1
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,788
I can't do this.
I can't do this.

2
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,525
I can't do this.

3
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:14,566
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
Bachelor party!

4
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,569
Bachelor party!
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

5
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,539
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
Bachelor party!

6
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,475
Bachelor party!
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

7
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,379
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!
Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

8
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,881
Hey, hey.

9
00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,883
You gotta catch up.
Here, here, here.

10
00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,751
You're late to your own
bachelor party,

11
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,887
- chug, chug, chug.
- What are you doing?

12
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:34,887
I'm sorry.

13
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:38,257
- Why did you do that?
- You held my nose.

14
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,192
It's like a shotgun.
You plug the shotgun hole.

15
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,927
- You're an idiot.
-You are an idiot, Nick.

16
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,763
You wouldn't know an idiot
if it smacked you in the face.

17
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:48,400
Smack me in the face,
so I have a frame of reference.

18
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,537
- You want a slap fight?
- Yeah, yeah.

19
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:55,641
I'm so glad you're here, man.
These two make me wanna puke.

20
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,176
That's a very underwhelming
mustache.

21
00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,179
Why do you guys
all have mustaches?

22
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:03,382
We have mustaches for you,
for your bachelor party.

23
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,950
Did we not discuss this
with you?

24
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:04,950
No.

25
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:08,520
- Really?
- Yeah. What about Nick?

26
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,323
Nick got confused.

27
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,492
I thought I texted you from
my second phone. I'm so sorry.

28
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,194
No, I think I would've
remembered that.

29
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,529
I'm sorry. I guess I haven't
seen you in a while.

30
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,231
How you been?

31
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,366
- Not great, actually.
- Just hold on tight

32
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,570
'cause these guys have been
living for this week.

33
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,771
Yeah, look, the thing is--

34
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,639
wait, wait, wait!
We got rules.

35
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,474
You need to learn the rules.

36
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,411
Colin and me wrote rules,
and you gotta learn 'em.

37
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,580
- They made rules.
- Yeah!

38
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,350
Bachelor parties.

39
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:43,589
I'm so sick of going to
bachelor parties and fishing.

40
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,292
- Or whitewater rafting.
- Boo!

41
00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:48,660
That is not a bachelor party.

42
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,229
- That's a party.
- It's just camping.

43
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,897
A bunch of cock and balls
sleeping in the woods.

44
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,233
- It's a schlong-a-thon.
- Now, this great tradition

45
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,935
is not only a send-off
of one's bachelorhood,

46
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,605
but a way to send
said bachelor off

47
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:03,375
with a train car
full of regret so deep,

48
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,310
you'll never wanna be
a bachelor again.

49
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,512
That's beautiful, Colin,
really, but, guys--

50
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,682
rule number one,
get drunk.

51
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:13,385
Fastest train to regret
is alcohol.

52
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:17,356
Rule number two, stay drunk.

53
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,724
I wrote the first two rules.

54
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,692
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Nick!
- It's okay.

55
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,494
- I knew you'd freak out.
- Is he drinking?

56
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,397
It's been five years, man.
I need a fucking break.

57
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,299
- I don't think--
- who cares if he dies?

58
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,401
- It doesn't work that way.
- I can have a beer or two,

59
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,271
in celebration of
your bachelor party,<i> dad.</i>

60
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,573
I wouldn't even be doing this
if you weren't getting married.

61
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:35,941
- No.
- It's on you, Joe.

62
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,876
- No.
- There's a meeting on Monday.

63
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,945
- I'll be there, okay? Promise.
- Look...

64
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,414
- Or Tuesday at the latest.
- I'll give you a ride.

65
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,815
I don't think
that's really the point.

66
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,918
Rule number three,
hit the bar.

67
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,820
- Yeah!
- There's no better place

68
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,356
to hop on said train of regret
than a bar.

69
00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,392
Rule number four,
and this is one of my favorites.

70
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,961
- This is a goody.
- Come back to the house

71
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,630
for a private viewing
of some of the local ballet.

72
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,500
I said no strippers.

73
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,869
That was the one rule I had,
was no strippers.

74
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,537
I lined it up
with a local agency.

75
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,472
Her name is Susan.
I'm sure she's very classy.

76
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,974
- Scotch-Irish, Joe.
- Susie.

77
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,842
- Okay, guys, look.
- She's clean, Joe.

78
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,879
Good. I imagine
they all are clean.

79
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,681
- She's clean, Joe.
- She's super clean.

80
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,049
Yeah. We think.

81
00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,785
And rule number five,
the final rule,

82
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,019
the most important rule,

83
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,355
the reason why we're all here:

84
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,724
Wake up feeling so hungover
and guilty

85
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,726
that you never wanna be
a bachelor again,

86
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:31,396
and thus,
you're ready to be married.

87
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:35,067
Okay, look.

88
00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:37,035
Guys, I really
just came down here--

89
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,071
- I wanted to tell you--
- no, wait, no, no, no.

90
00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:41,506
Before you get
in any speeches, here.

91
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,075
Come on, here, here, here.

92
00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:45,610
Beer, beer.
Okay, okay, now...

93
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,778
- Yeah.
- Speech.

94
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:47,979
- I came down--
- speech, speech!

95
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,614
I came down here
to tell you, guys--

96
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,683
fuck, what am I talking about?
You're the bachelor.

97
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,518
You can't do it.
It's bad luck.

98
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,587
- I'll do it, I'll do it.
- Yeah, let's do this.

99
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,589
It's a toast.
Come, come, Joe.

100
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,491
Come on, guys,
get in here.

101
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,727
Okay, all right.

102
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,428
God, this is awkward.

103
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:06,565
Okay, so, Joe,
I've always looked up to you.

104
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,033
I think you know that.

105
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,902
You're smart, you're a handsome
son of a bitch.

106
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,604
You've never woken up
next to a fat chick

107
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,639
hitting you because you were
so drunk, you pissed the bed.

108
00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,641
- Okay, Nick.
- No, it's okay, it's okay.

109
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,009
I'm in control now.

110
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,046
But before you met Jess,
honestly,

111
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,515
I didn't even know
that love existed.

112
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,983
I really didn't.

113
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,386
And I've never told you this
before either, but...

114
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,920
It wasn't until I saw
what you and Jess had

115
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:32,057
that I decided to stop drinking,

116
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,159
clean up my life,
find that love for myself

117
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,528
'cause I knew now
that it existed

118
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,430
because of you and Jess.

119
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,065
You inspire me, man.

120
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:44,436
You and Jess inspire me.
Here's to true love.

121
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,671
- Cheers.
- Cheers!

122
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,607
- Okay, you're up.
- My turn.

123
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,810
Uh, to Joe, to Joe.

124
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,179
Even though getting married
was the...

125
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,181
Worst decision I ever made
in my entire life,

126
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:59,050
and I hate my ex
more than anything,

127
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,685
- with every fiber my--
- okay, all right.

128
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:03,688
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Before you met Jess,

129
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:07,959
you were very, very lonely,

130
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,594
and you hated casual sex

131
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,731
for some reason that none of us
could ever figure out.

132
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:16,435
So, yeah, I guess, you know,
marriage, that's the--

133
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,503
that's the right thing
for you to do, so, cheers.

134
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,473
- Cheers. That was nice.

135
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:22,841
Is that me? Should I?

136
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:26,978
All right.
All right. Um...

137
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,548
I think you guys know
i don't believe in love.

138
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,983
I certainly don't believe
in weddings, you know,

139
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:36,021
the idea of families
coming together.

140
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,864
But I do believe in finishing
what you started,

141
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:51,803
so, you know, you said you're
gonna marry this girl and, uh...

142
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,021
Uh, cheers?

143
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,491
Cheers. Yeah, cheers.

144
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:16,495
Okay, end of show.
That's you, Joe, Mr. bachelor.

145
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,497
Speech!

146
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,232
Are you guys, done?

147
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:25,070
Are you done with your little
speeches and your little rules?

148
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,873
- Yeah.
- What's going on, Joe?

149
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,675
I'm not getting married.

150
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,211
- What?
- Are you serious?

151
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:33,211
Oh, shit.

152
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,948
- It's probably for the best.
- Shut your mouth, Colin.

153
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,250
Oh, fuck it.

154
00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:41,786
- What happened?
- I don't know. I, uh...

155
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,922
I came home today after work.

156
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,056
This happened today?

157
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,858
Yeah, right before
i drove up here.

158
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,026
Oh, fuck.

159
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,663
She was sitting
in the kitchen, crying.

160
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,532
Her...

161
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:58,036
Her ring was on the table,
and she said...

162
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,540
Um...

163
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,843
She said it was over.

164
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,112
Ouch, dude.

165
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,915
What happened to your hand?

166
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,918
- I punched a hole in the wall.
- You okay?

167
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,286
Yeah.
I don't think it's broken.

168
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:17,322
No, I mean, you.
Are you okay?

169
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:20,825
Oh, um, yeah.

170
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,161
Yeah, I think--
i think so.

171
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,063
Maybe it's for the best.

172
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,698
That you found out
that she's a bitch now

173
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,099
and not two weeks from now?

174
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,035
Or before a couple of gremlins
crawled out of her.

175
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,070
Which you have to pay
child support for

176
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,105
when you only get
to see them every two weeks.

177
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,241
You only see your kids
twice a month?

178
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,209
It's a fucking travesty, Nick,
but here's the thing.

179
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,578
I try to look at the positive,

180
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,246
they have soccer games
on the weekends.

181
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,715
I have my boat time.
I don't bring the kids there.

182
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,284
It's dangerous, you know.
There's water. They can't swim.

183
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,186
It's not a safe place
for the kids, no.

184
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,722
But I get to do
bachelor parties though.

185
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:51,756
That's the one good thing.

186
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,158
Bachelor parties
with my buddies.

187
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,593
- Yeah!
- Oh, shit.

188
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,628
It's not your bachelor party
anymore.

189
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,063
I'm sorry, Joe.

190
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:02,601
Hey, man, did she
say anything else?

191
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,337
Anything? I mean...

192
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:07,706
Did she say there was
someone else?

193
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,676
Joe? Joe?

194
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,381
Joe.

195
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,882
- Joe.
- Joe!

196
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,684
This is so fucking bad.

197
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,319
Look, I just came up here
to let you guys know

198
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,954
that the bachelor party's
over, all right?

199
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,255
I'm sorry.
I know that you guys

200
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:25,957
were really looking forward
to this weekend,

201
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,694
but what I need to do right now
is just figure out my life.

202
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,929
What'd you have in mind?

203
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,931
Well, for starters,
before it closes,

204
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,366
I'm gonna go to Ikea.

205
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:34,366
- Ikea?
- Yeah.

206
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:38,036
I don't have anything
to sleep on tonight.

207
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,337
Okay, you just got dumped

208
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,373
two weeks before your wedding,
like garbage,

209
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,174
- and you wanna go to Ikea?
- Yeah, yeah.

210
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,776
I need furniture, you know?

211
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,244
I think you just need
to chill out for a minute.

212
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,779
Took his furniture.
It happened to me.

213
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,181
No, I didn't own any with her.

214
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,150
It was all hers.
And I am chill, all right?

215
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,387
Okay, okay. I can see that
you need furniture.

216
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,689
Why Ikea?

217
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,790
I like Ikea.

218
00:10:58,792 --> 00:10:59,891
Nobody likes Ikea.

219
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:02,127
I do. I like a lot of Ikea.

220
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,095
I hate those little wrenches.

221
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,331
Oh, yeah, I know.
I swallowed one once.

222
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,799
Never came out.

223
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,401
How the fuck did you do that?

224
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:14,305
All right, all right,
all right, Joe, wait.

225
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,707
Why Ikea?

226
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,809
Because when I get
something from Ikea,

227
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:20,211
I know exactly how long
it takes to put it together.

228
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,113
It says right on the box:
3.4 hours to assemble.

229
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,350
I like knowing that for the next
three-point-four hours,

230
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:30,155
I'm gonna be assembling a brown
brusali with lonset slats,

231
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,823
and a white
stained oak veneer malm,

232
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,726
or whichever fucking Ikea bed
I'm gonna get today.

233
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,161
Okay.

234
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,730
Maybe before you go,

235
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,732
you'll have one drink with us
at the bar.

236
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:46,705
It shouldn't take more than
oh-point-four hours.

237
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,977
- Nick, get over here.
- Ow.

238
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,245
- Hey, Colin!
- What are we doing?

239
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,014
Take him. Don't let him go
no matter what.

240
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,716
I got him.
We doing this?

241
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,417
Joe, we don't think
you're telling us the truth.

242
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,419
- I told you what happened.
- Yeah, but...

243
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:05,023
You didn't tell us
everything that happened.

244
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,491
No.

245
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,259
- Yes.
- Why?

246
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,762
Because you like to tell
most of the truth.

247
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,997
That's not what we want.
That's not what friends do.

248
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,134
We want the whole truth.
Did she fucking cheat on you?

249
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:18,002
- She fucking cheat?
- She fucking cheat on you, Joe?

250
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,004
No. No!

251
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:22,407
Careful. I've been drinking.

252
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,844
Did you get him?

253
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,445
I was always better
at this game drunk though.

254
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,180
It got real.

255
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,448
Guys, I don't wanna do this,
all right?

256
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,250
Bullshit you don't
wanna do this.

257
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,886
You drove all the way up here.
For a reason, I think.

258
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,387
Always there to help us,
but when he needs it,

259
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,455
he won't let us help him.

260
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,758
- Exactly, Nick.
- Classic Joe.

261
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,459
How about you tell us what
really happened to the hand?

262
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,294
I told you.
I punched the wall.

263
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,363
Yes, but why?
We've known you since college.

264
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,767
The last thing you would ever do
is resort to senseless violence.

265
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,168
I was mad at her.

266
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:51,236
This fucking guy.

267
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,771
You don't punch a fucking wall.

268
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:53,872
Mm-mm.

269
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,407
My fiancée dumped me, all right?

270
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:59,911
- I was mad at her.
- No, that's wrong.

271
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,914
- Ah, Jesus, man! Fuck!

272
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,383
- Good darts.
- Honestly, I'm just throwing.

273
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,385
Just tell us what you won't
fucking tell us, Joe.

274
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,787
No, it's
none of your business.

275
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,055
Oh, so you admit
there is something else?

276
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,924
- Aha.
- Ooh!

277
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,893
We're your friends.
Please.

278
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,060
Let us take care of you.

279
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,163
- Uh, does this count?
- Yeah.

280
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,964
- Yes.
- Yeah.

281
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,900
Tough love, buddy.

282
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,434
Ah.

283
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,853
- Joe?

284
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,531
She's in love with someone else.

285
00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:08,913
- Who is he?
- I don't know.

286
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,348
She said she loves him?

287
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,984
She said that they didn't cheat,
that they just...

288
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,486
Fell in love,
but they didn't have sex.

289
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:19,357
Well, if they're in love,
then they're not having sex.

290
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,560
They're making love.
Technically.

291
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:25,129
An emotional affair
is still cheating, Joe.

292
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:29,901
I don't know. She said that it's
not really about him and her.

293
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,536
It's more about us,
our problems.

294
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,471
Oh, fuck that shit.
I hate that excuse.

295
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,873
God, we should find this guy.

296
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,474
We should kick the shit
out of him.

297
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,376
- Can we do that?
- Teach him a lesson.

298
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,545
- Make you feel a lot better.
- Going to jail?

299
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,214
Who's going to jail?
Why would you go to jail?

300
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,416
Show me a cop in the world
who's gonna put you in jail

301
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,385
for taking the guy
who stole your fiancée

302
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,554
and punching him in the face
like a few hundred times.

303
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,222
- Not gonna happen.
- Never happen.

304
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,491
- No.
- He didn't steal my fiancée.

305
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,427
Oh, my god.
Joe, you can't even admit that?

306
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:59,063
Come on, man. The guy
totally crossed the line.

307
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,032
What line?

308
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,568
Yeah, what line?
You...

309
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,603
Oh, yeah, I step over it
all the time.

310
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,272
It's very obvious,
in the moment. Here I am.

311
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,574
I'm talking to someone's wife

312
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:13,578
or fiancée, mother,
and there's an attraction.

313
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,614
And then all of a sudden,
we're sharing energy.

314
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,917
And then there's a line.
There it is.

315
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,518
Oh, that line.
Yeah, I know that line.

316
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,154
And I have a choice.
Do I step over it,

317
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,622
or do I step back?

318
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,558
Guess what this cum stain did.
He stepped right over it.

319
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,461
- He stepped over the line.
- Stomped over the line.

320
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,096
- He stomped it, Joe.
- Like a stallion.

321
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:36,067
Let me ask you something.
Just hypothetically.

322
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,137
If you could do anything
to teach this guy a lesson,

323
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,306
what'd that be?

324
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:46,077
- What, anything?
- Mm-hmm.

325
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,615
I'd make him
dig his own grave.

326
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:53,384
You'd make him dig
his own grave? Shit!

327
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,019
That's so dark.

328
00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:58,356
Like in mob movies, right?
When they take a guy out,

329
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,724
they take him
to the woods to kill him,

330
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,460
but they make him
dig his own grave first.

331
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,697
In reality, I mean,
that must take hours, right?

332
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:07,532
And the whole time
you're digging,

333
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:10,735
you're just thinking
about what you did

334
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,504
that got you
in that situation.

335
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,007
That's genius, man.

336
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,409
Yeah, then you pop that piece of
shit in the back of the head

337
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,510
three times, right?

338
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,479
Blap! Blap! Ra-ta-ta!

339
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:25,116
I'd probably have to, right?

340
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,318
No, you wouldn't.

341
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,322
No. You just
turn him around, right?

342
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,192
He's sitting there,
he's evacuating his bowels,

343
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,194
looking down
into his own grave,

344
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,062
waiting for the lights
to go out,

345
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:39,664
thinking about what he did.

346
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,100
And then...

347
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,671
You let him go.

348
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,607
Fuck yeah. Dude would never
mess with you again.

349
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,509
- Yeah.
- Oh! You do nothing.

350
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,677
I love it.
It's the ultimate revenge.

351
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:52,677
You're sick.

352
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:57,315
Well, how about, uh, you know,
instead of sweet revenge,

353
00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:01,219
next best thing,
some sweet, stanky booze?

354
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,121
Guys, I'm gonna go to that
meeting on Monday, okay?

355
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,056
Or Tuesday.
Wednesday at the very latest.

356
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,591
No, no, no,
you're off leash.

357
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,693
- It's Joe's bachelor party.
- No, no.

358
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,095
It's not my bachelor party
anymore.

359
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,701
Rude.

360
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,470
Okay, so it's not the end
of your bachelorhood.

361
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,439
We can call it
whatever we want with you,

362
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,408
it's a celebration
of its rebirth.

363
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,742
That's exactly what he needs.
I'm in.

364
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,145
- Me too.
- This is a rebirth of Joe.

365
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,781
Come on, Joe.

366
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:33,651
- Come on in, it's warm.
- Join us.

367
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:34,552
Fuck it.

368
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,320
- Hey!
- Yes!

369
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,728
Oh, ho! Ah!

370
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,098
Oh, my god, I feel alive again.
I feel alive!

371
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,730
Susan!

372
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:45,823
Okay, Joe.
Susan's here for you, man.

373
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:50,461
It's time to take all that anger
and disappointment and sadness

374
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,564
and get it off your chest,
and just...

375
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,399
Just spray it on hers.

376
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,435
No. No, I'm not gonna do that.

377
00:18:57,437 --> 00:19:00,838
Okay.
Well, just the lap dance.

378
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,673
Okay.

379
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,786
Aah! Whoo!

380
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,835
- I can do this.
- Do it, do it, do it!

381
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:45,917
One.

382
00:19:57,729 --> 00:19:59,197
Two.

383
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,206
- Three.

384
00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:26,757
- Yeah!

385
00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:38,336
Got his hair.

386
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,338
Okay, you got his hair?

387
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,806
I did it!

388
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,970
Fuck, man!

389
00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:50,308
What are you doing in here?

390
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,976
The whites.

391
00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:58,749
Fucking weirdo.

392
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:06,324
Hey, did you hear that?

393
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:06,324
No.

394
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:10,528
I thought I heard some
banging in the basement.

395
00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:11,862
Any banging in this house

396
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:13,998
is probably Colin
and that stripper.

397
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,100
Susan.

398
00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:18,836
- How's your ass?
- Ah.

399
00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:22,873
Have you seen a stripper
do that before?

400
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,409
I have.
When I was four.

401
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,615
- Oh!
- Fantastic.

402
00:22:31,617 --> 00:22:34,385
Nick. Nick!

403
00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:35,753
What?

404
00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:39,523
Why didn't you puke
in your bathroom?

405
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:40,691
Wha-- I puked?

406
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,560
In the sink.

407
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,628
Oh, shit.

408
00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:47,131
I'm just waking up right now,
like this very second.

409
00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:49,667
Well, good morning.
You just puked in the sink.

410
00:22:49,669 --> 00:22:51,936
Clean it up.
Hell no.

411
00:22:51,938 --> 00:22:53,771
No.

412
00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:58,376
Nick, do you know if Colin
slept in the basement?

413
00:22:58,378 --> 00:23:00,478
There's a basement?

414
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,946
Speak of the devil.

415
00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:12,523
Damn.

416
00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:15,826
Oh, it's up in my sinuses.

417
00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:24,435
Oh, that's fucked up.

418
00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:35,946
- How much did that cost you?
- Hmm?

419
00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:37,715
How much did you
pay that woman for sex?

420
00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:42,052
No, we paid crystal to dance.
She chose to stay the night.

421
00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:45,122
Crystal?

422
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:47,958
Yeah. Susan is just
her stripper name.

423
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,494
That's good misdirection.

424
00:23:50,496 --> 00:23:51,829
Grande Starbucks.

425
00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:53,798
Actually, it's a medium.

426
00:23:56,668 --> 00:23:58,769
You've been out.

427
00:24:00,705 --> 00:24:02,840
Yup. Had some errands to run.

428
00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:06,977
Oh, you fixing cars or...

429
00:24:06,979 --> 00:24:08,813
Oh, are you talking
about my outfit?

430
00:24:08,815 --> 00:24:11,816
I like the way
it feels against my skin.

431
00:24:13,218 --> 00:24:17,555
This trail of mud
seems a bit... suspicious.

432
00:24:17,557 --> 00:24:20,558
Oh, you're just a real
Benedict cumberbatch.

433
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,594
- God bless the BBC.
- He's hiding something.

434
00:24:23,596 --> 00:24:24,862
No, I'm not.

435
00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:27,598
- We know you can't be trusted.
- Yeah.

436
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,000
Like that time you replaced
all my shampoo with nair.

437
00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:31,202
That was hilarious.

438
00:24:31,204 --> 00:24:32,636
All of my hair fell out.

439
00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:34,138
That was the hilarious part.

440
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:36,807
Nick, it was unfortunate,
but he's right.

441
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:39,577
It was fucking hilarious!

442
00:24:39,579 --> 00:24:40,578
Ha ha.

443
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:42,146
This guy gets it.

444
00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:46,917
Still, it proves
you can't be trusted.

445
00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:49,887
He is hiding something.

446
00:24:49,889 --> 00:24:51,055
There was a loud crash
in the basement.

447
00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:54,492
What? Dude, you're...

448
00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:01,565
What are you hiding, Erik?

449
00:25:03,602 --> 00:25:05,769
Should we get the darts?

450
00:25:05,771 --> 00:25:07,505
I got a surprise for you.

451
00:25:13,613 --> 00:25:15,079
What is in the basement?

452
00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:17,515
I think you're really
gonna like this.

453
00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:19,250
- It might be nair, dude.
- It's not nair, Nick.

454
00:25:19,252 --> 00:25:22,786
I'm just saying.
I'm not going down there.

455
00:26:26,685 --> 00:26:29,086
What the fuck?

456
00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:36,694
Do you love it?

457
00:26:40,165 --> 00:26:43,334
There's somebody
tied up down here.

458
00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:46,971
I'm sorry he's so muddy.

459
00:26:46,973 --> 00:26:50,741
He tried to run,
and he fell by the lake.

460
00:26:50,743 --> 00:26:52,042
I didn't do this.

461
00:26:52,044 --> 00:26:54,979
I left him in
a more presentable position.

462
00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:56,614
Oh, he's a big boy.

463
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,818
Erik, who is that?

464
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:01,986
It's the guy.

465
00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:04,989
It's the fucking guy.

466
00:27:04,991 --> 00:27:08,258
- Oh, my god.
- What guy?

467
00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:09,827
He's finally done it.

468
00:27:09,829 --> 00:27:11,695
Wait, he--
what has he done?

469
00:27:11,697 --> 00:27:12,830
It's him.

470
00:27:12,832 --> 00:27:14,231
You fucked us all.

471
00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:16,000
Huh? What?

472
00:27:16,002 --> 00:27:18,202
The point is we got him.
He's tied up.

473
00:27:18,204 --> 00:27:21,672
He's not so fucking tall now,
is he? Is he?

474
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,208
What?

475
00:27:31,716 --> 00:27:33,117
Happy bachelor party.

476
00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:39,957
- Is he okay?
- I don't know. Joe.

477
00:27:39,959 --> 00:27:42,226
Something's wrong with him.

478
00:27:42,228 --> 00:27:43,861
Joe.

479
00:27:49,234 --> 00:27:51,301
What's wrong with you?

480
00:27:51,303 --> 00:27:52,936
What's wrong with me?

481
00:27:52,938 --> 00:27:54,171
Yeah, I'm trying to help you.

482
00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:56,073
I'm a little bit lost.
Who is that?

483
00:27:56,075 --> 00:27:59,410
You think kidnapping
the guy who stole my fiancée

484
00:27:59,412 --> 00:28:00,310
is gonna help me?

485
00:28:00,312 --> 00:28:02,680
- Oh, shit.
- Yes!

486
00:28:02,682 --> 00:28:04,748
Dude, it's gonna make you
feel so much better

487
00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,084
knowing that this asshole
paid for what he did.

488
00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:09,286
So now I'm supposed to go down
there and beat him with an oar?

489
00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:11,188
Or maybe waterboard him
for a bit?

490
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,756
Those sound like
great options.

491
00:28:12,758 --> 00:28:14,958
You fucking kidnapped someone!

492
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,293
I know!

493
00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:19,296
You're welcome?

494
00:28:20,298 --> 00:28:22,099
Hey, man, how did you
kidnap that guy?

495
00:28:22,101 --> 00:28:23,267
Oh, dude, I'm glad you asked.

496
00:28:23,269 --> 00:28:24,968
It was actually easier
than I thought.

497
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:26,437
First, I called Kelly.

498
00:28:26,439 --> 00:28:28,472
Jess, his best friend,
would know what's going on.

499
00:28:28,474 --> 00:28:30,874
- How's her juice business?
- I don't know. I didn't ask.

500
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:32,810
She's terrible with secrets
as you all know,

501
00:28:32,812 --> 00:28:34,812
so it didn't take her long
to tell me where to find him.

502
00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:36,346
You have to be the biggest--

503
00:28:36,348 --> 00:28:39,149
your place.

504
00:28:39,151 --> 00:28:41,385
- Boom.
- I knocked on your door.

505
00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:44,121
This grease ball answered.
I tied him up.

506
00:28:44,123 --> 00:28:45,389
What about...

507
00:28:45,391 --> 00:28:49,293
Oh, uh, sent Jess a text
with his phone.

508
00:28:49,295 --> 00:28:51,729
"Sorry, I had to leave.
My hemorrhoids are killing me."

509
00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:51,729
It works.

510
00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:54,064
- Let me see that.
- No.

511
00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:55,766
No, man, trust me.

512
00:28:55,768 --> 00:28:57,334
You don't want to see the things
they've been texting.

513
00:28:57,336 --> 00:28:59,503
- Sexting.
- It's more about sunsets.

514
00:28:59,505 --> 00:28:59,503
It's revolting.

515
00:28:59,505 --> 00:29:04,141
Okay. Help me out here.
I'm trying to piece it together.

516
00:29:04,143 --> 00:29:05,309
Yeah, yeah, shoot.

517
00:29:05,311 --> 00:29:06,977
Guy's kind of a big guy.

518
00:29:06,979 --> 00:29:09,279
- Yeah, he's huge.
- He just let you tie him up.

519
00:29:09,281 --> 00:29:12,316
Oh, no.
Dude, I had this mask on.

520
00:29:12,318 --> 00:29:13,450
So?

521
00:29:13,452 --> 00:29:15,385
So then I also had
my dad's gun.

522
00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:17,121
- What the hell?
- That helped.

523
00:29:17,123 --> 00:29:18,255
Fuck! No, don't!

524
00:29:18,257 --> 00:29:20,891
- That helped.
- Oh, great.

525
00:29:20,893 --> 00:29:22,092
That's really funny.

526
00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:23,861
Cool down
with that thing, man!

527
00:29:23,863 --> 00:29:25,763
For armed kidnapping,
that's another ten years.

528
00:29:25,765 --> 00:29:28,165
Fucking great, Erik.
You've really done it this time.

529
00:29:28,167 --> 00:29:31,168
Someone's gonna have to use
my chloroform.

530
00:29:33,004 --> 00:29:35,072
Why do you have chloroform?

531
00:29:35,074 --> 00:29:37,241
Most people have chloroform.

532
00:29:38,309 --> 00:29:40,477
You're a scary person.
Seriously.

533
00:29:40,479 --> 00:29:42,312
Well, great. Looks like
we're stuck cleaning up

534
00:29:42,314 --> 00:29:44,314
another one of Erik's messes.

535
00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:46,016
I think we need
to think about it.

536
00:29:46,018 --> 00:29:48,952
I think we need to be
very careful on our next move.

537
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:50,354
What happens
we let the guy go?

538
00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:54,057
The guy squeals to the cops,
Erik goes to jail.

539
00:29:54,059 --> 00:29:56,493
- Good.
- Flipside of that coin.

540
00:29:56,495 --> 00:29:58,362
We don't untie him,
we're all accomplices,

541
00:29:58,364 --> 00:29:59,797
and we all go to jail.

542
00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:01,198
No one is going to jail!

543
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:02,432
How do you know?

544
00:30:02,434 --> 00:30:04,468
Dude, nobody's
going to the cops!

545
00:30:10,408 --> 00:30:11,809
Not it.

546
00:30:11,811 --> 00:30:13,177
What? No.

547
00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:15,479
No, you can't do that
in this situation.

548
00:30:16,882 --> 00:30:18,015
Yes, coming, coming.

549
00:30:18,017 --> 00:30:19,082
- Joe.
- I'm sorry.

550
00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:21,351
Talk to the cop, Joe.

551
00:30:21,353 --> 00:30:24,555
Put your fucking thumbs down.
You're coming with me.

552
00:30:24,557 --> 00:30:26,223
- Do it.
- He's got yellow glasses.

553
00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:28,592
Put your thumbs down!
Calm down. Just be calm.

554
00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:30,360
Dude, they're fucking
shooting glasses.

555
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,231
Morning, officer.

556
00:30:34,233 --> 00:30:36,233
Good afternoon, son.

557
00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:40,304
Oh, I'm sorry,
is is that late already?

558
00:30:40,306 --> 00:30:42,239
Boys having some kind
of a party here?

559
00:30:42,241 --> 00:30:44,842
No. I mean, yeah, sort of.

560
00:30:44,844 --> 00:30:47,144
I mean, it's not
a party-party.

561
00:30:47,146 --> 00:30:48,478
Which is it?

562
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,215
Uh...

563
00:30:51,217 --> 00:30:52,449
It's his bachelor party, sir.

564
00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:55,185
No. No, it's not.
Not, not really.

565
00:30:55,187 --> 00:31:00,324
No, it's really just four guys
hanging out for the weekend.

566
00:31:00,326 --> 00:31:03,327
Just one, two, three, four.

567
00:31:07,165 --> 00:31:08,565
No one else, huh?

568
00:31:08,567 --> 00:31:11,935
No. No.

569
00:31:11,937 --> 00:31:12,936
No.

570
00:31:18,576 --> 00:31:21,411
We got a call about a woman
in disarray of dress

571
00:31:21,413 --> 00:31:23,080
leaving this residence earlier.

572
00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:25,048
Oh, yeah. Crystal-- Susan.

573
00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:27,217
- Crystal Susan?
- Crystal Susan.

574
00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:29,953
- Crystal Susan.
- Crystal-Susan.

575
00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:32,556
It's a hyphenate.

576
00:31:32,558 --> 00:31:34,024
So that's an affirmative?

577
00:31:34,026 --> 00:31:35,926
Yes.

578
00:31:35,928 --> 00:31:37,294
Yeah, affirmative, affirmative.

579
00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:39,263
You do realize
that prostitution

580
00:31:39,265 --> 00:31:40,964
is illegal in big bear.

581
00:31:40,966 --> 00:31:44,568
Affirmative. Crystal-Susan
is a law student.

582
00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:48,572
Actually, she overslept for
a law test on legal distress.

583
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:52,175
That's why she left
in disarray...

584
00:31:52,177 --> 00:31:54,177
Of dress.

585
00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:55,612
Yup.

586
00:31:58,683 --> 00:32:00,183
You have a medical
marijuana card

587
00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:02,052
from the state of California?

588
00:32:02,054 --> 00:32:03,320
No.

589
00:32:05,256 --> 00:32:07,457
Well, if I hear of anybody

590
00:32:07,459 --> 00:32:10,193
using medical marijuana
for recreational purposes,

591
00:32:10,195 --> 00:32:13,163
do you know the first place
that I'm gonna come?

592
00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:14,331
Here?

593
00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:16,099
Bright boy, bright boy.

594
00:32:16,101 --> 00:32:17,234
Look at him go.

595
00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:19,970
I got my eye on you four.

596
00:32:19,972 --> 00:32:23,340
One, two, three...

597
00:32:25,510 --> 00:32:26,710
Four.

598
00:32:40,224 --> 00:32:42,292
Well, that was weird.

599
00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:43,427
I'm letting him go.

600
00:32:43,429 --> 00:32:45,062
Wait, wait, wait, listen.

601
00:32:45,064 --> 00:32:48,231
If we make him realize
that he deserves what he gets,

602
00:32:48,233 --> 00:32:49,633
he's not going to the cops.

603
00:32:49,635 --> 00:32:51,635
You thought that
you'd kidnap this guy,

604
00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:54,237
beat him up, and then he'd say,
"yeah, I deserved that."

605
00:32:54,239 --> 00:32:56,306
Yeah, that's about right.

606
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:58,108
Is this just a joke to you?

607
00:32:58,110 --> 00:33:01,979
No. It's not a joke.

608
00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:03,313
Wha--

609
00:33:04,449 --> 00:33:06,283
do not untie him!

610
00:33:23,267 --> 00:33:27,337
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna come
take the tape off now.

611
00:33:38,217 --> 00:33:39,716
Oh, it's really stuck on there.

612
00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:42,019
Oh, it's really stuck.

613
00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:44,254
I can't understand you.
There's tape on your face.

614
00:33:44,256 --> 00:33:47,591
Rip it fast.

615
00:33:47,593 --> 00:33:48,725
Oh.

616
00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,160
Fuck!

617
00:33:50,162 --> 00:33:51,695
Why would you rip it so slow?

618
00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:53,463
I don't know.
I've never done it before.

619
00:33:53,465 --> 00:33:55,499
- You took off part of my lip.
- I'm sorry.

620
00:33:55,501 --> 00:33:57,367
You should be.

621
00:33:59,170 --> 00:34:02,639
Look, I don't know
what any of this is about.

622
00:34:02,641 --> 00:34:05,308
You don't know who I am?

623
00:34:05,310 --> 00:34:08,311
Uh, no. Should I?

624
00:34:08,313 --> 00:34:10,747
Well, you're wearing
my fucking robe.

625
00:34:12,750 --> 00:34:15,218
Oh.

626
00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:16,386
You're Joe.

627
00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:18,455
You're laughing.

628
00:34:18,457 --> 00:34:21,324
- No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- You're clearly laughing.

629
00:34:21,326 --> 00:34:22,726
- I'm sorry. I'm not laughing.
- It's not funny.

630
00:34:22,728 --> 00:34:25,562
I know it's not.
I'm just...

631
00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,330
- I'm relieved.
- Relieved?

632
00:34:27,332 --> 00:34:29,766
Yeah. I thought
it was work-related.

633
00:34:29,768 --> 00:34:32,602
- What do you do for work?
- I'm in corporate takeovers.

634
00:34:32,604 --> 00:34:34,604
Some people take it
very personally.

635
00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:37,774
The guy who stole my fiancée
is in corporate takeovers?

636
00:34:37,776 --> 00:34:40,577
- It's an honest living.
- Okay, but you're still tied up

637
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,412
in a scary basement in big bear.

638
00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:44,181
Oh, I love big bear.

639
00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:49,719
But yeah, this is--
i don't think-- you know?

640
00:34:49,721 --> 00:34:52,756
Look, Joe, I'm really sorry

641
00:34:52,758 --> 00:34:56,693
about what happened
between you and Jess,

642
00:34:56,695 --> 00:35:00,664
but you can untie me now.

643
00:35:00,666 --> 00:35:03,333
I'm gonna untie you, all right?
But before I do that,

644
00:35:03,335 --> 00:35:05,869
I just want you to agree
that this was a stupid mistake.

645
00:35:05,871 --> 00:35:09,139
Oh, agreed.

646
00:35:09,141 --> 00:35:12,509
And I just need you to say that
you're not gonna go to the cops.

647
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:16,646
I'm sorry.

648
00:35:16,648 --> 00:35:19,483
No, you can't just
take somebody

649
00:35:19,485 --> 00:35:21,151
and expect not to pay
the consequences.

650
00:35:21,153 --> 00:35:23,286
Kind of like how you
just took my fiancée?

651
00:35:23,288 --> 00:35:27,257
Oh, like what you did there.
But no, it's not the same thing.

652
00:35:27,259 --> 00:35:30,193
- It's not?
- No. I didn't break any laws.

653
00:35:30,195 --> 00:35:32,762
The basic tenets of almost
every law ever written--

654
00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:34,331
the ten fucking commandments--

655
00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,566
say you can't take
someone else's girl.

656
00:35:36,568 --> 00:35:38,168
Actually,
that's your neighbor's wife,

657
00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:43,740
and, technically, you guys
weren't married yet.

658
00:35:44,642 --> 00:35:46,343
Who the fuck are you?

659
00:35:46,345 --> 00:35:50,380
Look, Joe, I actually played a
very small part in your breakup.

660
00:35:50,382 --> 00:35:51,681
- Really?
- Yeah.

661
00:35:51,683 --> 00:35:53,884
You guys have a lot of issues.

662
00:35:53,886 --> 00:35:57,287
Oh, we do? Do tell.
I'd love to hear them.

663
00:35:57,289 --> 00:35:58,522
- Would you?
- Yeah.

664
00:35:58,524 --> 00:36:02,626
Okay. Well, shit.
I mean, uh...

665
00:36:02,628 --> 00:36:04,728
For instance, you...

666
00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:06,830
You hated her family.

667
00:36:08,533 --> 00:36:09,833
I didn't hate her family.

668
00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:11,568
You didn't go on the ski trip
last year.

669
00:36:11,570 --> 00:36:13,236
That really hurt
Jess's feelings.

670
00:36:13,238 --> 00:36:15,705
I didn't go 'cause her dad
was gonna be there and--

671
00:36:15,707 --> 00:36:17,407
wait, how do you know all this?

672
00:36:17,409 --> 00:36:19,843
That's right.
You're scared of her father.

673
00:36:19,845 --> 00:36:21,678
I am not scared of her dad.

674
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,647
- You're not?
- No.

675
00:36:23,649 --> 00:36:25,282
- You sure?
- Yes.

676
00:36:25,284 --> 00:36:27,250
Really?

677
00:36:27,252 --> 00:36:28,785
Fuck you.

678
00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:34,224
Hey, wait, you didn't
untie me. Joe!

679
00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:37,327
Hello?

680
00:36:39,598 --> 00:36:41,331
What are you guys doing?

681
00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:42,699
- Huh?
- Hey. Nothing, man.

682
00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:44,401
- Did you untie him?
- Dude, what happened?

683
00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:46,469
What going on? Hey.

684
00:36:46,471 --> 00:36:48,872
- Um...
- Did you untie him?

685
00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:49,873
No, not yet.

686
00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:51,841
- Good.
- Can I have this beer?

687
00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:54,477
Yeah, if you like drinking
in the morning, go for it.

688
00:36:54,479 --> 00:36:56,980
He's kinda cocky.

689
00:36:56,982 --> 00:37:00,283
Okay! So let's teach this cocky
motherfucker some respect.

690
00:37:02,286 --> 00:37:04,521
Fuck. Hold on.

691
00:37:04,523 --> 00:37:06,323
I'll get that.

692
00:37:06,325 --> 00:37:07,557
- Be mean!
- Go, Joe!

693
00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:08,625
Go get him, Joe.

694
00:37:08,627 --> 00:37:10,227
Come on, let's do this.

695
00:37:10,229 --> 00:37:12,629
Just a little.

696
00:37:12,631 --> 00:37:14,764
All right, ready?

697
00:37:14,766 --> 00:37:18,235
What was it, end of the lips
and over your gums?

698
00:37:19,003 --> 00:37:21,271
Look, when I asked
for his blessing

699
00:37:21,273 --> 00:37:23,340
to marry his daughter,
he said no.

700
00:37:23,342 --> 00:37:26,243
Ooh. I could understand why
you'd be afraid of him then.

701
00:37:26,245 --> 00:37:31,314
Exactly. No, I'm not--
he's a very traditional man,

702
00:37:31,316 --> 00:37:32,949
so I thought if I asked
for his blessing,

703
00:37:32,951 --> 00:37:35,518
he might finally
show me some respect.

704
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,288
Why did he say no?

705
00:37:38,290 --> 00:37:41,558
He said that if we got married,
we'd have a hard time

706
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,660
because I don't make
enough money.

707
00:37:43,662 --> 00:37:46,997
Hmm. How much did you
pull in last year?

708
00:37:46,999 --> 00:37:48,598
75, 80k?

709
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:49,966
What?

710
00:37:49,968 --> 00:37:51,868
Fifty? Sixty?

711
00:37:53,537 --> 00:37:56,273
Less? Thirty? Joe!

712
00:37:56,275 --> 00:37:59,409
I had a really rough year
last year, okay?

713
00:37:59,411 --> 00:38:01,411
- It wasn't normal.
- That's right. You got demoted.

714
00:38:01,413 --> 00:38:03,980
Exactly! Yeah, for reasons
out of my control.

715
00:38:03,982 --> 00:38:06,383
Your boss promoted his
unqualified nephew or something.

716
00:38:06,385 --> 00:38:09,486
Yes. He had never even
worked in our division.

717
00:38:09,488 --> 00:38:10,787
How do you know all that?

718
00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:12,289
How could you let that
happen though?

719
00:38:12,291 --> 00:38:15,325
- No, I didn't let it happen.
- Yeah.

720
00:38:15,327 --> 00:38:18,995
- Either that or get fired.
- So get fired or, shit, quit.

721
00:38:18,997 --> 00:38:21,831
- If it's respect that you want.
- I want money.

722
00:38:21,833 --> 00:38:23,300
That was the whole thing.

723
00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:25,702
I needed the money
to have a good marriage

724
00:38:25,704 --> 00:38:27,470
so that I could get respect,
i thought.

725
00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:30,073
Look, Joe, I think Jess's dad
might've been right.

726
00:38:30,075 --> 00:38:33,410
You can't support a family
on an income like that.

727
00:38:33,412 --> 00:38:35,845
Half of marriages end
because of money problems.

728
00:38:35,847 --> 00:38:37,981
And the other half end
because of infidelity.

729
00:38:37,983 --> 00:38:41,551
- Whoa.
- Oh, right, right.

730
00:38:41,553 --> 00:38:45,455
You haven't slept with Jess.

731
00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:47,390
Yet.

732
00:38:47,392 --> 00:38:49,592
Why you just untie me

733
00:38:49,594 --> 00:38:53,897
before you do something you're
really gonna end up regretting?

734
00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,778
You're smarter than this, Joe.

735
00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:12,048
You need to wise up.

736
00:39:12,050 --> 00:39:15,418
You know, you can't go around
doing shit like this.

737
00:39:35,973 --> 00:39:39,008
- I guess I just did.

738
00:39:42,513 --> 00:39:43,913
Fuck!

739
00:39:43,915 --> 00:39:46,082
- Chop it up real fine.
- Make 'em a little fatter.

740
00:39:46,084 --> 00:39:48,685
- Where'd you get this shit?
- It's one of Mike's items.

741
00:39:48,687 --> 00:39:50,954
Oh, Mike.
Man, this is a good shit.

742
00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:52,455
Make 'em fat, make 'em big.

743
00:39:52,457 --> 00:39:54,657
Shut up. I know what I'm doing.

744
00:39:54,659 --> 00:39:56,659
Fuck that guy!

745
00:39:56,661 --> 00:39:58,395
Fuck yeah!

746
00:39:58,397 --> 00:39:58,395
Now do you see?

747
00:39:58,397 --> 00:40:01,798
Somehow that guy knows
everything about me.

748
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,533
- He knows everything about you.
- He does.

749
00:40:03,535 --> 00:40:04,968
That's what these guys do.

750
00:40:04,970 --> 00:40:07,070
They get the information,
they get the girl to vent,

751
00:40:07,072 --> 00:40:09,439
start purging about
the boyfriend.

752
00:40:09,441 --> 00:40:10,740
She told him everything.

753
00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:12,542
- Told him everything about you.
- Fuck.

754
00:40:12,544 --> 00:40:15,044
- He flipped it on me.
- He flipped it on you.

755
00:40:15,046 --> 00:40:16,713
He fucking flipped it on you!

756
00:40:16,715 --> 00:40:18,548
- Fuck that guy.
- Fuck that guy!

757
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:19,949
Except in this case,

758
00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:22,652
he got the fiancée to fucking
break up with the fiancé

759
00:40:22,654 --> 00:40:24,721
two weeks before
the fucking wedding!

760
00:40:24,723 --> 00:40:27,056
- Fuck it.
- Yeah.

761
00:40:27,058 --> 00:40:29,959
- Told you it was good shit.
- Is that my credit card?

762
00:40:29,961 --> 00:40:33,696
Where? Oh, is this--

763
00:40:33,698 --> 00:40:34,798
yeah, I think that's yours.

764
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,766
Listen, we have a problem.

765
00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:37,834
Yeah, I know.

766
00:40:37,836 --> 00:40:39,469
We're all accomplices now.

767
00:40:39,471 --> 00:40:40,603
Good for you.

768
00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:42,071
No, we have a bigger problem.

769
00:40:42,073 --> 00:40:43,907
Jess won't stop calling.

770
00:40:46,510 --> 00:40:47,811
Really?

771
00:40:50,214 --> 00:40:54,551
Oh, okay, I got it.
Here's what you do. You say,

772
00:40:54,553 --> 00:40:56,920
"hey, sorry I didn't get back
to your texts or phone calls.

773
00:40:56,922 --> 00:40:58,521
Just got out of the er.

774
00:40:58,523 --> 00:41:00,457
My hemorrhoids are still
bleeding all over the place."

775
00:41:00,459 --> 00:41:02,759
- Oh, gross.
- That's the og story.

776
00:41:02,761 --> 00:41:04,727
You gotta stick to it, man.

777
00:41:04,729 --> 00:41:06,696
She's really worried
about him, huh?

778
00:41:06,698 --> 00:41:08,164
Who cares? Let her worry.

779
00:41:08,166 --> 00:41:10,800
Nope. Tell her something
that'll get her to chill out.

780
00:41:10,802 --> 00:41:13,470
This is your fault
for not moving his car.

781
00:41:13,472 --> 00:41:16,172
I'm sorry. I'm gonna kidnap him
and valet his car?

782
00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:18,475
Didn't think about that,
did you, genius?

783
00:41:18,477 --> 00:41:20,810
You know what? Why don't you say
"I'm sorry. My car didn't start,

784
00:41:20,812 --> 00:41:22,479
so I took a cab
to my apartment."

785
00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:23,813
- That's good.
- What if he has a house?

786
00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:25,748
Your kids don't love you.

787
00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:26,883
Sorry. I didn't mean that.

788
00:41:26,885 --> 00:41:29,886
Say "i took a cab to my place."

789
00:41:29,888 --> 00:41:32,622
- She said he left his wallet.
- Goddamn it!

790
00:41:32,624 --> 00:41:36,526
I'm sorry I didn't have time to
gather his personal belongings.

791
00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:41,197
Shit. She's gonna call the cops.

792
00:41:41,199 --> 00:41:42,899
Fuck.

793
00:41:45,036 --> 00:41:46,536
I need your help.

794
00:41:46,538 --> 00:41:48,938
Fuck you.

795
00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:52,509
I just need you to tell me
what to text Jess

796
00:41:52,511 --> 00:41:54,611
that's gonna get her
to calm down.

797
00:41:54,613 --> 00:41:55,612
Fuck you.

798
00:41:55,614 --> 00:41:56,779
Okay, all right.

799
00:41:56,781 --> 00:41:59,115
I'll take the tape off.

800
00:42:06,056 --> 00:42:10,660
I know, I know. Rip it fast.

801
00:42:11,930 --> 00:42:14,797
That is strong duct tape.

802
00:42:14,799 --> 00:42:17,033
Come on.
What should I tell her?

803
00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:19,035
Tell her I'm tied up
in a basement in big bear

804
00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:21,638
- and to send the police.
- Seriously.

805
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,907
Seriously?
Why the fuck would I help you?

806
00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:26,543
Because I'm gonna
take you back to la,

807
00:42:26,545 --> 00:42:28,177
but it's gonna be
a lot more difficult

808
00:42:28,179 --> 00:42:31,014
if Jess goes on one of
her patented freak-outs first.

809
00:42:31,016 --> 00:42:33,082
I help you,
you're gonna take me back?

810
00:42:33,084 --> 00:42:36,553
- I promise.
- Untie me first.

811
00:42:36,555 --> 00:42:38,021
After.

812
00:42:41,659 --> 00:42:46,229
Tell her I'm sorry
that I disappeared.

813
00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:49,599
Melanie came and picked me up.

814
00:42:49,601 --> 00:42:52,268
Who's Melanie?

815
00:42:52,270 --> 00:42:53,970
My wife.

816
00:42:58,143 --> 00:42:59,042
What?

817
00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:00,577
Soon to be ex-wife.

818
00:43:00,579 --> 00:43:02,111
- You're married?
- Yeah, but--

819
00:43:02,113 --> 00:43:06,215
you cheated on your wife
with my fiancée?

820
00:43:06,217 --> 00:43:07,850
- Well...
- An emotional affair

821
00:43:07,852 --> 00:43:09,152
is still crossing the line.

822
00:43:09,154 --> 00:43:11,254
- What line?
- The line that you cross

823
00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:12,855
when you're sharing energy
with someone.

824
00:43:12,857 --> 00:43:15,158
- What?
- The fucking line you cross

825
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,960
when you're doing
something wrong!

826
00:43:16,962 --> 00:43:18,728
But I guess you don't
see it that way

827
00:43:18,730 --> 00:43:21,097
because you didn't bring your
dick across the line with you.

828
00:43:23,701 --> 00:43:25,034
This better work.

829
00:43:27,771 --> 00:43:29,305
Asshole.

830
00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:38,615
Well? Did it work?

831
00:43:39,883 --> 00:43:41,918
You guys use emojis?

832
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,020
What the fuck are emojis?

833
00:43:44,022 --> 00:43:47,890
These. Stupid fucking
smiley faces and shit.

834
00:43:47,892 --> 00:43:49,626
Yeah. Jess likes them.
So what?

835
00:43:49,628 --> 00:43:51,227
Yeah, I know.
I hate 'em.

836
00:43:51,229 --> 00:43:53,896
Told her I won't text her back
if she used them.

837
00:43:53,898 --> 00:43:55,632
- Why?
- Because they're stupid.

838
00:43:55,634 --> 00:43:55,632
They're childish.

839
00:43:55,634 --> 00:43:58,334
If you're gonna say something,
say it in words.

840
00:43:58,336 --> 00:44:00,203
- Yeah, but who cares?
- I do.

841
00:44:00,205 --> 00:44:02,005
She likes them. So what?
That's her thing.

842
00:44:02,007 --> 00:44:04,907
I mean, you think it's important
enough to fight about it?

843
00:44:04,909 --> 00:44:07,210
I don't need your stellar
relationship counseling.

844
00:44:07,212 --> 00:44:09,278
- Okay, professor love?
- Well, maybe you do.

845
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,115
You've already done a whopper
on my now previous engagement.

846
00:44:12,117 --> 00:44:14,784
- You came asking for my advice.

847
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:17,920
Mmm!

848
00:44:17,922 --> 00:44:20,990
Strong tape, strong tape.

849
00:44:26,697 --> 00:44:29,032
- Too tight?
- Yeah, wait, hold on.

850
00:44:29,034 --> 00:44:31,801
- Why are we tying me up again?
- So you don't hurt yourself.

851
00:44:31,803 --> 00:44:34,070
I don't think it's necessary.
Ah, fuck, man!

852
00:44:34,072 --> 00:44:35,438
All right.

853
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,040
- You'll thank me.
- Yeah, you're right.

854
00:44:37,042 --> 00:44:39,208
- Why is Nick tied to--

855
00:44:40,811 --> 00:44:42,345
what is she doing here?

856
00:44:42,347 --> 00:44:45,114
Okay, Joe, it's cool.
She's here to help with Jess.

857
00:44:45,116 --> 00:44:47,784
What? You told her?

858
00:44:47,786 --> 00:44:51,387
Joe, crystal-Susan is a lady.
She understands ladies.

859
00:44:51,389 --> 00:44:56,325
Okay, I'm sorry, crystal-Susan,
but it's already taken care of.

860
00:44:56,327 --> 00:45:00,196
Oh, I was just trying
to help, so...

861
00:45:00,198 --> 00:45:03,833
Joe, crystal-Susan
is here to help, okay?

862
00:45:03,835 --> 00:45:05,101
Please, take it easy.

863
00:45:05,103 --> 00:45:06,703
It seems like she's here
for you.

864
00:45:06,705 --> 00:45:08,037
Well...

865
00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:09,405
- Are you?
- Yeah.

866
00:45:09,407 --> 00:45:11,808
- Are you really?
- Yeah, why not?

867
00:45:11,810 --> 00:45:13,342
At least I think so.

868
00:45:13,344 --> 00:45:15,311
Why is Nick tied to a chair?

869
00:45:15,313 --> 00:45:17,380
Oh, I got such a good idea.

870
00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:19,415
- But it's dangerous.
- It's not dangerous.

871
00:45:19,417 --> 00:45:21,084
- Okay, is it dangerous?
- Perfectly safe.

872
00:45:21,086 --> 00:45:22,719
- It'll kill him.
- What?

873
00:45:22,721 --> 00:45:24,320
Colin, shut up.
Nick, you're gonna be fine.

874
00:45:24,322 --> 00:45:25,955
Joe, we gotta
teach this guy a lesson.

875
00:45:25,957 --> 00:45:28,057
It is the only way to make sure
he doesn't squeal.

876
00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:31,260
- I think I'm out.
- Now, nobody here

877
00:45:31,262 --> 00:45:33,229
is talking about
permanently hurting,

878
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:36,332
wouldn't do that.
Just talking about a little dose

879
00:45:36,334 --> 00:45:39,435
of very healthy,
very safe revenge.

880
00:45:39,437 --> 00:45:40,837
Like what exactly?

881
00:45:40,839 --> 00:45:42,338
Okay, I don't think
it would be too much

882
00:45:42,340 --> 00:45:44,407
to tie a car battery
to his nipples.

883
00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:47,276
- What? No, no. Is that safe?
- No.

884
00:45:47,278 --> 00:45:49,378
- I'm gonna test it on Nick.
- Untie me.

885
00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:51,013
I say we pull out some teeth.

886
00:45:51,015 --> 00:45:52,849
I think that would be permanent.

887
00:45:52,851 --> 00:45:54,083
I think we should untie me.

888
00:45:54,085 --> 00:45:55,485
Then we'll get
his fingernails.

889
00:45:55,487 --> 00:45:57,320
- Fingernails grow back.
- Good point.

890
00:45:57,322 --> 00:45:59,856
- That's so dumb. So much blood.
- Let's untie me.

891
00:45:59,858 --> 00:46:02,258
I'm sorry, Mr. electroshock
therapy torture man.

892
00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:04,193
I'm trying to teach him
a lesson he will remember.

893
00:46:04,195 --> 00:46:08,431
He's not gonna remember anything
if you fry his fucking brain.

894
00:46:09,901 --> 00:46:11,501
Guys...

895
00:46:13,470 --> 00:46:14,537
Do you...

896
00:46:15,939 --> 00:46:17,807
Guys, guys, Joe.

897
00:46:17,809 --> 00:46:19,308
Joe?

898
00:46:26,850 --> 00:46:30,253
Hey, man, you okay?

899
00:46:31,488 --> 00:46:34,056
- I'm taking him back to la.
- No!

900
00:46:34,058 --> 00:46:36,359
We can't take him back
without scaring him first.

901
00:46:36,361 --> 00:46:38,227
- I'll try and reason with him.
- Joe, are you okay?

902
00:46:38,229 --> 00:46:40,029
You can't reason
with these people.

903
00:46:40,031 --> 00:46:41,364
What was that?
What just happened?

904
00:46:41,366 --> 00:46:44,901
And I'm taking him back
on my own, all right?

905
00:46:46,537 --> 00:46:48,504
- Untie Nick.
- What just happened there?

906
00:46:48,506 --> 00:46:50,273
- I knew it's gonna be too much.
- You okay, Joe?

907
00:46:50,275 --> 00:46:52,575
I knew he was gonna freak out
with the battery.

908
00:47:05,856 --> 00:47:10,259
<i>You have one unheard</i>
<i>message sent today at 9:35 A.M.</i>

909
00:47:10,261 --> 00:47:14,330
<i>Oh, Joey. Oh, baby, oh.</i>

910
00:47:14,332 --> 00:47:17,600
<i> I want you to call</i>
<i> and cry with me.</i>

911
00:47:19,237 --> 00:47:21,137
Oh, shit.
Are you crying?

912
00:47:21,139 --> 00:47:25,975
No. No, it was--
it was just my mom.

913
00:47:25,977 --> 00:47:29,412
Your mom crying?
Okay, good.

914
00:47:29,414 --> 00:47:32,615
Phew. That could've been
a little awkward.

915
00:47:35,586 --> 00:47:37,954
- You're gonna be okay.
- Thanks.

916
00:47:37,956 --> 00:47:39,589
Right?

917
00:47:40,991 --> 00:47:43,359
Yeah.

918
00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:45,494
Just hurts a lot, you know?

919
00:47:45,496 --> 00:47:47,530
Yeah, man.

920
00:47:47,532 --> 00:47:50,633
Do you remember back in college
when my barber died?

921
00:47:53,871 --> 00:47:57,974
I don't think it's the same
kind of hurt, exactly.

922
00:47:57,976 --> 00:48:00,042
Maybe.

923
00:48:00,044 --> 00:48:04,046
He was the only guy in the world
i trusted to cut my hair.

924
00:48:04,048 --> 00:48:06,382
And then he was just dead.

925
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:09,218
But you know, I needed
to have my hair cut still,

926
00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:10,553
so I found a new barber.

927
00:48:10,555 --> 00:48:13,422
But this fucking guy,
he was just so...

928
00:48:13,424 --> 00:48:15,424
Confused by my hair.

929
00:48:15,426 --> 00:48:17,593
There's a delicate,
sort of follicular flow

930
00:48:17,595 --> 00:48:19,996
that goes on up here
with the two cowlicks.

931
00:48:19,998 --> 00:48:21,364
I have, like, three crowns,

932
00:48:21,366 --> 00:48:22,965
and it's confusing
for the best of them.

933
00:48:22,967 --> 00:48:25,001
He just ruined it, man.
I was devastated.

934
00:48:25,003 --> 00:48:27,570
It really stressed me out.

935
00:48:27,572 --> 00:48:30,907
I didn't realize that you take
your haircut so seriously.

936
00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:30,907
Oh, yeah, big time.

937
00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:34,944
You know, and then my hair
started falling out clumps,

938
00:48:34,946 --> 00:48:36,512
which is never good.

939
00:48:36,514 --> 00:48:39,415
I thought, well, fuck, that's
gotta be because of the stress.

940
00:48:39,417 --> 00:48:42,952
And so I thought, well,
you gotta stop the stress.

941
00:48:42,954 --> 00:48:46,455
But then the stress became about
me trying to stop the stress,

942
00:48:46,457 --> 00:48:48,324
which was stressful.

943
00:48:48,326 --> 00:48:51,260
- Huh.
- I didn't know what to do.

944
00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:53,496
I was so lost, man.

945
00:48:53,498 --> 00:48:58,634
Then I found out that Erik
put nair in my fucking shampoo,

946
00:48:58,636 --> 00:49:03,005
and I was a little hurt,
but honestly...

947
00:49:03,007 --> 00:49:04,941
I was a little relieved.

948
00:49:04,943 --> 00:49:06,108
Really?

949
00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:07,610
Yeah.

950
00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:12,281
Yeah, yeah, because my hair
had a chance to start over.

951
00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:13,582
It was a new day.

952
00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:15,618
It was a new dawn for me
and my buds up there.

953
00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:18,621
You know, I 'm walking around
bald as an eagle

954
00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:22,058
with, like, no eyelashes,
no eyebrows,

955
00:49:22,060 --> 00:49:26,462
but I didn't have that stupid
fucking haircut anymore.

956
00:49:26,464 --> 00:49:28,531
I was free,
and the amount of time it took

957
00:49:28,533 --> 00:49:30,099
for my hair to grow back,

958
00:49:30,101 --> 00:49:32,668
I spent that shopping around
for a new barber,

959
00:49:32,670 --> 00:49:35,237
and that's when
i found Karen.

960
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,240
My rock.

961
00:49:38,242 --> 00:49:40,609
So are you dating Karen now?

962
00:49:40,611 --> 00:49:42,979
No. What?

963
00:49:42,981 --> 00:49:44,046
What?

964
00:49:44,048 --> 00:49:45,648
She cuts my hair.

965
00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:47,316
What?

966
00:49:47,318 --> 00:49:49,085
What?

967
00:49:51,221 --> 00:49:54,390
Although,
now that you mention it,

968
00:49:54,392 --> 00:49:56,425
I never really thought of her
that way before.

969
00:49:56,427 --> 00:50:00,363
She's, uh,
she's quite fetching.

970
00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:04,333
No, fuck, shit. Uh...

971
00:50:04,335 --> 00:50:05,501
He's ready.

972
00:50:06,603 --> 00:50:08,104
All right.

973
00:50:11,274 --> 00:50:12,274
Okay.

974
00:50:12,276 --> 00:50:13,609
I mean it.

975
00:50:13,611 --> 00:50:15,277
Yeah.

976
00:50:15,279 --> 00:50:17,580
- All right.
- Okay.

977
00:50:17,582 --> 00:50:19,715
- I'll be in.
- Okay.

978
00:50:56,454 --> 00:50:58,387
Crystal left.

979
00:50:59,689 --> 00:51:01,157
Oh.

980
00:51:03,093 --> 00:51:05,261
You hurt her feelings,
so she went home.

981
00:51:05,263 --> 00:51:06,595
No, you didn't.

982
00:51:06,597 --> 00:51:08,664
She was just on
a stripper smoke break.

983
00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,666
She had to get back
on the pole.

984
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:31,754
You want me to untie him?

985
00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:31,754
Not yet.

986
00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:36,358
All right, should I do this
fast or slow?

987
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:37,760
- Slow?
- - Fast.

988
00:51:37,762 --> 00:51:39,228
Fast.

989
00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:40,729
Oh, shit.

990
00:51:40,731 --> 00:51:42,865
Sorry. That was really
on there good.

991
00:51:49,506 --> 00:51:52,141
Yeah, he was thirsty.

992
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:58,180
Let's begin.

993
00:52:00,817 --> 00:52:02,318
What the fuck?

994
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:03,586
- Erik--
- I watched a video on YouTube.

995
00:52:03,588 --> 00:52:04,887
I know exactly
how to do it now.

996
00:52:04,889 --> 00:52:06,789
- You said you'd let me go.
- We are.

997
00:52:06,791 --> 00:52:09,792
As soon as I introduce you
to mega-tron 26 here.

998
00:52:09,794 --> 00:52:11,160
Whoa!

999
00:52:11,162 --> 00:52:12,661
- Jesus!
- Oh, fuck.

1000
00:52:12,663 --> 00:52:14,263
- It'll work.
- It's gonna kill him.

1001
00:52:14,265 --> 00:52:15,798
It's not gonna kill him.
He's big.

1002
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:18,134
Erik, fucking put it down,
all right?

1003
00:52:18,136 --> 00:52:19,835
Joe, you gotta
teach him a lesson.

1004
00:52:19,837 --> 00:52:23,139
No, no, I'm taking him back,
all right?

1005
00:52:23,141 --> 00:52:24,273
This was a huge mistake.

1006
00:52:24,275 --> 00:52:25,274
You're goddamn right it was.

1007
00:52:25,276 --> 00:52:26,342
But nobody got hurt.

1008
00:52:26,344 --> 00:52:28,377
- Yet.
- Just shut the fuck up.

1009
00:52:28,379 --> 00:52:29,845
These are teachers.

1010
00:52:29,847 --> 00:52:32,481
And can you really
blame my friends

1011
00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:36,585
for trying to make me
feel better?

1012
00:52:38,555 --> 00:52:40,756
You must be Colin.

1013
00:52:40,758 --> 00:52:43,292
Jess tell you I was the most
handsome of the guys?

1014
00:52:43,294 --> 00:52:45,694
No, but she gave pretty good
descriptions of all of you.

1015
00:52:45,696 --> 00:52:47,696
Not surprised at all that you
would do something this stupid.

1016
00:52:47,698 --> 00:52:49,265
Let me tell you something, guy.

1017
00:52:49,267 --> 00:52:52,468
There are a lot more
stupider things we can do.

1018
00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:54,436
More stupid.
You must be Nick.

1019
00:52:54,438 --> 00:52:55,638
Ha!

1020
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,540
What? Fuck you, man!

1021
00:52:57,542 --> 00:52:58,841
Now I'm definitely gonna
electrocute him.

1022
00:52:58,843 --> 00:53:00,609
- Yeah, get him.
- Okay, you know what? No.

1023
00:53:00,611 --> 00:53:02,311
- I like being Nick.
- Yes!

1024
00:53:02,313 --> 00:53:03,445
No, you're not. Look.

1025
00:53:03,447 --> 00:53:05,681
It doesn't matter who anyone is.

1026
00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:08,184
- I'm taking him back to la.
- That is a bad idea.

1027
00:53:08,186 --> 00:53:10,186
This whole fucking thing
was a bad idea, Erik.

1028
00:53:10,188 --> 00:53:11,887
I haven't seen you guys
in months,

1029
00:53:11,889 --> 00:53:14,223
and I thought it'd be great
to reconnect with you

1030
00:53:14,225 --> 00:53:16,659
one last time before
i got married, but now...

1031
00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:19,428
Now I'm not getting married

1032
00:53:19,430 --> 00:53:24,900
because my fiancée dumped me
for this fucking guy.

1033
00:53:24,902 --> 00:53:27,937
But instead of making me
feel better,

1034
00:53:27,939 --> 00:53:28,938
I'm hungover,

1035
00:53:28,940 --> 00:53:30,706
I can't sit down

1036
00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:33,876
because crystal-Susan
broke a belt over my ass,

1037
00:53:33,878 --> 00:53:37,913
and to top it all off,
you kidnapped this fucking guy.

1038
00:53:37,915 --> 00:53:40,749
- I have a name, dude.
- Shut up!

1039
00:53:40,751 --> 00:53:43,819
You know, when this thing's
all over,

1040
00:53:43,821 --> 00:53:47,323
I don't think I wanna
see you guys for a while.

1041
00:53:48,925 --> 00:53:51,393
I have to be honest, Joe.
I think that's for the best.

1042
00:53:51,395 --> 00:53:52,962
- Shut up.
- Okay.

1043
00:54:13,984 --> 00:54:15,784
What's that for?

1044
00:54:15,786 --> 00:54:17,686
- Just take it.
- No, no, no, no.

1045
00:54:17,688 --> 00:54:19,388
Erik, I am not taking that.

1046
00:54:19,390 --> 00:54:20,923
Uh-oh, he's running.

1047
00:54:20,925 --> 00:54:22,725
Oh, shit.

1048
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:25,494
Go that way!

1049
00:54:44,681 --> 00:54:46,315
Split up.

1050
00:55:16,379 --> 00:55:20,015
- Why didn't you grab him?
- Was I supposed to grab him?

1051
00:55:20,017 --> 00:55:22,985
- I got him, Joe!
- Get him, get him, get him!

1052
00:55:24,454 --> 00:55:26,455
Come on.

1053
00:55:26,457 --> 00:55:28,023
Stop! Stop, stop, stop!

1054
00:55:29,426 --> 00:55:30,993
Agh! Fucking altitude.

1055
00:55:30,995 --> 00:55:32,494
Ohh!

1056
00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:35,464
Nick! Nick!

1057
00:55:35,466 --> 00:55:37,933
Ah, fuck. Okay!

1058
00:55:39,102 --> 00:55:40,936
Stop, stop, stop, stop!

1059
00:55:43,106 --> 00:55:44,573
Okay, okay, all right.

1060
00:55:44,575 --> 00:55:45,641
Hey.

1061
00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:47,376
What the fuck, man?

1062
00:55:47,378 --> 00:55:49,011
You run so fucking fast.

1063
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:52,981
Do you work out
or something?

1064
00:55:52,983 --> 00:55:54,516
I ran track in high school.

1065
00:55:54,518 --> 00:55:58,120
- So did I, 15 years ago.
- Why did you run, man?

1066
00:55:58,122 --> 00:56:01,357
- I said we're gonna let you go.
- So why are my hands tied?

1067
00:56:01,359 --> 00:56:03,525
You still haven't said that
you aren't going to the cops,

1068
00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:06,128
and I thought maybe I could
talk some sense into you.

1069
00:56:06,130 --> 00:56:08,564
Oh, right,
talk some sense into me.

1070
00:56:08,566 --> 00:56:11,633
Well, you're the one
who's still tied up,

1071
00:56:11,635 --> 00:56:13,402
which means
that you can't swim.

1072
00:56:13,404 --> 00:56:16,038
- I bet he's a great swimmer.
- Oh, fuck yeah.

1073
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:17,806
Come on, man.

1074
00:56:17,808 --> 00:56:19,508
I'll untie your hands
in the car.

1075
00:56:19,510 --> 00:56:21,110
That's a good idea.

1076
00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:24,012
Come on.

1077
00:56:24,014 --> 00:56:25,881
Come on.

1078
00:56:35,492 --> 00:56:37,793
Hey, guys, where'd he go?

1079
00:56:37,795 --> 00:56:39,061
Nick, hang on!

1080
00:56:55,145 --> 00:56:57,079
Oh, shit.

1081
00:56:57,081 --> 00:56:57,079
You killed him.

1082
00:56:57,081 --> 00:57:00,416
- Why'd you do that?
- He's not dead.

1083
00:57:02,752 --> 00:57:04,686
See? He's fine.

1084
00:57:04,688 --> 00:57:06,455
His nose looks kinda broken.

1085
00:57:06,457 --> 00:57:08,524
Yeah, it kinda does.

1086
00:57:08,526 --> 00:57:11,026
Come on, let's get him
in the car.

1087
00:57:17,867 --> 00:57:19,668
He still hasn't
learned anything.

1088
00:57:19,670 --> 00:57:21,503
Stop making this worse.

1089
00:57:21,505 --> 00:57:23,071
I'm trying to make it better.

1090
00:57:23,073 --> 00:57:25,607
Erik, no, I'm not taking that.

1091
00:57:25,609 --> 00:57:27,109
Do what you said.

1092
00:57:27,111 --> 00:57:29,678
Make him dig his own grave
and scare the shit out of him.

1093
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:31,680
No, I'm not doing that.

1094
00:57:31,682 --> 00:57:33,215
No one is gonna
wanna marry you

1095
00:57:33,217 --> 00:57:36,685
if you can't stand up
for yourself.

1096
00:57:36,687 --> 00:57:37,820
Fuck you.

1097
00:57:37,822 --> 00:57:39,922
Fuck you.

1098
00:57:43,693 --> 00:57:45,527
Have a nice drive.

1099
00:57:45,529 --> 00:57:49,498
If you hurry, you might
still make it to Ikea.

1100
00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:53,035
Hey, man, call us
when you get back to la.

1101
00:57:56,005 --> 00:57:58,540
Hey, I wanna tell you
that I texted Karen.

1102
00:57:58,542 --> 00:58:01,810
We're gonna meet up for dinner
next week in la.

1103
00:58:01,812 --> 00:58:02,811
Karen?

1104
00:58:02,813 --> 00:58:04,046
Yeah, my barber.

1105
00:58:05,882 --> 00:58:08,584
Give me the fucking keys.

1106
00:58:08,586 --> 00:58:09,852
Okay.

1107
00:58:44,053 --> 00:58:45,587
Ow.

1108
00:58:45,589 --> 00:58:48,757
Jesus, my nose.

1109
00:58:48,759 --> 00:58:50,692
Is my nose--
my nose is broken.

1110
00:58:50,694 --> 00:58:52,160
- It's fine.
- No.

1111
00:58:52,162 --> 00:58:54,129
This is fucking broken.
Look at this!

1112
00:58:54,131 --> 00:58:55,797
It was a little bit crooked
before.

1113
00:58:55,799 --> 00:58:57,833
- No, it wasn't.
- Yeah, it was.

1114
00:58:57,835 --> 00:58:59,668
I don't think so.

1115
00:58:59,670 --> 00:59:01,603
Everyone's nose is a little bit
crooked, all right?

1116
00:59:01,605 --> 00:59:04,606
You didn't have
a perfectly straight nose.

1117
00:59:08,177 --> 00:59:11,547
Oh, my god,
this is so uncomfortable.

1118
00:59:13,983 --> 00:59:16,018
My arms are gonna fucking
fall asleep.

1119
00:59:18,955 --> 00:59:21,623
Okay, I can't feel
my hands now.

1120
00:59:21,625 --> 00:59:22,958
You don't need your hands

1121
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:24,893
to sit in the passenger side
of a car.

1122
00:59:24,895 --> 00:59:26,962
It's two hours back to la?

1123
00:59:26,964 --> 00:59:28,564
Thereabouts.

1124
00:59:28,566 --> 00:59:30,599
What the fuck
are you worried about?

1125
00:59:30,601 --> 00:59:33,569
Well, you bulldozed me
into a lake.

1126
00:59:33,571 --> 00:59:36,705
Come on, man. I'm not gonna
jump out of a moving car.

1127
00:59:39,709 --> 00:59:41,043
Damn it.

1128
00:59:51,754 --> 00:59:53,188
Shit.

1129
01:00:10,373 --> 01:00:12,608
Oh, my god,
this is really uncomfortable.

1130
01:00:12,610 --> 01:00:14,610
Just try to relax your arms.
They won't fall asleep.

1131
01:00:14,612 --> 01:00:17,012
See how I'm sitting?
How am I supposed to relax?

1132
01:00:17,014 --> 01:00:18,947
- Just...

1133
01:00:21,117 --> 01:00:24,086
- Fuck.
- Now you have to untie me.

1134
01:00:27,156 --> 01:00:28,690
No way.

1135
01:00:28,692 --> 01:00:29,992
What, you know him?

1136
01:00:32,829 --> 01:00:33,895
Don't say anything.

1137
01:00:33,897 --> 01:00:36,732
I'm not gonna have to.

1138
01:00:36,734 --> 01:00:39,635
All right, lift your arms up.
Hurry up. Get them up.

1139
01:00:39,637 --> 01:00:41,637
I can't lift them any higher.
My arms fell asleep.

1140
01:00:41,639 --> 01:00:43,138
Oh, shit.
You're doing it tighter.

1141
01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:44,773
No, i--
i was tightening it.

1142
01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:46,908
He's coming, Joe.
Now he's coming.

1143
01:00:46,910 --> 01:00:48,677
Shh, shh. Okay.

1144
01:00:51,347 --> 01:00:53,749
Don't say anything, please.

1145
01:00:57,654 --> 01:00:59,988
Well.

1146
01:01:01,058 --> 01:01:02,324
Cheech and Chong.

1147
01:01:04,961 --> 01:01:06,395
Hi.

1148
01:01:06,397 --> 01:01:07,929
Hi.

1149
01:01:07,931 --> 01:01:09,998
Are you?

1150
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:11,166
What?

1151
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:13,802
Are you high, son?

1152
01:01:13,804 --> 01:01:15,003
No.

1153
01:01:15,005 --> 01:01:17,205
- What about you?
- He's not.

1154
01:01:17,207 --> 01:01:20,075
I was talking to him.

1155
01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:22,210
No.

1156
01:01:22,212 --> 01:01:24,046
Officer, I don't smoke.

1157
01:01:24,048 --> 01:01:25,280
Of course you don't.

1158
01:01:25,282 --> 01:01:28,350
You have any idea
why I'm asking you that?

1159
01:01:28,352 --> 01:01:30,085
Because you're cracking down

1160
01:01:30,087 --> 01:01:32,120
on the abuse of
medical marijuana in big bear?

1161
01:01:32,122 --> 01:01:33,722
Are you patronizing me, son?

1162
01:01:33,724 --> 01:01:37,125
No. No, i--
you said that before.

1163
01:01:38,961 --> 01:01:40,696
Is your nose broke?

1164
01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:46,968
No, sir. It's always been
a little bit crooked.

1165
01:01:46,970 --> 01:01:48,804
Hmm.

1166
01:01:50,140 --> 01:01:52,140
License and registration.

1167
01:01:52,142 --> 01:01:53,742
Affirmative.

1168
01:01:53,744 --> 01:01:54,976
What did you say to me?

1169
01:01:54,978 --> 01:01:57,412
Yes. Yes.

1170
01:01:57,414 --> 01:01:59,381
Registration's in the glove box.

1171
01:01:59,383 --> 01:02:01,083
Uh-huh.

1172
01:02:04,787 --> 01:02:07,255
You just got your nails done?

1173
01:02:07,257 --> 01:02:09,357
I got it, I got it.

1174
01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:24,206
What?

1175
01:02:25,374 --> 01:02:27,476
License and registration.

1176
01:02:32,749 --> 01:02:35,884
Where are you two young men
headed today?

1177
01:02:35,886 --> 01:02:38,120
- A hike.
- To la.

1178
01:02:39,522 --> 01:02:42,824
You both just told me
two different things.

1179
01:02:45,294 --> 01:02:48,163
Son, where are you headed?

1180
01:02:52,803 --> 01:02:55,036
Step out of the vehicle.

1181
01:02:55,038 --> 01:02:57,839
Officer, excuse me.

1182
01:02:57,841 --> 01:02:59,908
We're going back to la.

1183
01:02:59,910 --> 01:03:03,178
But we're just gonna stop off
real quick and have a hike.

1184
01:03:03,180 --> 01:03:04,946
You know, enjoy some nature

1185
01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:08,550
before we have to head back
to that smog-infested jungle.

1186
01:03:09,919 --> 01:03:12,888
I never did care too much
for Los Angeles myself.

1187
01:03:12,890 --> 01:03:14,289
Oh, lord, me neither.

1188
01:03:14,291 --> 01:03:16,191
But it sure is nice
that there's a place

1189
01:03:16,193 --> 01:03:19,795
as safe and quiet
as big bear's so close.

1190
01:03:19,797 --> 01:03:23,198
Up around the next bend,
there's a real pretty hike.

1191
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,100
It's my husband's favorite.

1192
01:03:25,102 --> 01:03:29,337
Just make sure you park in the
designated parking areas only.

1193
01:03:29,339 --> 01:03:31,473
Absolutely.
Thank you, officer.

1194
01:03:31,475 --> 01:03:33,508
Sure.

1195
01:03:33,510 --> 01:03:35,043
Pants?

1196
01:03:35,045 --> 01:03:36,311
Next time.

1197
01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:39,247
Crack, crack.

1198
01:03:52,161 --> 01:03:53,495
Did he say husband?

1199
01:04:02,338 --> 01:04:04,506
Why did you say
we were going for a hike?

1200
01:04:04,508 --> 01:04:05,507
Because we are.

1201
01:04:05,509 --> 01:04:07,108
- I'm not.
- Yes, you are.

1202
01:04:07,110 --> 01:04:09,611
Okay, I could have just
told that cop

1203
01:04:09,613 --> 01:04:11,980
about the gun that you're
hiding underneath your leg.

1204
01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:14,282
Yeah? Well, why didn't you?

1205
01:04:14,284 --> 01:04:16,251
I don't know.

1206
01:04:16,253 --> 01:04:18,887
Because you saved me
from your friends,

1207
01:04:18,889 --> 01:04:21,556
and you said you were gonna
take back me to la.

1208
01:04:21,558 --> 01:04:25,961
And maybe I feel a little bit
sorry for you.

1209
01:04:32,401 --> 01:04:34,970
You ruined my life,
but not my bachelor party.

1210
01:04:34,972 --> 01:04:36,972
I thought it wasn't
your bachelor party anymore.

1211
01:04:36,974 --> 01:04:39,608
Yeah, well, it is,
whether I like it or not.

1212
01:04:39,610 --> 01:04:39,608
Okay, Joe,

1213
01:04:39,610 --> 01:04:43,545
but you're digging a very deep
hole for yourself here.

1214
01:04:43,547 --> 01:04:45,146
No.

1215
01:04:45,148 --> 01:04:47,449
That's what you're gonna do.

1216
01:04:56,559 --> 01:04:59,060
Ohh...

1217
01:05:09,105 --> 01:05:11,006
No.

1218
01:05:11,008 --> 01:05:14,042
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing?

1219
01:05:14,044 --> 01:05:16,478
I'm digging.

1220
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,213
No, you're whistling.

1221
01:05:18,215 --> 01:05:21,516
Yeah. I do that
when I'm bored.

1222
01:05:21,518 --> 01:05:23,919
Aren't you thinking about
what you did?

1223
01:05:23,921 --> 01:05:26,488
No. I'm thinking about
what a waste of time this is.

1224
01:05:26,490 --> 01:05:29,024
- What?
- You're not going to shoot me.

1225
01:05:29,026 --> 01:05:31,192
If your friend Erik was here,
I'd be a little fucking worried

1226
01:05:31,194 --> 01:05:32,928
because that guy,
he's psycho.

1227
01:05:32,930 --> 01:05:34,462
You need to be thinking
about what you did

1228
01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:35,931
that got you to this place.

1229
01:05:35,933 --> 01:05:37,933
I opened the door
to your psycho friend.

1230
01:05:37,935 --> 01:05:40,335
- Before that.
- I didn't convince Jess

1231
01:05:40,337 --> 01:05:42,470
to fall out of love with you,
all right?

1232
01:05:42,472 --> 01:05:44,372
That happened a long time before
i ever came around.

1233
01:05:44,374 --> 01:05:46,274
- Fuck you.
- It's true!

1234
01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:48,343
In reality,
i played a very little part

1235
01:05:48,345 --> 01:05:50,011
in the breakup
of your marriage.

1236
01:05:50,013 --> 01:05:51,079
- A little part?
- Yeah.

1237
01:05:51,081 --> 01:05:52,280
Are you talking
about your dick?

1238
01:05:52,282 --> 01:05:54,416
- No.
- Is your dick the little part?

1239
01:05:54,418 --> 01:05:56,217
Because in the reality
that I live in,

1240
01:05:56,219 --> 01:05:58,687
the number one thing
Jess loves to freak out about

1241
01:05:58,689 --> 01:06:00,355
is her allergy to latex.

1242
01:06:00,357 --> 01:06:03,224
So we always had to use
polyisoprene condoms,

1243
01:06:03,226 --> 01:06:04,726
and they only come in wrappers

1244
01:06:04,728 --> 01:06:07,095
like the one that fell out of
your pocket back in the car.

1245
01:06:07,097 --> 01:06:10,565
So I guess your little part,
I'm talking about your dick,

1246
01:06:10,567 --> 01:06:14,069
played a pretty big part
in why she left me.

1247
01:06:14,071 --> 01:06:18,073
Hey, it's your robe.
Could've been your condom.

1248
01:06:18,075 --> 01:06:21,042
Yeah. Well...

1249
01:06:21,044 --> 01:06:23,578
I don't wear magnums.

1250
01:06:28,317 --> 01:06:30,151
Has it ever occurred to you

1251
01:06:30,153 --> 01:06:34,255
that that she might've left you
not because of who I am,

1252
01:06:34,257 --> 01:06:37,125
but because of who you aren't?

1253
01:06:41,163 --> 01:06:42,330
Get out.

1254
01:06:42,332 --> 01:06:44,466
- What?
- Hand me the shovel.

1255
01:06:44,468 --> 01:06:46,134
- I can keep digging.
- That's deep enough.

1256
01:06:46,136 --> 01:06:47,535
- No, it's not deep enough.
- Yes, it is.

1257
01:06:47,537 --> 01:06:48,670
It's not long enough.

1258
01:06:48,672 --> 01:06:50,005
Hand me the fucking shovel!

1259
01:06:50,007 --> 01:06:51,039
Okay.

1260
01:06:53,275 --> 01:06:55,076
Get out.

1261
01:06:55,078 --> 01:06:56,678
Joe, calm down.

1262
01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:58,346
Turn around.

1263
01:06:58,348 --> 01:07:02,083
- All right, why don't we just--
- shut the fuck up for once.

1264
01:07:02,085 --> 01:07:03,318
- Okay.
- Turn around.

1265
01:07:03,320 --> 01:07:05,620
Okay.

1266
01:07:08,557 --> 01:07:11,159
You don't need
to do this, Joe.

1267
01:07:13,095 --> 01:07:17,432
I'm so tired of everyone telling
me what they think I need.

1268
01:07:19,703 --> 01:07:22,670
All right. Okay.

1269
01:07:22,672 --> 01:07:26,374
Maybe this is
exactly what I need.

1270
01:07:28,110 --> 01:07:30,045
Maybe I know.

1271
01:07:32,214 --> 01:07:34,382
Maybe I know what I need.

1272
01:08:04,447 --> 01:08:06,748
I love him.

1273
01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:57,732
Oh, shit.

1274
01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:16,651
Ooh!

1275
01:09:23,893 --> 01:09:25,560
Oh, my--

1276
01:09:35,172 --> 01:09:36,237
oww!

1277
01:09:40,743 --> 01:09:43,678
It's all your fault, you fuck!
Why'd you do this to me?

1278
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:46,181
- It's my fault, okay?
- I will fucking kill you!

1279
01:09:46,183 --> 01:09:48,316
- Don't kill me, please!
- Give me a fucking reason!

1280
01:09:48,318 --> 01:09:49,951
Because, Joe, I have a kid!

1281
01:09:49,953 --> 01:09:52,587
All right?
I have a daughter.

1282
01:09:52,589 --> 01:09:54,355
Her name is Meg,
and she's amazing and beautiful.

1283
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:56,791
Please don't take me away
from her, Joe, please.

1284
01:09:56,793 --> 01:10:01,262
Please don't take me
away from her, Joe. Please.

1285
01:10:01,264 --> 01:10:05,200
Why is your wedding ring on
if you're getting divorced?

1286
01:10:05,202 --> 01:10:07,669
Why do you still have
your wedding ring on?

1287
01:10:11,507 --> 01:10:14,409
You haven't told her yet?

1288
01:10:14,411 --> 01:10:19,314
I was gonna tell her today.

1289
01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:23,818
We weren't careful, and...

1290
01:10:23,820 --> 01:10:27,255
I thought it was the right thing
to do, to get married.

1291
01:10:27,257 --> 01:10:28,623
Was it also
the right thing to do

1292
01:10:28,625 --> 01:10:30,225
to cheat on your wife
with my fiancée?

1293
01:10:30,227 --> 01:10:32,994
Jess didn't cheat on you.
Not like that.

1294
01:10:32,996 --> 01:10:35,797
- Really?
- Yeah.

1295
01:10:35,799 --> 01:10:38,566
Yeah, last night was
the first time that we ever...

1296
01:10:38,568 --> 01:10:39,968
Polyisoprened.

1297
01:10:39,970 --> 01:10:41,669
Great. You guys just started
boning last night.

1298
01:10:41,671 --> 01:10:43,771
That makes me feel
so much better. Thank you.

1299
01:10:43,773 --> 01:10:45,907
You know what, Joe?
My life is not all rosy either.

1300
01:10:45,909 --> 01:10:47,942
- Really?
- No, it's not.

1301
01:10:47,944 --> 01:10:50,411
I got married to a woman
that I barely even know.

1302
01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:51,813
We're not happy.

1303
01:10:51,815 --> 01:10:53,615
Why marry someone
you're not happy with?

1304
01:10:53,617 --> 01:10:57,352
It didn't seem like the most
important criteria at the time.

1305
01:11:02,558 --> 01:11:05,393
Why did you wanna
get married to Jess?

1306
01:11:05,395 --> 01:11:07,962
- Because I love her.
- Yeah?

1307
01:11:07,964 --> 01:11:09,664
So what?

1308
01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:10,999
What else?

1309
01:11:13,535 --> 01:11:15,370
Because we...

1310
01:11:18,941 --> 01:11:22,410
Because we...

1311
01:11:22,412 --> 01:11:24,279
We were dating.

1312
01:11:24,281 --> 01:11:26,714
We lived together and...

1313
01:11:26,716 --> 01:11:29,384
Then you get married.

1314
01:11:29,386 --> 01:11:32,020
So it was just a step?

1315
01:11:32,022 --> 01:11:34,055
Things were good.

1316
01:11:34,057 --> 01:11:36,824
We worked.
Isn't that why you marry someone

1317
01:11:36,826 --> 01:11:38,860
because you love them
and you can live with them?

1318
01:11:38,862 --> 01:11:40,762
No, I don't think so anymore.

1319
01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:42,830
I think you marry someone
because you love them,

1320
01:11:42,832 --> 01:11:45,366
and you can't live without them.

1321
01:11:45,368 --> 01:11:49,070
For the longest time, I was just
dealing with my life, you know,

1322
01:11:49,072 --> 01:11:51,572
because I took the step that i
thought I was supposed to take.

1323
01:11:51,574 --> 01:11:53,675
But that's not fair.

1324
01:11:53,677 --> 01:11:56,044
It's not fair to my wife,

1325
01:11:56,046 --> 01:11:59,814
it's not fair to my daughter,
and it's not fair to me.

1326
01:11:59,816 --> 01:12:04,552
Then I met Jess,
and it was different.

1327
01:12:04,554 --> 01:12:06,721
I was different,

1328
01:12:06,723 --> 01:12:09,857
and I knew immediately
that no matter what,

1329
01:12:09,859 --> 01:12:12,460
no matter how fucking messy
this thing got,

1330
01:12:12,462 --> 01:12:15,063
no matter how painful,

1331
01:12:15,065 --> 01:12:17,965
this was life...

1332
01:12:17,967 --> 01:12:22,537
Giving me
exactly what I needed:

1333
01:12:22,539 --> 01:12:24,906
An opportunity to start over.

1334
01:12:28,477 --> 01:12:31,012
Like nair.

1335
01:12:31,014 --> 01:12:33,414
What?

1336
01:12:38,620 --> 01:12:41,989
I was relieved.

1337
01:12:44,461 --> 01:12:47,362
When she broke off
the engagement, I was angry

1338
01:12:47,364 --> 01:12:50,798
and disappointed
and pissed, but...

1339
01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:53,901
The first thing I felt,
and I...

1340
01:12:53,903 --> 01:12:58,473
I didn't know why,

1341
01:12:58,475 --> 01:13:00,475
I was relieved.

1342
01:13:10,854 --> 01:13:14,389
I guess it was
a pretty good sign

1343
01:13:14,391 --> 01:13:18,860
that you weren't
supposed be married.

1344
01:13:18,862 --> 01:13:22,797
So in a way, I guess
i sort of did you a favor.

1345
01:13:23,766 --> 01:13:25,500
No, I'm kidding.

1346
01:13:25,502 --> 01:13:27,502
Jesus, man.

1347
01:13:27,504 --> 01:13:29,937
Fuck, are you for real?

1348
01:13:29,939 --> 01:13:32,407
I mean, after all this?

1349
01:13:32,409 --> 01:13:35,643
You were kidnapped,
tied up in a basement,

1350
01:13:35,645 --> 01:13:36,911
I put a fucking gun
to your head

1351
01:13:36,913 --> 01:13:38,413
and made you dig a hole
in the ground,

1352
01:13:38,415 --> 01:13:40,815
and you still can't say
that you feel sorry

1353
01:13:40,817 --> 01:13:42,750
for stealing my fiancée?

1354
01:13:45,788 --> 01:13:48,489
Why do you care so much
about how I feel?

1355
01:13:52,961 --> 01:13:55,129
I don't know.

1356
01:13:57,132 --> 01:14:00,735
I think I thought
it would make it go away.

1357
01:14:00,737 --> 01:14:02,537
Make what go away?

1358
01:14:04,139 --> 01:14:08,976
It's like this bear
comes out of the woods

1359
01:14:08,978 --> 01:14:14,582
and just sits down
on my chest,

1360
01:14:14,584 --> 01:14:16,451
and I can't breathe.

1361
01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:19,086
I feel like
I'm gonna suffocate

1362
01:14:19,088 --> 01:14:24,792
because this fucking bear
is just sitting on top of me.

1363
01:14:27,196 --> 01:14:30,865
Thought maybe if I got revenge,
it would stop.

1364
01:14:30,867 --> 01:14:32,467
So you thought
if you killed me,

1365
01:14:32,469 --> 01:14:34,869
your panic attacks
would go away?

1366
01:14:34,871 --> 01:14:36,804
- What?
- You get tunnel vision?

1367
01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:38,473
Yeah.

1368
01:14:38,475 --> 01:14:41,576
Feel like your heart's beating
out of your chest?

1369
01:14:41,578 --> 01:14:42,810
Yeah.

1370
01:14:42,812 --> 01:14:46,514
I had those
right before I had my kid.

1371
01:14:46,516 --> 01:14:48,149
I was so fucking scared.

1372
01:14:50,586 --> 01:14:52,220
How did you get it to stop?

1373
01:14:52,222 --> 01:14:56,157
- Well, I didn't kill anybody.
- I wasn't gonna kill you.

1374
01:14:56,159 --> 01:15:00,928
I just thought
maybe if I scared you,

1375
01:15:00,930 --> 01:15:04,932
you know, if I made you
dig your own grave--

1376
01:15:04,934 --> 01:15:07,602
like in a mob movie?

1377
01:15:09,973 --> 01:15:11,672
Yeah.

1378
01:15:11,674 --> 01:15:13,541
That's ridiculous.

1379
01:15:20,115 --> 01:15:25,586
You know, when I get back to la,
i have nowhere to live.

1380
01:15:25,588 --> 01:15:27,755
I am a...

1381
01:15:27,757 --> 01:15:32,627
I am a homeless,
underemployed,

1382
01:15:32,629 --> 01:15:34,829
thirty-something
single male

1383
01:15:34,831 --> 01:15:36,964
who just got dumped
by his fiancée

1384
01:15:36,966 --> 01:15:42,069
because he was too afraid
to do it himself.

1385
01:15:42,071 --> 01:15:44,138
Well, hey,
I'm getting a divorce.

1386
01:15:44,140 --> 01:15:46,641
- You're gonna be a divorcé.
- With a kid.

1387
01:15:46,643 --> 01:15:48,643
Oh, shit.

1388
01:15:48,645 --> 01:15:50,144
Oh, man.

1389
01:15:50,146 --> 01:15:52,313
- That might be worse.
- It's way worse.

1390
01:15:52,315 --> 01:15:54,682
And you're never gonna
get custody of the kid

1391
01:15:54,684 --> 01:15:56,017
because you're leaving her,

1392
01:15:56,019 --> 01:15:58,085
and you're only gonna
get to see your kid

1393
01:15:58,087 --> 01:16:00,555
twice a month, if that.

1394
01:16:02,224 --> 01:16:04,692
Oh, shit.

1395
01:16:10,966 --> 01:16:13,234
Jess farts in her sleep.

1396
01:16:13,236 --> 01:16:14,569
Really?

1397
01:16:14,571 --> 01:16:15,937
Sometimes.

1398
01:16:15,939 --> 01:16:18,105
Just make sure
you fall asleep first.

1399
01:16:18,107 --> 01:16:20,708
Yeah.

1400
01:16:20,710 --> 01:16:22,910
Yeah.

1401
01:16:32,187 --> 01:16:36,357
Just leave it at Jess's.
I need to get my clothes still.

1402
01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:42,063
Thanks.

1403
01:16:48,270 --> 01:16:52,273
Hey, Joe, I know you don't want
anybody telling you

1404
01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:56,143
what you need
right now, but...

1405
01:16:56,145 --> 01:16:59,180
I always found it was best
just to face it head-on.

1406
01:16:59,182 --> 01:17:01,282
What?

1407
01:17:01,284 --> 01:17:03,718
The bear.

1408
01:18:23,766 --> 01:18:26,133
Aaahhh!

1409
01:18:28,437 --> 01:18:30,771
Aaahhh!

1410
01:18:33,241 --> 01:18:35,910
Aaahhh!

1411
01:19:48,985 --> 01:19:51,485
No, no!

1412
01:20:16,878 --> 01:20:19,814
Ohh!

1413
01:20:19,816 --> 01:20:22,817
Boom, boom, boom!

1414
01:20:22,819 --> 01:20:23,884
Fuck yeah!

1415
01:20:23,886 --> 01:20:26,086
Oh! Oh, that was awesome.

1416
01:20:26,088 --> 01:20:28,255
Awesome, awesome.
That was awesome.

1417
01:20:28,257 --> 01:20:30,491
- You guys were great.
- Fuck you!

1418
01:20:31,493 --> 01:20:32,960
Yeah?

1419
01:20:32,962 --> 01:20:34,895
Fuck you.

1420
01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:39,934
Welcome back, amigo.

1421
01:20:39,936 --> 01:20:41,268
Gracias.

1422
01:20:42,470 --> 01:20:43,904
Ahh!

1423
01:20:43,906 --> 01:20:45,372
I feel so much better.

1424
01:20:45,374 --> 01:20:47,074
Oh, you guys
probably want those off.

1425
01:20:47,076 --> 01:20:48,409
Ow! Ohh!

1426
01:20:48,411 --> 01:20:51,378
These clamps really hurt.
What are you doing, Joe?

1427
01:20:51,380 --> 01:20:53,247
I think the faster,
the better.

1428
01:20:53,249 --> 01:20:54,582
You wouldn't.

1429
01:20:54,584 --> 01:20:56,584
- I need to.
- No, you don't.

1430
01:20:56,586 --> 01:21:00,254
- Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
- No, no, no, no!

1431
01:21:00,256 --> 01:21:01,555
- Don't!

1432
01:21:23,979 --> 01:21:27,381
I know. I know we all lose
our way from time to time.

1433
01:21:27,383 --> 01:21:30,017
I just thought I was
stronger than that, you know?

1434
01:21:30,019 --> 01:21:32,353
I'm embarrassed.

1435
01:21:32,355 --> 01:21:34,154
No, you're right, you're right.

1436
01:21:34,156 --> 01:21:37,057
Without weakness, we never
know what true strength is.

1437
01:21:37,059 --> 01:21:39,159
Sage words.

1438
01:21:39,161 --> 01:21:41,028
What time is the meeting
tomorrow night?

1439
01:21:43,298 --> 01:21:44,899
No, I don't need a ride.

1440
01:21:44,901 --> 01:21:46,433
That's cool. All right.
Thanks, Mike.

1441
01:21:46,435 --> 01:21:48,269
I'll see you there,
definitely.

1442
01:21:48,271 --> 01:21:50,337
All right. Later, bye.

1443
01:21:53,976 --> 01:21:55,542
Sorry about that.

1444
01:21:56,478 --> 01:21:59,980
Hey, where's my dad's gun?

1445
01:21:59,982 --> 01:22:02,182
Oh, I buried it.

1446
01:22:02,184 --> 01:22:04,151
Really?

1447
01:22:04,153 --> 01:22:05,519
Yeah.

1448
01:22:05,521 --> 01:22:09,924
Damn it, man!
He's gonna be really pissed off.

1449
01:22:11,393 --> 01:22:13,294
Well, I hate my dad.

1450
01:22:13,296 --> 01:22:16,063
You need a place to crash
for a while, Joe?

1451
01:22:16,065 --> 01:22:18,065
Uh, no, I'm good. Thanks.

1452
01:22:18,067 --> 01:22:20,401
Where are you gonna stay?

1453
01:22:23,939 --> 01:22:26,640
I have no idea.

1454
01:26:05,426 --> 01:26:08,195
<i> - Hey, dude!</i>
<i> - What, what? </i>

1455
01:26:08,197 --> 01:26:11,398
<i> Come over here.</i>

1456
01:26:11,400 --> 01:26:13,901
<i> Give me a hug, man.</i>

1457
01:26:13,903 --> 01:26:17,437
<i> See, what you were scared of</i>
<i> this whole time</i>

1458
01:26:17,439 --> 01:26:20,440
<i> is exactly what you've been</i>
<i> fighting for, man.</i>

1459
01:26:42,263 --> 01:26:43,630
<i> Hey!</i>

1460
01:26:46,734 --> 01:26:50,704
<i> Did I tell you</i>
<i> what to think, man?</i>

1461
01:26:50,706 --> 01:26:52,773
<i> Well, good.</i>

1462
01:26:52,775 --> 01:26:56,643
<i> But I hope you didn't listen.</i>

1463
01:26:56,645 --> 01:26:59,279
<i> At least in hindsight.</i>