1 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,040 (upbeat intro playing) 2 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,032 (fireworks exploding) 3 00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:58,048 (car engines rumbling) 4 00:01:12,331 --> 00:01:14,798 -Oh, shit. 5 00:01:14,833 --> 00:01:17,801 -Is this the-- Is this the right site? 6 00:01:17,836 --> 00:01:20,070 -Yes, honey. It's site 16, like always. 7 00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:24,532 -Yo, Tommy, what's going on? -Will you call me "Dad"? 8 00:01:24,568 --> 00:01:26,043 -Pops: Franklin? -Yeah? 9 00:01:26,078 --> 00:01:28,670 -Are you sure you booked this for us? -Absolutely. 10 00:01:28,705 --> 00:01:31,081 I booked the last available site. 11 00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:34,576 I got the permit right here. Site 16, July 4th weekend. 12 00:01:34,611 --> 00:01:37,354 -Felipa. (speaking Spanish) 13 00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:41,783 -I just think that there's been a little bit of a mix-up, Papi, so-- 14 00:01:41,818 --> 00:01:45,020 -Buenos tardes, amigos! Word, bitches. 15 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,230 -Who you calling a bitch? -I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 16 00:01:47,266 --> 00:01:50,759 Just trying to break up the racial tension here, that's all. 17 00:01:50,794 --> 00:01:51,493 Might have hit bitch a little hard. 18 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,370 -A little bit. -Yeah. 19 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:57,832 So what's going on? Pretty sure we booked this site for the weekend. 20 00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,067 -No, no. We're the Jones family. -Yeah. 21 00:02:00,771 --> 00:02:02,112 -We booked site 16. -(chuckles) 22 00:02:02,147 --> 00:02:06,532 Well, now, we're the Jonas family and this is our site. 23 00:02:06,568 --> 00:02:09,435 -Son, we're site 16. -No. 24 00:02:09,471 --> 00:02:10,937 -All: We're site 16. 25 00:02:10,972 --> 00:02:13,773 -You guys might be 116, but we're definitely 16. 26 00:02:13,808 --> 00:02:14,440 It's right here on the paper, okay? 27 00:02:14,476 --> 00:02:16,976 -(speaking Spanish) 28 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,119 -Uno, dos, tres, quatro-- -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 29 00:02:18,155 --> 00:02:20,747 -That is level two, sweetheart, that's nice. This is 16. 30 00:02:20,782 --> 00:02:22,682 -I don't know how that is. -We're 16. 31 00:02:22,717 --> 00:02:24,717 -Yeah, I know, but we're site 16. 32 00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,429 -16, man. Come on. -Hold on. So-- 33 00:02:27,464 --> 00:02:31,132 Jones, Jonas, and our last name is Jones, too. Well, there's the mix-up. 34 00:02:31,168 --> 00:02:33,926 -What y'all trying to say, y'all our masters or something? 35 00:02:33,962 --> 00:02:37,296 -No, no, not saying-- I barely even own a cat. 36 00:02:37,332 --> 00:02:39,665 -Site 16! 37 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,067 -Wait a minute! -(all arguing) 38 00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:44,003 -2,000 and 3,000. 39 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,371 But we're definitely 16. It says here on the paper. 40 00:02:45,407 --> 00:02:47,432 -Also site 16! 41 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,034 -(continue arguing) 42 00:02:56,910 --> 00:03:00,645 -Okay, um, so, it looks like the name "Jones" 43 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,915 kind of mixed up the computers. 44 00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,817 And, uh, unfortunately, that's a big problem, 45 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,061 because the park is completely sold out. 46 00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:11,957 I mean, this is, like, our biggest weekend of the year. 47 00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,058 -Hey, maybe it's because it's the 4th of July. 48 00:03:14,135 --> 00:03:17,336 -Um, yeah, well, you know, we think that that's a factor. 49 00:03:17,372 --> 00:03:19,105 -Come on, you guys. Please, please, please, let's not escalate this. 50 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,435 How about sharing the site? 51 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:25,070 -(all protesting) 52 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,448 -Everyone stop! 53 00:03:28,483 --> 00:03:31,276 -Ron, you just gonna stand there and let them push us around like that? 54 00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:34,004 -No, no, I won't let that happen, okay? Let me tell you something. 55 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,673 I'm gonna have Jesse Jackson down here on a moped, 56 00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:38,708 with Al Sharpton in the sidecar. 57 00:03:38,744 --> 00:03:40,677 Okay? They love that type of shit. 58 00:03:40,712 --> 00:03:43,546 -Ooh! It just escalated. -Yeah. 59 00:03:43,582 --> 00:03:45,323 That definitely escalated, 60 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:49,019 which was the exact opposite of what he was hoping you would do. 61 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:53,098 -Sir, if sharing the site is the only option, then-- 62 00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:58,828 This weekend is important. I say we all just share the site. 63 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,172 -Uh, son, are you out of your damn mind? 64 00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,365 -Come on, Pop, there's kids here-- -We're not gonna share-- 65 00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:04,067 -(all arguing) 66 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,807 -There's not-- There's not enough space! 67 00:04:10,842 --> 00:04:14,035 -Papi? Are we gonna have to go home? 68 00:04:19,709 --> 00:04:21,042 -Charlie: Okay. Okay, so-- So-- 69 00:04:22,645 --> 00:04:26,748 Maybe we can share. -Yes! 70 00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:28,516 All right, so we're all gonna share. 71 00:04:28,551 --> 00:04:30,051 And it's gonna be great! 72 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,029 -All right. Little bit of a rough start, 73 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,397 but this weekend's gonna be great. -(chuckles) 74 00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:45,141 Yeah, I hope so. 75 00:04:45,177 --> 00:04:47,602 You know, this is the first time we've all been together 76 00:04:47,637 --> 00:04:49,279 since you and I got married. 77 00:04:49,314 --> 00:04:53,041 I just want your kids to like my kids and my kids to like you. 78 00:04:53,076 --> 00:04:56,737 There's no reason we can't be one big, happy family. 79 00:04:56,772 --> 00:04:59,113 -That speech sucked. -Sucked balls. 80 00:04:59,149 --> 00:05:03,744 -Wow. -Yeah, yeah, he's right. It came off really whiny. 81 00:05:03,779 --> 00:05:05,186 I can't believe that we're brothers. 82 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:09,016 -Hey, Gravy, why don't you take these over to the campsite? 83 00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,091 -Oh, no, my hands are full. I gotta go, I gotta-- 84 00:05:12,955 --> 00:05:14,321 -Hey, Thomas, did you unpack my turtle shells? 85 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,056 -Yeah, here. 86 00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:21,135 Can you call me "Dad"? -Not right now. 87 00:05:21,171 --> 00:05:24,105 Thanks, Tommy. Hey, guys, check out my new turtle shells! 88 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,275 -Give it time, honey. 89 00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:30,737 Oh, do you think you can get Sharni to stop calling me "Fake Mom"? 90 00:05:30,773 --> 00:05:31,905 -She doesn't call you "Fake Mom." 91 00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,807 -Oh, you're doing that? You're doing that? 92 00:05:33,842 --> 00:05:35,033 -Yeah, no, no. I'll try. -Thank you. 93 00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:41,806 -Man! Sharing this site was a crap idea, Felipa. 94 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:42,774 -We're doing this for Papi's birthday. 95 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:45,252 Just try to hold it together for him. 96 00:05:45,287 --> 00:05:47,087 -You think maybe we'll see Papi smile for once in his damn life? 97 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,017 -(sighs) He works hard, and he worries about us. 98 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,260 -What, he can't worry and smile at the same time? 99 00:05:53,295 --> 00:05:57,264 Hey, I bet if your Papi ever did smile, his face would creak. 100 00:05:57,299 --> 00:06:00,025 Sound like a nail being pulled from wood. (imitates creaking) 101 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:03,103 -We'd probably hear his face go, "Oilcan! Oilcan!" 102 00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:07,174 -Ha, ha, ha. Maybe he would smile more 103 00:06:07,209 --> 00:06:09,109 if you stopped goofing around and went to work for Rolando. 104 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,871 -As a plumber? 105 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,440 Uh, no, Felipa. That's a living nightmare. 106 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,799 -It's honest work. 107 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,935 -Anyways, look, it doesn't even matter. 108 00:06:18,970 --> 00:06:20,636 I tell you, one day, I'm gonna be a millionaire. 109 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,606 -Oh! You gonna win the lottery? 110 00:06:23,641 --> 00:06:25,875 -Won't win if I don't scratch. 111 00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:26,084 Plus, I'm gonna get my ass on "Shark Tank" 112 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,745 and make Mark Cuban my new best friend. -(chuckles) 113 00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:30,055 -Well, when you become a millionaire, 114 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:33,850 maybe you could pay me back the 75 bucks I loaned you. 115 00:06:33,885 --> 00:06:35,060 -Ah! Mmm-hmm. -Yeah, you're gonna have to 116 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,920 fill out all kinds of paperwork and taxes and stuff. 117 00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:40,056 Might not be worth it, bro, so, probably not. 118 00:06:42,961 --> 00:06:46,963 -Hey, did you leave the car open? -I did. 119 00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:49,866 -Did you see Fake Mom telling me how to unpack, 120 00:06:49,901 --> 00:06:51,142 like she's the boss of me or something? 121 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,604 -Hey, babe, Sharni, you shouldn't call her "Fake Mom." 122 00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:56,973 I'm glad that Dad remarried. 123 00:06:57,008 --> 00:06:59,567 He's much happier, which keeps him off of my ass. 124 00:06:59,602 --> 00:07:02,003 I think she's great for him. 125 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,047 -Yeah, well, Fake Mom says you drink too much, too. 126 00:07:04,082 --> 00:07:07,408 -Fake Mom can blow my balls. She said that? -Yeah. 127 00:07:07,443 --> 00:07:08,042 -That's bullshit. 128 00:07:10,747 --> 00:07:13,047 Is that a 24-hour Popeyes Chicken? 129 00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,050 -Uh, no. That's a Porta Potty. 130 00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:21,389 -I love chickens. More than you. 131 00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,057 -Ah, screw off. 132 00:07:24,727 --> 00:07:27,862 -(kids bickering) -(grunting) 133 00:07:27,897 --> 00:07:29,797 -Whoo! Y'all kids keep it down over there 134 00:07:29,832 --> 00:07:32,466 with your Pokemon Go playing selves! 135 00:07:32,502 --> 00:07:33,176 -Girl, you so crazy. 136 00:07:33,211 --> 00:07:37,505 -Girl, I am so tired of running around after the kids. 137 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,833 I need this vacation. 138 00:07:39,868 --> 00:07:43,837 -It's beautiful here. -It is, ain't it? 139 00:07:43,872 --> 00:07:46,439 Honey, you gonna like my brother Franklin. 140 00:07:46,475 --> 00:07:48,008 All I got to say is, 141 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:50,844 is hold off on having kids for as long as you can. 142 00:07:50,879 --> 00:07:52,219 'Cause they will suck the life out of you. 143 00:07:52,255 --> 00:07:55,415 I mean, it's like sticking a vacuum cleaner in a pumpkin, just-- 144 00:07:55,450 --> 00:07:58,018 (imitates sucking) 145 00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,954 -What'd you say, Mama? -Just suck it all-- Huh? Huh? 146 00:08:00,989 --> 00:08:04,924 Baby, nothing. Mama loves you. Go on. Go play. 147 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,860 -Wait. Hold up. Are you saying you invited me 148 00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:08,828 as some kind of blind date for Franklin? 149 00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:12,173 -Girl, no, no, no! We enjoy your company. 150 00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:15,802 -Oh, girl, 'cause I was about to-- -But it is a blind date. 151 00:08:15,837 --> 00:08:18,571 -Hey, Jose, can you get those oranges? 152 00:08:18,607 --> 00:08:20,081 -Are you kidding, Felipa? 153 00:08:20,116 --> 00:08:21,899 Nothing can give the other families the satisfaction 154 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,935 of watching a Mexican carry a bag of oranges. 155 00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,903 Like I'm selling them on the side of the street. 156 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,039 -Okay, are you serious? God, you sound crazy. 157 00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:33,811 -Hey, excuse me! 158 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,481 How much do you want for those oranges? 159 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,415 -Ay, beat it, pendejo! 160 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,050 -Oh, crap. Angry. 161 00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,489 -Hey, Paco, you got any roses over there? 162 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,056 -Who asked you, Oprah? 163 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,926 -(clinking) 164 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,328 -Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'll take that one. 165 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,430 -(clinking) 166 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:53,064 Hey, what is that? 167 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,069 In your bag. 168 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:03,032 Yeah, that. What's-- 169 00:09:18,616 --> 00:09:21,050 -Recycled. Glass sculpture. 170 00:09:23,621 --> 00:09:24,053 My exhibit. It's next week. 171 00:09:25,957 --> 00:09:27,056 -What? You have an exhibit? -It's called... 172 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,059 "The Exhibit." 173 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:39,935 -Oh, at least there's some chicas calientes to stare at, huh? 174 00:09:39,971 --> 00:09:41,070 -Jose! What if Francesca heard you say that? 175 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,700 -She ain't here. And we ain't married. 176 00:09:45,736 --> 00:09:47,769 Besides, just 'cause I'm on a diet 177 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,571 doesn't mean I can't look at the menu. 178 00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:50,739 -You mean stare at the menu? 179 00:09:50,774 --> 00:09:52,040 -Tuck dollar bills into that menu? 180 00:09:53,251 --> 00:09:55,777 -I mean, come on! Man, she's got so much wiggle in her walk, 181 00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,646 she could butt-dial a rotary phone. 182 00:09:58,682 --> 00:09:59,047 -Rolando: I heard them talking. 183 00:10:00,124 --> 00:10:03,351 I guess she came as a blind date for that Franklin guy. 184 00:10:03,387 --> 00:10:04,586 -Word? -Word. 185 00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:07,589 -What? What'd you just say? 186 00:10:07,624 --> 00:10:08,757 -Are you all right? -No! 187 00:10:08,792 --> 00:10:10,992 No, no, I'm not all right. (scoffs) 188 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,061 Listening to you two talk would make anybody sick. 189 00:10:15,799 --> 00:10:18,066 Men are idiots. Blind date bullshit. 190 00:10:19,669 --> 00:10:20,802 -Don't let her call you that. 191 00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,838 -She's talking to you, too, pendejo. 192 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,507 Is our sister on her menopause or what? 193 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,032 -Ah! The Jones family! 194 00:10:27,402 --> 00:10:28,501 -Jones! -Whoa! 195 00:10:28,536 --> 00:10:30,937 Chilluns are everywhere. 196 00:10:30,972 --> 00:10:32,872 -Hey, I really hope you guys like the park, man. 197 00:10:32,907 --> 00:10:34,807 I don't know what happened with this mix-up. 198 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:37,318 I know I booked the last available site. 199 00:10:37,354 --> 00:10:41,214 -What changed your mind about coming with us this year, huh, son? 200 00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:42,782 -What? 201 00:10:42,817 --> 00:10:45,160 I love camping. All this is me, Pops. 202 00:10:45,195 --> 00:10:48,430 -Come on, Franklin. Come on, bro. That's bullshit, okay? 203 00:10:48,465 --> 00:10:51,266 I hope you know this is not online camping. It's actually the real thing. 204 00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:54,527 -And I hope you know this won't be a online fist in your face. 205 00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:56,896 It'll be the real thing. 206 00:10:56,931 --> 00:10:58,965 -You know something? I'm tired of your shit. 207 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,066 -Ron Ron, stop it. You leave your brother alone. 208 00:11:01,403 --> 00:11:03,111 -Sorry, Daddy. 209 00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:05,113 -He's gotta dress correct. He's a District Attorney now. 210 00:11:05,148 --> 00:11:08,733 And he's working his way up. He might be Mayor one day. 211 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,109 -Ah, I don't know about Mayor, Pop. 212 00:11:10,145 --> 00:11:14,305 -And, this weekend, we have a fine young woman with us. 213 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,707 Shantaysia. 214 00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:19,352 -Who's Shantaysia? -Listen, son. 215 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,088 Beautiful woman like that on your side, no telling how far you can go. 216 00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,550 From DA to Mayor. Commander-in-chief. 217 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,586 (sniffing) You smell that? 218 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,163 There's romance in the air. 219 00:11:30,198 --> 00:11:33,232 -Y'all smell these potties? Damn! -I smell something. 220 00:11:33,268 --> 00:11:36,102 But I didn't wanna say nothing, 'cause I kinda thought it was-- 221 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,295 -Sorry, Daddy. 222 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,064 -(panting) 223 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,073 Is that Justin Bieber? 224 00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:55,037 Is that guy naked? -You wish. 225 00:11:58,576 --> 00:12:00,042 -Is that dumpster on fire? 226 00:12:03,781 --> 00:12:05,047 Oh, my gosh. Is that Charles Bronson? 227 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,052 -What's in the bottle? 228 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:15,457 -Communion. -Right. So you're some creepy drunk priest? 229 00:12:15,493 --> 00:12:17,059 -I am not a priest. 230 00:12:21,966 --> 00:12:24,900 -Listen. Why don't you help Franklin... -No! 231 00:12:24,935 --> 00:12:27,770 -...set some things up? -(clearing throat) 232 00:12:27,805 --> 00:12:30,072 -I've gotta go till some soil. -Pop! 233 00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:33,835 Shantay-- Sharon? 234 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:36,504 -Shantaysia. -Damn, they still doing that? 235 00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:38,039 -That's fucked up. Here. 236 00:12:39,376 --> 00:12:42,010 -"Shantaysia." 237 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,086 Come on, what the hell kind of disease-- Shantaysia. 238 00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:47,582 -Hey, bro, what are you doing? You sleeping in your car? 239 00:12:47,617 --> 00:12:49,124 -Until Denali makes a tent. 240 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,494 -Bro, you is not a real camper. Huh? You can't fool me. 241 00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:55,957 You might be able to fool Pops, but you can't fool me, brother. -You're right. 242 00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:57,859 -You can never fool me. -I don't wanna fool you. 243 00:12:57,894 --> 00:12:59,134 -Since I've known you-- Whoa! -Ah, snake! 244 00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:02,797 -Snake! Snake on your shoulder! Snake on your shoulder! 245 00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:04,899 -Is it invisible? I don't see nothing! 246 00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:06,208 Where is it? (yelling) -Ron Ron, I'm just-- 247 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:10,671 Ron Ron, I'm just messing with you. I'm just messing with you! 248 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,006 I'm just messing with you, dawg. 249 00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,032 I just-- I just-- What? I just, what, fooled you. 250 00:13:14,602 --> 00:13:16,035 -(indistinct conversations) 251 00:13:17,772 --> 00:13:20,606 -Chuckie: Hit those flying bastards! 252 00:13:20,641 --> 00:13:21,774 -Chuckie, don't say "bastard." 253 00:13:21,809 --> 00:13:24,643 -What about bitch? -Yeah, that's not-- 254 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,045 -Ass Slurpee? -No. That-- No. 255 00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:28,614 -Ass waffle! -Not great. 256 00:13:28,649 --> 00:13:30,483 -Bitch taco? -Don't love it. 257 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,617 -Shit Slurpee? -No. 258 00:13:31,652 --> 00:13:33,686 -Crap-talker. -I don't-- No. 259 00:13:33,721 --> 00:13:35,196 -Ass-butch? -Don't-- Not a fan. 260 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,990 -You love tit chicken. Tell me that. -No, I don't love that. 261 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,959 -I kinda like that. -I don't love the word "tit." 262 00:13:39,994 --> 00:13:41,427 -Come on now. Dick dog? -Definitely not "dick." 263 00:13:41,462 --> 00:13:42,428 -Ass lick? -No. 264 00:13:42,463 --> 00:13:44,497 -Slurpee? -No. 265 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,666 -Shit Slurpee! -No. 266 00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,368 -What else you got? -Bastards! 267 00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:50,636 -Mmm-- -Mmm. 268 00:13:50,671 --> 00:13:52,638 You know what, bastard's fine. 269 00:13:52,673 --> 00:13:55,866 -It's-- It's passable. -Yeah. 270 00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,634 -Chuckie: Hey, everybody, look! -(barking) 271 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,303 -I made Ocho into a turtle dog! 272 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,838 -(laughter) 273 00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:03,382 -It's the fifth Ninja Turtle, Taco Bello. 274 00:14:03,418 --> 00:14:06,744 -Rolando: Ha, ha, ha, yeah. It's totally funny, man. Now take it off. 275 00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,045 -Chuckie: I can't. It's super-glued. 276 00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:15,052 -(drunken singing) 277 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,061 -Is that tejano? 278 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,765 -(jazz music playing) 279 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,634 -Now this is what I'm talking about. 280 00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:33,070 Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire. 281 00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:35,414 -Dad, look, no offense, 282 00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:38,075 but this old-ass music make me wanna put a gun to my head and shoot it! 283 00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:40,036 -(chuckles) Give me a sec. 284 00:14:41,539 --> 00:14:42,438 I'm gonna go get a gun. 285 00:14:42,474 --> 00:14:44,440 -Ha! Good one, Pop. 286 00:14:44,476 --> 00:14:46,042 -When? -(laughter) 287 00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:48,411 -When? -When? 288 00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:50,613 -When? When what? 289 00:14:50,648 --> 00:14:51,447 -I don't even know. -What? 290 00:14:51,483 --> 00:14:53,190 -No, no, no, no, no. 291 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:56,419 You said someday someone's gonna have an intervention on you. 292 00:14:56,454 --> 00:14:58,721 I'm curious. When? 293 00:14:58,757 --> 00:15:00,723 -She wasn't suppo-- I mean, uh-- 294 00:15:00,759 --> 00:15:01,324 -When? -What is she talking about? 295 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,233 -Wait, what? 296 00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:05,335 I love that show, "Intervention." -What is she talking about? 297 00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:08,172 -I'm camping with my son and my daughter, we're having a good time. 298 00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:10,107 -The wieners-- -I don't even know where this is coming from. 299 00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:15,838 -My brother's coherent, and-- -I love it here. 300 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:16,072 -(burps) This is fabulous. -It's great. 301 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,799 -Yeah, it-- 302 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,868 -Until I hear things about interventions. 303 00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:23,504 When might this intervention be happening? 304 00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:25,339 -What you talking about? 305 00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:28,542 -Uh, son, uh-- 306 00:15:28,578 --> 00:15:30,153 When this wiener is done. 307 00:15:30,188 --> 00:15:32,155 -When will it be done? -(laughing) Yeah, it will be done! 308 00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:35,816 -Well, let me just tell you that interventions are not cool. 309 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,126 They sprung one on a buddy of mine once 310 00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:39,062 and I'm pretty sure he stabbed a bunch of his mom's cats. 311 00:15:39,097 --> 00:15:42,823 -The vet probably had a really good night that night, 312 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,057 wondering how all those cats got stabbed. 313 00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:50,931 -One of these days, I'm gonna be so rich, 314 00:15:50,967 --> 00:15:52,633 I'll be able to rent this whole damn park out. 315 00:15:52,668 --> 00:15:53,067 Maybe then Papi will smile. 316 00:15:55,304 --> 00:15:57,872 Oh, hey. 317 00:15:57,907 --> 00:15:59,740 I just had my best million-dollar idea yet. 318 00:15:59,776 --> 00:16:01,033 It's a soft drink, but for dogs. 319 00:16:02,636 --> 00:16:05,404 It's called "Pupsi." -What? 320 00:16:05,439 --> 00:16:06,038 -Pupsi! -Pupsi? 321 00:16:07,975 --> 00:16:09,050 Pepsi's not gonna let you get away with that. 322 00:16:09,085 --> 00:16:13,812 -What are they gonna do, sue me? -Yeah. Out your ass. 323 00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:17,049 -♪ That's a bad idea called Pupsi ♪ 324 00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,052 -You fools have no vision. 325 00:16:23,424 --> 00:16:25,758 -♪ Pupsi-- ♪ 326 00:16:25,793 --> 00:16:27,559 -Who made y'all the DJ of site 16? 327 00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,895 Turn that shit down, okay? 328 00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,330 We're trying to hear old-ass jazz over here. 329 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,532 -(laughing) 330 00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,309 -Look at they fire, huh? 331 00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:38,179 We got this little fire right here. This doesn't make any sense. 332 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,114 -What does it matter if their fire is bigger than our fire? 333 00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:43,468 -It don't matter... -Thank you. 334 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,036 -...if it ain't true. 335 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,041 -Hey, are their fires bigger than ours? 336 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,044 You know, we need a bigger fire. 337 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,350 Get that lighter fluid. 338 00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,052 -(all yelling) 339 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,432 -Want some of this? 340 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,024 -(manic laughter) 341 00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,038 -Hey, what you doing? 342 00:17:32,577 --> 00:17:34,043 -What's wrong with y'all? 343 00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:39,648 -What the hell is wrong with you men? 344 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:41,650 Y'all trying to burn my babies? 345 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:42,618 -Tell 'em, baby. -Oh, my God! 346 00:17:42,653 --> 00:17:44,820 -What is wrong with you guys? 347 00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:45,054 -Yell at them. Yell at them a little bit. 348 00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:48,290 -What the hell? -Felipe! 349 00:17:48,326 --> 00:17:50,334 -Cool off! 350 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,103 My babies in there sleeping, you know you got that from Vietnam. 351 00:17:53,664 --> 00:17:54,697 -Why would you burn that shit? 352 00:17:54,732 --> 00:17:56,832 -Hey! -The fire's still burning. 353 00:17:56,868 --> 00:18:00,036 They started it. -Okay, come on, really? 354 00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:02,238 -We had it under control. The ice was under control. 355 00:18:02,273 --> 00:18:03,672 Baby-- 356 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,032 -Yeah, you can't fuel this fire! 357 00:18:14,477 --> 00:18:15,676 -What are you doing? 358 00:18:15,711 --> 00:18:17,811 -Go to bed! Everybody go to bed. 359 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,747 -I was actually sleeping. -Go to bed! 360 00:18:19,782 --> 00:18:20,814 -I was sleepy. I was gonna go to bed. 361 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:21,048 I was thinking it was time to go to bed. 362 00:18:23,386 --> 00:18:24,051 -(owl hooting) 363 00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:27,054 -(snoring) 364 00:18:33,462 --> 00:18:35,462 This is bullshit! 365 00:18:35,498 --> 00:18:37,073 Getting eaten alive! 366 00:18:37,108 --> 00:18:40,534 Damn ants or mosquitoes or whatever the hell you are. 367 00:18:40,569 --> 00:18:41,068 Leave me alone! (grunts) 368 00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,035 There's gotta be a 24-hour place in town. 369 00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:54,039 Oh, my God. 370 00:18:56,577 --> 00:18:58,043 What a fricking beginning. 371 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:00,312 -(car beeps) 372 00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:02,047 -(muttering) 373 00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:08,053 -(crunch) -(tires screech) 374 00:19:10,557 --> 00:19:11,056 -What the hell was that? 375 00:19:12,426 --> 00:19:14,059 Fricking pina-- 376 00:19:15,829 --> 00:19:16,061 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 377 00:19:18,465 --> 00:19:20,999 -What did you do? 378 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,901 -You scared the crap outta me! -Oh, my goodness. 379 00:19:22,936 --> 00:19:25,904 Okay, okay, this is not what it looks like. 380 00:19:25,939 --> 00:19:27,081 -You killed them both? -No, no, no, no, no! 381 00:19:27,116 --> 00:19:32,937 This piece of shit dumbass hybrid makes no noise, and-- 382 00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:35,906 All right. You gotta help me get them to a vet. 383 00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,508 You drive and I'll give them mouth-to-mouth. 384 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,043 I mean, mouth-to-snout. 385 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,061 -(dog yelping) 386 00:19:58,798 --> 00:19:59,063 -What the hell did they do to Ocho? 387 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,066 Who would do such a thing? 388 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,072 -Them... -Come on. 389 00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,802 -Hey, man. Hey! What? 390 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:14,370 -What the heck did you do to our dog? 391 00:20:14,405 --> 00:20:15,179 -Rolando: Look. 392 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,606 -Nobody do nothin' to your dog. What are you talking about? 393 00:20:17,641 --> 00:20:19,541 -What do you mean do nothin'? 394 00:20:19,577 --> 00:20:22,011 -Ron Ron: Oh, shit. Chaka! 395 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,412 -What did they do to you? -What happened to my baby? 396 00:20:23,447 --> 00:20:24,780 -(Ron Ron crying) 397 00:20:24,815 --> 00:20:26,015 What did you'll try to do to my baby? 398 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,916 -Hey, man, we didn't touch your dog. You busted ours. 399 00:20:27,952 --> 00:20:30,252 -Yeah, we love dogs, man. -Look at our dog. 400 00:20:30,287 --> 00:20:31,195 It's... 401 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,097 If y'all didn't touch our dog and we didn't touch your dog... 402 00:20:35,626 --> 00:20:37,059 -All: Wake up, white people. 403 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:42,431 -Okay, all right, heh... Just... Just hear me out. 404 00:20:42,466 --> 00:20:44,633 I am so... sorry. 405 00:20:44,668 --> 00:20:46,068 It (stutters) was an accident. 406 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,438 I swear. I (stutters) I just wanted some Benadryl. 407 00:20:49,473 --> 00:20:51,073 (Gravy screaming) 408 00:20:55,704 --> 00:20:56,536 -Crazy white man. -What, man? 409 00:20:56,572 --> 00:20:59,373 -(yelling) I have no idea. 410 00:20:59,408 --> 00:21:01,041 (all clamoring) 411 00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,813 -Jose: Come on, man, what are you doing? 412 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:07,581 I want a freakin' refund or something. 413 00:21:07,616 --> 00:21:08,782 -They seem pretty worked up. 414 00:21:08,817 --> 00:21:10,884 -Yeah, if this turns into a race war, 415 00:21:10,919 --> 00:21:13,053 we'll be pulling out paperwork for a decade. 416 00:21:23,298 --> 00:21:24,064 (sighs) 417 00:21:26,402 --> 00:21:27,067 You people... 418 00:21:30,005 --> 00:21:32,973 This is the 4th of July. This is the day we honor 419 00:21:33,008 --> 00:21:36,535 how our great nation declared its independence 420 00:21:36,571 --> 00:21:37,503 from the king of England. 421 00:21:37,538 --> 00:21:39,972 -(thud) -(all gasping) 422 00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:43,116 Do you happen to even know how George Washington 423 00:21:43,152 --> 00:21:47,513 celebrated his final victory over the British at Yorktown? 424 00:21:47,548 --> 00:21:49,915 That day great day, hmm? 425 00:21:49,951 --> 00:21:53,052 He issued his troops, a double ration of rum. 426 00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,958 Here we are. We had... 427 00:21:58,993 --> 00:22:02,061 fought this bitter war against a tyrannical foe. 428 00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:07,833 And, all we did to celebrate it, is that we drank. 429 00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:10,302 Four fingers of booze. Instead of two. 430 00:22:10,338 --> 00:22:14,073 (slurping) 431 00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:24,041 (continues slurping) 432 00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:36,987 That's about a martini and a half. 433 00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:38,055 In case you were wondering what four fingers was. 434 00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:41,859 Today... 435 00:22:41,894 --> 00:22:43,994 If a kid happens to throw his poopy diaper 436 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,205 into the hamper, the parents, they go ape-shit, 437 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,107 and they throw the kid a party, and give him a PlayStation. 438 00:22:49,335 --> 00:22:50,067 (mumbling) 439 00:22:53,773 --> 00:22:55,072 -Charlie: Gosh, he drinks like me. 440 00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:57,032 (woman moaning on computer) 441 00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:01,036 Aah! 442 00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:08,910 -I don't really see... 443 00:23:08,946 --> 00:23:10,812 This issue between you people as a problem. 444 00:23:10,848 --> 00:23:13,815 I see it as an opportunity to get away 445 00:23:13,851 --> 00:23:15,125 from what the 4th of July has become. 446 00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:19,521 Which, let's face it, is just a couple of days off work 447 00:23:19,556 --> 00:23:20,064 for all the lazy people. 448 00:23:20,099 --> 00:23:26,895 We have become a nation of soft, puffy, pussy people. 449 00:23:26,930 --> 00:23:28,530 And, we have forgotten the sacrifice of those 450 00:23:28,565 --> 00:23:30,107 who have come before us. 451 00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:34,111 And, so, in my opinion, whoever wants camping site 16... 452 00:23:35,939 --> 00:23:37,214 you're gonna have to fuckin' fight for it. 453 00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:41,601 -Wait a minute, you're talking about cannons, muskets and shit? 454 00:23:41,636 --> 00:23:43,837 You're crazy. -All: Mm-hmm. 455 00:23:43,872 --> 00:23:46,740 -Hey, I am retiring in a week and a half, 456 00:23:46,775 --> 00:23:48,942 and I don't give a shit, all right? 457 00:23:48,977 --> 00:23:52,379 You don't have to use guns and knives. Just... 458 00:23:52,414 --> 00:23:53,380 Have a contest. 459 00:23:53,415 --> 00:23:55,715 Have a contest. 460 00:23:55,751 --> 00:23:58,193 Whatever family wins the contest, 461 00:23:58,228 --> 00:24:01,388 they get to kick the other two families' asses outta the park. 462 00:24:01,423 --> 00:24:02,922 How about that? 463 00:24:02,958 --> 00:24:05,133 You get no cheese with your wine around here. 464 00:24:05,169 --> 00:24:09,362 So, if I were you, I would be dedicated to gettin' it on. 465 00:24:09,398 --> 00:24:11,064 Cause it's on. 466 00:24:14,111 --> 00:24:17,971 This whole thing is a mess, and we're sorry about it. 467 00:24:18,006 --> 00:24:20,799 We were told to help out with the contest, and... 468 00:24:20,835 --> 00:24:22,075 It was the park's fault. -Well, great. 469 00:24:22,110 --> 00:24:26,672 -Wow. It's really nice that the pigs are being helpful. 470 00:24:26,707 --> 00:24:28,048 -Pardon? -Tommy: Uh, no, nothing. 471 00:24:28,083 --> 00:24:31,510 He just said that the cloud up there looks like a pig. 472 00:24:31,545 --> 00:24:33,278 -No, I didn't. I said... 473 00:24:33,314 --> 00:24:34,046 (groaning) 474 00:24:35,983 --> 00:24:37,449 -He, uh... He had a spider on his zipper there. 475 00:24:37,485 --> 00:24:39,051 -(groaning) Thanks! 476 00:24:41,655 --> 00:24:43,956 -Thanks, guys. Hey, Gravy. 477 00:24:43,991 --> 00:24:46,759 -Tony: He deserved that. -Kelly: Yeah, seriously. 478 00:24:46,794 --> 00:24:49,595 -So, we're doing this contest thing? 479 00:24:49,630 --> 00:24:50,863 -Oh, yeah, we're doing this. 480 00:24:50,898 --> 00:24:53,332 What's the matter, old man? You scared? 481 00:24:53,367 --> 00:24:55,434 -Scared? No. 482 00:24:55,469 --> 00:24:57,836 Just sad. -Oh! 483 00:24:57,872 --> 00:25:00,239 Sad for you and all these other losers. 484 00:25:00,274 --> 00:25:01,974 -Kids. 485 00:25:02,009 --> 00:25:03,800 We're marking off an area for you to play in. 486 00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:05,736 Do not leave this area for any reason. 487 00:25:05,771 --> 00:25:07,304 -What if we get hit by lightning? 488 00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,739 -Try not to. 489 00:25:08,774 --> 00:25:10,474 -What if we see an ice cream truck? 490 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,709 -Try not to. -Dad? 491 00:25:12,745 --> 00:25:14,053 How long do we have to stay here? 492 00:25:14,088 --> 00:25:16,780 -Just while the adults are off, doing adult things. 493 00:25:16,815 --> 00:25:18,048 -Yes, I'm getting a new baby brother. 494 00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:21,651 -Uh... 495 00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:24,388 Not those kind of adult things. 496 00:25:24,423 --> 00:25:26,023 (toys squeaking) 497 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:28,291 -Okay, kids, have fun. Hey, don't poke your eyes out. 498 00:25:28,327 --> 00:25:29,059 Peace out. 499 00:25:34,633 --> 00:25:35,065 -(whispering) Felipa: Hi. 500 00:25:37,603 --> 00:25:39,069 -(dog barks) -Oh, hmm... 501 00:25:43,117 --> 00:25:45,767 -I don't know what to say. -Well, you can usually find 502 00:25:45,802 --> 00:25:48,211 all the right words in the courtroom. 503 00:25:48,247 --> 00:25:51,806 -I thought bringing our families together up here, would be... 504 00:25:51,842 --> 00:25:54,676 our chance to, you know, break the news. 505 00:25:54,711 --> 00:25:56,044 -Wait... You did this on purpose? 506 00:25:58,615 --> 00:26:01,016 -Yeah, kinda, a little bit. 507 00:26:01,018 --> 00:26:03,351 I mean, it was easy 'cause our names are so similar. 508 00:26:03,387 --> 00:26:05,954 Jones. Jonas. 509 00:26:05,989 --> 00:26:08,131 I didn't expect a white Jones family to show up. 510 00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:11,659 Man, I screwed up everything. It's my fault, I'm sorry. 511 00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:15,663 -So, who is she? -Who is who? 512 00:26:15,699 --> 00:26:17,832 -You know who I'm talking about. 513 00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:20,001 -Who, Fantasia? I don't know that girl. 514 00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:22,470 -Shantaysia, why is she here? -I don't know her. 515 00:26:22,506 --> 00:26:24,072 She's my dad's idea. 516 00:26:25,968 --> 00:26:26,333 I don't... It's my first time ever seeing her. 517 00:26:26,369 --> 00:26:28,035 Stop. Come on. 518 00:26:29,638 --> 00:26:31,038 You know I love you. Stop. 519 00:26:34,610 --> 00:26:37,044 Anyway, look, I have a plan. 520 00:26:39,682 --> 00:26:41,222 I'll make sure we win the race. 521 00:26:41,258 --> 00:26:45,819 And, then, I'll convince my dad to let you... your family stay, 522 00:26:45,855 --> 00:26:46,453 and we'll get rid of the white family. 523 00:26:46,489 --> 00:26:48,055 They'll kick rocks. 524 00:26:49,725 --> 00:26:51,291 -What if your family doesn't win? 525 00:26:51,327 --> 00:26:53,460 -Felipa... 526 00:26:53,496 --> 00:26:56,063 Stop smoking crack. 527 00:26:57,666 --> 00:26:59,066 We're black, we're gonna win. 528 00:27:00,143 --> 00:27:03,604 Mexicans are pretty athletic, too. What about like... 529 00:27:03,639 --> 00:27:06,006 Big Papi. -He's Dominican. 530 00:27:06,042 --> 00:27:08,033 Oh, y'all gonna lose bad. Y'all gonna lose so bad. 531 00:27:09,737 --> 00:27:14,039 -(ice cream truck music playing) 532 00:27:18,979 --> 00:27:21,046 -Hey, guys, I think I hear an ice cream truck. 533 00:27:23,817 --> 00:27:25,751 -Wait, but, we can't leave this area. 534 00:27:25,786 --> 00:27:27,386 -Well, screw that, it's ice cream. 535 00:27:27,421 --> 00:27:29,054 -(all cheering) 536 00:27:36,630 --> 00:27:38,497 -Man: Look at these people. 537 00:27:38,532 --> 00:27:40,240 They're like vultures. 538 00:27:40,276 --> 00:27:43,969 -They're standing around watching us fight among ourselves. 539 00:27:44,004 --> 00:27:46,204 -Don't think they're just out here having fun? 540 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:47,114 -No. 541 00:27:47,149 --> 00:27:50,834 This has gotten much bigger than three mad-ass families. 542 00:27:50,869 --> 00:27:53,970 -Bigger how? -Oh, you think about it, bud. 543 00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:56,206 International sports, you root for your country. 544 00:27:56,241 --> 00:27:57,807 -Yeah. 545 00:27:57,843 --> 00:27:58,208 -School sports, you root for your school. 546 00:27:58,243 --> 00:28:00,844 -Yeah. 547 00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:02,979 -These people are rooting for their race. 548 00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:06,983 -Oh, you don't know that. -Okay. Truth or dare? 549 00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:09,452 I'll answer a question, if you answer a question. 550 00:28:09,488 --> 00:28:10,553 -Okay. -Truthfully. 551 00:28:10,589 --> 00:28:11,755 -All right. -All right. 552 00:28:11,790 --> 00:28:13,923 Now, when you first drove up here, 553 00:28:13,959 --> 00:28:15,067 and you saw that there were two families here. 554 00:28:15,102 --> 00:28:18,862 Now, were you mad cause there were two families here? 555 00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:21,831 Or, were you mad cause we weren't white? 556 00:28:21,867 --> 00:28:24,934 -Yeah, well, you know... Truth be told 557 00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:27,003 when I drove up here, I was a little nervous. 558 00:28:27,039 --> 00:28:28,113 But, that's because I didn't know what to expect. 559 00:28:28,148 --> 00:28:32,533 -Well, I felt the same way. And, that's textbook racism. 560 00:28:32,569 --> 00:28:33,868 -You can't say I'm racist 561 00:28:33,903 --> 00:28:35,870 just because I didn't know what to expect. 562 00:28:35,905 --> 00:28:37,705 I've had a lot of great experiences with... 563 00:28:37,741 --> 00:28:39,941 other races, and some not so great. 564 00:28:39,976 --> 00:28:41,709 -Yeah, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. 565 00:28:41,745 --> 00:28:44,912 (stutters) You should know that... 566 00:28:44,948 --> 00:28:48,983 our family isn't anything like that at all. 567 00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:51,819 In fact, I was a total wigger back in high school. 568 00:28:51,855 --> 00:28:52,854 I had my hair braided and everything. 569 00:28:52,889 --> 00:28:54,055 You remember that? -Yeah, that was so cute. 570 00:28:55,458 --> 00:28:56,057 -What is a wigger? 571 00:29:01,831 --> 00:29:03,798 -It's just a term for a kid that's... 572 00:29:03,833 --> 00:29:06,734 trying to act tough and sound cool. 573 00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:08,236 -Well, now, that's what it means. 574 00:29:08,271 --> 00:29:09,837 But... 575 00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:12,532 What is it an acronym for? -An acronym? 576 00:29:12,568 --> 00:29:14,901 -Yeah, like the word smog. 577 00:29:14,937 --> 00:29:17,404 It's a combination of the words smoke and fog. 578 00:29:17,439 --> 00:29:18,972 That's an acronym. 579 00:29:19,008 --> 00:29:23,043 What are the words that wigger is an acronym for? 580 00:29:24,446 --> 00:29:26,087 Well, that's easy. 581 00:29:26,122 --> 00:29:30,091 It's a... It's a combination of, a mash up, if you will, 582 00:29:31,587 --> 00:29:33,053 of (stutters) the words... 583 00:29:36,291 --> 00:29:37,424 white... 584 00:29:37,459 --> 00:29:39,059 -White. -and... 585 00:29:43,265 --> 00:29:45,232 er... 586 00:29:45,267 --> 00:29:46,066 -Okay. 587 00:29:47,903 --> 00:29:50,670 I mean, you know, you guys get hit with... 588 00:29:50,706 --> 00:29:53,673 -honky, hick, crackers, -Hey! 589 00:29:53,709 --> 00:29:55,734 -peckerwood, redneck, -Hey! 590 00:29:55,769 --> 00:29:58,145 -white bastards, white devils. -Hey! 591 00:29:58,180 --> 00:30:02,182 -But, the "N" word, that cuts straight through the clutter. 592 00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:04,342 -Yeah, well, once you say that, it's pretty much game over. 593 00:30:04,378 --> 00:30:05,043 You're right. 594 00:30:06,947 --> 00:30:09,156 -Good going, son. Well done. -Happy to help. 595 00:30:09,191 --> 00:30:11,816 -But, I still don't agree with you these people round here 596 00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:12,050 are rooting for their own races. -Hey! 597 00:30:13,411 --> 00:30:16,054 (speaking Spanish) 598 00:30:18,592 --> 00:30:19,057 -Jose: We got this, baby. 599 00:30:21,028 --> 00:30:22,560 Black and white going down like a knocked-out zebra. 600 00:30:22,596 --> 00:30:24,729 Yeah, maybe you're right. 601 00:30:24,765 --> 00:30:25,797 -(ice cream truck music playing) 602 00:30:25,832 --> 00:30:27,399 -Boy: I hear it, I hear it. Ice cream. 603 00:30:27,434 --> 00:30:29,067 -(all screaming) 604 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,082 -Boy: Ice cream! 605 00:30:35,117 --> 00:30:39,602 -Hey, sorry I'm late. -Hey, Franklin. All right. Mmm. 606 00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:41,771 You know, I love that look... 607 00:30:41,806 --> 00:30:43,573 That gleam of victory in your eyes. 608 00:30:43,608 --> 00:30:45,875 -Yeah, we about to win, Pop. 609 00:30:45,910 --> 00:30:46,084 And, we gonna kick a family up outta here. 610 00:30:46,119 --> 00:30:50,088 -Oh, yes. That's right. You know... Where's Shantaysia? 611 00:30:50,123 --> 00:30:54,059 Shantaysia... (stutters) You know that old Franklin here 612 00:30:54,094 --> 00:30:58,955 was a track star in high school. Shantaysia, come on. 613 00:30:58,990 --> 00:31:02,792 -One time, I ate 37 eggs in six minutes, come on. 614 00:31:02,827 --> 00:31:04,994 I mean that's impossible, you know. 615 00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:06,171 You proud of me, Daddy? You gonna brag about that? 616 00:31:06,206 --> 00:31:09,107 -Proud of you, son. Not as proud as I am of Franklin here. 617 00:31:10,769 --> 00:31:12,802 -Ron Ron: What? -That was a joke. 618 00:31:12,837 --> 00:31:15,238 -He's messing with you. -Shitty joke. 619 00:31:15,273 --> 00:31:17,173 -What? 620 00:31:17,208 --> 00:31:20,769 -I said Keko's titty is broke. -Yeah, I thought you said that. 621 00:31:20,804 --> 00:31:23,046 -Let's do this. -Uh, you know what... 622 00:31:23,081 --> 00:31:25,340 Y'all enjoy your pissing contest but I'm outta here. 623 00:31:25,376 --> 00:31:26,708 -You wanna go? 624 00:31:26,744 --> 00:31:28,443 -Yeah, I wanna go find Shantaysia. 625 00:31:28,479 --> 00:31:29,118 -Both: Keko, Felipa. 626 00:31:29,154 --> 00:31:33,348 -This is our contest pick and it's called the Potty Carry. 627 00:31:33,384 --> 00:31:34,750 That's right. 628 00:31:34,785 --> 00:31:37,552 One person goes inside of each one 629 00:31:37,588 --> 00:31:39,554 and the rest of us carry. 630 00:31:39,590 --> 00:31:40,822 And, the winner is the one 631 00:31:40,858 --> 00:31:43,792 who gets across that finish line first. 632 00:31:43,827 --> 00:31:45,994 -That finish line is pretty far, man. 633 00:31:46,030 --> 00:31:47,863 -Dude, don't sweat it, man. We totally got this. 634 00:31:47,898 --> 00:31:49,297 Mexicans are gonna take this hands down. 635 00:31:49,333 --> 00:31:51,140 Hey, Papi. 636 00:31:51,176 --> 00:31:53,109 Papi, we're about to start the race, you gonna come cheer? 637 00:31:55,606 --> 00:31:57,672 -Does your dad ever smile? 638 00:31:57,708 --> 00:31:59,199 -No. -You mean, "Darth Valdez"? 639 00:31:59,234 --> 00:32:00,734 -Huh. 640 00:32:00,769 --> 00:32:03,003 -Does he even know what a smile is? 641 00:32:03,005 --> 00:32:04,871 -I bet you, he can't say the word "Chuck E. Cheese." 642 00:32:04,906 --> 00:32:07,115 Bet you his face makes him stop at "Chuck." 643 00:32:07,151 --> 00:32:10,744 -He'd probably need a fake ID just to buy a "Happy Meal." 644 00:32:10,779 --> 00:32:12,879 -Jose: Wow. That's good. All right. 645 00:32:12,914 --> 00:32:14,156 All right. That's pretty funny, but, uh... 646 00:32:14,191 --> 00:32:17,092 You know, he's still my dad, so could you cut it out, please. 647 00:32:17,127 --> 00:32:19,127 -Well, you know, come on, let's space these potties out, 648 00:32:19,163 --> 00:32:22,064 and get the race started. I mean, we're standing around... 649 00:32:22,099 --> 00:32:24,724 Let me just drag this one. Get outta the way, would ya? 650 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,993 Okay. So, I'll just take this one. 651 00:32:27,029 --> 00:32:28,995 -Are you sure, Dad? These things are kinda heavy. 652 00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:30,238 -Charlie, I've been a fireman for years, you know. 653 00:32:30,274 --> 00:32:34,801 I've rescued babies from windows and fiery buildings, you know. 654 00:32:34,836 --> 00:32:36,669 Come on. Come on, put this on my back. 655 00:32:36,705 --> 00:32:38,805 -I guess. -Come on, let's go. 656 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,073 This is... I can just... I got this. 657 00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:45,870 -(screaming) 658 00:32:45,905 --> 00:32:48,940 Charlie, get it off of me. Get it off of me. 659 00:32:48,975 --> 00:32:51,042 -(all clamoring) -We got this. We got this, Dad. 660 00:32:54,314 --> 00:32:56,047 (groaning) 661 00:32:58,685 --> 00:33:00,651 -Yeah, maybe we should slide it. 662 00:33:00,687 --> 00:33:02,053 -(ice cream truck music playing) 663 00:33:04,424 --> 00:33:06,057 -(all screaming) 664 00:33:14,901 --> 00:33:17,068 -I don't like this. I'm having a bad day. 665 00:33:18,738 --> 00:33:22,032 I hate kids. You ruined my life. 666 00:33:23,469 --> 00:33:24,034 -(tires screeching) 667 00:33:28,674 --> 00:33:29,806 -Ron Ron: The main problem is 668 00:33:29,842 --> 00:33:31,708 is getting this potty over the ravine. 669 00:33:31,744 --> 00:33:34,311 But, luckily, Ron Ron got an idea. 670 00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:35,053 -Pops: What? 671 00:33:35,088 --> 00:33:38,849 -All we need to do is swing this potty by using rope. 672 00:33:38,884 --> 00:33:40,124 We need to put the rope through a hitch, 673 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,954 on top of the potty and, then, toss the rope on branches. 674 00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:45,622 And, then, we swing the potty over the ravine. 675 00:33:45,657 --> 00:33:48,992 Come on. -That's a good idea. 676 00:33:49,028 --> 00:33:51,728 We gotta get some rope. -Oh, Daddy, look at this. 677 00:33:51,764 --> 00:33:52,496 I already got it. Taken care of. 678 00:33:52,531 --> 00:33:53,897 -Look at that. -Crap. 679 00:33:53,932 --> 00:33:55,198 -Guess I'm smarter than Franklin now, right? 680 00:33:55,234 --> 00:33:57,934 -No. 681 00:33:57,970 --> 00:33:58,769 -He's right, man. Rope's gonna make it easier. 682 00:33:58,804 --> 00:34:00,604 -Sharni, get a rope. -Okay, got it. 683 00:34:00,639 --> 00:34:02,806 -Dad. -We're ready to go. 684 00:34:02,841 --> 00:34:03,840 -We can't wait. -No, no, don't start. 685 00:34:03,876 --> 00:34:05,667 -Come on, let's get started. -Wait, wait. 686 00:34:05,702 --> 00:34:06,534 -Wait, wait. -Get on your marks, 687 00:34:06,570 --> 00:34:08,770 get set, go! -Wait, wait. 688 00:34:08,805 --> 00:34:11,081 Oh, come on. -(dramatic music playing) 689 00:34:11,116 --> 00:34:14,009 -Jose: Uh-uh, keep dreamin' blondie, that rope is mine. 690 00:34:14,011 --> 00:34:16,086 -Sharni: No, I saw it first. -Jose: Hello, open up. 691 00:34:17,748 --> 00:34:18,947 We wanna borrow your clothes line. 692 00:34:18,982 --> 00:34:21,416 -This is kinda cute. -Open up. We wanna borrow... 693 00:34:21,451 --> 00:34:22,684 your clothes line. 694 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:23,752 -Yeah, you know, keep knocking. 695 00:34:23,787 --> 00:34:25,787 People love Mexicans at their door. 696 00:34:25,822 --> 00:34:27,222 -Ha-ha, really funny, "Blow White." 697 00:34:27,257 --> 00:34:30,025 Hello. 698 00:34:30,027 --> 00:34:31,101 Gonna see how much you laugh when the rope is mine. 699 00:34:32,796 --> 00:34:34,896 -Hey, what are you doing up there? 700 00:34:34,931 --> 00:34:37,065 -Getting this damn clothes line. -Oh, shit. 701 00:34:42,472 --> 00:34:43,071 -(Jose screaming) 702 00:34:45,575 --> 00:34:46,032 (Jose's screams echoing) 703 00:34:47,502 --> 00:34:49,736 -Tommy: I don't know. 704 00:34:49,771 --> 00:34:54,082 -(cursing and groaning in Spanish) 705 00:34:54,117 --> 00:34:56,409 -Sharni: Come this way. -Tommy: What the hell was that? 706 00:34:56,444 --> 00:34:57,043 -(Jose shrieking) 707 00:34:58,546 --> 00:35:00,046 (Jose speaking Spanish) 708 00:35:01,816 --> 00:35:03,049 -Franklin: Hey, where did everybody go? 709 00:35:04,219 --> 00:35:05,051 Pop? 710 00:35:06,287 --> 00:35:07,053 Ron Ron? 711 00:35:08,356 --> 00:35:11,024 Did we win? 712 00:35:11,026 --> 00:35:13,526 -Sharni: Come on, come on. -(Jose speaking Spanish) 713 00:35:13,561 --> 00:35:14,761 -Charlie: What happened? 714 00:35:14,796 --> 00:35:16,562 -He has a TV antenna stuck in him. 715 00:35:16,598 --> 00:35:18,898 -Where? -(Jose groaning) 716 00:35:18,933 --> 00:35:20,633 -Tommy: We need to take him to a hospital. 717 00:35:20,668 --> 00:35:21,834 -All right, let's use my car. 718 00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:23,069 -Wait, wait, we're gonna get him in that? 719 00:35:25,407 --> 00:35:26,072 -Sharni: Here. 720 00:35:28,935 --> 00:35:29,033 -(shrieking) What in the hell are you doing? 721 00:35:30,837 --> 00:35:31,736 -Bactine. It stings like a bitch, but... 722 00:35:31,771 --> 00:35:34,672 -(cursing and groaning in Spanish) 723 00:35:34,707 --> 00:35:36,374 -No! No more, you fucking idiot. 724 00:35:36,409 --> 00:35:38,876 -(all clamoring) 725 00:35:38,911 --> 00:35:41,045 -Charlie: Everybody, stop! -(Jose gasping) 726 00:35:42,615 --> 00:35:43,748 -Do you get the NFL package? 727 00:35:43,783 --> 00:35:46,984 -(cursing and groaning in Spanish) 728 00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:48,686 -Tommy: We're not gonna get him in that pussy car. 729 00:35:48,721 --> 00:35:50,054 -Let's get him in Franklin's car. 730 00:35:51,958 --> 00:35:53,524 -Charlie: I'm right here. -Sharni: Come on. 731 00:35:53,559 --> 00:35:55,960 You got it. You got it. 732 00:35:55,995 --> 00:35:58,763 -Tommy: Put him inside. -Charlie: There you go. 733 00:35:58,798 --> 00:35:59,697 Let's give him a push. -All right. 734 00:35:59,732 --> 00:36:01,665 -All: One, two... -Jose: No... 735 00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:03,067 -All: three. -(Jose shrieking) 736 00:36:05,438 --> 00:36:07,571 (Jose screaming) 737 00:36:07,607 --> 00:36:08,572 -That went horribly wrong. 738 00:36:08,608 --> 00:36:10,834 -Tommy: Yeah, hang tight. 739 00:36:10,869 --> 00:36:12,369 -Okay, okay. Let's go. Come on. Vamanos. 740 00:36:12,404 --> 00:36:14,037 -(all clamoring) 741 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:17,040 -(Jose screaming) 742 00:36:22,914 --> 00:36:24,514 -So, are you doing number one or number two? 743 00:36:24,549 --> 00:36:26,474 -What? Go get an adult. 744 00:36:26,509 --> 00:36:28,018 -You look like a pinata. 745 00:36:28,020 --> 00:36:29,719 -And, you look the first person's ass I'm gonna beat 746 00:36:29,755 --> 00:36:31,095 if you don't go and get an adult. 747 00:36:31,130 --> 00:36:33,064 -I didn't say you were one, I said you looked like one. 748 00:36:33,099 --> 00:36:36,559 -Oh, I'mma beat you so bad and you're not even my kid. 749 00:36:36,595 --> 00:36:38,828 -Woah, take it easy, perv. 750 00:36:38,864 --> 00:36:40,663 -I thought you kids were on lock down. 751 00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:42,966 How did you get outta your area? 752 00:36:43,001 --> 00:36:44,868 -You didn't answer me. Number one or number two? 753 00:36:44,903 --> 00:36:47,570 -Why you wanna know? Chuckie, that's nasty. 754 00:36:47,606 --> 00:36:49,506 Get an adult, I could die. 755 00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:50,640 -No, no. -Okay, yeah. 756 00:36:50,675 --> 00:36:54,902 -Please, this is not a drill. 757 00:36:54,938 --> 00:36:56,046 This is a "code red." You know a "code red.".. 758 00:36:56,081 --> 00:36:58,906 Oh, y'all went to public school. Y'all know nothing. 759 00:36:58,942 --> 00:37:03,044 Oh, my God. I hate kids. And, I hate camping. 760 00:37:14,099 --> 00:37:16,099 -Rolando: Hey guys, quick. Come say hi to Mom. Come on. 761 00:37:18,628 --> 00:37:20,461 -All: Hey, Mom. -Cheese. 762 00:37:20,497 --> 00:37:22,063 -Yo. Yep, I'm good. 763 00:37:25,435 --> 00:37:27,068 Yo, I got lucky. 764 00:37:28,638 --> 00:37:30,071 It was tough, but I'm good. 765 00:37:34,235 --> 00:37:37,003 Hey... 766 00:37:37,005 --> 00:37:38,079 Doctor said my love handles are like a teenager's. 767 00:37:44,612 --> 00:37:46,779 Yeah, don't worry about it. 768 00:37:46,814 --> 00:37:48,047 Just gonna be here by myself, you know. 769 00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:51,050 No family to talk to. 770 00:37:55,723 --> 00:37:56,055 -Something to think about, mijo. 771 00:38:06,901 --> 00:38:09,735 -Felipa: Okay. -Aunt Felipa, I can't move. 772 00:38:09,771 --> 00:38:12,071 -Yes, but you're safe. Have fun. 773 00:38:13,574 --> 00:38:17,869 -Mind if I sit. -Sure. 774 00:38:17,904 --> 00:38:20,038 -It's a pretty mantis. -I'm gonna kill him. 775 00:38:22,743 --> 00:38:23,041 -You know, the kids don't see race. 776 00:38:25,012 --> 00:38:27,045 -It's true. Seems they learn it from the adults. 777 00:38:28,615 --> 00:38:30,915 Kids can be a handful, man. 778 00:38:30,951 --> 00:38:32,224 I used to think that I wanted a bunch of them, 779 00:38:32,260 --> 00:38:35,094 but after this weekend, I think I'm just gonna get another cat. 780 00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:37,055 -Boy: Hey where is it? 781 00:38:38,925 --> 00:38:39,924 -Girl: It's right there, it's just moving. 782 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,860 -Felipa: Now, that's a... It's a praying... 783 00:38:41,895 --> 00:38:44,070 It's just a gross bug. Just put it down. 784 00:38:44,105 --> 00:38:46,631 Oh, you know, I've actually been meaning to tell you, 785 00:38:46,666 --> 00:38:47,532 that I really like your hair. 786 00:38:47,567 --> 00:38:50,668 -Thanks, I do it myself. 787 00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:51,069 -Really? -I have my own salon. 788 00:38:52,506 --> 00:38:54,180 -That's super cool. 789 00:38:54,215 --> 00:38:58,501 Didn't I hear Charlie saying that he has his own salon, too. 790 00:38:58,536 --> 00:39:00,203 -Not a salon, a saloon. 791 00:39:00,238 --> 00:39:01,871 -Okay. 792 00:39:01,906 --> 00:39:03,148 -I drove with him to the vet the other night. 793 00:39:03,183 --> 00:39:06,509 He had a dog under each arm, giving them both mouth-to-mouth. 794 00:39:06,544 --> 00:39:08,745 He's got a lot of heart. 795 00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:11,848 -Yeah, and dog breath, sounds like. 796 00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:13,783 Did any of the dogs get a contact drunk? 797 00:39:13,818 --> 00:39:15,618 -Yeah, I think the dogs were wondering 798 00:39:15,653 --> 00:39:16,052 why I kept checking their IDs. 799 00:39:22,102 --> 00:39:25,695 You know, he's a good guy. -Yeah, and cute too, right? 800 00:39:25,730 --> 00:39:28,998 -Yeah, he is kinda cute. -Yeah. 801 00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,768 -Super cute. Like I would. -I think I would, too. 802 00:39:31,803 --> 00:39:33,536 -Seriously, he's a bit of a charmer 803 00:39:33,571 --> 00:39:34,771 and girls love bad boys. 804 00:39:34,806 --> 00:39:36,739 -I think he knows he has a problem. 805 00:39:36,775 --> 00:39:39,934 I don't drink. I never have, but... 806 00:39:39,969 --> 00:39:42,903 My dad was an alcoholic, so, I know the signs. 807 00:39:42,939 --> 00:39:44,939 -Boy: I really wanna kill it. -Just kill it. 808 00:39:44,974 --> 00:39:48,476 -No, it's one of God's creatures, don't kill it. 809 00:39:48,511 --> 00:39:49,043 Right? Don't kill it. 810 00:39:51,481 --> 00:39:53,981 -So, how about you? 811 00:39:54,017 --> 00:39:55,549 Do you work at the courthouse back in the city? 812 00:39:55,585 --> 00:39:57,752 -Yeah, I'm a stenographer. 813 00:39:57,787 --> 00:39:59,453 -Franklin works in the DA's office. 814 00:39:59,489 --> 00:40:00,755 -Does he? -Yeah. 815 00:40:00,790 --> 00:40:01,922 Do you ever see him around there? 816 00:40:01,958 --> 00:40:04,058 Uh... Now that you... I think I have. Mm-hmm. 817 00:40:06,429 --> 00:40:08,171 Not that often. 818 00:40:08,206 --> 00:40:11,699 -You know, I've been meaning to tell you, I'm not here to... 819 00:40:11,734 --> 00:40:13,434 -(girl screaming) -Oh, my God. 820 00:40:13,469 --> 00:40:16,337 -(girls screaming) 821 00:40:16,372 --> 00:40:18,839 -Oh, my God. 822 00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:20,032 Should I buy a tabby or a Siamese cat? 823 00:40:22,436 --> 00:40:24,636 -Okay, cabrones. 824 00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:26,472 Our pick. The eating contest. 825 00:40:26,507 --> 00:40:28,374 -Yeah, but not food... 826 00:40:28,409 --> 00:40:30,409 Habaneros, baby. 827 00:40:30,444 --> 00:40:31,977 Hot peppers, bro. 828 00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:34,580 You gotta eat as many as you can in three minutes. 829 00:40:34,615 --> 00:40:35,681 And habaneros... (chuckles) 830 00:40:35,716 --> 00:40:37,216 Habaneros are the Devil's food. 831 00:40:37,251 --> 00:40:38,517 -Yup. 832 00:40:38,552 --> 00:40:40,853 -They can't be that bad. 833 00:40:40,888 --> 00:40:42,554 -Oh, you're about to find out. (chuckles) 834 00:40:42,590 --> 00:40:43,989 -Can I eat for the family? 835 00:40:44,025 --> 00:40:46,692 -Yeah, Gravy, you can eat for the family for sure. 836 00:40:46,727 --> 00:40:48,827 -'Cause habaneros are organic, 837 00:40:48,863 --> 00:40:52,965 and I do non-pharmaceuticals really well. 838 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,233 Yeah. Like, one time I got lost in the desert. 839 00:40:54,268 --> 00:40:55,834 Yeah. 840 00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:58,404 I had to eat 67 mushrooms to survive. 841 00:40:58,439 --> 00:40:59,438 -Caps and stems? 842 00:40:59,473 --> 00:41:00,606 -The whole thing. 843 00:41:00,641 --> 00:41:03,835 I hallucinated for 15 days. 844 00:41:03,870 --> 00:41:05,670 My diarrhea tasted like honey. -All: Ugh! 845 00:41:05,705 --> 00:41:07,772 -Tommy: That's beautiful, Gravy. 846 00:41:07,807 --> 00:41:09,907 -That's your son-in-law? -Yep. Uh... 847 00:41:09,943 --> 00:41:11,476 -Your brother-in-law? -Yes, my brother-in-law. 848 00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:13,244 -That's your brother. 849 00:41:13,279 --> 00:41:14,286 -In-law. 850 00:41:14,321 --> 00:41:17,248 -You said that like you might have seen him naked or something. 851 00:41:17,283 --> 00:41:18,683 (laughs) 852 00:41:18,718 --> 00:41:19,650 -All right, fool, I got this. 853 00:41:19,686 --> 00:41:21,126 -No, clown, I love habaneros. 854 00:41:21,162 --> 00:41:23,195 -What are you talking about? Who you calling a clown, man? 855 00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:25,189 I can eat so many more habaneros than you, I always have. 856 00:41:25,225 --> 00:41:27,425 -No. 857 00:41:27,460 --> 00:41:29,327 (speaking Spanish) 858 00:41:29,362 --> 00:41:30,361 -You, papi? 859 00:41:30,397 --> 00:41:32,397 -What, he's... 860 00:41:32,432 --> 00:41:33,765 ...resurrected. 861 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,066 -It's like it's Easter or something. 862 00:41:36,903 --> 00:41:39,604 -I've been eating habaneros for 65 years. 863 00:41:39,639 --> 00:41:41,939 I will win for the familia. 864 00:41:41,975 --> 00:41:44,667 Mira. This is what I have been whittling. Huh? 865 00:41:44,702 --> 00:41:47,336 Ocho! (whistles) (speaks Spanish) 866 00:41:47,372 --> 00:41:49,772 For cervezas. 867 00:41:49,807 --> 00:41:54,377 Ocho is now an official St. Bernardo. 868 00:41:54,412 --> 00:41:55,578 (laughing) Whoo! 869 00:41:55,613 --> 00:41:56,712 -Papi made a joke. -Yeah. 870 00:41:56,748 --> 00:41:59,715 -Habaneros are nothing to Mexicans. 871 00:41:59,751 --> 00:42:02,351 We put hot sauce on our hot sauce. 872 00:42:02,387 --> 00:42:04,820 (all laughing) 873 00:42:04,856 --> 00:42:06,589 -He made another joke. -That's awesome. 874 00:42:06,624 --> 00:42:08,858 -I'm ready. Let's do this. 875 00:42:08,893 --> 00:42:11,460 -All right, pendejos, the timer is set. 876 00:42:11,496 --> 00:42:14,630 Three, two, one, go! 877 00:42:14,665 --> 00:42:15,064 (all shouting encouragements) 878 00:42:29,438 --> 00:42:31,038 (clamor continues) 879 00:42:42,018 --> 00:42:45,519 -There's something going on in my fucking mouth. 880 00:42:45,554 --> 00:42:47,888 (speaking indistinctly) 881 00:42:47,923 --> 00:42:51,718 -Do men... Do you think men ever get like 882 00:42:51,753 --> 00:42:55,455 a POV of themselves and just go... 883 00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:56,063 "We're really stupid"? 884 00:42:57,466 --> 00:42:59,025 (clamor continues) 885 00:43:01,337 --> 00:43:02,469 (yelling) 886 00:43:02,505 --> 00:43:04,071 (indistinct clamor) 887 00:43:06,301 --> 00:43:08,034 -Oh! -Oh! 888 00:43:11,339 --> 00:43:12,372 (screaming) 889 00:43:12,407 --> 00:43:14,040 (scream echoing) 890 00:43:19,948 --> 00:43:22,515 -May the Devil use your backbone as a trellis, 891 00:43:22,550 --> 00:43:24,884 to pick apples in Hell. 892 00:43:24,919 --> 00:43:29,022 To you, Mr. DiMaggio, and to you, Dr. Freud. 893 00:43:29,024 --> 00:43:30,556 -Shantaysia: If you don't know where you're going, 894 00:43:30,592 --> 00:43:31,057 there are plenty of roads. 895 00:43:37,899 --> 00:43:40,666 -Okay. So, she's not just crazy beautiful, 896 00:43:40,702 --> 00:43:42,502 she's actually smart enough to 897 00:43:42,537 --> 00:43:44,904 see right through me. 898 00:43:44,939 --> 00:43:46,513 -You need to look past the train-wreck he is 899 00:43:46,549 --> 00:43:49,734 and see the man that was crying when he thought the doggies wouldn't make it. 900 00:43:49,769 --> 00:43:50,034 -Okay, that's a... That's a turnoff. 901 00:43:51,938 --> 00:43:54,739 May I just say I'm not usually the crying type. 902 00:43:54,774 --> 00:43:55,639 -I thought it was sweet, you know, 903 00:43:55,675 --> 00:43:58,084 you crying like a little sissy. 904 00:43:58,119 --> 00:44:02,580 -I cried, because when I was giving them mouth to snout, 905 00:44:02,615 --> 00:44:04,123 Ocho slipped me some tongue. 906 00:44:04,159 --> 00:44:09,687 I-I-I-I-I can still taste the, ugh, the lamb and carrots. 907 00:44:09,722 --> 00:44:12,065 Okay, okay. Let's... Let's recap. 908 00:44:12,100 --> 00:44:15,926 I know I come off like a... Like a bit of a tough guy, 909 00:44:15,962 --> 00:44:19,063 but I do cry when I see that doggies are hurt, 910 00:44:20,566 --> 00:44:21,499 and you're half naked... 911 00:44:21,534 --> 00:44:23,300 I'm sorry about that. 912 00:44:23,336 --> 00:44:24,068 -Are you? 913 00:44:26,339 --> 00:44:27,071 -Oh, shit. 914 00:44:28,775 --> 00:44:30,466 Don't move. That's a coral snake. 915 00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:32,768 You'll be totally safe 916 00:44:32,803 --> 00:44:34,770 if you stand there, just like that, 917 00:44:34,805 --> 00:44:36,038 back lit by the sun, looking perfect. 918 00:44:39,477 --> 00:44:41,443 Damn it! You moved! 919 00:44:41,479 --> 00:44:42,911 Now you look awful. 920 00:44:42,947 --> 00:44:44,046 You went from looking like a goddess, to a... 921 00:44:45,583 --> 00:44:47,049 To a favela in a bikini. 922 00:44:48,519 --> 00:44:49,051 -What are we gonna do? 923 00:44:51,489 --> 00:44:54,957 -If we meld as one, 924 00:44:54,992 --> 00:44:56,058 it'll see us as a much larger and greater threat, 925 00:44:57,728 --> 00:45:00,062 and then slither away sheepishly. 926 00:45:01,599 --> 00:45:04,066 So, this is us...melding. 927 00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:06,335 Here we go. 928 00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:07,403 -Whoa, whoa. 929 00:45:07,438 --> 00:45:10,039 In chapter seven 930 00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:11,974 in one of the most brilliant novels I've ever read, 931 00:45:12,009 --> 00:45:13,033 the main character finds a coral snake in a barn. 932 00:45:15,004 --> 00:45:16,570 Roger tells her, "Red over yellow kills a fellow. 933 00:45:16,605 --> 00:45:18,939 Red over black, venom lack." 934 00:45:18,974 --> 00:45:20,207 So our little friend over there isn't poisonous. 935 00:45:20,242 --> 00:45:21,408 -Wow. 936 00:45:21,443 --> 00:45:22,242 You read my novel? 937 00:45:22,277 --> 00:45:23,777 -Twice. 938 00:45:23,812 --> 00:45:25,412 -(sighs) So I guess you know what a... 939 00:45:25,447 --> 00:45:27,547 What a clich I am. 940 00:45:27,583 --> 00:45:28,715 -Oh, a writer who drinks. 941 00:45:28,751 --> 00:45:30,784 -You forgot to mention "tortured." 942 00:45:30,819 --> 00:45:33,520 -And I left out "scared and insecure." 943 00:45:33,555 --> 00:45:35,389 -Aha! Well, perhaps that 944 00:45:35,424 --> 00:45:37,591 is why I drink. 945 00:45:37,626 --> 00:45:39,435 -But we never see you drink, 946 00:45:39,470 --> 00:45:41,661 because we're always distracted by the things you're pointing to, you know? 947 00:45:41,697 --> 00:45:44,731 Justin Bieber, dumpster fires, 948 00:45:44,767 --> 00:45:45,932 twenty-four hour Popeyes Chicken... 949 00:45:45,968 --> 00:45:50,404 -The really tall midget enlightened trucker... 950 00:45:50,439 --> 00:45:51,638 Silent bagpipes, 951 00:45:51,673 --> 00:45:54,600 Pete Best, Blockbuster Video. 952 00:45:54,635 --> 00:45:55,501 -The cast of "Breakfast Club," 953 00:45:55,536 --> 00:45:57,770 and one of my favorites, 954 00:45:57,805 --> 00:45:59,038 "That cloud looks like a drag queen." 955 00:46:00,742 --> 00:46:01,941 Let me see if I got this straight. 956 00:46:01,976 --> 00:46:04,710 You wrote one novel, got lots of critical praise, 957 00:46:04,746 --> 00:46:06,045 then you finished? What happened? 958 00:46:09,417 --> 00:46:11,717 -Wait a second. 959 00:46:11,753 --> 00:46:14,053 Is that Charlie Jones over there? 960 00:46:15,656 --> 00:46:17,456 Behind that empty typewriter? 961 00:46:17,492 --> 00:46:20,259 Frozen, hammered... 962 00:46:20,294 --> 00:46:22,361 Alone... 963 00:46:22,397 --> 00:46:24,030 -No, it isn't. 964 00:46:24,032 --> 00:46:26,532 I guess if my head was filled with that kind of crap, 965 00:46:26,567 --> 00:46:27,333 I'd probably drink, too. 966 00:46:27,368 --> 00:46:29,668 But I don't. 967 00:46:29,704 --> 00:46:30,069 So good luck with your travels. 968 00:46:32,740 --> 00:46:35,532 -(stutters) Wait. What if I... 969 00:46:35,568 --> 00:46:37,034 What if... I didn't drink? 970 00:46:39,572 --> 00:46:40,037 I guess we'll never know. 971 00:46:41,874 --> 00:46:43,040 But I do know you are a brilliant writer. 972 00:46:59,759 --> 00:47:02,059 -I swear, that was not me peeing. 973 00:47:16,976 --> 00:47:18,400 -Last one to drop their hand off the car wins. 974 00:47:18,435 --> 00:47:20,268 -Ocho. (whistles) 975 00:47:20,304 --> 00:47:21,036 (barking) 976 00:47:24,274 --> 00:47:25,040 Gracias. 977 00:47:27,978 --> 00:47:30,045 -Uncle Gravy saw some bad boys right over there. 978 00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:32,714 Oh, yeah. 979 00:47:32,750 --> 00:47:35,484 Yeah, you gotta be real careful. 980 00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:36,051 They got 10,000 eyes. 981 00:47:38,555 --> 00:47:40,489 Kind of like my ex-wife. 982 00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:41,482 -Are you gonna do it? 983 00:47:41,517 --> 00:47:43,058 -It's been a long time. 984 00:47:44,361 --> 00:47:45,553 I'm scared. 985 00:47:45,588 --> 00:47:46,061 -Do it. You won't. No balls. 986 00:47:47,331 --> 00:47:49,064 -No balls? 987 00:47:52,436 --> 00:47:53,468 (insect buzzes) 988 00:47:53,504 --> 00:47:55,504 (laughs maniacally) 989 00:47:55,539 --> 00:47:57,572 -I got him! I got him! 990 00:47:57,608 --> 00:47:58,032 I gotcha! You're gonna... 991 00:47:59,235 --> 00:48:01,736 -Ahem! 992 00:48:01,771 --> 00:48:03,037 -Oh, yeah. I need one of your hairs. 993 00:48:04,741 --> 00:48:07,274 You're ready for your little leash? 994 00:48:07,310 --> 00:48:08,042 (laughing) 995 00:48:10,713 --> 00:48:12,413 -Que paso, little flower? Yes? 996 00:48:12,448 --> 00:48:14,415 -Dad, what's sex? 997 00:48:14,450 --> 00:48:15,049 (awkward laughter) 998 00:48:17,687 --> 00:48:18,853 -Have fun with that one, Dad. 999 00:48:18,888 --> 00:48:20,721 Listen up. He's got a lot of good advice. 1000 00:48:20,757 --> 00:48:23,724 -Yeah, Felipa. Thank you very much. 1001 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,393 -What's sex? Huh? Tell her, Dad. 1002 00:48:25,428 --> 00:48:26,060 -Let's hear it. 1003 00:48:27,563 --> 00:48:29,330 -Excuse me. Thank you. 1004 00:48:29,365 --> 00:48:31,665 Um... Uh... 1005 00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:33,567 Sex is like, like... It's... 1006 00:48:33,603 --> 00:48:35,970 It's when you hug someone. 1007 00:48:36,005 --> 00:48:37,905 -Come on, brother, that's it? -Hug real tight. 1008 00:48:37,940 --> 00:48:40,532 -So, wait. So I've had sex with my grandpa. 1009 00:48:40,568 --> 00:48:42,267 -I wouldn't be surprised. 1010 00:48:42,303 --> 00:48:43,035 (laughter) 1011 00:48:44,238 --> 00:48:46,739 -Okay. 1012 00:48:46,774 --> 00:48:48,040 Well, I... I guess you're old enough. 1013 00:48:50,678 --> 00:48:54,046 Sex is when Mommy and Daddy... 1014 00:48:55,282 --> 00:48:56,915 uh, hug. 1015 00:48:56,951 --> 00:49:00,919 (stammers) And we don't have any clothes on. 1016 00:49:00,955 --> 00:49:02,988 -Well, you better get naked and start hugging, 1017 00:49:03,024 --> 00:49:06,358 'cause they said dinner will be ready in two secs. 1018 00:49:06,394 --> 00:49:07,059 (all laughing) 1019 00:49:10,331 --> 00:49:12,698 -Yes! Yes! 1020 00:49:12,733 --> 00:49:15,901 Dinner will be ready in two secs! 1021 00:49:15,936 --> 00:49:17,836 -Tommy: He's my son and I love him, but... 1022 00:49:17,872 --> 00:49:20,147 You know, you hate to see 'em struggle. 1023 00:49:20,183 --> 00:49:24,043 This thing that he's struggling with, has this, uh... 1024 00:49:24,078 --> 00:49:26,470 Has this got anything to do with why he's not married 1025 00:49:26,505 --> 00:49:29,206 and not settled down? 1026 00:49:29,241 --> 00:49:30,741 -Yeah. 1027 00:49:30,776 --> 00:49:32,976 Well, hopefully he'll figure it out. 1028 00:49:33,012 --> 00:49:35,045 We got a guy coming up that's gonna help with that. 1029 00:49:36,215 --> 00:49:38,048 -Oh! 1030 00:49:39,318 --> 00:49:41,418 I get it. 1031 00:49:41,453 --> 00:49:43,387 -You do? -Yeah. 1032 00:49:43,422 --> 00:49:44,588 Hey, it's fine. 1033 00:49:44,623 --> 00:49:47,424 I mean, every family has got 1034 00:49:47,459 --> 00:49:48,058 someone who is... 1035 00:49:49,395 --> 00:49:50,794 ...different. 1036 00:49:50,829 --> 00:49:52,863 I mean, and you're fine with it, right? 1037 00:49:52,898 --> 00:49:54,531 You've probably seen a whole lot of stuff. 1038 00:49:54,566 --> 00:49:55,065 -I used to be a fireman. 1039 00:49:57,669 --> 00:49:58,602 Drinking got the best of me. 1040 00:49:58,637 --> 00:49:59,069 I couldn't control it, so... 1041 00:50:01,473 --> 00:50:02,072 ...they fired me. 1042 00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:04,500 (sighs) Tried the Bible. 1043 00:50:04,535 --> 00:50:06,469 Jim Beam vs. John 3:10. 1044 00:50:06,504 --> 00:50:08,337 That didn't work out. 1045 00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:09,205 -Jim Beam won? 1046 00:50:09,240 --> 00:50:11,741 -Yeah. 1047 00:50:11,776 --> 00:50:13,042 I went to AA. Let go and let God... 1048 00:50:16,848 --> 00:50:19,915 I'm keeping my side of the street clean. 1049 00:50:19,951 --> 00:50:22,051 -You know, as a parent I made mistakes, too. 1050 00:50:23,888 --> 00:50:24,854 I mean, I know it really bothers Ron Ron, 1051 00:50:24,889 --> 00:50:28,357 the way I focus in on Franklin's potential. 1052 00:50:28,393 --> 00:50:29,258 But Ron Ron... 1053 00:50:29,293 --> 00:50:30,793 He's... 1054 00:50:30,828 --> 00:50:32,061 (Ron Ron clears throat) -He's special. 1055 00:50:34,632 --> 00:50:35,064 (continues clearing throat) 1056 00:50:37,335 --> 00:50:39,176 -Special. 1057 00:50:39,211 --> 00:50:43,113 You know, a couple of old school guys like you and me... 1058 00:50:44,442 --> 00:50:45,933 (sighs heavily) 1059 00:50:45,968 --> 00:50:47,267 ...gotta learn it's a new world out there, man. 1060 00:50:47,303 --> 00:50:48,035 New rules. 1061 00:50:49,638 --> 00:50:51,205 Charlie's gonna be all right. 1062 00:50:51,240 --> 00:50:52,473 -Yeah. 1063 00:50:52,508 --> 00:50:53,049 -And I mean, things... 1064 00:50:53,084 --> 00:50:56,085 Things are a lot easier nowadays for guys like him. 1065 00:50:58,481 --> 00:51:00,381 I'll be right back. 1066 00:51:00,416 --> 00:51:01,615 (insect buzzing) 1067 00:51:01,650 --> 00:51:03,717 -It's like a little fly kite. 1068 00:51:03,753 --> 00:51:05,052 -Gravy: He looks like a real goer. 1069 00:51:06,589 --> 00:51:07,054 Watch what I do next here. 1070 00:51:09,392 --> 00:51:11,458 Okay, big guy. 1071 00:51:11,494 --> 00:51:12,059 Time to go to work. 1072 00:51:16,140 --> 00:51:19,333 -Going somewhere with all those bells and smells on? 1073 00:51:19,368 --> 00:51:20,601 (both laugh) 1074 00:51:20,636 --> 00:51:22,636 -Uh, I was just about to... 1075 00:51:22,671 --> 00:51:24,438 -I know where you're going. 1076 00:51:24,473 --> 00:51:25,806 -You do? -Yep. 1077 00:51:25,841 --> 00:51:28,400 And I think you two make a great pair. 1078 00:51:28,435 --> 00:51:30,702 -You do? -Yes! 1079 00:51:30,738 --> 00:51:31,036 I even like the ring of her name. 1080 00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:33,038 -Shantaysia. -Fe... 1081 00:51:34,541 --> 00:51:36,541 Shan... Shantaysia? Oh. 1082 00:51:36,577 --> 00:51:38,844 -Yeah, yeah. -Shantaysia. 1083 00:51:38,879 --> 00:51:40,579 -Now, look, I know what you're gonna say. 1084 00:51:40,614 --> 00:51:41,046 I know I push a little hard. 1085 00:51:42,850 --> 00:51:44,783 But it's because you got so much promise, 1086 00:51:44,818 --> 00:51:46,051 and I just want you to deliver on it. 1087 00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:48,687 See, back in the day, 1088 00:51:48,722 --> 00:51:50,489 when I was coming up your age... 1089 00:51:50,524 --> 00:51:52,533 Phew! And the time... 1090 00:51:52,568 --> 00:51:55,102 I never would have dreamed I'd have a son that's on the verge of running a city. 1091 00:51:56,730 --> 00:51:59,664 I just want to say to you, son... 1092 00:51:59,700 --> 00:52:00,332 I'm proud of you. -Oh, Pop. 1093 00:52:00,367 --> 00:52:02,501 -Real proud. 1094 00:52:02,536 --> 00:52:03,068 -Oh, Pop. Thanks, man. 1095 00:52:05,272 --> 00:52:07,773 Whoo. 1096 00:52:07,808 --> 00:52:09,332 -Now you go ahead on for your walk. 1097 00:52:09,368 --> 00:52:10,533 (both chuckle) 1098 00:52:10,569 --> 00:52:12,244 -And don't make her late. 1099 00:52:12,279 --> 00:52:15,405 No son of mine is gonna take longer than a woman to get ready. 1100 00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,040 -Oh, come on, man. 1101 00:52:19,011 --> 00:52:20,310 You sound like an episode of "Sanford and Son." 1102 00:52:20,345 --> 00:52:23,646 -Oh! (sighs) 1103 00:52:23,682 --> 00:52:26,049 Ah! Romance is in the hizzouse. 1104 00:52:27,319 --> 00:52:29,819 -Hey, hey. 1105 00:52:29,855 --> 00:52:31,321 -Hey, Shay-Shay. -Hey. Have a nice walk. 1106 00:52:31,356 --> 00:52:33,923 -All right. 1107 00:52:33,959 --> 00:52:35,058 -Uh... Then where is he going all dressed up? 1108 00:52:37,429 --> 00:52:38,762 Who isn't here? 1109 00:52:38,797 --> 00:52:40,063 -Sharni: Hey, Charlie, where are you? 1110 00:52:41,333 --> 00:52:42,065 -Charlie? 1111 00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:48,071 Charlie and Franklin? 1112 00:52:51,302 --> 00:52:52,034 Oh, Lord. 1113 00:52:58,776 --> 00:53:01,276 -Oh, hey. You're here. How you doing? 1114 00:53:01,312 --> 00:53:02,511 -I'm good. 1115 00:53:02,546 --> 00:53:03,312 -Funny seeing you here. 1116 00:53:03,347 --> 00:53:05,314 -Not really. 1117 00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:06,815 -Uh, just... 1118 00:53:06,851 --> 00:53:08,951 Well, being that I'm here, you're here, 1119 00:53:08,986 --> 00:53:09,051 I thought we could talk about this whole... 1120 00:53:11,455 --> 00:53:13,389 ...Fake Mom thing. 1121 00:53:13,424 --> 00:53:14,390 -What about it? 1122 00:53:14,425 --> 00:53:16,925 -Maybe, well... 1123 00:53:16,961 --> 00:53:17,059 Not that I thought about it a lot, but I did... 1124 00:53:19,964 --> 00:53:22,498 ...jot down some alts, as you kids like to say. 1125 00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:23,766 -I've never said that. 1126 00:53:23,801 --> 00:53:24,533 -You don't say "alts" for... Okay. 1127 00:53:24,568 --> 00:53:26,535 -You wrote all of that? 1128 00:53:26,570 --> 00:53:27,803 -Yeah, just a few, um... 1129 00:53:27,838 --> 00:53:31,573 Just a few alternatives to "Fake Mom." 1130 00:53:31,609 --> 00:53:32,632 Not that I don't love it. 1131 00:53:32,668 --> 00:53:34,076 But I just thought, why not... 1132 00:53:34,111 --> 00:53:38,605 ...Trophy Mom? I could be like a Trophy Mom, you know? 1133 00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:39,473 I always wanted... -No. No. 1134 00:53:39,508 --> 00:53:40,474 -No? Okay, not great. 1135 00:53:40,509 --> 00:53:42,042 Okay. How about, um... 1136 00:53:43,312 --> 00:53:44,277 Mom Again? 1137 00:53:44,313 --> 00:53:45,479 Mom Again. 1138 00:53:45,514 --> 00:53:47,014 You know what I mean? 1139 00:53:47,016 --> 00:53:48,849 Like, when you call me, you'll be like, "Mom Again!" 1140 00:53:48,884 --> 00:53:52,452 -No. Fake Mom. -Okay. How about "This Mom"? 1141 00:53:52,488 --> 00:53:54,446 This Mom. This Mom. 1142 00:53:54,481 --> 00:53:55,922 You know what I mean? 1143 00:53:55,958 --> 00:53:58,717 -Who would say any of this? -Probably nobody. 1144 00:53:58,752 --> 00:53:59,659 How about "Other Mom"? "Cute Mom"? 1145 00:53:59,695 --> 00:54:02,654 -Cute? Cute Mom? -"Mom Mom"? 1146 00:54:02,689 --> 00:54:03,730 Okay, "Mom Mom." Mom Mom is cute. 1147 00:54:03,766 --> 00:54:05,565 Right? You'll be like, "Mom Mom!" 1148 00:54:05,601 --> 00:54:06,933 -What am I, two years old? 1149 00:54:06,969 --> 00:54:08,702 -'Cause it wouldn't be like your first mom... 1150 00:54:08,737 --> 00:54:10,504 -I have my real mom... -Uh-huh. 1151 00:54:10,539 --> 00:54:11,180 -And then I have you. 1152 00:54:11,215 --> 00:54:14,766 -Right and I would never wanna-- -And you are my fake mom. 1153 00:54:14,801 --> 00:54:17,836 And you need to stop trying to act... 1154 00:54:17,871 --> 00:54:18,470 -Take the place of her. -Yeah, exactly. 1155 00:54:18,505 --> 00:54:19,504 -Yeah, I would never. 1156 00:54:19,539 --> 00:54:20,605 -Well, you're trying to. 1157 00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:22,040 -No, I don't. I wouldn't... 1158 00:54:23,877 --> 00:54:26,411 I think this has been a productive talk. 1159 00:54:26,446 --> 00:54:27,879 All right, well... 1160 00:54:27,914 --> 00:54:29,881 Um, do you want me to button up your shirt? 1161 00:54:29,916 --> 00:54:31,549 No. Okay. It's supposed to be like that. 1162 00:54:31,585 --> 00:54:32,283 -Yeah. -Okay. All right. 1163 00:54:32,319 --> 00:54:33,284 All right. 1164 00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:34,052 (snoring) 1165 00:54:40,627 --> 00:54:42,727 -My family may not win this. 1166 00:54:42,763 --> 00:54:44,062 Which means my plans get flushed. 1167 00:54:46,666 --> 00:54:47,699 -You've got to tell your dad. 1168 00:54:47,734 --> 00:54:49,067 We both do. I can't keep lying. 1169 00:54:52,706 --> 00:54:54,906 -I don't know. My dad is crazy. 1170 00:54:54,941 --> 00:54:57,468 It's like he wants me to be Mayor someday, 1171 00:54:57,503 --> 00:54:59,244 so it's... You know? 1172 00:54:59,279 --> 00:55:02,973 -Yeah. And you can't do that with a Mexican woman by your side. 1173 00:55:03,009 --> 00:55:05,409 -What? I didn't say that. I mean, why did you... 1174 00:55:05,444 --> 00:55:07,845 -Look, Franklin... 1175 00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:09,646 I'm glad that you worry about your father. 1176 00:55:09,682 --> 00:55:11,582 I worry about my father, too. 1177 00:55:11,617 --> 00:55:13,817 They want so much for us, 1178 00:55:13,853 --> 00:55:14,051 even though sometimes it's misguided. 1179 00:55:16,956 --> 00:55:19,590 But I think that we've been fooling ourselves 1180 00:55:19,625 --> 00:55:21,592 hoping that this will work. 1181 00:55:21,627 --> 00:55:23,794 -What are you talking about? 1182 00:55:23,829 --> 00:55:24,461 -We were going to lean on each other, 1183 00:55:24,497 --> 00:55:27,831 but maybe we can't. 1184 00:55:27,867 --> 00:55:29,107 And it's better that we learned it now, 1185 00:55:29,142 --> 00:55:32,636 before we commit to something that isn't gonna work. 1186 00:55:32,671 --> 00:55:33,070 -Felipa, what are you saying? 1187 00:55:35,741 --> 00:55:36,073 Making it easier on both of us. 1188 00:55:38,235 --> 00:55:39,034 What? 1189 00:55:41,605 --> 00:55:43,238 Felipa, what are you doing? 1190 00:55:43,273 --> 00:55:44,039 Felipa. 1191 00:55:45,275 --> 00:55:46,041 (sighs) 1192 00:55:48,245 --> 00:55:49,044 Fuck! 1193 00:55:53,584 --> 00:55:54,049 (Ron Ron clearing throat) 1194 00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:00,297 -Ron Ron, I told you to knock that off. 1195 00:56:00,332 --> 00:56:03,792 You're gonna mess around and put a hole in the back of your neck. 1196 00:56:03,827 --> 00:56:05,327 -So you're just telling me stuff, huh? 1197 00:56:05,362 --> 00:56:06,428 You told me? 1198 00:56:06,463 --> 00:56:07,362 -Yeah, I told you. 1199 00:56:07,398 --> 00:56:08,230 -You told me? 1200 00:56:08,265 --> 00:56:09,064 -Yes. 1201 00:56:10,267 --> 00:56:11,066 -Okay. 1202 00:56:12,703 --> 00:56:13,568 -Jose: Oh, that's it, Ron Ron. 1203 00:56:13,604 --> 00:56:15,112 Wear those pants, brother. 1204 00:56:15,147 --> 00:56:17,114 That way it'll tell your wife who's the boss, brother. 1205 00:56:19,835 --> 00:56:21,468 -You know something? Watch this. Ahem! 1206 00:56:21,503 --> 00:56:23,178 Keko, check this out. 1207 00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:27,674 I'm in this contest where I keep my hand on this damn car, 1208 00:56:27,709 --> 00:56:28,541 so I can win it for the family. 1209 00:56:28,577 --> 00:56:30,910 I'm a little thirsty now. 1210 00:56:30,946 --> 00:56:31,044 I want you to go get me one of those beers, 1211 00:56:32,381 --> 00:56:33,613 open the top, 1212 00:56:33,648 --> 00:56:35,515 and put the beer on my lips 1213 00:56:35,550 --> 00:56:36,182 and pour it in my mouth. 1214 00:56:36,218 --> 00:56:38,385 Now! 1215 00:56:38,420 --> 00:56:39,953 -Keko: Bullshit! 1216 00:56:39,988 --> 00:56:42,989 Do I look like somebody who's gonna pop a beer, 1217 00:56:43,025 --> 00:56:45,058 put it on your lips and pour it down your throat? 1218 00:56:47,462 --> 00:56:48,628 -Never mind, baby. 1219 00:56:48,663 --> 00:56:50,363 -Wow! What a beautiful thing. 1220 00:56:50,399 --> 00:56:51,631 I mean, look. 1221 00:56:51,666 --> 00:56:55,668 Every creed, race, and creed 1222 00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:58,071 just hanging loose. It's... 1223 00:57:00,542 --> 00:57:01,032 I wanna give a speech. 1224 00:57:07,240 --> 00:57:09,974 -Uh... 1225 00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:12,844 So, you gonna make that speech, hopper, or what? 1226 00:57:12,879 --> 00:57:13,044 -Well, I gotta write something down first. 1227 00:57:16,649 --> 00:57:17,482 -That man is out of his mind. 1228 00:57:17,517 --> 00:57:19,283 -He's a lunatic, man. 1229 00:57:19,319 --> 00:57:20,418 (snoring) 1230 00:57:20,453 --> 00:57:22,453 -What's up, guys? 1231 00:57:22,489 --> 00:57:24,689 -What's up, Charlie? 1232 00:57:24,724 --> 00:57:25,056 -You smell what I'm stepping in? 1233 00:57:26,826 --> 00:57:27,725 -Jose: You smell of something, brother. 1234 00:57:27,761 --> 00:57:29,827 -Yeah, the kids used to say that. 1235 00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:31,729 -What kids used to say that? I don't... 1236 00:57:31,765 --> 00:57:33,598 -I heard a couple of kids say it. 1237 00:57:33,633 --> 00:57:35,408 -Jose: Oh, hey Charlie, man. 1238 00:57:35,444 --> 00:57:38,111 I see your hybrid's got all the latest gadgets, man, that's pretty cool. 1239 00:57:39,773 --> 00:57:40,238 It's like... It's like "Star Trek." 1240 00:57:40,273 --> 00:57:41,114 -What? 1241 00:57:41,149 --> 00:57:43,467 -Yeah, yeah. You got one of those special force fields. 1242 00:57:43,502 --> 00:57:45,369 What do they call it? 1243 00:57:45,404 --> 00:57:46,303 Pussy Deflector. 1244 00:57:46,338 --> 00:57:47,537 (both laugh) 1245 00:57:47,573 --> 00:57:49,706 -Charlie, where were you? 1246 00:57:49,742 --> 00:57:50,941 -I was in the lake, washing up. 1247 00:57:50,976 --> 00:57:53,043 -Oh, yeah? Did you wash behind your ears, fool? 1248 00:57:54,780 --> 00:57:56,046 ♪ Did you wash behind your ears? ♪ 1249 00:58:00,619 --> 00:58:02,853 -♪ Wash behind the ears ♪ 1250 00:58:02,888 --> 00:58:06,923 -♪ Why don't you shut The fuck up? ♪ 1251 00:58:06,959 --> 00:58:07,824 You know, Jose, maybe you should try washing. 1252 00:58:07,860 --> 00:58:10,827 I mean, even your tent has skid marks. 1253 00:58:10,863 --> 00:58:13,271 And don't be stingy with the Lever 2000. 1254 00:58:13,306 --> 00:58:16,733 Maybe you should call them and see if they got a Lever 10000. 1255 00:58:16,769 --> 00:58:17,801 -What are you talking about, man? 1256 00:58:17,836 --> 00:58:19,569 That's pheromones. The chicks dig that. 1257 00:58:19,605 --> 00:58:20,070 -Ron Ron: Jose does smell. 1258 00:58:22,508 --> 00:58:23,607 You got that right. 1259 00:58:23,642 --> 00:58:25,200 Hey, pass me that bullhorn. 1260 00:58:25,235 --> 00:58:26,034 What? 1261 00:58:29,473 --> 00:58:31,473 Hey, y'all. (laughs) 1262 00:58:31,508 --> 00:58:34,776 Jose BO smell so bad, 1263 00:58:34,811 --> 00:58:36,277 he need the Right and the Left Guard. 1264 00:58:36,313 --> 00:58:38,288 (laughing) 1265 00:58:38,323 --> 00:58:41,950 You get it? 'Cause it's the Right Guard, that's what it's called. 1266 00:58:41,985 --> 00:58:43,952 And he smells, so he needs both sides of it, 1267 00:58:43,987 --> 00:58:45,195 'cause it's the left... -Man: Yeah, they got it. 1268 00:58:45,230 --> 00:58:48,265 They didn't like that one? Okay, I got another one for you. 1269 00:58:48,300 --> 00:58:53,103 What is the flattest surface that you could iron anything on? 1270 00:58:55,699 --> 00:58:58,400 A white girl's ass. (laughing) 1271 00:58:58,435 --> 00:59:00,301 -Hey! Bullshit! 1272 00:59:00,337 --> 00:59:02,771 Bullshit! 1273 00:59:02,806 --> 00:59:05,306 Check out this masterpiece of assery. 1274 00:59:05,342 --> 00:59:06,566 -Oh, yeah. 1275 00:59:06,601 --> 00:59:08,668 (men exclaim appreciatively) 1276 00:59:08,703 --> 00:59:09,936 -Mind if I do a little tucking? 1277 00:59:09,971 --> 00:59:12,972 -Jose: I don't know. It looks pretty flat to me. 1278 00:59:13,008 --> 00:59:14,741 Although, wait a minute. Maybe this is a bad angle. 1279 00:59:14,776 --> 00:59:15,150 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. You check it out. 1280 00:59:15,185 --> 00:59:17,085 -We got a challenger on the plane, ladies and gentlemen. 1281 00:59:19,381 --> 00:59:20,088 Yeah, my bad. 1282 00:59:20,123 --> 00:59:22,548 I was wrong. You're right. Okay, I'll concede the point. 1283 00:59:22,584 --> 00:59:24,317 Oh, I got one, I got one. 1284 00:59:24,352 --> 00:59:25,093 Right, uh... 1285 00:59:25,128 --> 00:59:29,422 Okay, y'all. What's nine inches long and white? Huh? 1286 00:59:29,457 --> 00:59:32,425 Anybody? Anybody? 1287 00:59:32,460 --> 00:59:34,293 Not a damn thing! 1288 00:59:34,329 --> 00:59:35,061 (laughter) 1289 00:59:37,365 --> 00:59:38,531 -Oh, really? 1290 00:59:38,566 --> 00:59:40,400 Really? I call bullshit. 1291 00:59:40,435 --> 00:59:41,868 -Jose: Oh, yeah? 1292 00:59:41,903 --> 00:59:44,370 -Check out this masterpiece of dickery. 1293 00:59:44,406 --> 00:59:47,833 (all groaning) 1294 00:59:47,868 --> 00:59:48,400 -All right, all right. Fine, fine, fine. 1295 00:59:48,435 --> 00:59:49,401 Give me that horn. 1296 00:59:49,436 --> 00:59:51,277 Give me that horn. 1297 00:59:51,312 --> 00:59:54,673 -And now Charlie has taken the bullhorn, ladies and gentlemen. 1298 00:59:54,708 --> 00:59:55,507 This competition is heating up. 1299 00:59:55,542 --> 00:59:56,041 Let's see what he's got. 1300 00:59:58,946 --> 01:00:00,712 -Did you hear about the black and Mexican guy 1301 01:00:00,748 --> 01:00:02,314 that opened a restaurant together? 1302 01:00:02,349 --> 01:00:03,815 -Woman: No. 1303 01:00:03,851 --> 01:00:06,059 -It's called "Nacho Mama." -(laughing) 1304 01:00:06,094 --> 01:00:08,420 -Oh, hey, what happens when a white guy with a boner 1305 01:00:08,455 --> 01:00:10,322 walks into a wall? 1306 01:00:10,357 --> 01:00:11,456 -All: What? 1307 01:00:11,492 --> 01:00:12,324 -He breaks his nose. 1308 01:00:12,359 --> 01:00:14,059 -(laughing) 1309 01:00:17,831 --> 01:00:19,297 -Man: Franklin, he takes the bullhorn. 1310 01:00:19,333 --> 01:00:21,666 All right. 1311 01:00:21,702 --> 01:00:24,503 Why do white people love hockey? 1312 01:00:24,538 --> 01:00:26,638 -Why? -Why is that? 1313 01:00:26,673 --> 01:00:27,146 -Because if they ain't a cop, 1314 01:00:27,182 --> 01:00:29,265 that's the only chance they get to beat something black. 1315 01:00:29,301 --> 01:00:32,402 -Ooh, ooh. 1316 01:00:32,437 --> 01:00:35,805 -Oh, in your face! 1317 01:00:35,841 --> 01:00:38,508 -What do you call a black man in a suit? 1318 01:00:38,543 --> 01:00:40,310 -What? -The defendant. 1319 01:00:40,345 --> 01:00:43,046 -(laughing) 1320 01:00:44,158 --> 01:00:48,018 -I got one, I got one, you guys, wait for this. Ready? 1321 01:00:48,020 --> 01:00:49,652 -Oh, ladies and gentleman, looks like the pole dancer 1322 01:00:49,688 --> 01:00:51,921 wants to enter the competition. 1323 01:00:51,957 --> 01:00:53,656 She's teeing it up, let's see what she's got. 1324 01:00:53,692 --> 01:00:56,259 -What do you call a black... 1325 01:00:56,294 --> 01:00:58,762 wait... 1326 01:00:58,797 --> 01:01:01,631 -Ooh, and Daisy Duke's got nothing. 1327 01:01:01,666 --> 01:01:04,142 -(laughing) -Fuck this shit. 1328 01:01:04,178 --> 01:01:06,903 -All right. Well, there's some good news and bad news. 1329 01:01:06,938 --> 01:01:09,906 While she had the bullhorn, ratings spiked, 1330 01:01:09,941 --> 01:01:12,300 but the bad news is everybody's IQ went down. 1331 01:01:12,335 --> 01:01:14,035 -(laughing) 1332 01:01:16,306 --> 01:01:18,973 -(snoring) 1333 01:01:19,009 --> 01:01:20,975 -Okay, all right, all right. I got one for you. 1334 01:01:21,011 --> 01:01:23,478 Uh...hey! What do white women make for dinner? 1335 01:01:23,513 --> 01:01:25,313 -What? -Reservations. 1336 01:01:25,348 --> 01:01:29,751 -(laughing) 1337 01:01:29,786 --> 01:01:31,127 -Oh, no, and ladies and gentlemen, 1338 01:01:31,163 --> 01:01:34,789 the park rangers are getting involved in the competition. 1339 01:01:34,824 --> 01:01:36,891 And either this brother is color blind 1340 01:01:36,926 --> 01:01:38,726 or he is flat-out helping the wrong family. 1341 01:01:38,762 --> 01:01:42,430 -(laughing) -You sure about that? 1342 01:01:42,465 --> 01:01:43,998 -They'll love it. 1343 01:01:44,034 --> 01:01:46,667 -Charlie: When a black and a Mexican are in a car, 1344 01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:48,302 who's driving? -Everyone: Who? 1345 01:01:48,338 --> 01:01:50,304 -The cop. 1346 01:01:50,340 --> 01:01:51,030 (laughter) 1347 01:01:54,277 --> 01:01:57,903 -Yeah, okay, brother, don't-- check on out. okay, thank you. 1348 01:01:57,939 --> 01:02:00,740 Yeah, you can go on and clock out. Thank you. 1349 01:02:00,775 --> 01:02:03,976 And now, Franklin takes the bullhorn. 1350 01:02:04,012 --> 01:02:06,379 Let's see if he can pull one out for his team. 1351 01:02:06,414 --> 01:02:07,747 All right, uh... 1352 01:02:07,782 --> 01:02:09,382 why do white folks have so many pets? 1353 01:02:09,417 --> 01:02:10,783 -Everyone: Why? 1354 01:02:10,818 --> 01:02:12,051 -'Cause they can't own people anymore. 1355 01:02:14,889 --> 01:02:16,522 Boom! Drop the bull horn. That's right. 1356 01:02:16,557 --> 01:02:18,424 -(upbeat music playing) 1357 01:02:18,459 --> 01:02:20,192 -Hey! Ya, ya, ya! 1358 01:02:20,228 --> 01:02:22,395 -Ya! 1359 01:02:22,430 --> 01:02:25,598 -Hey, hey, hey! 1360 01:02:25,633 --> 01:02:27,600 What's going on, everybody? 1361 01:02:27,635 --> 01:02:28,734 My name is Johnny Jon-John. 1362 01:02:28,770 --> 01:02:30,603 I'll be running the intervention. 1363 01:02:30,638 --> 01:02:31,937 And it is for Charlie Jones, 1364 01:02:31,973 --> 01:02:33,439 is there a a Charlie Jones? -Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1365 01:02:33,474 --> 01:02:34,499 -No, no, not now. 1366 01:02:34,534 --> 01:02:36,108 -An intervention for me? 1367 01:02:36,144 --> 01:02:40,312 -No, no, no. You can go now. We don't need you. We're fine. 1368 01:02:40,348 --> 01:02:44,809 -I should have seen you a mile away. Yes, sir, let's get right to it. 1369 01:02:44,845 --> 01:02:46,044 Anyone want to speak up about this joker? 1370 01:02:48,382 --> 01:02:50,815 Okay. I'll go. 1371 01:02:50,851 --> 01:02:53,752 All right, uh... this is an intervention. 1372 01:02:53,787 --> 01:02:55,494 10th one's free. Another joke we do. 1373 01:02:55,530 --> 01:02:58,364 I like to lighten the mood a little bit when someone is heading into the grave. 1374 01:02:58,399 --> 01:03:02,894 Your family put together a list of things you've done while... drunk. 1375 01:03:02,929 --> 01:03:04,896 -They put together a list? -Yeah, that's... 1376 01:03:04,931 --> 01:03:07,866 that's how it works. -Give us the short list. 1377 01:03:07,901 --> 01:03:10,635 -Let's see, boo... you burned down a farm, 1378 01:03:10,670 --> 01:03:14,839 with a barn and three cows? 1379 01:03:14,875 --> 01:03:16,366 -They were goats. -Oh, they were goats. 1380 01:03:16,401 --> 01:03:18,735 Only goats, oh. 1381 01:03:18,770 --> 01:03:20,603 Well, that's cool. He's a great guy. 1382 01:03:20,638 --> 01:03:22,805 (singing) For he's a jolly... 1383 01:03:22,841 --> 01:03:24,049 No, you're horrible. I'm kidding again. 1384 01:03:24,084 --> 01:03:26,876 Oh, it keeps going. You got drunk at a carnival 1385 01:03:26,911 --> 01:03:29,045 and you shot a fireman? -He was off duty. 1386 01:03:30,582 --> 01:03:32,882 And a bit shifty. -Oh. 1387 01:03:32,917 --> 01:03:35,752 Okay, off duty and shifty. -He was shifty. 1388 01:03:35,787 --> 01:03:37,395 -Sounds to me like you're enabling. 1389 01:03:37,431 --> 01:03:40,757 -Oh, that's a pretty big word for something that I'm... not really doing. 1390 01:03:40,792 --> 01:03:42,859 -You unbolted the ferris wheel too? 1391 01:03:42,894 --> 01:03:46,896 -Yeah, it's a wheel, so it could roam away. 1392 01:03:46,931 --> 01:03:48,765 -To give it a head start for the next town. 1393 01:03:48,800 --> 01:03:50,533 -Hello? -Shaved a librarian's head? 1394 01:03:50,568 --> 01:03:52,210 -She may have had lice. 1395 01:03:52,245 --> 01:03:55,605 -All right, and you pushed your cousin Bobby down some stairs. 1396 01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:57,707 -Both: He had lice, right. 1397 01:03:57,742 --> 01:03:59,633 He's got the RID and the comb. 1398 01:03:59,669 --> 01:04:00,176 All right, you did him a favor. 1399 01:04:00,211 --> 01:04:05,940 Uh, did you shoot 72 bottle rockets at your old high school? 1400 01:04:05,975 --> 01:04:07,575 -Let's just say that I enhanced its curb appeal. 1401 01:04:07,610 --> 01:04:09,443 And most of them were duds. 1402 01:04:09,479 --> 01:04:11,712 -Over 50%? -Duh. 1403 01:04:11,748 --> 01:04:13,514 -Holy shit, what am I doing here? 1404 01:04:13,549 --> 01:04:15,783 What a waste of my time. 1405 01:04:15,818 --> 01:04:16,217 This guy seems fine to me. You single? 1406 01:04:16,252 --> 01:04:20,721 -Uh... 1407 01:04:20,757 --> 01:04:23,624 I am, but now that you mention it, 1408 01:04:23,659 --> 01:04:26,727 I was... but a few hours ago, 1409 01:04:26,763 --> 01:04:29,063 I'm... now I'm not... Not... no. 1410 01:04:30,666 --> 01:04:32,108 -Final answer? -Final answer. 1411 01:04:32,143 --> 01:04:35,369 -I wasn't even talking to you. I was talking to her. 1412 01:04:35,405 --> 01:04:37,838 -Me? Holy God. 1413 01:04:37,874 --> 01:04:39,699 -Sounds like a no, um... -You know what? 1414 01:04:39,735 --> 01:04:41,668 This, this, this, whole event... 1415 01:04:41,703 --> 01:04:44,838 can, can, can "mange" my taint. 1416 01:04:44,873 --> 01:04:46,773 I don't need this, this, this intervention. 1417 01:04:46,808 --> 01:04:48,775 -Well, I fucking don't need it either. 1418 01:04:48,810 --> 01:04:50,777 All right, I'm outy like five thouty. 1419 01:04:50,812 --> 01:04:52,712 Anybody need weed, holler at your boy. 1420 01:04:52,748 --> 01:04:55,849 It's nice out here! I'm joking. 1421 01:04:55,884 --> 01:04:58,218 This place is fun if I was the Zika virus. 1422 01:04:58,253 --> 01:04:59,052 Uber! 1423 01:05:00,756 --> 01:05:02,622 -What the hell was that all about? 1424 01:05:02,657 --> 01:05:04,224 -Look, son, we didn't mean to. 1425 01:05:04,259 --> 01:05:06,559 -Shit. 1426 01:05:06,595 --> 01:05:08,995 Took my hand off the car. 1427 01:05:09,031 --> 01:05:12,899 -Oh, yeah, so now it's just me and Mr. Jonas. 1428 01:05:12,934 --> 01:05:14,734 -Jose: Oh, no, Papi's going to swat the fly. 1429 01:05:14,770 --> 01:05:16,336 -(groans) -Papi, Papi, Papi, wait! 1430 01:05:16,371 --> 01:05:18,772 -(exclaims) 1431 01:05:18,807 --> 01:05:21,566 -Dad. -You let go of the door, Pops. 1432 01:05:21,601 --> 01:05:23,434 -I won! I won! I won, I won! 1433 01:05:23,470 --> 01:05:25,370 We won! Oh, my Gosh! 1434 01:05:25,405 --> 01:05:27,380 -Well, we won... 1435 01:05:27,416 --> 01:05:30,150 But it was kind of fun the way it turned out. Why doesn't everybody stay? 1436 01:05:30,185 --> 01:05:33,511 -I agree! Let's just everybody stay and enjoy the weekend. 1437 01:05:33,546 --> 01:05:35,188 -All right, we'll stay. 1438 01:05:35,223 --> 01:05:38,583 But you gotta be able to keep a leash on your son Charlie. 1439 01:05:38,618 --> 01:05:40,718 -What! -Wait, wait, wait... 1440 01:05:40,754 --> 01:05:42,128 What the hell did that just mean? 1441 01:05:42,164 --> 01:05:47,825 -Madonna, some pendejo tried to pin a mosq on my shirt... 1442 01:05:47,861 --> 01:05:51,996 with a blonde hair, the whites cheated. 1443 01:05:52,032 --> 01:05:53,064 -Hey, I mean, come on, now... the whites cheated 1444 01:05:54,901 --> 01:05:56,367 and now Charlie is after my son Franklin. 1445 01:05:56,403 --> 01:05:58,736 -What? -What? 1446 01:05:58,772 --> 01:06:00,538 -Pop, what are you talking about? 1447 01:06:00,573 --> 01:06:02,040 -Come on, now, Franklin. 1448 01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:03,107 I mean, you should have told me that you were gay. 1449 01:06:03,143 --> 01:06:07,703 I mean, is that why you... don't want to run for Mayor? 1450 01:06:07,739 --> 01:06:09,080 -Are you kidding... I'm not gay. 1451 01:06:09,115 --> 01:06:11,607 And if I was gay, I could get way better than Charlie. 1452 01:06:11,642 --> 01:06:13,609 -You think I'm after Franklin? 1453 01:06:13,644 --> 01:06:15,878 -And a drunk! -Okay, okay... 1454 01:06:15,913 --> 01:06:17,913 you might have me on the drunk thing but... 1455 01:06:17,949 --> 01:06:19,648 you're out of your mind. Everybody knows that 1456 01:06:19,684 --> 01:06:21,350 Franklin's in love with Felipa. 1457 01:06:21,386 --> 01:06:22,351 -What? -What? 1458 01:06:22,387 --> 01:06:24,328 -Oh, Charlie. 1459 01:06:24,364 --> 01:06:28,791 -Even me, the huge drunk could tell 14 seconds after I got here. 1460 01:06:28,826 --> 01:06:31,360 And you still don't see it? -Felipa? 1461 01:06:31,396 --> 01:06:34,764 Es la verdad? 1462 01:06:34,799 --> 01:06:36,298 -Papi, I've been meaning to tell you. 1463 01:06:36,334 --> 01:06:38,968 Yes, okay? 1464 01:06:39,003 --> 01:06:40,369 Franklin and I have been dating for over a year. 1465 01:06:40,405 --> 01:06:42,080 -What? -What? 1466 01:06:42,115 --> 01:06:44,273 -You need to keep your son away from my daughter. 1467 01:06:44,308 --> 01:06:48,536 -Aye, no, no. You ain't calling no shots in my family, El Chapo. 1468 01:06:48,572 --> 01:06:50,005 -Oh, well, Pop, calm down. 1469 01:06:50,007 --> 01:06:52,048 -No, no, no, no, and you, I can't believe this, son. 1470 01:06:52,083 --> 01:06:55,377 You've been sneaking around with her behind my back, 1471 01:06:55,412 --> 01:06:57,879 and lying and... 1472 01:06:57,914 --> 01:07:00,715 standing up Shantaysia who is hot to trot. 1473 01:07:00,751 --> 01:07:03,318 -Wow, hot to trot isn't accurate. 1474 01:07:03,353 --> 01:07:04,619 -Okay, fine. 1475 01:07:04,654 --> 01:07:06,521 I came up here because we all 1476 01:07:06,556 --> 01:07:08,656 needed to get together. 1477 01:07:08,692 --> 01:07:11,593 I love Felipa. That is my girl. 1478 01:07:11,628 --> 01:07:12,961 That is why we are all here. 1479 01:07:12,996 --> 01:07:14,763 I don't know where the white family came from, 1480 01:07:14,798 --> 01:07:16,831 but that's why our families are here. 1481 01:07:16,867 --> 01:07:18,533 We planned it. But you know what I hate? 1482 01:07:18,568 --> 01:07:20,869 Camping is what I hate. 1483 01:07:20,904 --> 01:07:22,178 -I knew it, I knew it, I fucking knew it. 1484 01:07:22,213 --> 01:07:25,607 You are not perfect, brother. You don't want to be a camper. 1485 01:07:25,642 --> 01:07:27,467 ♪ Franklin's not perfect ♪ 1486 01:07:27,502 --> 01:07:28,534 ♪ He is a dumbass ♪ 1487 01:07:28,570 --> 01:07:30,503 ♪ He fuck with Felipa ♪ 1488 01:07:30,538 --> 01:07:31,704 ♪ I fucking knew it ♪ 1489 01:07:31,740 --> 01:07:33,706 ♪ And I thought he was gay too ♪ 1490 01:07:33,742 --> 01:07:36,117 -This camping can jump up my ass. 1491 01:07:36,153 --> 01:07:38,578 These "Jurassic Park" mosquitoes can jump up my ass. 1492 01:07:38,613 --> 01:07:40,847 Sleeping in my car at night, 1493 01:07:40,882 --> 01:07:41,481 waiting for somebody to come and kill me... 1494 01:07:41,516 --> 01:07:43,449 -Can jump up your ass. 1495 01:07:43,485 --> 01:07:44,617 -Exactly. -Right. 1496 01:07:44,652 --> 01:07:46,561 -All this can jump up my ass. 1497 01:07:46,596 --> 01:07:49,555 -Well, if you're going to act that way, then why did we say we'd like to stay? 1498 01:07:49,591 --> 01:07:50,556 -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 1499 01:07:50,592 --> 01:07:52,458 Let us stay? -(arguing) 1500 01:07:52,494 --> 01:07:54,102 -The whites cheated. 1501 01:07:54,137 --> 01:07:57,830 And we're going to win this contest and kick you out. 1502 01:07:57,866 --> 01:07:59,699 -Yeah, man, the hell with all you guys. 1503 01:07:59,734 --> 01:08:02,769 Final contest. Winner or go home. 1504 01:08:02,804 --> 01:08:04,795 -Let's get it on. -Let's get it on. 1505 01:08:04,831 --> 01:08:06,539 -(indistinct chatter) -Let's vamos. 1506 01:08:06,574 --> 01:08:07,673 -Let's do this. -Huh. 1507 01:08:07,709 --> 01:08:09,400 -Go this way. -It's game over, 1508 01:08:09,435 --> 01:08:10,034 tacos and Schlitz. 1509 01:08:15,183 --> 01:08:19,643 -Hey, hey, gather around here, I'm Peter Galkie, and I'm... 1510 01:08:19,679 --> 01:08:20,978 one of the original spectators, 1511 01:08:21,014 --> 01:08:22,680 so I think I'm probably most qualified to describe 1512 01:08:22,715 --> 01:08:25,549 what we're about to witness here. 1513 01:08:25,585 --> 01:08:27,952 This obstacle course race 1514 01:08:27,987 --> 01:08:30,688 is two miles total, give or take a mile or two. 1515 01:08:30,723 --> 01:08:32,757 And, uh, it's through the woods, 1516 01:08:32,792 --> 01:08:35,026 and then you gotta get past that lake 1517 01:08:35,028 --> 01:08:37,862 and then make it up to that clearing way up there 1518 01:08:37,897 --> 01:08:39,930 'cause that's where the finish line's at. 1519 01:08:39,966 --> 01:08:41,565 So, what do you say we all just sit back here, 1520 01:08:41,601 --> 01:08:44,769 and let's enjoy the show. 1521 01:08:44,804 --> 01:08:45,369 -Y'all ready for this? Let's do this! 1522 01:08:45,405 --> 01:08:46,504 Let's do this. 1523 01:08:46,539 --> 01:08:48,806 -(indistinct chatter) 1524 01:08:48,841 --> 01:08:49,407 -Okay, everybody, here are the rules. 1525 01:08:49,442 --> 01:08:51,533 -Rules? -Yeah. 1526 01:08:51,569 --> 01:08:52,468 No rules! Ready set, go! 1527 01:08:52,503 --> 01:08:54,837 -(indistinct chatter) 1528 01:08:54,872 --> 01:08:56,305 -Franklin: Hey! You got dirt on my shoes. 1529 01:08:56,340 --> 01:08:58,040 -(cheering) 1530 01:08:59,543 --> 01:09:02,277 -(panting) -(laughing) 1531 01:09:02,313 --> 01:09:04,046 -(grunts) 1532 01:09:11,422 --> 01:09:12,096 -I want to stay. 1533 01:09:12,131 --> 01:09:14,723 -Yeah, why do parents always have to ruin everything? 1534 01:09:14,759 --> 01:09:17,493 I don't want to go. -Me either. 1535 01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:19,661 -Wait, I have an idea. 1536 01:09:19,697 --> 01:09:20,763 Rolie, you still have that map? 1537 01:09:20,798 --> 01:09:23,565 -Does the bear shit in the woods? 1538 01:09:23,601 --> 01:09:25,200 -Yes, young man, it does. 1539 01:09:25,236 --> 01:09:27,803 -Ew! 1540 01:09:27,838 --> 01:09:29,380 -He's gross. -He smokes too much weed. 1541 01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:33,735 One time he got so baked, he tried to take his pants off over his head. 1542 01:09:33,770 --> 01:09:35,703 -What? -It's an old Woody Allen joke. 1543 01:09:35,739 --> 01:09:37,739 -Okay, so you see this ridge here. 1544 01:09:37,774 --> 01:09:39,874 It horseshoes around this mountain. 1545 01:09:39,909 --> 01:09:42,217 And if we cut across here, then we're there. 1546 01:09:42,253 --> 01:09:44,612 -The plan only works if we can get to the finish line first. 1547 01:09:44,647 --> 01:09:46,748 -Think we can get there first? 1548 01:09:46,783 --> 01:09:47,715 -Hell, yeah, first is my middle name. 1549 01:09:47,751 --> 01:09:49,817 -It is? -No, sweetie, it's Olivia. 1550 01:09:49,853 --> 01:09:51,519 -All right, let's do this. On three... 1551 01:09:51,554 --> 01:09:53,287 One, two, three, break! 1552 01:09:53,323 --> 01:09:55,723 -Let's go! 1553 01:09:55,759 --> 01:09:59,060 -And the black... is in the lead. 1554 01:10:03,033 --> 01:10:04,632 -You're killing it, Dad. -Get your arms down there. 1555 01:10:04,667 --> 01:10:07,068 -Get away from me! -(groans) 1556 01:10:10,147 --> 01:10:12,573 -(panting) Look, Pop, I just want to say I'm sorry. 1557 01:10:12,609 --> 01:10:14,033 -No talking, just winning. 1558 01:10:15,803 --> 01:10:17,036 -I'm not sorry-sorry, but I'm sorry. 1559 01:10:23,811 --> 01:10:25,578 -You can't keep up, can ya? -Look... 1560 01:10:25,613 --> 01:10:26,879 you're the one out of shape. 1561 01:10:26,914 --> 01:10:28,314 -I'm not out of shape, I could go for hours. 1562 01:10:28,349 --> 01:10:30,349 -(muttering) 1563 01:10:30,385 --> 01:10:34,553 -Hey. Wait... 1564 01:10:34,589 --> 01:10:36,355 Is that a snake? -Where? 1565 01:10:36,391 --> 01:10:39,325 -Right there. 1566 01:10:39,360 --> 01:10:42,061 -(screaming) 1567 01:10:50,271 --> 01:10:51,070 -Oh... 1568 01:10:52,807 --> 01:10:54,206 Oh, shit, that ain't no damn snake. 1569 01:10:54,242 --> 01:10:55,799 Oh. 1570 01:10:55,835 --> 01:10:59,403 -You know your scream was kind of a... 1571 01:10:59,438 --> 01:11:01,605 hoo hoo, you know. 1572 01:11:01,640 --> 01:11:03,374 You need to man up, you know. 1573 01:11:03,409 --> 01:11:05,042 -Man up on this! 1574 01:11:07,813 --> 01:11:09,155 -Felipa: I should have told my family. 1575 01:11:09,190 --> 01:11:11,782 Well, I don't know what happened. We just... fell in love. 1576 01:11:11,817 --> 01:11:14,885 -Cheyenne: Yeah. -My dad's so furious. 1577 01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:16,487 -Well, girl, your dad be overreacting, okay, 1578 01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:18,622 if you ask me. -Yep. 1579 01:11:18,657 --> 01:11:20,758 -I mean, it's not a bad thing, 1580 01:11:20,793 --> 01:11:21,525 it's kind of a good thing. -Really? 1581 01:11:21,560 --> 01:11:23,460 -I mean, I was in shock. 1582 01:11:23,496 --> 01:11:24,962 I was like, "What?" 1583 01:11:24,997 --> 01:11:26,764 I was clutching my purse like I was watching 1584 01:11:26,799 --> 01:11:28,899 "Days of Our Lives" or something. 1585 01:11:28,934 --> 01:11:30,734 I was like, "What?" Did not see that coming! 1586 01:11:30,770 --> 01:11:33,804 But... it's a good thing. -Yeah. 1587 01:11:33,839 --> 01:11:36,040 -Y'all might make some little Obamas, 1588 01:11:36,042 --> 01:11:38,308 or something, little Baracks up in here. (laughing) 1589 01:11:38,344 --> 01:11:42,312 Girl, all I can say is I think your dad's acting like a big old kid. 1590 01:11:42,348 --> 01:11:46,576 -Right. Surprise, surprise, all the men are acting like children. 1591 01:11:46,611 --> 01:11:47,084 -And speaking of children... 1592 01:11:47,119 --> 01:11:49,712 I cannot hear mine. It's like... -Yeah, that is weird. 1593 01:11:49,748 --> 01:11:51,948 -They real quiet, like when I put 1594 01:11:51,983 --> 01:11:53,716 a little bit of Benadryl in their Cap'n Crunch. 1595 01:11:53,752 --> 01:11:55,051 You know they get real quiet then. 1596 01:11:57,096 --> 01:12:00,723 What? I wouldn't really drug my babies, that's a joke. 1597 01:12:00,759 --> 01:12:03,760 -Okay, okay, I was like-- (laughs) 1598 01:12:03,795 --> 01:12:05,428 -Just a little bit, for a minute. 1599 01:12:05,463 --> 01:12:07,263 Kids! -Chuckie! 1600 01:12:07,298 --> 01:12:08,664 -Rolie! 1601 01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:09,632 -Chuckie! -They're not there. 1602 01:12:09,667 --> 01:12:11,667 We should go. -Let's go see. 1603 01:12:11,703 --> 01:12:13,069 -Let's try to parent. -Hey! 1604 01:12:17,509 --> 01:12:21,502 -Sharni: Oh, my God! 1605 01:12:21,537 --> 01:12:23,304 -(country music playing) 1606 01:12:23,339 --> 01:12:26,440 -(cheering) 1607 01:12:26,476 --> 01:12:28,209 -Really? Seriously? 1608 01:12:28,244 --> 01:12:30,420 -What? 1609 01:12:30,455 --> 01:12:33,614 -You think they're going to shoot dollar bills at you with a t-shirt gun? 1610 01:12:33,649 --> 01:12:35,850 -No, this is a public service. 1611 01:12:35,885 --> 01:12:38,285 I do this for charity. Not dollar bills. 1612 01:12:38,321 --> 01:12:40,321 You drunk! 1613 01:12:40,356 --> 01:12:42,331 -(cheering) 1614 01:12:42,367 --> 01:12:44,825 -All right, nothing to see here. Head down the trail, down the trail. 1615 01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:46,894 Nothing to see here, nothing to see here. 1616 01:12:46,929 --> 01:12:47,728 We've got a race to run. Come on, sweetie. 1617 01:12:47,764 --> 01:12:50,064 Okay, I'm open. Come on, let's go. 1618 01:12:51,567 --> 01:12:53,934 Come on! -Wait for me. 1619 01:12:53,970 --> 01:12:59,607 ♪ And the bombs of war will make you bleed ♪ 1620 01:12:59,642 --> 01:13:04,470 ♪ When the hugs of love ♪ 1621 01:13:04,505 --> 01:13:08,841 ♪ Are all you need ♪ 1622 01:13:08,876 --> 01:13:12,811 Hello, buddy! You want to sing the chorus? 1623 01:13:12,847 --> 01:13:17,483 ♪ The hugs of love Are all you need ♪ 1624 01:13:17,518 --> 01:13:19,518 ♪ The hugs of love ♪ 1625 01:13:19,553 --> 01:13:21,320 -(spraying) -(shrieks) 1626 01:13:21,355 --> 01:13:23,455 -(screaming) 1627 01:13:23,491 --> 01:13:25,557 -I'm gonna get you! 1628 01:13:25,593 --> 01:13:28,060 You slimy little bastard! 1629 01:13:30,564 --> 01:13:33,065 -(upbeat music playing) 1630 01:13:37,538 --> 01:13:39,838 -Do you see them yet? 1631 01:13:39,874 --> 01:13:41,540 -Don't see them, but I think I hear them. 1632 01:13:41,575 --> 01:13:44,401 -(coughing) -(panting) 1633 01:13:44,436 --> 01:13:46,636 -Hold on! Hold on! 1634 01:13:46,672 --> 01:13:49,039 Wait, wait, wait, stop! -What? 1635 01:13:50,576 --> 01:13:52,309 -What? -Do you hear that? 1636 01:13:52,344 --> 01:13:54,678 -Hear what? 1637 01:13:54,713 --> 01:13:57,056 -What is that sound? -Oh, shit! 1638 01:13:57,091 --> 01:14:01,752 Well, maybe it's a bear or, or even worse, a monster! 1639 01:14:01,787 --> 01:14:03,053 Oh, damn, what's behind those bushes? 1640 01:14:04,790 --> 01:14:06,823 Oh, what beast is coming towards us! 1641 01:14:06,859 --> 01:14:08,558 Who are you! What are you! -(crackling) 1642 01:14:08,594 --> 01:14:09,659 Show yourself! (exclaims) 1643 01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:12,462 Oh, shit, worse than I thought. 1644 01:14:12,498 --> 01:14:14,865 Just kidding, baby. 1645 01:14:14,900 --> 01:14:15,074 -We're looking for the kids, they ran off. 1646 01:14:15,109 --> 01:14:18,635 -Is this some kind of joke, 'cause we're going to win? 1647 01:14:18,670 --> 01:14:19,736 -Oh, really, I'm just curious, 1648 01:14:19,772 --> 01:14:21,938 on what planet might that be true? 1649 01:14:21,974 --> 01:14:23,466 -Oh, I don't even know how you got in the lead. 1650 01:14:23,501 --> 01:14:25,735 -No, really, uh, uh... 1651 01:14:25,770 --> 01:14:27,036 Shan...Shantay...what? -Shantaysia. 1652 01:14:28,773 --> 01:14:29,638 -Oh, Shantaysia. -Can't get it right? 1653 01:14:29,674 --> 01:14:31,474 -No, I thought it was Shantay... 1654 01:14:31,509 --> 01:14:34,377 -(indistinct chatter) 1655 01:14:34,412 --> 01:14:37,680 -Anyway, she... 1656 01:14:37,715 --> 01:14:38,414 said something about the kids... 1657 01:14:38,449 --> 01:14:40,649 and a finish line. 1658 01:14:40,685 --> 01:14:43,352 -Wow! Is that a bat? -Really? 1659 01:14:43,388 --> 01:14:45,488 -Oh, Charlie. 1660 01:14:45,523 --> 01:14:47,723 -Is that another bat? 1661 01:14:47,759 --> 01:14:48,624 -I thought you were going to quit. 1662 01:14:48,659 --> 01:14:51,460 -No, no, no, wait, it that... 1663 01:14:51,496 --> 01:14:52,995 Is that three bats? 1664 01:14:53,031 --> 01:14:54,697 -I guess we'll never know what we could've been. 1665 01:14:54,732 --> 01:14:57,066 -No, no, no, no booze, no bottle. 1666 01:14:59,670 --> 01:15:02,004 Five, five, five... five bats. 1667 01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:05,532 -Oh, my God. Seriously! -No, no, no, I'm serious. 1668 01:15:05,568 --> 01:15:07,201 -(sinister music playing) 1669 01:15:07,236 --> 01:15:08,302 -Bats! 1670 01:15:08,337 --> 01:15:10,037 -(screaming) 1671 01:15:22,126 --> 01:15:25,586 -We can't stop. They say bats get stuck in your hair. 1672 01:15:25,621 --> 01:15:27,454 -No, no, no. That's a myth. 1673 01:15:27,490 --> 01:15:29,423 Total urban legend. 1674 01:15:29,458 --> 01:15:31,525 -Oh, shit. -Oh! 1675 01:15:31,560 --> 01:15:32,059 -(exclaiming) -What? 1676 01:15:33,896 --> 01:15:34,962 -There's a... there's a bat on your head. 1677 01:15:34,997 --> 01:15:38,732 -Guys, guys, guys, come on, I'm not a moron. 1678 01:15:38,768 --> 01:15:40,734 Clearly there's no bat on my head. 1679 01:15:40,770 --> 01:15:42,036 -How drunk are you? -Irrelevant. 1680 01:15:42,038 --> 01:15:44,938 -I promise you, son, there's a bat in your hair. 1681 01:15:44,974 --> 01:15:46,306 -Jose: Come on, Charlie! You don't feel that? 1682 01:15:46,342 --> 01:15:50,502 -(shrieks) 1683 01:15:50,537 --> 01:15:53,972 -Get it off! Get it off! 1684 01:15:54,008 --> 01:15:55,474 -Throw rocks at it, everybody, throw rocks at it. 1685 01:15:55,509 --> 01:15:57,309 -(indistinct chatter) 1686 01:15:57,344 --> 01:16:01,580 -(groaning) 1687 01:16:01,615 --> 01:16:02,581 -Enough with the damn rocks. 1688 01:16:02,616 --> 01:16:04,616 -Hit it with the bug racket! 1689 01:16:04,651 --> 01:16:05,283 -Yeah! -(everyone exclaiming) 1690 01:16:05,319 --> 01:16:07,052 -(groans) 1691 01:16:12,593 --> 01:16:13,392 -Not my head, not my head! 1692 01:16:13,427 --> 01:16:15,761 -Look, the kids! 1693 01:16:15,796 --> 01:16:18,063 -The finish line! -(all exclaiming) 1694 01:16:20,634 --> 01:16:22,667 -Oh, hey, thanks everybody! 1695 01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:25,303 Yeah, I'm fine. It's all good. 1696 01:16:25,339 --> 01:16:26,938 -(grunts) 1697 01:16:26,974 --> 01:16:30,034 -There was nothing about that... that I liked! 1698 01:16:36,376 --> 01:16:38,042 -(exclaiming) 1699 01:16:39,545 --> 01:16:41,045 -(intense music playing) 1700 01:16:53,426 --> 01:16:56,060 (all exclaiming) 1701 01:17:04,037 --> 01:17:07,179 -You kids did this? -Yeah! We don't want to go home. 1702 01:17:07,214 --> 01:17:10,074 -Us kids get along, how come you adults can't get along? 1703 01:17:12,336 --> 01:17:14,045 -Well, wow. 1704 01:17:14,080 --> 01:17:17,181 This is some muddy bullshit. But I'm damn impressed. 1705 01:17:17,216 --> 01:17:19,375 -Franklin: Yeah, but who's going to get a whooping first? 1706 01:17:19,410 --> 01:17:20,943 -Kids! Not bad. 1707 01:17:20,978 --> 01:17:24,580 You dug a hole, you filled it with mud and... 1708 01:17:24,615 --> 01:17:26,982 made it look like the trail. 1709 01:17:27,018 --> 01:17:29,485 And you caught yourselves a bunch of dumbass men. 1710 01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:31,720 You know what's funny? 1711 01:17:31,756 --> 01:17:34,723 Everyone covered in mud like this, 1712 01:17:34,759 --> 01:17:36,558 you just can't tell anybody apart. 1713 01:17:36,594 --> 01:17:38,660 There's a lesson in that. 1714 01:17:38,696 --> 01:17:42,264 A big obvious, freaking lesson. 1715 01:17:42,299 --> 01:17:46,001 -Preach! 1716 01:17:46,037 --> 01:17:49,571 -So, being that you can't tell anybody apart... 1717 01:17:49,607 --> 01:17:52,532 the bottom line is this... 1718 01:17:52,568 --> 01:17:54,034 are you an asshole or not? 1719 01:17:57,272 --> 01:17:59,873 -Uh-mmm. 1720 01:17:59,908 --> 01:18:01,475 -Choose wisely. -So, let's not be assholes. 1721 01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:04,277 And let's all just... 1722 01:18:04,313 --> 01:18:06,747 get along. 1723 01:18:06,782 --> 01:18:08,281 -In the words of Rodney King, girl. 1724 01:18:08,317 --> 01:18:11,018 -La raza! 1725 01:18:11,020 --> 01:18:13,253 -What does that mean, baby? -Just a Latin bonding. 1726 01:18:13,288 --> 01:18:14,163 -Got it. 1727 01:18:14,198 --> 01:18:19,459 -Hey, that was a really really nice speech, Fake Mom. 1728 01:18:19,495 --> 01:18:21,962 -Oh, well, that's... 1729 01:18:21,997 --> 01:18:23,296 still doing the Fake Mom stuff right after the... 1730 01:18:23,332 --> 01:18:26,566 -Cheyenne. 1731 01:18:26,602 --> 01:18:29,336 -You called me by my name! 1732 01:18:29,371 --> 01:18:30,537 Sweetheart! 1733 01:18:30,572 --> 01:18:32,873 I'm so touched by the... 1734 01:18:32,908 --> 01:18:34,899 You know, I've always felt that we had... 1735 01:18:34,935 --> 01:18:37,469 Okay, don't hit on 16, got it, don't hit on 16. 1736 01:18:37,504 --> 01:18:40,080 -(children shrieking) 1737 01:18:40,115 --> 01:18:43,708 -They said that tomato juice can get rid of skunk stink. 1738 01:18:43,744 --> 01:18:45,577 -(ice cream truck music playing) 1739 01:18:45,612 --> 01:18:47,779 -I hear the ice cream truck! 1740 01:18:47,814 --> 01:18:48,713 -Franklin: Oh, that's beautiful, Gravy. 1741 01:18:48,749 --> 01:18:50,715 -Hold up, hold up. Hey, hey, hey. 1742 01:18:50,751 --> 01:18:52,851 -Something's wrong with my knee. 1743 01:18:52,886 --> 01:18:54,419 -(groans) -Look, you're my brother, okay? 1744 01:18:54,454 --> 01:18:55,720 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1745 01:18:55,756 --> 01:18:56,054 -Listen to me, I'm talking to you. 1746 01:18:57,758 --> 01:18:59,057 -Yes! -Okay, and I love you, man. 1747 01:19:00,994 --> 01:19:02,794 And someday you are going to be married, bro. 1748 01:19:02,829 --> 01:19:04,362 Because if anybody can do it, you can. 1749 01:19:04,398 --> 01:19:05,997 -You think so? 1750 01:19:06,033 --> 01:19:07,799 -I think what he's trying to say, Pop, is that... 1751 01:19:07,834 --> 01:19:09,501 (clears throat) It's time to propose. 1752 01:19:09,536 --> 01:19:10,301 You know, to Charlie. 1753 01:19:10,337 --> 01:19:12,070 (laughter) 1754 01:19:13,874 --> 01:19:15,766 ♪ Felipa's going to get proposed to ♪ 1755 01:19:15,801 --> 01:19:17,401 ♪ Felipa's going to get proposed to ♪ 1756 01:19:17,436 --> 01:19:19,803 -MAN: You're next! 1757 01:19:19,839 --> 01:19:22,806 -Well, Franklin, you're down on one knee, 1758 01:19:22,842 --> 01:19:24,708 I think you better handle your business. 1759 01:19:24,744 --> 01:19:27,745 -Felipa... just follow your heart. 1760 01:19:27,780 --> 01:19:29,279 -What is this... are you'll for real? 1761 01:19:29,315 --> 01:19:31,582 -Oh... oh! 1762 01:19:31,617 --> 01:19:33,417 -Do it, Franklin. -Wow! 1763 01:19:33,452 --> 01:19:35,052 -Do it, Franklin. 1764 01:19:42,661 --> 01:19:44,661 -Will you marry me? -Yes. 1765 01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:46,330 -You will? -Yes, yes, yes, yes! 1766 01:19:46,365 --> 01:19:50,067 -(cheering) 1767 01:19:52,371 --> 01:19:54,238 -Oh! -Yes! 1768 01:19:54,273 --> 01:19:57,032 ♪ ♪ 1769 01:20:18,522 --> 01:20:21,490 -Felipa! We need help! 1770 01:20:21,525 --> 01:20:25,527 -I got you! I got you! 1771 01:20:25,562 --> 01:20:27,062 -We're getting married! 1772 01:20:31,869 --> 01:20:33,068 -(indistinct chatter) -(dogs barking) 1773 01:20:41,703 --> 01:20:43,703 -Excuse me. Hello. -Hi. Hi. Hi. 1774 01:20:43,739 --> 01:20:46,473 -Everybody. -I just want to say... 1775 01:20:46,508 --> 01:20:48,216 another 4th of July... 1776 01:20:48,252 --> 01:20:51,444 here we are again, I'm just so happy that we can all make it. 1777 01:20:51,480 --> 01:20:52,412 -Yes. -(whooping) 1778 01:20:52,447 --> 01:20:54,781 -All right. Yeah! 1779 01:20:54,816 --> 01:20:57,384 -Yay! Too bad Gravy couldn't make it. 1780 01:20:57,419 --> 01:20:59,786 -(all laughing) 1781 01:20:59,821 --> 01:21:00,854 -What? Am I supposed to be somewhere? 1782 01:21:00,889 --> 01:21:04,491 -Just kidding, bro. You're here. It's now. 1783 01:21:04,526 --> 01:21:05,859 -We're joking, Gravy. 1784 01:21:05,894 --> 01:21:08,428 -Um, hi, I'm Charlie and I'm an alcoholic. 1785 01:21:08,463 --> 01:21:09,529 -All: Hi, Charlie. 1786 01:21:09,564 --> 01:21:11,398 -I'm sorry, wrong group. 1787 01:21:11,433 --> 01:21:13,633 -(all laughing) 1788 01:21:13,668 --> 01:21:15,435 -Oh, check out this bad boy. 1789 01:21:15,470 --> 01:21:17,537 -Six months sober. 1790 01:21:17,572 --> 01:21:18,872 -(all exclaiming in awe) 1791 01:21:18,907 --> 01:21:21,934 -Look who the good influence is over here. 1792 01:21:21,969 --> 01:21:24,536 -It just looks like a poker chip painted green. 1793 01:21:24,572 --> 01:21:26,972 -Looks like a blue condom. 1794 01:21:27,008 --> 01:21:29,742 -Uh-uh. No. That is an IUD. That's what that is. 1795 01:21:29,777 --> 01:21:31,844 -Oh, gosh, I hope you washed it, man. 1796 01:21:31,879 --> 01:21:32,378 -Baby, no, no, no. It's just an onion ring. 1797 01:21:32,413 --> 01:21:34,054 -An onion ring? 1798 01:21:34,089 --> 01:21:37,016 -Yeah. You know, like from Mars. You know, Mars has-- 1799 01:21:37,018 --> 01:21:39,718 -Mars? -Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars? 1800 01:21:39,754 --> 01:21:41,320 -What? -Good food, no atmosphere. 1801 01:21:41,355 --> 01:21:43,063 -(all laugh) 1802 01:21:43,098 --> 01:21:45,624 -Hey, you're getting the hang of these jokes, Gravy. 1803 01:21:45,659 --> 01:21:47,726 -I have a sobriety chip, too. 1804 01:21:47,762 --> 01:21:50,136 -Oh, there we go. -See this? Yup. 1805 01:21:50,172 --> 01:21:54,800 Lord, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change 1806 01:21:54,835 --> 01:21:57,803 and the courage to change what I can, 1807 01:21:57,838 --> 01:21:59,071 and the wisdom to know the difference. 1808 01:22:00,574 --> 01:22:03,575 -Hear, hear. -Cheers. 1809 01:22:03,611 --> 01:22:06,570 -Maybe he could grant you the ability to change a light bulb in the house, right? 1810 01:22:06,605 --> 01:22:08,372 Or put the toilet seat down? 1811 01:22:08,407 --> 01:22:09,940 -Go, Trophy Mom. 1812 01:22:09,975 --> 01:22:12,943 -Mmm-hmm. I know exactly what you talking about. 1813 01:22:12,978 --> 01:22:14,945 You wake up at 3:00 in the morning to go to pee 1814 01:22:14,980 --> 01:22:16,680 and then it's like you've fallen into a hammock. 1815 01:22:16,715 --> 01:22:18,457 Booty and everything, all wet. 1816 01:22:18,492 --> 01:22:23,262 -Oh, ladies and gentlemen, and it looks like the attitudes are heating up. 1817 01:22:23,297 --> 01:22:27,591 Bring out the bullhorns, it is time to go at it one more time. 1818 01:22:27,626 --> 01:22:29,059 Round two, one year later. 1819 01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:35,565 -Felipa, go ahead and show us that ring. 1820 01:22:35,601 --> 01:22:37,701 -Oh, yes, it's so heavy. 1821 01:22:37,736 --> 01:22:39,236 -(clears throat) -(exclaiming) 1822 01:22:39,271 --> 01:22:41,071 -Damn! 1823 01:22:42,808 --> 01:22:44,366 -Sorry. -Okay, hun. Well, you know-- 1824 01:22:44,401 --> 01:22:46,109 -Very nice. Hey! 1825 01:22:46,145 --> 01:22:49,637 Francesca's got a ring, too. She got engaged with this guy. 1826 01:22:49,673 --> 01:22:51,606 Go ahead, Franny, show 'em. 1827 01:22:51,641 --> 01:22:53,417 -(all exclaim) -Very nice. 1828 01:22:53,452 --> 01:22:55,118 -Hey, when I become a millionaire, that thing's gonna be huge, all right? 1829 01:22:55,154 --> 01:22:59,356 -"A millionaire"? I'd be happy if you were a hundredaire. 1830 01:22:59,391 --> 01:23:04,019 -This idiot brother puts an air foil on the back of my plumbing van. 1831 01:23:04,021 --> 01:23:05,429 -Business has been kicking ever since we did that. 1832 01:23:05,464 --> 01:23:09,858 -Hey, Jose, could you shove that antennae back into your love handle, 1833 01:23:09,893 --> 01:23:11,726 I think the Giants are playing the Dodgers. 1834 01:23:11,762 --> 01:23:13,236 -Oh, ha-ha-ha. Yeah, I can do that. 1835 01:23:13,272 --> 01:23:15,463 You know, but I charge 14 bucks for the premium channels, fool. 1836 01:23:15,499 --> 01:23:16,064 -(children playing) 1837 01:23:18,035 --> 01:23:20,735 -Hey, y'all kids, keep it down over there! Okay? 1838 01:23:20,771 --> 01:23:22,704 This is not a library! -Chuckie! 1839 01:23:22,739 --> 01:23:25,299 Quit hitting your sister Sara. 1840 01:23:25,334 --> 01:23:26,800 Don't! Stop! 1841 01:23:26,836 --> 01:23:28,469 -Can I hit you, Dad? -Can I hit the dogs? 1842 01:23:28,504 --> 01:23:29,803 -Can I hit a cupcake? 1843 01:23:29,839 --> 01:23:31,405 -Me, too! -I want to hit one of those-- 1844 01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:33,040 -(kids clamoring) 1845 01:23:34,944 --> 01:23:37,611 -All right. It's cool. Just hit her, it's fine. 1846 01:23:37,646 --> 01:23:39,513 -Excuse me. Excuse me. -Yes? 1847 01:23:39,548 --> 01:23:41,048 -I have a toast. -Ah! 1848 01:23:43,819 --> 01:23:45,052 -All that I've ever wanted to be... 1849 01:23:46,522 --> 01:23:47,454 is whom I'm becoming. 1850 01:23:47,490 --> 01:23:49,056 -Nice. -Hear, hear. 1851 01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:52,059 -Cheers. -Hear, hear. 1852 01:24:02,438 --> 01:24:04,405 -Uh-oh. -Hey! 1853 01:24:04,440 --> 01:24:07,007 Hey, Gunga Din. 1854 01:24:07,043 --> 01:24:08,033 What are you doing here? This is our site. Site 16. 1855 01:24:09,570 --> 01:24:10,802 -No way! We have site 16. 1856 01:24:10,838 --> 01:24:13,972 -Oh, are you going to build a 7/11 here? 1857 01:24:14,008 --> 01:24:14,039 -Yeah, right next to your nail salon. -Oh, yeah. 1858 01:24:15,609 --> 01:24:17,676 -Oh, snap! Y'all hear that? 1859 01:24:17,711 --> 01:24:18,710 -What are you people doing here? 1860 01:24:18,746 --> 01:24:21,221 Finish up the gardening and go. 1861 01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:24,282 -Hey, things are heating up down there. I got one. I got one. 1862 01:24:24,318 --> 01:24:25,092 (feedback) 1863 01:24:25,127 --> 01:24:28,286 How do you know a Chinese guy broke into your house? 1864 01:24:28,322 --> 01:24:30,464 -All: How? 1865 01:24:30,499 --> 01:24:33,558 Your homework's all done and he takes an hour to pull out of your driveway. 1866 01:24:33,594 --> 01:24:35,627 Get it? -(all laughing) 1867 01:24:35,662 --> 01:24:37,763 -Come on, man. It's funny. 1868 01:24:37,798 --> 01:24:39,731 -Did he just say that? -Yeah, he did. 1869 01:24:39,767 --> 01:24:40,065 -Let me see that. Let me see that. 1870 01:24:43,037 --> 01:24:44,336 -What did St. Peter say when he saw the Indian guy? 1871 01:24:44,371 --> 01:24:45,704 -All: What? 1872 01:24:45,739 --> 01:24:47,406 -"Hey, Jesus, your cab's here." 1873 01:24:47,441 --> 01:24:49,566 -(all laughing) 1874 01:24:49,601 --> 01:24:50,667 -That was funnier than that. 1875 01:24:50,702 --> 01:24:52,802 -Okay, that's messed up. -Yeah. 1876 01:24:52,838 --> 01:24:55,939 -Hey, you guys still want campsite 16? 1877 01:24:55,974 --> 01:24:57,374 -Oh, I think we need to have a little contest. 1878 01:24:57,409 --> 01:24:58,041 -(all cheering) 1879 01:24:59,711 --> 01:25:01,044 -Contest? -What kind of contest? 1880 01:25:02,414 --> 01:25:04,547 -It's over now! 1881 01:25:04,583 --> 01:25:07,817 -No math contest and no... 1882 01:25:07,853 --> 01:25:09,719 -Yeah, no math and no science questions. 1883 01:25:09,755 --> 01:25:11,654 -Yeah. -(indistinct conversations) 1884 01:25:11,690 --> 01:25:13,056 -(upbeat country music playing) 1885 01:25:52,522 --> 01:25:54,055 -(blues music playing) 1886 01:27:06,546 --> 01:27:08,046 -(upbeat piano playing) 1887 01:27:27,501 --> 01:27:35,323 -(crickets chirping)