd hire a litigator,
he files the appropriate paperwork...
127
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,262
But I don't even know where he is.
128
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:20,264
First things first.
129
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,852
If you take this job
that Alexanya's offering you,
130
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,520
you could prove to Child Services
131
00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:29,398
that you're a productive
member of society again.
132
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,693
Go to Rome.
133
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,362
Find yourself.
134
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:38,908
Become the father you were meant to be
135
00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:41,952
and get your boy back.
136
00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:56,008
Safe journey, my friend!
137
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,303
Thanks, Billy!
138
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,354
What have you got?
139
00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:00,698
Ball and chain not happy.
140
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,044
Sorry I'm late! Oh, my gosh.
141
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,505
I was finishing up Shavasana
142
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:19,633
and this sandstorm
kicked up out of nowhere.
143
00:13:19,717 --> 00:13:21,218
I'm okay, though.
144
00:13:22,094 --> 00:13:24,013
Natalka, you look beautiful.
145
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,723
Really?
146
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,558
Yes, really.
147
00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:30,185
Dinner is ruined!
148
00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:34,815
Guys, I told you not to wait for me,
didn't I?
149
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,483
Remember, we talked about this.
150
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,819
Can't we just take it slow?
151
00:13:39,028 --> 00:13:42,781
When I met you guys two years ago,
it was the best orgy of my life.
152
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:46,410
Let's get back to that feeling. It's there.
153
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:49,830
Hansel.
154
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,501
Every relationship has to evolve.
155
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:58,213
And somehow, you've managed
to stay the same.
156
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:01,675
But you're gonna
have to change, my man.
157
00:14:01,759 --> 00:14:03,635
'Cause change, she is a-comin'.
158
00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:05,429
What?
159
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,688
Natalka.
160
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,029
All of you?
161
00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:29,620
How is this even possible?
162
00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:31,663
We thought you'd be happy.
163
00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:34,375
Well, lam happy-
164
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,793
That...
165
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:39,296
It's just a lot to process,
and that's what I'm doing.
166
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:43,801
To be honest, I've never seen myself
in this role, you know, as a...
167
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,469
You mean a father?
168
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,138
Well... I...
169
00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:50,724
Let me... I want to check on...
170
00:14:50,808 --> 00:14:52,476
On the camel here!
171
00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:03,404
Who am I?
172
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,158
Who am I?
173
00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:10,119
Hey, Hansel!
174
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:14,998
Billy Zane?
175
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,501
Got your Netflix.
176
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:20,170
And this.
177
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:43,902
- Thanks very much.
- No, it's my bag.
178
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,112
Excuse me, I think that's...
179
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,448
No, trust me, this is my bag.
180
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,908
- Just look at the ticket right here.
- Hansel.
181
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:51,577
Never heard of him, honcho.
182
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,246
Look right here at the ticket
and you can see that...
183
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,875
Derek Zoolander.
184
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,838
Hi. It's been a long time.
185
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,382
Yeah. Not long enough.
186
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:09,720
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I think I should peace.
187
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,597
Wait a minute!
188
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:12,973
We haven't seen each other since...
189
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:16,059
Since the building you designed
fell on my face and ruined my career?
190
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,769
Yeah, it's been a while.
191
00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:19,730
It was an accident. I didn't mean to...
192
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:22,941
You didn't mean to build
the support beams out of Popsicle sticks
193
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:24,985
and highly-flammable rubber cement?
194
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:26,361
That was just a little accident?
195
00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:27,446
Yeah.
196
00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:30,741
This is it. Forever.
197
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,367
Because I promise you,
198
00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:35,662
this is the last time
we will ever see each other.
199
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:37,372
Right here, this moment.
200
00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:39,583
Good-bye forever.
201
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,627
Works for me.
202
00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:57,309
Hope you're not an epiplectic,
because we're about to get blinded.
203
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,894
Yep. Here we go.
204
00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:03,190
Susan Boyle, right here!
205
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:06,693
Take a picture of that!
206
00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,111
Vultures!
207
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,991
I guess with my beard
and your disgusting face,
208
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:14,368
they don't know who we are.
209
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,119
Derek! Hansel!
210
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,455
Hey, boys. I'm Vip.
211
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,042
- Vip?
- Yeah.
212
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,294
I'm in charge of social media
for Don Atari.
213
00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:26,046
I've been working for him
since I was 10.
214
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,464
How old are you now?
215
00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:30,133
Eleven. Should we go to the hotel?
216
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:49,069
Pretty strange, you and I both getting
called back to the big stage like this.
217
00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:52,656
A gig's a gig.
I'm just doing this to get my son back.
218
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:56,743
Explain how doing a fashion show's
gonna accomplish that.
219
00:17:56,827 --> 00:17:59,830
Simple. Child Services hears
I'm working again,
220
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:04,126
KKK, a responsible parent,
and they give me my son back.
221
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:06,044
Responsible parent?
222
00:18:06,587 --> 00:18:07,879
What? You don't think I could be one?
223
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:10,799
No, it just brings up
some junk from the past.
224
00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:13,802
I didn't have a father.
It's kind of my big issue right now.
225
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:15,596
You didn't have a father?
226
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:19,891
Nah. All my mom ever told me
was my dad was a beat cop.
227
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:23,145
Always on the road.
228
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:25,522
The road away from little Hansel.
229
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,367
Valentina. You're going
to want to see this.
230
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,336
Check out Mr. Disco Barry Gibb.
231
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,382
Zoolander is in Rome?
232
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:05,228
Welcome to the Palazzo D'Caca.
233
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:08,982
The entire hotel is biodegradable
and made from reclaimed human waste.
234
00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:13,904
This is the ultra-exclusive, fully-toxic,
Zero-Footprint Suite.
235
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,448
The masseuses at the spa
are all homeless.
236
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:19,201
And the hotel has complimentary
farm-to-table Wi-Fi.
237
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,286
Wait... We're rooming together?
238
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:24,373
There must be some mistake.
239
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:26,708
- I'll call Billy Zane.
- Good idea.
240
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:30,921
Look, tiny phone! That is so retro.
241
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,464
I'm gonna take a picture of it
with my phone.
242
00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:34,883
This is Billy Zane. I'm not here right...
243
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:38,095
Well, Don Atari is waiting for you
down in the lobby.
244
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,681
And don't drink the water or you'll die.
245
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,937
- I just have one question.
- Yeah?
246
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:51,108
What in the world is
farm-to-table Wi-Fi?
247
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:52,526
You're asking me?
248
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:54,861
Muchacho, I have no idea.
249
00:19:54,945 --> 00:19:56,571
- Forseflous?
- No!
250
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,782
Because when Vip said that,
you had this look on your face, like,
251
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,659
"I totally know
what farm-to-table Wi-Fi is!"
252
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:03,036
I was acting cool
'cause I thought you knew.
253
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,496
I thought you knew!
254
00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:07,416
No, I just didn't want Vip to think
I was uncool!
255
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,628
I miss not knowing things with you.
256
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:15,382
Yeah. Me, too.
Why didn't we do this sooner?
257
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:16,925
Because we've both been in hiding
258
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:19,469
since the day I killed my wife
and permanently disfigured you.
259
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,596
Yeah, that's probably it.
260
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,517
That was the day I lost the fire.
261
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,977
The fire?
262
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,354
The fire in my face.
263
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:33,024
It's kind of my big issue right now.
264
00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:36,027
You still got it, D-Zone.
You're Derek Zoolander.
265
00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:39,197
You stopped a Chinese throwing star
in mid-air with a look.
266
00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:43,618
I was there.
267
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,621
That's not me anymore.
268
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:47,998
Yes, it is.
269
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,751
Hey, flash me that beautiful look.
270
00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:53,086
Give me that incredible Magnum.
271
00:20:53,170 --> 00:20:54,171
No!
272
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:57,382
- Think fast. Magnum.
- Wait, no!
273
00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:58,633
Magnum! Now!
274
00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:02,804
Come on! You got this,
but you got to focus!
275
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,391
- Come on!
- Hansel, stop!
276
00:21:06,475 --> 00:21:08,268
You got this! Yeah!
277
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:09,936
Maybe we could try a wash cloth?
278
00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:11,688
- Tequila!
- Hansel, no!
279
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,358
No! It's not working!
280
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:17,527
You're right.
281
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,659
What happened to us?
282
00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:28,205
You mean me.
283
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,291
You still have it.
284
00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:32,667
No, I don't.
285
00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:35,253
Look at this face. It's a horror show.
286
00:21:39,883 --> 00:21:42,803
Come on, Hansel. It can't be that bad.
287
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:44,221
It is.
288
00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:46,389
- Take off your mask.
- No.
289
00:21:46,515 --> 00:21:50,227
No way. No one's ever seen me
without this mask.
290
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:51,603
And no one ever will.
291
00:21:53,230 --> 00:21:55,065
I think I know the real you.
292
00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:58,235
And it has nothing to do
with the way you look.
293
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,529
You mean that?
294
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:02,113
Of course, I do.
295
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,532
Okay.
296
00:22:09,079 --> 00:22:10,622
It's disgusting! Put it back!
297
00:22:10,705 --> 00:22:12,666
I was wrong, please,
put the mask back on! It's so gross!
298
00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:15,043
I can't be friends with you
if you look like that! Please!
299
00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:17,671
It is so disgusting! Please, put it back!
300
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:19,422
Please, Hansel, put it back,
I was wrong!
301
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,842
No. This feels good.
302
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:23,802
Could you please put the mask back on
303
00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:25,428
so I can concentrate on
what you're saying?
304
00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:27,931
No! I'm done hiding.
305
00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:31,476
Look, there's only one way
for us to find ourselves.
306
00:22:31,601 --> 00:22:32,769
Know what that is?
307
00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:35,814
Look inward and connect with
our authentic truth?
308
00:22:36,106 --> 00:22:38,483
No. I was gonna say
become the two biggest,
309
00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:40,235
hottest models in the world again.
310
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:41,444
Okay.
311
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:44,114
Okay. So what say
we get you cleaned up,
312
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:45,824
shave that billy goat beard,
313
00:22:45,907 --> 00:22:49,703
go downstairs and show these punks
what real fashion looks like?
314
00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:31,953
Oh, my God. Yes, dude!
315
00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:35,624
Yes! You guys look so lame.
I love it, dude.
316
00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:38,543
You ninjas dressed up all
old-school just to meet me. So Jedi.
317
00:23:38,627 --> 00:23:40,211
You guys suck. Both of you guys suck.
318
00:23:40,295 --> 00:23:41,713
You look great.
319
00:23:42,297 --> 00:23:43,506
Thanks.
320
00:23:43,882 --> 00:23:45,800
I'm Don Atari. What up?
321
00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:48,011
What up, Hansel?
322
00:23:48,094 --> 00:23:50,138
Yeah. That's sick.
323
00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:52,641
Wait a minute. "I'll call Billy."
324
00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:54,392
I just said that!
325
00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:56,978
I know. Like, 15 minutes ago, right?
326
00:23:57,062 --> 00:24:00,649
Vip told me, so I made these retro shirts
with your old catchphrase on it.
327
00:24:01,358 --> 00:24:02,525
Cool.
328
00:24:02,734 --> 00:24:04,110
Hey, let me introduce
my collective, dude.
329
00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:05,654
They're all losers, I hate these guys.
330
00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:07,739
We got TRS-80, KITT...
331
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:09,824
Rubik, my man Gleek.
332
00:24:10,158 --> 00:24:13,036
This guy gives the best
shitty tattoos ever.
333
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,205
He's a genius. His tattoos are so stupid.
334
00:24:15,288 --> 00:24:16,915
He's the one who did
my Colonel Sanders.
335
00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:19,626
Look at that, pretty epic?
It sucks, I don't like it, dude.
336
00:24:20,877 --> 00:24:23,296
Why would I do this to myself?
I never wanted this on me.
337
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:25,298
I love it, dude. I got it
when my grandfather died.
338
00:24:26,216 --> 00:24:28,969
That's really cool.
So, what's the deal with the show?
339
00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:31,972
Yeah, where do you want us
to fire up this chainsaw?
340
00:24:32,055 --> 00:24:35,392
Colosseum? Trevi Fountain?
Spanish Steps?
341
00:24:36,601 --> 00:24:37,811
What? No way, dude.
342
00:24:37,894 --> 00:24:39,688
Those places are gnar-gnar bo-bo.
343
00:24:40,063 --> 00:24:42,148
We're holding it in an abandoned
medical waste facility
344
00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:44,150
on top of an industrial trash heap.
345
00:24:44,234 --> 00:24:46,403
It's totally toxic, but super chill.
346
00:24:46,736 --> 00:24:48,488
Cool! Sounds dope.
347
00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:49,656
Yeah, fresh.
348
00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:54,035
What? You guys are like,
"Sounds dope!" "Fresh!"
349
00:24:54,703 --> 00:24:56,871
They're doing the voices and everything!
350
00:24:56,955 --> 00:24:59,374
I didn't think you guys would
do the voices. That's sick!
351
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:01,751
"Sounds dope! Sounds fresh!"
352
00:25:02,627 --> 00:25:05,463
I don't like you guys.
It's an honor to have you.
353
00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:23,064
Hey, retreads!
354
00:25:23,815 --> 00:25:25,483
I want to introduce you all to my muse
355
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:27,193
and basically, like,
the biggest supermodel
356
00:25:27,277 --> 00:25:28,820
in the whole world right now, dude.
357
00:25:28,903 --> 00:25:30,405
This is All.
358
00:25:31,197 --> 00:25:32,407
All what?
359
00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:33,825
We are All.
360
00:25:34,534 --> 00:25:38,204
So, are you like
a male model or a female model?
361
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:41,082
All is not defined by binary constructs.
362
00:25:41,666 --> 00:25:44,002
That's cool. I don't like labels, either.
363
00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:46,880
But I think he's asking,
do you have a hot dog or a bun?
364
00:25:48,757 --> 00:25:50,467
Do you have a Wiener or vergiener?
365
00:25:51,259 --> 00:25:54,095
All is all to all.
366
00:25:56,097 --> 00:25:58,933
By the way, All just
married hermself, dude.
367
00:25:59,017 --> 00:26:00,935
Monomarriage is finally legal in Italy.
368
00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:02,854
I support that.
369
00:26:02,937 --> 00:26:04,606
Derek, that's pretty good, right?
370
00:26:08,526 --> 00:26:10,070
I'm sorry, are you not comfortable
371
00:26:10,153 --> 00:26:11,654
with people like All
in the workplace or something?
372
00:26:12,447 --> 00:26:14,240
No. Of course, lam.
373
00:26:14,324 --> 00:26:16,159
I mean, like, if your son or
whatever came to you and said,
374
00:26:16,242 --> 00:26:19,370
"Hey, Dad, I really want to marry All,"
like, wouldn't you be so stoked for that?
375
00:26:19,454 --> 00:26:21,289
Isn't that, like, exactly what you want?
376
00:26:21,372 --> 00:26:24,959
Imagine All walking in, being like,
"We'll finally be together."
377
00:26:25,043 --> 00:26:27,337
You'd be, like,
hella stoked for that, right?
378
00:26:28,046 --> 00:26:29,214
Yeah.
379
00:26:29,714 --> 00:26:31,549
I'd be, like, totally stoked.
380
00:26:32,592 --> 00:26:34,594
All is done here. Atari.
381
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:36,513
See you, fools.
382
00:26:36,596 --> 00:26:39,307
Guys, Alexanya Atoz is here!
383
00:26:39,390 --> 00:26:40,850
The show must begin now!
384
00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:45,814
Wow. Alexanya Atoz.
385
00:26:45,897 --> 00:26:48,900
They say she doesn't walk.
She just floats.
386
00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:54,155
She looks even better in person.
387
00:27:03,248 --> 00:27:05,875
I got those juices flowing again.
388
00:27:10,839 --> 00:27:13,842
Just put us out there.
Let us do our thing.
389
00:27:16,928 --> 00:27:18,012
Come on! Come on!
390
00:27:18,555 --> 00:27:21,349
Chop chop! Lay down, lay down!
391
00:27:21,432 --> 00:27:23,768
Get in, get in. Take off your robes.
392
00:27:25,436 --> 00:27:27,105
Go! Go! Go!
393
00:27:28,857 --> 00:27:32,569
Derek! I have a really good feeling
about this.
394
00:27:32,944 --> 00:27:35,280
I know. I feel so alive!
395
00:27:54,841 --> 00:27:56,092
IIOId"?
396
00:27:58,011 --> 00:27:59,345
"Lamé"?
397
00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:14,652
Quit it, All!
398
00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:18,448
Hot dog! It's definitely a hot dog!
399
00:28:18,907 --> 00:28:19,949
All is done.
400
00:28:28,666 --> 00:28:29,709
"Prunes"?
401
00:28:47,602 --> 00:28:49,437
So let me tell you what I think worked.
402
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,065
I think we got to shake off
some of the rust.
403
00:28:52,148 --> 00:28:53,399
I was trying out a few new looks,
404
00:28:53,483 --> 00:28:54,734
although it might have been hard to see
405
00:28:54,817 --> 00:28:57,362
through all the dates, or,
was it, you know, prunes?
406
00:28:57,445 --> 00:29:00,949
Hansel, are you insane?
We were a joke out there.
407
00:29:01,282 --> 00:29:03,117
A total laughing stick.
408
00:29:03,201 --> 00:29:04,869
What do you want me to say?
I mean, I know...
409
00:29:04,953 --> 00:29:07,538
I know we looked like idiots,
but I'm trying to make the best of it!
410
00:29:07,622 --> 00:29:08,706
Knuck, knuck!
411
00:29:08,790 --> 00:29:09,999
Not now! We...
412
00:29:14,379 --> 00:29:15,713
You
413
00:29:16,130 --> 00:29:17,465
two
414
00:29:17,715 --> 00:29:19,509
were amowiwxg.
415
00:29:20,802 --> 00:29:21,928
Deeryuck.
416
00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:24,681
Your feces so hundsome.
417
00:29:24,764 --> 00:29:27,183
Und, Hansel, so stemmy.
418
00:29:28,726 --> 00:29:31,854
Ridowkulously stemmy and hyot.
419
00:29:33,064 --> 00:29:35,650
I'm sorry. I can't understand
a word that you're saying.
420
00:29:36,484 --> 00:29:39,279
I want to invite you to be my gyuests
421
00:29:39,362 --> 00:29:43,491
at the most elite fishion event
in housetory.
422
00:29:44,701 --> 00:29:46,327
The lncrediBall.
423
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:48,955
What!
424
00:29:49,205 --> 00:29:50,540
The lncrediBall?
425
00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:52,041
Is that like the Met Ball?
426
00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:58,089
No, sveet, stupid Deryuck.
427
00:29:58,756 --> 00:30:02,593
For the first time
in the housetory of fishion,
428
00:30:02,677 --> 00:30:06,222
all of the most important
designers will come together
429
00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:08,141
under one rureff.
430
00:30:09,183 --> 00:30:11,853
I trust you will be dere
431
00:30:12,270 --> 00:30:15,940
with your hyot and stemmy feces.
432
00:30:21,404 --> 00:30:23,448
Dudes. Holy Shazbot! What!
433
00:30:24,324 --> 00:30:26,868
You guys are gonna be
the center-pizzle of lncrediBall!
434
00:30:26,951 --> 00:30:28,077
What does that mean?
435
00:30:28,578 --> 00:30:31,289
The center-pizzle of lncrediBall.
436
00:30:33,082 --> 00:30:35,084
That was bananas, Johnny.
437
00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:40,173
I'm done.
438
00:30:40,256 --> 00:30:42,300
What? Derek, what are you
talking about?
439
00:30:42,383 --> 00:30:43,551
Did you not hear what they just said?
440
00:30:43,634 --> 00:30:45,553
We're going to be the center
of the lncrediBall.
441
00:30:45,636 --> 00:30:48,598
I can only pray that nobody from
Child Services attended the show
442
00:30:48,681 --> 00:30:50,600
or I'll never get little Derek back.
443
00:30:51,059 --> 00:30:52,101
What about all the attention?
444
00:30:52,185 --> 00:30:54,103
This is exactly
what we were talking about!
445
00:30:54,645 --> 00:30:57,482
No, Hansel. It's exactly
what you were talking about.
446
00:30:57,857 --> 00:31:02,779
We don't fit in anymore. Don Atari
and All and that creepy little Vip!
447
00:31:02,862 --> 00:31:04,447
- I don't want any part of it!
- Derek.
448
00:31:05,365 --> 00:31:06,532
Derek!
449
00:31:07,241 --> 00:31:09,535
Derek! D-rock!
450
00:31:34,644 --> 00:31:36,312
Derek Zoolander?
451
00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:37,563
Yes.
452
00:31:38,147 --> 00:31:39,899
Valentina Valencia.
453
00:31:39,982 --> 00:31:42,318
Interpol, Global Fashion Division.
454
00:31:42,402 --> 00:31:45,738
Fashion Police? We're clean, lady.
Go harass somebody else.
455
00:31:46,072 --> 00:31:48,324
Besides, I'm out of fashion.
456
00:31:48,866 --> 00:31:50,159
I need to talk to you.
457
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,246
It has to do with
the death of Justin Bieber.
458
00:31:53,329 --> 00:31:55,164
His death is not my problem.
459
00:31:55,248 --> 00:31:59,001
Look, I'm trying to find out
who's killing the pop stars of the world.
460
00:31:59,085 --> 00:32:01,170
And I think you're my only chance.
461
00:32:02,088 --> 00:32:05,258
What part of "not my problem"
did you not understand?
462
00:32:05,341 --> 00:32:06,342
None of it.
463
00:32:08,970 --> 00:32:11,264
So you did understand the part
about it not being my problem,
464
00:32:11,347 --> 00:32:14,600
or you didn't understand any part of it
not being a part of my problem?
465
00:32:15,768 --> 00:32:17,019
No, no, no, Derek.
466
00:32:17,103 --> 00:32:19,647
I think what she's saying is that
she understands what you're saying,
467
00:32:19,730 --> 00:32:20,898
but she doesn't accept it.
468
00:32:20,982 --> 00:32:23,025
Hansel! It's all too confusing.
469
00:32:23,818 --> 00:32:25,736
I thought coming here
would help me find myself,
470
00:32:25,820 --> 00:32:27,613
and possibly my son.
471
00:32:27,697 --> 00:32:29,782
But this is more than I bargained for.
472
00:32:31,033 --> 00:32:34,495
This hermit crab is crawling
back into his planetarium.
473
00:32:36,289 --> 00:32:40,042
I can use the database at Interpol
to help you find your son.
474
00:32:42,712 --> 00:32:44,380
If you help me.
475
00:32:46,549 --> 00:32:48,301
I think we got to play ball with her.
476
00:32:48,384 --> 00:32:52,013
She's got some kind of database
or something that she says
477
00:32:52,096 --> 00:32:53,764
will help us find little Derek.
478
00:32:57,685 --> 00:33:00,062
And she's hot. I trust her.
479
00:33:28,591 --> 00:33:31,677
So, before Bieber died,
he Twitpic'd this look.
480
00:33:31,761 --> 00:33:35,056
He posted it to the blogspot
for his summer concert tour.
481
00:33:35,598 --> 00:33:37,600
He was trying to send a message.
482
00:33:40,228 --> 00:33:42,230
It's Blue Steel, right?
483
00:33:43,940 --> 00:33:45,900
What are you, a fucking idiot?
484
00:33:47,985 --> 00:33:49,779
Yeah, that's Blue Steel.
485
00:33:50,738 --> 00:33:53,282
My question is, is Interpol
one of those socialist things
486
00:33:53,366 --> 00:33:55,618
where they hire
mentally-impaired people?
487
00:33:55,701 --> 00:33:57,537
I... I know.
488
00:33:58,287 --> 00:34:01,082
That's right.
I heard your mother worked here.
489
00:34:02,708 --> 00:34:04,043
Snap!
490
00:34:06,504 --> 00:34:08,214
My mother doesn't work here.
491
00:34:09,924 --> 00:34:13,594
No more games, okay?
Is this Blue Steel or not?
492
00:34:13,970 --> 00:34:15,304
Not even close.
493
00:34:15,805 --> 00:34:17,682
I knew what it was the moment I saw it.
494
00:34:18,182 --> 00:34:19,559
It's an old one... From the 90s.
495
00:34:19,642 --> 00:34:21,686
It was for a body lotion campaign I did.
496
00:34:22,103 --> 00:34:23,813
I called it "Aqua Vitae".
497
00:35:05,187 --> 00:35:06,856
Young forever.
498
00:35:07,189 --> 00:35:09,358
Moo!
499
00:35:14,739 --> 00:35:16,365
Still holds up.
500
00:35:17,199 --> 00:35:19,160
Notice the curvature
of my right eyebrow.
501
00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:20,953
It's night and day from Blue Steel.
502
00:35:21,621 --> 00:35:22,663
He's right.
503
00:35:22,747 --> 00:35:26,584
When I overlay them, there are
over 14,000 different facial anomalies.
504
00:35:26,959 --> 00:35:28,044
Wow.
505
00:35:28,127 --> 00:35:31,380
I had no idea there was
so much subtlety involved.
506
00:35:33,215 --> 00:35:35,551
Please accept my apologies, Derek.
507
00:35:35,843 --> 00:35:37,345
None taken.
508
00:35:48,356 --> 00:35:51,233
Filippo, we need to find
everything there is on Aqua Vitae.
509
00:35:54,278 --> 00:35:56,781
Hold on a second, lady. A deal's a deal.
510
00:35:57,990 --> 00:35:59,825
Now, you help me find my son.
511
00:35:59,950 --> 00:36:03,079
Sure. His name is Derek Jr.?
512
00:36:03,329 --> 00:36:04,330
Yes.
513
00:36:04,413 --> 00:36:06,248
Have you ever Facebooked him?
514
00:36:06,707 --> 00:36:09,377
No, thanks. Matilda facebooked
515
00:36:09,877 --> 00:36:11,379
and it killed her.
516
00:36:12,046 --> 00:36:13,047
Found him.
517
00:36:13,130 --> 00:36:15,883
He's at
the Orphanage Del Piccolo Cletusi.
518
00:36:17,385 --> 00:36:19,929
Here. In Rome.
519
00:36:20,596 --> 00:36:21,889
Wait. What?
520
00:36:22,765 --> 00:36:23,891
He's in Rome.
521
00:36:23,974 --> 00:36:27,103
That's convenient. So we can
hit that party at the lncrediBall.
522
00:36:27,770 --> 00:36:29,855
A little too convenient.
523
00:36:30,690 --> 00:36:33,901
Someone wants you here, guys.
But who?
524
00:36:34,944 --> 00:36:35,945
Listen to me.
525
00:36:36,195 --> 00:36:40,324
Be careful at the orphanage.
And trust no one at House of Atoz.
526
00:36:40,741 --> 00:36:42,451
I'll see what I can find.
527
00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:13,733
Thanks for coming with me.
I feel kind of nervous.
528
00:37:13,816 --> 00:37:16,777
Hey. You're showing up. Feel good.
529
00:37:30,332 --> 00:37:32,501
- That must be him.
- Where?
530
00:37:39,258 --> 00:37:41,802
He's even more gorgeous
than I imagined.
531
00:37:43,512 --> 00:37:45,514
You're a lucky man.
532
00:37:46,849 --> 00:37:48,184
You there. Boy.
533
00:37:50,436 --> 00:37:52,438
- What's his name?
- Who?
534
00:37:53,272 --> 00:37:54,315
Him?
535
00:37:55,441 --> 00:37:57,109
That's Fabrizio.
536
00:37:57,568 --> 00:37:58,903
Fabrizio.
537
00:37:59,695 --> 00:38:01,405
What a beautiful name.
538
00:38:02,156 --> 00:38:04,366
He used to be called Derek Jr.
539
00:38:04,784 --> 00:38:07,369
Really? That's strange,
'cause that's my name.
540
00:38:17,421 --> 00:38:18,756
Bye, mister.
541
00:38:19,965 --> 00:38:22,802
- Let's go. Let's go.
- What? Why?
542
00:38:22,885 --> 00:38:25,221
- I can't do this.
- Why not?
543
00:38:25,304 --> 00:38:28,390
He's fat! The fat one is Derek Jr.
544
00:38:28,808 --> 00:38:32,394
No, that chubby kid's name is Fatlander.
I heard them call him that.
545
00:38:32,478 --> 00:38:34,814
Don't you get it? He switched
the "Zoo" part with "Fat".
546
00:38:34,897 --> 00:38:37,900
That's how he came up with "Fatlander".
Fat equals Zoo!
547
00:38:38,234 --> 00:38:41,195
So wait. You're saying that
just because your son is fat
548
00:38:41,278 --> 00:38:43,697
that makes him
some sort of terrible person?
549
00:38:45,074 --> 00:38:46,075
Maybe you're right.
550
00:38:46,158 --> 00:38:47,284
No, I'm asking.
551
00:38:47,368 --> 00:38:50,162
Does being fat make someone
a terrible person?
552
00:38:50,246 --> 00:38:51,288
And I'm agreeing with you.
553
00:38:51,372 --> 00:38:54,708
I seriously think my fat son
might be a terrible person.
554
00:38:58,254 --> 00:39:00,089
And it doesn't make him
a good person, I know that.
555
00:39:00,172 --> 00:39:03,801
But I don't know what to say.
I think you better puddle-talk it out.
556
00:39:16,355 --> 00:39:18,649
So I guess I have a lot to ponder.
557
00:39:19,859 --> 00:39:21,402
You sure do.
558
00:39:21,485 --> 00:39:23,821
Derek.
559
00:39:24,321 --> 00:39:26,198
What? Who's that?
560
00:39:26,282 --> 00:39:27,575
I don't know. It wasn't me.
561
00:39:28,325 --> 00:39:29,827
Derek.
562
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:31,954
Derek.
563
00:39:32,955 --> 00:39:35,624
Ghost of Matilda? Is that really you?
564
00:39:35,958 --> 00:39:37,334
Yes, Derek.
565
00:39:37,418 --> 00:39:41,839
I'm sorry I haven't been in touch,
but I've just been so dead.
566
00:39:42,339 --> 00:39:43,340
Listen.
567
00:39:43,799 --> 00:39:45,926
You must love our son.
568
00:39:46,218 --> 00:39:47,970
He needs you.
569
00:39:48,387 --> 00:39:51,140
But beware of the Headmaster.
570
00:39:52,057 --> 00:39:53,392
What's happening to you?
571
00:39:53,726 --> 00:39:55,561
Love our son.
572
00:39:56,896 --> 00:39:59,148
And beware the Headmaster.
573
00:40:00,733 --> 00:40:01,901
Hello.
574
00:40:03,235 --> 00:40:04,570
I'm the Headmaster.
575
00:40:05,195 --> 00:40:07,197
Derek Zoolander
576
00:40:07,740 --> 00:40:09,241
I'm assuming.
577
00:40:09,325 --> 00:40:11,994
Because I've never met you ever.
578
00:40:12,745 --> 00:40:16,248
Mr. Hansel informs me
that you'd like to see your son.
579
00:40:16,832 --> 00:40:19,084
Easily arranged. Come.
580
00:40:23,547 --> 00:40:27,217
I should tell you,
your son is incredibly gifted.
581
00:40:28,344 --> 00:40:29,428
Hello.
582
00:40:29,511 --> 00:40:32,348
If you want to find
the Spirits in the Material World,
583
00:40:32,431 --> 00:40:35,559
you need to talk
to the Ghost in the Machine.
584
00:40:35,643 --> 00:40:37,144
What? Who is this?
585
00:40:37,227 --> 00:40:39,355
I have a Message in a Bottle for you,
586
00:40:39,438 --> 00:40:42,232
so don't go to The Police.
587
00:40:42,858 --> 00:40:46,862
Okay, don't go to the police
'cause there's a message in a bottle.
588
00:40:46,946 --> 00:40:48,948
Okay, I got it.
589
00:40:49,406 --> 00:40:51,909
Now go prank call someone else, idiot.
590
00:40:52,368 --> 00:40:53,869
Here they are now.
591
00:41:00,084 --> 00:41:02,086
Hey, there, sport.
592
00:41:03,337 --> 00:41:05,631
I hear someone's
a fat little smartypants.
593
00:41:09,426 --> 00:41:11,011
I'll leave you to it, then.
594
00:41:11,887 --> 00:41:13,138
I'm gonna let you two catch up
595
00:41:13,222 --> 00:41:15,099
and maybe hit the spa back at the Caca.
596
00:41:17,977 --> 00:41:20,980
Look, I know you have
a lot of unresolved feelings,
597
00:41:21,063 --> 00:41:22,439
but I'm still your father.
598
00:41:22,898 --> 00:41:25,651
You're not my father. You weren't there.
599
00:41:25,734 --> 00:41:29,196
That wasn't my choice.
I was there when you were little.
600
00:41:29,279 --> 00:41:31,782
Most kids play catch with their father.
601
00:41:32,241 --> 00:41:34,785
They don't go with them
to a thong shoot.
602
00:41:35,369 --> 00:41:37,121
There are lots of
starving children in Africa
603
00:41:37,204 --> 00:41:39,373
who would die to go to a thong shoot.
604
00:41:39,748 --> 00:41:40,749
What?
605
00:41:41,500 --> 00:41:44,962
Look, let me make it up to you.
Let's go play ball-catching now.
606
00:41:45,295 --> 00:41:46,505
Ball-catching?
607
00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:48,882
So how's the family reunion going?
608
00:41:49,550 --> 00:41:53,178
Great. I'd like to check him out
for a few hours, if that's okay.
609
00:41:53,262 --> 00:41:56,432
Sure. As long as he's back by sundown.
610
00:41:57,766 --> 00:41:59,435
He seems like a nice guy.
611
00:41:59,810 --> 00:42:01,478
You seem like an idiot.
612
00:42:02,563 --> 00:42:04,982
Okay, I think I know
what would help right now.
613
00:42:05,441 --> 00:42:06,442
What?
614
00:42:07,484 --> 00:42:09,820
Frozen chocolata gelato!
615
00:42:22,124 --> 00:42:23,208
Ciao!
616
00:42:38,015 --> 00:42:39,892
Oh, my God!
617
00:42:50,652 --> 00:42:52,488
Hashtag, oops.
618
00:42:55,157 --> 00:42:58,952
You know, sometimes it takes
an extremely traumatic experience
619
00:42:59,036 --> 00:43:01,288
to make you appreciate
a good makeover.
620
00:43:01,371 --> 00:43:02,748
Am I right?
621
00:43:04,458 --> 00:43:05,626
Derek?
622
00:43:08,087 --> 00:43:09,630
Derek Jr.!
623
00:43:16,011 --> 00:43:18,388
- Are you mentally insane?
- What?
624
00:43:18,472 --> 00:43:21,642
What are you reading? I Am Malalalala?
625
00:43:21,975 --> 00:43:24,061
No books! Think of your mother.
626
00:43:25,479 --> 00:43:28,023
What's the big deal?
Mom read tons of books.
627
00:43:28,357 --> 00:43:30,734
And a one-ton book killed her.
628
00:43:31,693 --> 00:43:34,113
The book didn't kill Mom. You did.
629
00:43:34,404 --> 00:43:36,365
And you nearly killed me, too.
630
00:43:37,199 --> 00:43:40,536
Come on. Look at us.
We look ridiculous.
631
00:43:40,953 --> 00:43:43,163
What, okay, maybe your pants
are a little loose.
632
00:43:43,247 --> 00:43:45,082
- Are you serious right now?
- What?
633
00:43:45,415 --> 00:43:48,168
I don't want to be anything like you!
634
00:43:48,252 --> 00:43:49,378
You're a has-been!
635
00:43:50,003 --> 00:43:55,467
And you are the most narcissistic,
self-involved person I've ever met!
636
00:43:56,468 --> 00:43:58,470
But that's not how I think of me.
637
00:43:59,304 --> 00:44:00,639
I'm going back to school.
638
00:44:01,849 --> 00:44:03,976
Little Derek, come back here!
639
00:44:04,059 --> 00:44:06,395
I thought we were gonna
give each other facials!
640
00:44:12,776 --> 00:44:13,777
Wait.
641
00:44:15,070 --> 00:44:16,738
How did you learn to speak Italian?
642
00:44:16,822 --> 00:44:18,073
Because I'm smart!
643
00:44:19,408 --> 00:44:21,201
Mom was smart, too.
644
00:44:21,285 --> 00:44:25,080
The only stupid thing she ever did
was fall in love with you.
645
00:44:26,582 --> 00:44:30,043
I don't even have the words to express
what a burn that is.
646
00:44:32,004 --> 00:44:33,672
I don't know what to say.
647
00:44:34,423 --> 00:44:37,467
No, I mean I literally
don't have the vocabulary to respond.
648
00:44:37,801 --> 00:44:40,137
You're like a walking Tyrannosaurus.
649
00:44:40,888 --> 00:44:43,223
You mean "walking thesaurus".
650
00:44:44,391 --> 00:44:45,809
I don't know.
651
00:44:46,852 --> 00:44:50,105
I guess it's nice that
you want to reconnect or whatever.
652
00:44:50,189 --> 00:44:53,192
But we're too different. And it's too late.
653
00:44:54,943 --> 00:44:56,570
Thanks for the gelato.
654
00:45:15,005 --> 00:45:16,340
Orgy-
655
00:45:19,134 --> 00:45:21,261
Hi, there, Hansel.
656
00:45:28,352 --> 00:45:30,854
I heard you
657
00:45:31,438 --> 00:45:32,856
are on the rebound.
658
00:45:32,940 --> 00:45:35,609
No, no. I'm still... Still committed.
659
00:45:35,692 --> 00:45:38,195
We're just taking a little time to kind of...
660
00:45:38,737 --> 00:45:41,740
Doesn't mean we can't enjoy
each other's bodies.
661
00:45:42,950 --> 00:45:44,243
Damn it.
662
00:45:44,993 --> 00:45:46,328
Hansel.
663
00:45:47,162 --> 00:45:50,832
Meaningless sex always makes me feel
better about myself.
664
00:45:54,211 --> 00:45:55,879
Come on.
665
00:46:19,236 --> 00:46:20,404
Hansel!
666
00:46:21,822 --> 00:46:22,990
We know you're in there!
667
00:46:23,073 --> 00:46:24,157
Stay here. Stay here.
668
00:46:25,325 --> 00:46:27,869
Hansel, let us in! We want to apologize!
669
00:46:28,954 --> 00:46:31,248
Come back to the pigpile, Hansel.
670
00:46:31,331 --> 00:46:34,793
Touch-a, touch-a, touch me.
I want to be dirty.
671
00:46:34,876 --> 00:46:36,962
That's it. I've had enough.
Everybody, back up.
672
00:46:37,045 --> 00:46:39,047
Back! Back!
673
00:46:43,218 --> 00:46:44,720
Hello! Hello!
674
00:46:46,054 --> 00:46:47,264
My gosh.
675
00:46:47,347 --> 00:46:48,390
God...
676
00:47:01,528 --> 00:47:02,696
Hansel.
677
00:47:02,779 --> 00:47:05,157
Okay. You guys have a talk.
I'm going to a bar.
678
00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:07,117
That's a good idea. Yeah, go.
679
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:08,201
Hey...
680
00:47:08,618 --> 00:47:10,495
You are a basic bitch.
681
00:47:11,413 --> 00:47:14,416
Come on, let's go. Come on. Out.
682
00:47:14,791 --> 00:47:16,168
I can kill you.
683
00:47:18,628 --> 00:47:20,756
Please. Let me just explain.
684
00:47:20,839 --> 00:47:23,759
Guys, you didn't even give me
a chance to explain!
685
00:47:24,134 --> 00:47:26,845
Hansel, how can you expect
to love 11 people
686
00:47:27,429 --> 00:47:29,556
when you don't even love yourself?
687
00:47:33,352 --> 00:47:35,354
I hope they were worth it.
688
00:47:36,438 --> 00:47:37,814
That's not fair.
689
00:47:38,065 --> 00:47:39,274
Kiefer!
690
00:47:39,441 --> 00:47:40,776
Kiefer!
691
00:47:44,738 --> 00:47:48,116
Hey, where'd everybody go?
I wasn't done with that hippo.
692
00:47:53,622 --> 00:47:55,957
Who am I?
693
00:47:59,044 --> 00:48:00,253
Who am I?
694
00:48:03,256 --> 00:48:05,217
- Derek?
- Hey, Hansel.
695
00:48:05,300 --> 00:48:07,469
Are you trying to figure out
who you are, also?
696
00:48:07,803 --> 00:48:08,845
Yep.
697
00:48:09,471 --> 00:48:12,474
Who am I?
698
00:48:14,434 --> 00:48:15,769
Hey, Katy!
699
00:48:16,144 --> 00:48:19,731
Yeah, it's like, when will we
find out who we really are?
700
00:48:20,065 --> 00:48:21,149
I know, right?
701
00:48:21,441 --> 00:48:22,776
Who am I?
702
00:48:23,402 --> 00:48:25,445
Neil deGrasse Tyson.
703
00:48:25,612 --> 00:48:27,072
Even you don't know who you are?
704
00:48:27,656 --> 00:48:29,741
In an ever-expanding universe,
705
00:48:29,825 --> 00:48:32,828
slowly pulling itself apart
into nothingness,
706
00:48:33,537 --> 00:48:38,041
what use does the question
"Who am I?" even have?
707
00:48:39,251 --> 00:48:43,171
Neil, I got to say,
you're totally blowing my mind right now.
708
00:48:43,713 --> 00:48:45,257
That's what I do.
709
00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:48,135
I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson, bitch.
710
00:48:49,845 --> 00:48:53,056
Hansel! Derek!
You have to come to Interpol!
711
00:48:53,181 --> 00:48:54,808
I have incredible news!
712
00:48:55,392 --> 00:48:58,270
We did a full diagnostic
on your Aqua Vitae look,
713
00:48:58,353 --> 00:49:00,689
and a linguistics analysis
on its etymology.
714
00:49:01,189 --> 00:49:03,608
The direct translation is "Water of Life."
715
00:49:03,692 --> 00:49:05,861
But many have
interpreted it another way.
716
00:49:08,029 --> 00:49:09,573
"The Fountain of Youth."
717
00:49:10,949 --> 00:49:13,034
Okay, look, I only
worked there for a summer.
718
00:49:13,118 --> 00:49:15,203
And, no, they don't give happy endings.
719
00:49:16,037 --> 00:49:18,874
No, Derek.
The actual Fountain of Youth.
720
00:49:20,584 --> 00:49:25,380
Can you imagine if the Fountain
of Youth indeed does exist...
721
00:49:26,089 --> 00:49:29,759
And if Alexanya Atoz
could market such a liquid...
722
00:49:30,594 --> 00:49:32,429
Do you ever get that feeling
723
00:49:32,512 --> 00:49:36,308
when you see beautiful
teenager girl with perfect skin
724
00:49:36,391 --> 00:49:39,686
and you want to kill her
and take her skin
725
00:49:39,769 --> 00:49:41,646
and put it on your skin?
726
00:49:41,730 --> 00:49:43,523
We bottled that feeling.
727
00:49:43,732 --> 00:49:46,234
House of Atoz Yowth Milk.
728
00:49:47,319 --> 00:49:48,737
...she would make billions.
729
00:49:50,989 --> 00:49:52,073
Excuse me.
730
00:49:54,576 --> 00:49:56,912
- Orgy?
- You are in serious danger.
731
00:49:57,996 --> 00:50:00,123
Don't Stand So Close To Me.
732
00:50:00,207 --> 00:50:02,334
Come on. It's this prank caller again.
733
00:50:02,542 --> 00:50:03,877
- Put it on speaker.
- What. .. Why?
734
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:05,086
Just put it on speaker!
735
00:50:06,213 --> 00:50:07,297
Who is this?
736
00:50:07,589 --> 00:50:09,925
I am your King of Pain.
737
00:50:10,008 --> 00:50:13,512
Every breath this guy takes, I'm like,
"What are you talking about?"
738
00:50:14,095 --> 00:50:15,096
Jesus.
739
00:50:15,180 --> 00:50:17,807
Just meet me
at Saint Peter's Basilica at midnight.
740
00:50:20,101 --> 00:50:21,937
Sounds like this guy's really into Sting.
741
00:50:23,188 --> 00:50:24,940
I model my life after Sting.
742
00:50:25,482 --> 00:50:28,068
And Bieber was killed
in front of Sting's villa.
743
00:50:29,236 --> 00:50:30,278
What?
744
00:51:15,532 --> 00:51:16,700
Forgive me, Father.
745
00:51:16,783 --> 00:51:18,827
I have many sins
that I would like to confess.
746
00:51:19,995 --> 00:51:23,039
One of my sins has to do with
the death of Justin Bieber.
747
00:51:32,173 --> 00:51:33,508
No way.
748
00:51:34,718 --> 00:51:35,885
Hey, Derek.
749
00:51:36,344 --> 00:51:37,512
Hey, Sting.
750
00:51:38,263 --> 00:51:40,223
And hello, sweet Hansel.
751
00:51:41,016 --> 00:51:42,142
Hi.
752
00:51:42,892 --> 00:51:44,352
You two know each other?
753
00:51:45,020 --> 00:51:46,646
Sadly, we've never met.
754
00:51:46,855 --> 00:51:48,607
And yet I feel like I've known you
755
00:51:49,482 --> 00:51:51,151
-my entire life.
- My entire life.
756
00:51:53,862 --> 00:51:54,904
Tell me.
757
00:51:55,905 --> 00:51:57,699
Have you heard of
the Fountain of Youth?
758
00:51:58,366 --> 00:52:01,453
Yes. Why does everybody
keep asking me that?
759
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:04,914
No, Derek, not the hand job joint
you worked at in SoHo.
760
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:06,416
The real Fountain of Youth.
761
00:52:07,334 --> 00:52:09,586
It dates back some 6,000 years.
762
00:52:10,754 --> 00:52:15,050
Its original location is thought
to have been the Garden of Eden.
763
00:52:16,176 --> 00:52:19,888
You mean the Turkish bathhouse
I used to work at in Tribeca?
764
00:52:22,057 --> 00:52:24,893
No, Derek. The Garden of Eden.
765
00:52:26,978 --> 00:52:29,481
The birthplace of Adam and Eve
766
00:52:30,565 --> 00:52:32,233
and Steve.
767
00:52:35,153 --> 00:52:37,072
Steve? Who's Steve?
768
00:52:38,323 --> 00:52:42,410
Steve is the original supermodel.
The first of the purebloods.
769
00:52:42,661 --> 00:52:46,122
He was said to be so beautiful,
with a look so powerful
770
00:52:46,247 --> 00:52:48,500
that even the pools of water
he gazed upon
771
00:52:48,750 --> 00:52:50,418
could not reflect his beauty back to him.
772
00:52:52,253 --> 00:52:53,254
That look...
773
00:52:54,047 --> 00:52:57,008
That look was called "El Nifio".
774
00:52:58,718 --> 00:53:02,097
But, honestly, I've never heard of Steve.
775
00:53:02,931 --> 00:53:06,309
Countless lives throughout history
have been lost to make sure of that.
776
00:53:06,976 --> 00:53:10,438
Evil forces have hunted
his offspring for centuries.
777
00:53:12,482 --> 00:53:14,317
For the legend states
778
00:53:14,484 --> 00:53:17,070
that if you wrench the still-beating heart
779
00:53:17,153 --> 00:53:20,365
from the gorgeous body
of a true descendent of Steve
780
00:53:20,448 --> 00:53:22,325
and drink its blood,
781
00:53:22,409 --> 00:53:25,328
you will obtain eternal beauty.
782
00:53:27,288 --> 00:53:29,958
So the Fountain of Youth
is not a fountain at all.
783
00:53:30,667 --> 00:53:32,210
The Fountain of Youth is...
784
00:53:32,293 --> 00:53:34,713
A person. And not just anyone.
785
00:53:35,296 --> 00:53:38,842
A direct descendent of Steve.
The Chosen One.
786
00:53:39,634 --> 00:53:41,052
How do you know all this?
787
00:53:41,302 --> 00:53:45,390
Because I, and many rock stars like me,
are his protectors.
788
00:53:46,558 --> 00:53:48,268
You see, there are only a few genes
789
00:53:48,351 --> 00:53:52,647
that separate the greatest rock stars
in history from male models.
790
00:53:52,897 --> 00:53:54,357
Which genes are those?
791
00:53:54,983 --> 00:53:57,152
The ones for talent and intelligence.
792
00:53:57,736 --> 00:53:58,987
Of course.
793
00:53:59,279 --> 00:54:02,198
We were entrusted
to protect the Chosen Ones.
794
00:54:02,782 --> 00:54:04,284
But who is the Chosen One?
795
00:54:04,576 --> 00:54:07,287
We believe it is your son.
796
00:54:08,455 --> 00:54:10,415
And that he is in grave danger.
797
00:54:11,541 --> 00:54:12,584
But he's back at the school!
798
00:54:12,667 --> 00:54:15,003
We have to get to him before
something terrible happens to him!
799
00:54:15,086 --> 00:54:18,256
No. Wait. Hansel. Look into my eyes.
800
00:54:19,674 --> 00:54:21,551
Is there anything you want to ask me?
801
00:54:21,676 --> 00:54:23,178
Anything at all?
802
00:54:25,805 --> 00:54:28,475
Do you really have sex for ten hours?
803
00:54:30,977 --> 00:54:32,061
No comment.
804
00:54:32,687 --> 00:54:33,813
Fifteen.
805
00:54:36,566 --> 00:54:39,611
Farewell, my handsome boy. Farewell.
806
00:54:39,694 --> 00:54:40,820
Good-bye, Sting.
807
00:54:55,126 --> 00:54:56,252
Bolt cutters!
808
00:55:07,055 --> 00:55:08,223
He's gone!
809
00:55:10,767 --> 00:55:13,102
It's like no one was ever here.
810
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:17,690
- It was a wig.
- What?
811
00:55:17,774 --> 00:55:19,692
It was a wig the whole time.
812
00:55:19,776 --> 00:55:21,069
That was a wig?
813
00:55:21,236 --> 00:55:24,155
That Headmaster
wasn't a good guy at all!
814
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:25,240
No!
815
00:55:25,740 --> 00:55:28,785
No!No!No!
816
00:55:28,910 --> 00:55:31,579
Derek! Derek, relax!
817
00:55:37,919 --> 00:55:39,128
Don't do it.
818
00:55:40,171 --> 00:55:41,589
When you want to go to it.
819
00:55:48,930 --> 00:55:50,098
- Fmppo.
- Si.
820
00:55:50,223 --> 00:55:51,933
I need you to pull up everything you have
821
00:55:52,016 --> 00:55:54,185
on the man who was arrested
back in 2001
822
00:55:54,269 --> 00:55:55,687
for brainwashing Zoolander.
823
00:55:55,812 --> 00:55:57,522
Facial scans to be cross-referenced
824
00:55:57,605 --> 00:56:00,275
with security footage of
the headmaster of the orphanage.
825
00:56:03,611 --> 00:56:05,446
It's a positive l.D.
826
00:56:06,656 --> 00:56:09,325
The Headmaster
didn't even have a name or papers.
827
00:56:09,576 --> 00:56:12,412
Oh, my God.
It's the evil breakdancing DJ.
828
00:56:12,787 --> 00:56:16,457
He was arrested with Mugatu
and his accomplice back in 2001.
829
00:56:17,292 --> 00:56:19,961
It's Katinka lngaborgovinananananana.
830
00:56:20,253 --> 00:56:21,379
Where are they now?
831
00:56:21,462 --> 00:56:24,090
Ingaborgovinananananana
disappeared off the grid.
832
00:56:24,424 --> 00:56:26,885
It looks like the Evil DJ came
through the Swiss border
833
00:56:26,968 --> 00:56:29,220
with forged papers
about three weeks ago.
834
00:56:30,430 --> 00:56:32,265
I suppose they could have...
835
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:35,184
Driven to Rome
and kidnapped Derek's son.
836
00:56:35,727 --> 00:56:36,769
Exactly!
837
00:56:36,895 --> 00:56:39,564
Which means the person
behind all of this is...
838
00:56:49,157 --> 00:56:50,241
Who?
839
00:56:52,869 --> 00:56:53,995
Who?
840
00:56:54,746 --> 00:56:56,080
Who are we talking about?
841
00:57:09,052 --> 00:57:10,470
Mugatu's in there.
842
00:57:11,638 --> 00:57:13,431
For ten years,
there has only been one name
843
00:57:13,514 --> 00:57:15,683
on the list of visitors that he will allow.
844
00:57:18,895 --> 00:57:20,229
Thank you.
845
00:57:21,731 --> 00:57:22,815
For what?
846
00:57:23,191 --> 00:57:24,400
For helping us.
847
00:57:28,363 --> 00:57:31,824
When I was a little girl
growing up in Albacete,
848
00:57:31,908 --> 00:57:35,536
my room was covered
in pictures of Derek Zoolander.
849
00:57:38,623 --> 00:57:41,376
The most amazing model alive.
850
00:57:45,338 --> 00:57:47,507
Except I'm not one anymore.
851
00:57:48,174 --> 00:57:49,801
My son called me a has-been.
852
00:57:52,553 --> 00:57:54,055
I'm a has-been.
853
00:57:55,473 --> 00:57:57,141
What kind of has-been were you?
854
00:58:01,938 --> 00:58:03,898
I was a swimsuit model.
855
00:58:04,315 --> 00:58:05,900
- I'm so sorry.
- My heart goes out to you.
856
00:58:07,527 --> 00:58:11,322
I was never able to
transition to print or runway.
857
00:58:12,615 --> 00:58:14,617
To your world of high fashion.
858
00:58:15,952 --> 00:58:17,412
Because of these.
859
00:58:18,538 --> 00:58:22,208
These intrusive, oversized naturals.
860
00:58:25,253 --> 00:58:28,172
These things could never fit
into a sample size.
861
00:58:29,799 --> 00:58:31,134
Gross.
862
00:58:36,389 --> 00:58:38,349
You need to go for this now.
863
00:58:38,433 --> 00:58:40,143
Not later. Now.
864
00:58:40,601 --> 00:58:42,228
- Hansel, are you serious?
- Yes.
865
00:58:42,311 --> 00:58:44,272
While Matilda lies warm in her grave?
866
00:58:44,439 --> 00:58:47,400
Matilda's been dead for years.
You need to move on.
867
00:58:47,483 --> 00:58:50,194
Honestly, by now
she's just a couple of teeth.
868
00:58:50,278 --> 00:58:51,529
A piece of spine.
869
00:58:51,612 --> 00:58:55,324
Maybe a little skull fragment,
like that guy from Tales from the Crypt.
870
00:58:55,408 --> 00:58:56,617
The Crypt Keeper.
871
00:58:57,243 --> 00:58:59,704
Hansel, stop it! I'm not ready.
872
00:59:17,180 --> 00:59:21,100
The world's most notorious
fashion criminals are in there.
873
00:59:22,143 --> 00:59:25,730
Be careful, Derek.
He'll try to get inside your head.
874
00:59:26,147 --> 00:59:29,192
Don't worry. It's closed for business.
875
00:59:37,533 --> 00:59:39,327
Give 'em hell, Derek.
876
00:59:55,593 --> 00:59:58,513
You're goin' down, Zoolander!
You're goin' down, listen to me!
877
00:59:58,679 --> 01:00:01,891
You better listen to the Hammer!
Can't touch this!
878
01:00:01,974 --> 01:00:06,145
No! No! Zoolander
can't touch Mugatu! No!
879
01:00:07,021 --> 01:00:08,314
Shut up, Hammer!
880
01:00:09,190 --> 01:00:12,110
Members Only. Members Only.
881
01:00:13,444 --> 01:00:15,905
Epaulettes are not a crime.
882
01:00:16,239 --> 01:00:19,450
Smart casual. Smart casual.
883
01:00:19,659 --> 01:00:21,452
Listen to me.
You can't touch him!
884
01:00:21,702 --> 01:00:24,372
Mr. Hammer is wrong!
885
01:00:49,272 --> 01:00:52,233
Derek Zoolander.
886
01:00:54,902 --> 01:00:56,404
I've been expecting you.
887
01:01:03,452 --> 01:01:05,204
What have you done with my son?
888
01:01:06,581 --> 01:01:11,043
Hands. Our most overrated appendage.
889
01:01:12,211 --> 01:01:14,505
When not allowed the use of them,
890
01:01:14,589 --> 01:01:15,923
you'd be surprised how quickly
891
01:01:16,090 --> 01:01:18,634
feet can be trained to do
the exact same thing.
892
01:01:28,269 --> 01:01:30,605
Your son is doing wonderfully.
893
01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:35,610
From what the school tells
my offshore accountant...
894
01:01:35,776 --> 01:01:37,612
He's incredibly smart.
895
01:01:37,987 --> 01:01:39,238
Your accountant?
896
01:01:39,989 --> 01:01:42,742
Who do you think paid
for that fancy orphanage?
897
01:01:42,825 --> 01:01:44,035
When he was taken away from you,
898
01:01:44,118 --> 01:01:46,913
someone had to make sure
he got his eight square meals a day.
899
01:01:47,496 --> 01:01:49,832
Eight? You bastard!
900
01:01:54,962 --> 01:01:57,340
I'm sorry. I'd love to keep
talking about this, but
901
01:01:58,090 --> 01:02:00,593
I seem to have developed a nasty itch.
902
01:02:03,137 --> 01:02:04,597
I'd ask you to scratch it for me,
903
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:07,850
but no doubt you'd think
I was just trying to trick you.
904
01:02:12,480 --> 01:02:16,150
Or you're trying to make me
think I shouldn't help you.
905
01:02:16,484 --> 01:02:21,489
In which case, I should do
the opposite of that and help you.
906
01:02:22,907 --> 01:02:24,325
Or don't help me.
907
01:02:24,951 --> 01:02:26,619
I think that's even a better option.
908
01:02:29,872 --> 01:02:33,251
You're trying to switch it around on me,
but I won't take the bait.
909
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:35,419
Sorry, Mugatu.
910
01:02:35,503 --> 01:02:38,297
I'm going with my first instinct.
And helping you.
911
01:02:42,510 --> 01:02:44,178
I really wish you wouldn't.
912
01:02:44,262 --> 01:02:47,056
Too late. The die is cast.
913
01:02:47,181 --> 01:02:48,557
I'd prefer that you didn't.
914
01:02:48,641 --> 01:02:51,477
- I'm going to do it.
- Please don't.
915
01:02:59,777 --> 01:03:01,279
Let me go!
916
01:03:01,570 --> 01:03:05,533
Not until you untie my straitjacket
and put it on, okay?
917
01:03:06,701 --> 01:03:08,869
If I do, will you let me go?
918
01:03:09,662 --> 01:03:10,705
No!
919
01:03:12,081 --> 01:03:14,000
Which means you will let me go.
920
01:03:14,292 --> 01:03:15,751
So I'll do it.
921
01:03:16,210 --> 01:03:17,586
Oh, my gosh.
922
01:03:17,712 --> 01:03:18,879
Okay!
923
01:03:20,548 --> 01:03:23,551
Check and mate, Mugatu.
924
01:03:24,468 --> 01:03:25,761
Your move.
925
01:03:28,139 --> 01:03:29,807
You really are an idiot, aren't you?
926
01:03:30,850 --> 01:03:35,688
Like, super, super white hot,
blazingly stupid.
927
01:03:38,357 --> 01:03:41,152
For ten long years...
928
01:03:41,402 --> 01:03:45,406
I've been plotting my escape
from this dreadful place.
929
01:03:45,656 --> 01:03:48,826
For ten long years. For ten long years.
930
01:03:48,909 --> 01:03:53,706
Ten years spent creating some of
the most realistic and lifelike masks
931
01:03:54,206 --> 01:03:55,791
ever made.
932
01:03:57,585 --> 01:03:58,711
One for you.
933
01:04:01,839 --> 01:04:03,299
And one for me.
934
01:04:06,761 --> 01:04:07,845
All so that today
935
01:04:08,846 --> 01:04:11,098
you can become me!
936
01:04:13,768 --> 01:04:15,603
And I can become...
937
01:04:17,063 --> 01:04:18,230
- .!
938
01:04:24,362 --> 01:04:25,529
That's it?
939
01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:27,531
You'll never get away with this.
940
01:04:29,533 --> 01:04:32,328
All of the guards here
are former male models.
941
01:04:32,411 --> 01:04:34,955
Somehow I don't think
it's gonna be a problem.
942
01:04:35,289 --> 01:04:37,541
Guard! Guard!
943
01:04:38,125 --> 01:04:39,835
Will that be all, Mr. Zoolander?
944
01:04:40,002 --> 01:04:41,379
That Will be all.
945
01:04:42,671 --> 01:04:43,839
No!
946
01:04:44,298 --> 01:04:45,299
No!
947
01:04:46,384 --> 01:04:48,427
Come back here, Mugatu!
948
01:04:48,594 --> 01:04:49,887
Mugatu!
949
01:05:30,928 --> 01:05:33,013
- Go get Derek!
- What?
950
01:05:33,097 --> 01:05:34,432
Go get Derek!
951
01:05:34,515 --> 01:05:36,183
And tell my orgy I love them!
952
01:05:42,565 --> 01:05:43,607
Todd!
953
01:05:45,818 --> 01:05:48,446
Where's my goddamn latte?
954
01:06:14,305 --> 01:06:16,474
And here.
955
01:06:22,229 --> 01:06:23,189
What's that?
956
01:06:23,272 --> 01:06:25,733
I missed you, too. I know.
957
01:07:07,525 --> 01:07:09,193
Alexanya!
958
01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:12,404
Moo-Moo!
959
01:07:38,389 --> 01:07:39,557
Alexanya!
960
01:07:39,932 --> 01:07:41,642
No. Hey, sorry to interrupt.
961
01:07:41,725 --> 01:07:42,810
What?
962
01:07:44,061 --> 01:07:47,189
Don Atari, what are you doing here?
Don't you knuck?
963
01:07:47,982 --> 01:07:51,068
Mugatu? What? No way, dude.
964
01:07:51,443 --> 01:07:53,571
I thought you were
supposed to be in jail, dude.
965
01:07:53,988 --> 01:07:55,906
You're like some dangerous criminal
that tried to
966
01:07:55,990 --> 01:07:57,575
assassinate a world leader, dude.
967
01:07:57,658 --> 01:08:00,578
That was some crazy retro-Bond shit.
968
01:08:00,661 --> 01:08:02,871
So corny. I loved it.
969
01:08:04,039 --> 01:08:05,165
Who are you?
970
01:08:06,333 --> 01:08:09,169
Hello! I know you been
all Shawshanked out, but,
971
01:08:09,503 --> 01:08:12,423
like, seriously, I'm the new
stupid king of fashion, whatever.
972
01:08:12,506 --> 01:08:13,882
Don Atari, baby.
973
01:08:14,550 --> 01:08:15,551
What!
974
01:08:16,218 --> 01:08:18,012
So you know who I am, right?
975
01:08:19,722 --> 01:08:21,098
Derelicte was the dumbest, dude.
976
01:08:21,181 --> 01:08:24,351
You and SpongeBob are, honestly,
like, my biggest influences ever, dude.
977
01:08:25,352 --> 01:08:28,522
And did you just escape from prison
in the most ingenious way possible?
978
01:08:30,733 --> 01:08:31,775
What?
979
01:08:32,151 --> 01:08:35,654
And did you engineer the abduction
and fattening of the son of Zoolander,
980
01:08:35,738 --> 01:08:38,407
and the delivery of the Chosen One
for ritual sacrifice
981
01:08:39,283 --> 01:08:40,868
as the key to the Fountain of Youth?
982
01:08:41,744 --> 01:08:42,870
Did you?
983
01:08:43,954 --> 01:08:45,372
Did you? Did you do that?
984
01:08:45,748 --> 01:08:46,999
- Naw.
- Naw?
985
01:08:47,541 --> 01:08:48,667
Naw.
986
01:08:48,876 --> 01:08:50,210
- Naw?
- Naw.
987
01:08:50,377 --> 01:08:51,629
Did you say "naw"?
988
01:08:52,379 --> 01:08:54,548
I said "naw".
989
01:08:55,174 --> 01:08:58,344
So, I just want to ask you again.
990
01:08:59,053 --> 01:09:02,890
Do you know
991
01:09:03,557 --> 01:09:07,144
who I am?
992
01:09:08,812 --> 01:09:10,147
Whatever, you're...
993
01:09:12,399 --> 01:09:14,109
I'm Jaca-boo-who?
994
01:09:14,568 --> 01:09:15,778
Jacobim Mugatu.
995
01:09:15,903 --> 01:09:18,822
That's right! I'm Jacobim Mugatu!
996
01:09:18,906 --> 01:09:21,825
Fashion genius. And you...
997
01:09:22,618 --> 01:09:24,286
You are no one!
998
01:09:24,578 --> 01:09:26,080
Do you understand me?
999
01:09:26,872 --> 01:09:28,207
No one!
1000
01:09:28,624 --> 01:09:30,209
I'm the Mamba Bajamba!
1001
01:09:31,543 --> 01:09:33,504
I'm the Mamba Bajamba!
1002
01:09:34,672 --> 01:09:35,839
Todd!
1003
01:09:40,219 --> 01:09:42,971
You'll take my name into death!
1004
01:09:43,055 --> 01:09:45,766
You should know, I actually care about
everybody and everything very truly...
1005
01:09:47,559 --> 01:09:50,604
That's right! I just killed a little hipster!
1006
01:09:50,938 --> 01:09:51,980
Yeah!
1007
01:09:52,189 --> 01:09:54,191
Prison changed me deeply!
1008
01:09:54,733 --> 01:09:57,820
It affected me psychologically.
I'm a psycho!
1009
01:09:59,363 --> 01:10:02,282
This is just the beginning. Watch out!
1010
01:10:02,616 --> 01:10:04,159
Buyer beware!
1011
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:07,496
Now where is that
chubby little blood fountain?
1012
01:10:10,624 --> 01:10:11,625
Hansel!
1013
01:10:11,875 --> 01:10:13,836
Guys, Mugatz just killed Atari.
1014
01:10:14,128 --> 01:10:15,462
For serious?
1015
01:10:15,546 --> 01:10:17,381
Also, they're going to
kill your son tonight.
1016
01:10:18,298 --> 01:10:19,425
What?
1017
01:10:19,508 --> 01:10:22,136
Hang on. I'm gonna try
to get more intel.
1018
01:10:31,603 --> 01:10:33,981
What's going on?
Why did you kidnap me?
1019
01:10:34,148 --> 01:10:37,067
I didn't kidnap you. Don't be a silly-billy.
1020
01:10:37,401 --> 01:10:41,530
I'm just a fun, non-threatening clown,
that's what I am.
1021
01:10:42,656 --> 01:10:45,617
Who wants to massively
increase your caloric intake.
1022
01:10:45,784 --> 01:10:46,785
Look.
1023
01:10:47,327 --> 01:10:48,495
Come here.
1024
01:10:48,579 --> 01:10:50,831
There's an all-you-can-eat pasta bar.
1025
01:10:53,959 --> 01:10:55,586
Abbondanza!
1026
01:10:55,711 --> 01:10:59,006
Spicy hot pasta puttanesca
1027
01:10:59,506 --> 01:11:01,216
which means "whore's pasta"!
1028
01:11:01,550 --> 01:11:04,636
As in a whore, who made this pasta.
1029
01:11:06,722 --> 01:11:08,390
Doesn't that look delicious?
1030
01:11:08,599 --> 01:11:12,936
Next, an all-you-can-eat lard bar.
1031
01:11:14,062 --> 01:11:15,814
Squirt, piggy, squirt!
1032
01:11:15,898 --> 01:11:17,649
Squirt it! Squirt!
1033
01:11:24,698 --> 01:11:29,036
All the lard you want!
Fill your little tummy full of lard!
1034
01:11:29,453 --> 01:11:31,747
- Hansel, where is he now?
- He's okay.
1035
01:11:32,122 --> 01:11:34,625
It's actually kind of nice. Mugatu's
hooked him up with some snacks.
1036
01:11:34,708 --> 01:11:38,212
He's got like a lard bar
and some cheesecake and stuff.
1037
01:11:38,337 --> 01:11:39,630
And pasta, too.
1038
01:11:39,797 --> 01:11:40,881
No!
1039
01:11:41,089 --> 01:11:44,218
No. You're right.
He's fattening him for the slaughter.
1040
01:11:44,551 --> 01:11:46,220
You can drop this stupid act.
1041
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:49,723
I know who you are.
You're Jacob Moogberg.
1042
01:11:50,098 --> 01:11:51,809
And you're supposed to be in jail.
1043
01:11:52,434 --> 01:11:56,063
Hey! Jacob Moogberg died
the day I put ebony and ivory
1044
01:11:56,146 --> 01:11:59,483
on skinny satin neckwear! You hear me?
1045
01:11:59,733 --> 01:12:01,610
Okay. I got to make my move. Later.
1046
01:12:02,236 --> 01:12:04,530
You listen to me, Biggie Smalls.
1047
01:12:04,905 --> 01:12:06,073
I went to prison!
1048
01:12:06,490 --> 01:12:09,409
You better scarf down that
last bowl of whore pasta!
1049
01:12:09,493 --> 01:12:10,577
We roll in two!
1050
01:12:21,630 --> 01:12:23,257
You okay in there, little fella?
1051
01:12:23,507 --> 01:12:26,176
- We should call the police boat!
- They'll never get here in time.
1052
01:12:27,010 --> 01:12:29,179
Who says swimsuit models
are useless?
1053
01:12:30,138 --> 01:12:31,431
Wait. What are you doing?
1054
01:12:33,433 --> 01:12:35,185
How long can you hold your breath?
1055
01:12:35,561 --> 01:12:37,646
- What?
- Take me from behind, Derek.
1056
01:12:38,647 --> 01:12:40,566
And grab me like your life depends on it.
1057
01:12:42,025 --> 01:12:43,443
Not like this.
1058
01:12:43,610 --> 01:12:47,114
Like this! For safety. And buoyancy.
1059
01:12:47,447 --> 01:12:48,615
Wait. What?
1060
01:12:48,740 --> 01:12:50,325
We are swimming back to Rome.
1061
01:12:51,118 --> 01:12:52,202
Okay.
1062
01:12:57,207 --> 01:12:58,667
I just talked to your dad.
1063
01:12:58,750 --> 01:13:00,544
And we've got to get you
out of here pronto.
1064
01:13:01,044 --> 01:13:02,504
I never want to see him again.
1065
01:13:03,213 --> 01:13:05,215
What're you talking about?
Your dad's a great guy.
1066
01:13:05,299 --> 01:13:06,633
He loves you like you're his own.
1067
01:13:07,175 --> 01:13:08,635
I am his own!
1068
01:13:08,844 --> 01:13:11,096
He's literally the worst father ever!
1069
01:13:11,638 --> 01:13:13,390
Do you know
it would break your mom's heart
1070
01:13:13,473 --> 01:13:15,642
to hear you
bugging out on your dad like this?
1071
01:13:16,560 --> 01:13:17,978
You knew my mom?
1072
01:13:18,645 --> 01:13:22,149
Yeah. One of the most
amazing women I ever met.
1073
01:13:22,941 --> 01:13:23,942
Really?
1074
01:13:24,318 --> 01:13:26,236
You didn't want to cross her in the sack.
1075
01:13:26,653 --> 01:13:30,157
Those hips of hers would put a love lock
on you to beat the band.
1076
01:13:31,658 --> 01:13:32,993
Wait, what?
1077
01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:34,912
I remember there was one night
1078
01:13:35,037 --> 01:13:39,082
she had me and your dad
absolutely twisted in knots.
1079
01:13:39,166 --> 01:13:42,628
I was driving the freight train, your dad's
tearing tickets in the caboose.
1080
01:13:44,212 --> 01:13:46,006
She had a mouth like
Chinese fingercuffs.
1081
01:13:46,131 --> 01:13:50,260
You know where you try to pull it
out but it just keeps getting tighter...
1082
01:13:50,344 --> 01:13:52,137
Stop it! God.
1083
01:13:52,721 --> 01:13:54,306
Look... I'm not going.
1084
01:13:54,473 --> 01:13:57,184
Well, Mugatu's planning
to crack your chest open,
1085
01:13:57,267 --> 01:13:59,561
cut your heart out with a knife,
and drink your blood!
1086
01:13:59,770 --> 01:14:00,771
What?
1087
01:14:00,854 --> 01:14:02,898
Here he comes.
Everything's gonna be okay.
1088
01:14:04,024 --> 01:14:07,027
It's okay, it's okay. I was exaggerating.
1089
01:14:15,118 --> 01:14:17,204
It's D-Day, little dumpling.
1090
01:14:31,218 --> 01:14:32,552
You're an amazing swimmer.
1091
01:14:36,807 --> 01:14:38,850
Why are you doing this?
1092
01:14:39,059 --> 01:14:40,811
Don't talk with your mouth full.
1093
01:15:26,189 --> 01:15:27,774
It's soaking wet! It's ruined!
1094
01:15:27,858 --> 01:15:30,193
How are we gonna reach Hansel?
We need a phone.
1095
01:15:30,277 --> 01:15:31,445
Wait a minute.
1096
01:15:35,532 --> 01:15:36,783
Like this one?
1097
01:15:45,000 --> 01:15:46,001
Derek.
1098
01:15:46,084 --> 01:15:47,461
- Hansel, where are you?
- I don't know.
1099
01:15:47,544 --> 01:15:48,545
Some kind of tunnel.
1100
01:15:48,628 --> 01:15:50,797
I think we're underneath the lncrediBall.
1101
01:15:50,881 --> 01:15:53,050
It smells like the ruins
of an ancient bathhouse.
1102
01:15:53,133 --> 01:15:54,718
It's at the Caracalla Baths.
1103
01:15:54,926 --> 01:15:57,471
I'll drop a pin or a needle or whatever
and you can track my coordinates.
1104
01:15:57,846 --> 01:15:58,889
Cool.
1105
01:15:58,972 --> 01:16:00,932
They'll never let us in looking like this.
1106
01:16:07,439 --> 01:16:09,524
Interpol Fashion Division!
1107
01:16:10,025 --> 01:16:12,235
We need your vehicle
and your clothes. Now!
1108
01:16:44,392 --> 01:16:47,229
Why is Anna Wintour walking
away from the red carpet?
1109
01:17:05,330 --> 01:17:06,832
We have to get in there.
1110
01:17:08,041 --> 01:17:11,086
Every bathhouse I've ever worked at
always had a rear entrance.
1111
01:17:11,586 --> 01:17:13,421
I'm sure this one's no different.
Come on.
1112
01:17:21,680 --> 01:17:23,056
This is definitely it.
1113
01:17:23,807 --> 01:17:27,435
If I feel around here long enough,
I should be able to find the hole...
1114
01:17:39,239 --> 01:17:40,407
Derek!
1115
01:17:40,991 --> 01:17:42,159
Hansel!
1116
01:17:43,577 --> 01:17:45,412
Boy, am I glad to see you guys.
1117
01:17:45,495 --> 01:17:48,039
Hansel, my son is going
to die hating me.
1118
01:17:48,415 --> 01:17:50,167
Hating you? The last time I saw him,
1119
01:17:50,250 --> 01:17:51,835
he couldn't stop talking about
how much he loves you.
1120
01:17:51,918 --> 01:17:54,171
- Really? He said that?
- Yes.
1121
01:17:54,254 --> 01:17:57,632
Yes. I mean, I'm kind of paraphrasing,
and you had to read between the lines
1122
01:17:57,757 --> 01:17:59,259
but, basically.
1123
01:17:59,342 --> 01:18:01,303
Shut up! Can we talk about this later?
1124
01:18:01,386 --> 01:18:04,014
Yeah, come on. Let's go! This way!
1125
01:18:26,745 --> 01:18:28,288
That's Alexander Wang.
1126
01:18:28,371 --> 01:18:30,040
And Vera Wang.
1127
01:18:30,624 --> 01:18:31,833
Both Wangs.
1128
01:18:34,002 --> 01:18:35,378
Marc Jacobs.
1129
01:18:36,213 --> 01:18:37,589
Tommy Hilfiger.
1130
01:18:38,089 --> 01:18:40,675
They are all here for the sacrifice.
1131
01:18:57,317 --> 01:18:59,986
In the beginning of time
1132
01:19:00,278 --> 01:19:04,574
God created Adam and Eve
1133
01:19:04,658 --> 01:19:06,993
and Steve!
1134
01:19:07,953 --> 01:19:09,621
Mugatu!
1135
01:19:10,163 --> 01:19:11,831
Mugatu!
1136
01:19:12,457 --> 01:19:14,125
Mugatu!
1137
01:19:14,292 --> 01:19:15,919
Mugatu!
1138
01:19:33,812 --> 01:19:35,188
- D.J.
- Wait.
1139
01:19:35,313 --> 01:19:36,648
We don't have backup yet.
1140
01:19:40,277 --> 01:19:45,073
Jacobeem Mugowto
has deliver us the Choosen Why-yun.
1141
01:19:48,368 --> 01:19:50,370
And behold.
1142
01:19:50,495 --> 01:19:55,041
God expunged Steve from the Garden,
only to redeem us with eternal youth...
1143
01:19:55,125 --> 01:19:56,126
No.
1144
01:19:56,209 --> 01:19:59,546
...bathed in the blood
of the fat little Chosen One!
1145
01:20:01,006 --> 01:20:02,299
- Derek!
- Derek, don't.
1146
01:20:02,382 --> 01:20:03,425
No!
1147
01:20:10,724 --> 01:20:12,642
I don't care if you're fat anymore,
Derek Jr.
1148
01:20:12,726 --> 01:20:13,768
I love you.
1149
01:20:13,852 --> 01:20:16,271
Look, I have made
a lot of mistakes in my life,
1150
01:20:16,354 --> 01:20:18,231
but you are by far the best one.
1151
01:20:18,315 --> 01:20:19,607
I was a mistake?
1152
01:20:19,733 --> 01:20:22,986
I think so. To tell you the truth, we were
having so much sex, I can't remember.
1153
01:20:23,069 --> 01:20:25,071
Tell me about it, muchacho.
1154
01:20:26,197 --> 01:20:29,659
You're beautiful. You have the fire.
You just need to believe it.
1155
01:20:29,951 --> 01:20:32,662
- The fire?
- The fire in your face.
1156
01:20:33,079 --> 01:20:35,081
I lost it the day I killed your mom.
1157
01:20:36,333 --> 01:20:39,502
Look. It's a sad, scared little boy
1158
01:20:39,586 --> 01:20:42,756
talking to his fat son
about their feelings.
1159
01:20:43,965 --> 01:20:45,925
You are responsible for all this!
1160
01:20:46,051 --> 01:20:48,386
You lured me to Italy
so you could escape from prison.
1161
01:20:48,470 --> 01:20:51,264
You made Don Atari
and Alexanya hire me to set this trap.
1162
01:20:51,598 --> 01:20:52,891
But enough is enough!
1163
01:20:53,308 --> 01:20:56,644
Enough is enough!
Eat my blade, Junior!
1164
01:20:57,103 --> 01:20:59,481
Time to die, Chubby Checker!
1165
01:21:03,568 --> 01:21:04,986
Magnum, buddy. Now.
1166
01:21:06,905 --> 01:21:08,156
I can do this.
1167
01:21:22,629 --> 01:21:24,464
That did not work at all.
1168
01:21:26,466 --> 01:21:28,259
It just doesn't hold up, does it?
1169
01:21:29,177 --> 01:21:31,221
You sleuthed
the whole thing out, Derek,
1170
01:21:31,304 --> 01:21:34,599
but you failed to de-sleuth
the most important piece of the puzzle.
1171
01:21:34,682 --> 01:21:36,518
I owned the construction company
1172
01:21:36,601 --> 01:21:39,020
that built the Center for Kids
Who Can't Read Good.
1173
01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:43,149
I personally made sure they cut corners.
1174
01:21:43,316 --> 01:21:44,526
Literally!
1175
01:21:46,152 --> 01:21:47,195
But that means that...
1176
01:21:47,278 --> 01:21:50,657
That's right, JuJu Bean.
That's How I Killed Your Mother!
1177
01:21:51,533 --> 01:21:54,702
On CBS, fight after Two Broke Girls.
1178
01:21:55,662 --> 01:21:57,122
Dad, it wasn't you!
1179
01:21:57,205 --> 01:21:58,540
It wasn't...
1180
01:21:58,706 --> 01:22:01,459
Wait. You called me Dad.
1181
01:22:02,168 --> 01:22:03,670
I guess I did.
1182
01:22:04,421 --> 01:22:06,464
Now you don't have
the ceremonial knife!
1183
01:22:06,548 --> 01:22:09,050
Which means, no Fountain of Youth!
1184
01:22:09,676 --> 01:22:12,095
Come on, Derek! We need the blood!
1185
01:22:12,512 --> 01:22:16,516
Stop being so emotional, Derek.
Just give him the goddamn knife.
1186
01:22:16,683 --> 01:22:18,435
Derek, we need the blood!
1187
01:22:18,518 --> 01:22:21,229
Blood of Steve! Blood of Steve!
1188
01:22:21,312 --> 01:22:24,482
Blood of Steve! Blood of Steve!
1189
01:22:24,858 --> 01:22:27,777
Blood of Steve!
Give him back the knife, Derek.
1190
01:22:27,861 --> 01:22:32,490
Blood of Steve! Blood of Steve!
1191
01:22:32,574 --> 01:22:34,284
Shut up, Valentino!
1192
01:22:35,702 --> 01:22:38,204
Just shut up! Everyone shut up!
1193
01:22:38,329 --> 01:22:40,290
There is no Fountain of Youth!
1194
01:22:41,458 --> 01:22:42,542
What?
1195
01:22:43,042 --> 01:22:46,212
I mean, Adam and Eve and Steve?
1196
01:22:46,629 --> 01:22:49,507
Are you serious?
You actually believed that crap?
1197
01:22:50,049 --> 01:22:51,217
What?
1198
01:22:51,468 --> 01:22:55,263
It's literally the stupidest thing
I've ever heard!
1199
01:22:55,680 --> 01:22:59,684
I get it if Alexander Wang believes it,
but the rest of you, come on!
1200
01:23:00,393 --> 01:23:04,063
Please. Without me, you'd still be
cutting patterns at Men's Wearhouse.
1201
01:23:04,355 --> 01:23:06,733
Look, it's the White Witch from Narnia!
1202
01:23:08,401 --> 01:23:12,071
No, I'm sorry it's just Anna Wintour.
I'll knock your teeth out!
1203
01:23:12,280 --> 01:23:14,449
I'll rip your goddamn tongue out!
1204
01:23:14,741 --> 01:23:16,993
Check out the new spring collection
from Hilfiger...
1205
01:23:17,076 --> 01:23:18,786
Brought to you by white privilege!
1206
01:23:19,204 --> 01:23:21,873
You couldn't make a down jacket
to save your life!
1207
01:23:22,248 --> 01:23:23,291
Asshole.
1208
01:23:23,666 --> 01:23:26,211
I don't understand.
You're saying the legend isn't true?
1209
01:23:26,377 --> 01:23:28,463
Why are you doing all of this, then?
1210
01:23:28,796 --> 01:23:31,716
Because Marc, by Marc Jacobs
1211
01:23:32,800 --> 01:23:35,303
I knew that there'd only be
one thing that would gather
1212
01:23:35,386 --> 01:23:40,767
the entire idiotic fashion world
into one place with no exit!
1213
01:23:40,934 --> 01:23:42,060
Todd! Doors!
1214
01:23:47,357 --> 01:23:48,775
Todd! Silks!
1215
01:23:54,030 --> 01:23:58,284
For years you all left me
to die in a stinking cell!
1216
01:23:58,493 --> 01:24:00,787
Well, now it's my turn!
1217
01:24:04,749 --> 01:24:06,793
I was living a peaceful life of reclusion.
1218
01:24:07,460 --> 01:24:08,836
Why drag me into this?
1219
01:24:10,547 --> 01:24:12,674
Because my big issue is
1220
01:24:12,757 --> 01:24:15,635
I hate you, Derek Zoolander!
1221
01:24:17,470 --> 01:24:20,974
Then why kill all those pop stars?
Why kill Justin Bieber?
1222
01:24:21,933 --> 01:24:25,478
Really? You're asking me
why I killed Justin Bieber?
1223
01:24:29,649 --> 01:24:30,984
Todd! Pooch!
1224
01:24:38,366 --> 01:24:39,534
It's a bomb!
1225
01:24:39,826 --> 01:24:41,494
Not just any bomb.
1226
01:24:41,703 --> 01:24:46,874
A device, designed by Philippe Starck
in collaboration with Al-Qaeda
1227
01:24:47,000 --> 01:24:49,669
for their new spring explosive collection.
1228
01:24:50,128 --> 01:24:51,963
Todd! Floor!
1229
01:24:55,049 --> 01:24:58,052
When I throw this
into this ancient pool of lava,
1230
01:24:58,219 --> 01:25:00,597
it will overflow,
killing everyone in fashion.
1231
01:25:01,681 --> 01:25:03,349
Leaving only me.
1232
01:25:03,683 --> 01:25:05,143
You can't kill fashion!
1233
01:25:05,226 --> 01:25:08,021
I'm afraid fashion already killed itself.
1234
01:25:08,438 --> 01:25:11,107
Mugatu! I'm coming across!
1235
01:25:13,693 --> 01:25:14,861
Derek!
1236
01:25:15,486 --> 01:25:17,905
Heat is a temporal construct
of the mind.
1237
01:25:18,031 --> 01:25:19,032
Yes.
1238
01:25:19,115 --> 01:25:20,617
It doesn't exist.
1239
01:25:25,163 --> 01:25:27,749
It's so hot! It's hot!
1240
01:25:34,005 --> 01:25:35,048
Jesus!
1241
01:25:35,131 --> 01:25:36,966
Stop it, Hansel! Stop it!
1242
01:25:38,593 --> 01:25:40,136
Derek, toss me the knife.
1243
01:25:40,219 --> 01:25:41,346
You got it!
1244
01:25:49,062 --> 01:25:50,188
Sorry.
1245
01:25:52,565 --> 01:25:53,775
So stupid.
1246
01:25:54,150 --> 01:25:57,028
What the hell is your problem?
1247
01:25:57,153 --> 01:25:58,988
You guys are the absolute worst.
1248
01:25:59,697 --> 01:26:01,574
Put the bomb down, Mugatu!
1249
01:26:02,992 --> 01:26:06,037
You're the bubble-butted Playboy model
trying to take me down.
1250
01:26:06,371 --> 01:26:07,497
Swimsuit model!
1251
01:26:07,747 --> 01:26:10,166
Sports Illustrated cover,
three years in a row!
1252
01:26:29,185 --> 01:26:31,604
- Katinka...
-...lngaborgovinananananana!
1253
01:26:34,857 --> 01:26:37,944
Game on, my sexy sister.
1254
01:26:46,035 --> 01:26:48,204
Look! They're sexy fighting!
1255
01:26:59,882 --> 01:27:01,342
Awesome.
1256
01:27:04,429 --> 01:27:05,888
Tommy likee.
1257
01:27:09,475 --> 01:27:12,019
Hey, idiots!
Maybe this will get your attention!
1258
01:27:12,103 --> 01:27:14,313
I've got a bomb in my hand
and it's armed!
1259
01:27:20,486 --> 01:27:22,321
Derek, now! Magnum! Do it!
1260
01:27:22,739 --> 01:27:24,615
Fly, baby, fly!
1261
01:27:25,783 --> 01:27:27,243
Bust it out!
1262
01:27:34,917 --> 01:27:36,586
Yes! I knew it.
1263
01:27:48,723 --> 01:27:50,057
Hansel, I need your help.
1264
01:27:50,475 --> 01:27:51,642
Here, let me try!
1265
01:27:54,645 --> 01:27:57,315
It's not working! Derek, it's not working!
1266
01:27:57,523 --> 01:28:00,276
I can't hold it, Hansel! I don't have it!
1267
01:28:00,359 --> 01:28:02,570
You've got your son! I've got nothing.
1268
01:28:04,697 --> 01:28:06,115
Not anymore, Hansel.
1269
01:28:07,617 --> 01:28:08,910
Who's your daddy now?
1270
01:28:09,285 --> 01:28:12,997
I don't know who my daddy is!
That's the whole point!
1271
01:28:13,247 --> 01:28:14,540
- Hansel.
- What?
1272
01:28:17,084 --> 01:28:18,461
I am your father.
1273
01:28:20,046 --> 01:28:22,048
Holy shit. Sting?
1274
01:28:22,173 --> 01:28:23,716
Let's do this now.
1275
01:28:24,217 --> 01:28:25,885
Synchronicity.
1276
01:28:44,403 --> 01:28:47,990
Nice try, but that looks about
as powerful as your fat son's...
1277
01:28:48,074 --> 01:28:49,951
I'm not fat!
1278
01:28:51,869 --> 01:28:53,579
He's plus size.
1279
01:28:55,331 --> 01:28:57,083
And I've got the fire.
1280
01:29:02,964 --> 01:29:05,967
El Nifio! It's real.
1281
01:29:09,011 --> 01:29:10,471
It's so beautiful.
1282
01:29:12,223 --> 01:29:13,766
Bellissima.
1283
01:29:19,146 --> 01:29:21,065
The prophecy was true.
1284
01:29:22,775 --> 01:29:24,610
He is the Chosen One.
1285
01:29:31,784 --> 01:29:35,663
Hansel. He's still so hot right now.
1286
01:29:46,257 --> 01:29:49,135
No way! It's a glitter bomb!
1287
01:30:02,398 --> 01:30:03,816
Looks like you still have it.
1288
01:30:04,108 --> 01:30:06,694
I guess I do. Well, we do.
1289
01:30:11,699 --> 01:30:12,742
Your face!
1290
01:30:13,326 --> 01:30:14,744
How bad is it?
1291
01:30:15,161 --> 01:30:16,913
Welcome to my world, bro.
1292
01:30:17,163 --> 01:30:18,748
- Hansel!
- Hansel!
1293
01:30:18,831 --> 01:30:20,333
- Orgy!
- Hansel!
1294
01:30:24,337 --> 01:30:25,838
What are they doing here?
1295
01:30:26,881 --> 01:30:30,259
I knew how much they meant to you,
so I called them on the way over.
1296
01:30:30,343 --> 01:30:31,844
You did that for me?
1297
01:30:32,511 --> 01:30:35,973
You're the best friend anyone could
ever ask for, Derek Zoolander.
1298
01:30:40,353 --> 01:30:41,812
You look so beautiful.
1299
01:30:43,481 --> 01:30:44,857
We missed you so much.
1300
01:30:44,941 --> 01:30:46,108
And I've missed you, too.
1301
01:30:46,192 --> 01:30:49,278
And I'm ready to be a father.
To all our children.
1302
01:30:51,572 --> 01:30:52,865
Minus one.
1303
01:30:54,450 --> 01:30:55,451
What?
1304
01:30:55,993 --> 01:30:57,662
I lost my baby.
1305
01:30:58,079 --> 01:30:59,163
No.
1306
01:30:59,872 --> 01:31:02,333
I guess kicking the door down
wasn't such a good idea.
1307
01:31:04,001 --> 01:31:06,045
We're going to be a family,
that's all that matters.
1308
01:31:14,553 --> 01:31:17,348
Wait. Are you sure?
1309
01:31:18,224 --> 01:31:20,726
You're right. We shouldn't.
1310
01:31:21,894 --> 01:31:26,232
Hey. It's okay, Dad.
I don't think Mom would mind.
1311
01:31:33,322 --> 01:31:34,490
Matilda.
1312
01:31:35,199 --> 01:31:36,867
Go to her, Derek.
1313
01:31:37,743 --> 01:31:38,995
You're cool with it?
1314
01:31:39,286 --> 01:31:40,871
I'm totally cool with it.
1315
01:31:41,539 --> 01:31:45,209
I'm dead. Literally nothing
bothers me anymore.
1316
01:31:46,252 --> 01:31:47,294
And guess what?
1317
01:31:47,420 --> 01:31:51,173
Mugatu live-streamed all of this
to every fashion blog on the planet.
1318
01:31:51,716 --> 01:31:53,843
Everybody loves you guys again.
1319
01:31:54,468 --> 01:31:57,513
- Did you hear that?
- We did it. We're back.
1320
01:31:57,596 --> 01:32:00,099
And famous. And totally self-realized.
1321
01:32:00,599 --> 01:32:02,393
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
1322
01:32:03,060 --> 01:32:04,395
If you're thinking...
1323
01:32:04,603 --> 01:32:06,772
Lava pool party!
1324
01:32:08,983 --> 01:32:10,443
No!
1325
01:32:13,904 --> 01:32:14,947
They're back!
1326
01:32:15,031 --> 01:32:17,199
After six weeks in the burn ward,
1327
01:32:17,283 --> 01:32:21,829
their disgusting facial scars healed
by a miraculous hot lava treatment
1328
01:32:21,912 --> 01:32:25,207
Derek Zoolander and Hansel
owning the runway once again
1329
01:32:25,291 --> 01:32:30,629
after exposing fashion's top designers
in yet another human sacrifice scandal.
1330
01:32:30,755 --> 01:32:34,633
This time with the aid
of Interpol agent Valentina Valencia,
1331
01:32:34,717 --> 01:32:36,552
now Zoolander's wife.
1332
01:32:37,094 --> 01:32:38,596
The two recently broke ground
1333
01:32:38,679 --> 01:32:41,057
for the Valentina Valencia
Center For Swimsuit Models
1334
01:32:41,140 --> 01:32:42,558
Who Want To Be Taken Seriously
1335
01:32:42,641 --> 01:32:45,269
And Maybe Transition
Into Law Enforcement Too.
1336
01:32:45,352 --> 01:32:49,148
Hansel, definitely back
and fully self-realized.
1337
01:32:49,231 --> 01:32:51,901
Now a model parent. And father of ten.
1338
01:32:51,984 --> 01:32:56,572
As crowds at Paris Fashion Week
go cray-cray for Derek Zoolander, Jr.,
1339
01:32:56,655 --> 01:32:59,116
the world's hottest
plus size model-slash-
1340
01:32:59,200 --> 01:33:00,576
National Book Award winner-
1341
01:33:00,659 --> 01:33:03,746
slash-one-half of celebrity
couple Zoolala.
1342
01:33:03,829 --> 01:33:06,332
Yes, these three are totally on fleek...
1343
01:33:06,415 --> 01:33:09,210
Redefining what it means
to be really, really
1344
01:33:09,293 --> 01:33:12,129
ridiculously good-looking.
1345
01:33:16,008 --> 01:33:17,510
Pumped up with the sex appeal
1346
01:33:17,676 --> 01:33:19,261
'Bout to cop another feel
Then I foot the bill
1347
01:33:19,345 --> 01:33:23,015
I got bang bang with the looks that kill
Sashay, Shante, then hit the blue steel
1348
01:33:23,099 --> 01:33:24,934
Trying to take a ride in the cool mobile
1349
01:33:25,017 --> 01:33:26,977
You wanna keep me on the line
'Cause my culo real
1350
01:33:27,061 --> 01:33:28,896
Rockstar shit
with the Goose on the chill
1351
01:33:28,979 --> 01:33:31,065
My pockets so fat, got a sumo deal
1352
01:33:31,190 --> 01:33:34,819
I'm a star, so the camera flicker
Look at her go, blame it on the liquor
1353
01:33:34,902 --> 01:33:38,280
Doing it big, my selfie two figures
Could give it up, but I ain't a quitter
1354
01:33:38,364 --> 01:33:42,034
Ooh, I be flyer than you
World domination, I'm so Mugatu
1355
01:33:42,118 --> 01:33:44,078
Yes, I be smashin', plenty of fashion
1356
01:33:44,161 --> 01:33:46,205
Doing my anthem,
Now give 'em the Magnum
1357
01:33:46,288 --> 01:33:49,166
Relax, don't do it
When you wanna go to it
1358
01:33:49,250 --> 01:33:51,335
Relax, don't do it
1359
01:33:53,170 --> 01:33:56,799
Relax, don't do it
When we got the club moving
1360
01:33:56,882 --> 01:33:58,759
Relax, don't do it
1361
01:33:58,843 --> 01:34:03,180
When you wanna come
1362
01:34:16,235 --> 01:34:19,905
Pack it up, old lames
You just irrelevant to us
1363
01:34:19,989 --> 01:34:23,659
Old as the presidents
Your style is like the republican twos
1364
01:34:23,742 --> 01:34:26,871
That's a definite
Give grief to all your relatives
1365
01:34:26,954 --> 01:34:30,457
And next of kin and
Gave 'em D-attention, no decificit
1366
01:34:30,583 --> 01:34:33,335
When I say ancient relics,
Hansel and Derek,
1367
01:34:33,419 --> 01:34:34,920
I'm handsome, you jealous
1368
01:34:35,004 --> 01:34:39,425
I can tell it from your facial expressions
Or I take it, you smell it
1369
01:34:39,550 --> 01:34:45,097
I'm sorry, Don Atari, but Donatella
Suggested Valentino for the party
1370
01:34:45,723 --> 01:34:48,934
Shoot it in the right direction
1371
01:34:49,268 --> 01:34:53,022
Make it your intention
1372
01:34:53,105 --> 01:34:54,982
Live those dreams
1373
01:34:55,065 --> 01:34:56,942
Scheme those schemes
1374
01:34:57,026 --> 01:34:59,028
You gotta hit me
1375
01:34:59,111 --> 01:35:00,946
Hit me with those laser beams
1376
01:35:01,030 --> 01:35:04,241
Relax, don't do it
When you wanna go to it
1377
01:35:04,325 --> 01:35:08,078
Relax, don't do it
When you wanna come
1378
01:35:08,162 --> 01:35:09,955
Relax, don't do it
1379
01:35:10,039 --> 01:35:11,916
When we got the club moving
1380
01:35:11,999 --> 01:35:13,709
Relax, don't do it
1381
01:35:13,792 --> 01:35:17,129
When you wanna come
1382
01:35:18,464 --> 01:35:21,967
When you wanna come
1383
01:35:30,517 --> 01:35:31,977
Relax